TW: Mentions of pedophilia, incest, rape, and SA

I (21M) was sexually assaulted multiple times by my peers throughout my childhood. I was raped (only once) at the age of six and groomed from the ages of 13-15. I remember at the time I got raped I was at a party hosted by a friend of my mother's and the friend's five year old daughter was in attendance. We played together for a little bit and she told me she wanted to play a game and we went inside a cupboard and she locked me inside, took off my pants and orally raped me.

I screamed and said no, but the girl still assulted me anyways. When the adults found us, me and my mom hurriedly rushed out of the party and I was grounded for letting the girl "sit on my lap" (when I confronted my mom about this years later she said since I didn't verbally tell her I was molested at the time she thought I was roughhousing with her). I also have high functioning autism and difficulty with communicating and it was much worse back then, so naturally because I was scared and unresponsive I was blamed for it.

Afterwards, over the years throughout my childhood I would kiss other girls because I wanted to replicate the feeling I felt when I got raped. I felt very curious about the bodies of other kids my age and I wanted to learn more about sex. I had my first kiss at the age of 8 with another girl my age, I also was forcibly kissed by multiple girls when I was 8-12 and one of these girls tried to get me to have sex with them too shortly after I hit 6th grade. But because I became afraid of girls when I was 12, I declined thankfully.

When I was 13 and in 7th grade my parents went through marital problems and I got bullied very harshly at school. It was because I was socially awkward, didn't attend church, poor and anxious around girls. Because I didn't develop sexual interest in girls when I hit puberty, the guys in my grade naturally sussed me out as being queer and they were right about it. One boy, who I used to have a crush on, ended up sticking his hand into my pants during history and I had enough and beat him up. Thankfully this time, I didn't get punished because I told on him and I transferred schools.

Shortly after this, my mostly absentee "father" tried to groom me into accepting sexual advances from him. Starting around 8th grade, he would try to purchase porn for me (which my parents said no to), would try fo talk to me about sex and what I was into, etc. multiple times until I was 15. I thought nothing of it until during the trip I saw him for the final time, I caught him licking and sniffing my underwear and eventually before I left he tried to touch me and I slapped his hand away. I reported him to the police but nothing was done about it and I told my mom and she never made me speak to him again and would never let him try to talk to me anymore.

Because of these experiences, I feel like I can never fully trust anyone. I feel deeply traumatized and depressed and several therapists have indicated I likely have PTSD. I tried to kill myself over these experiences, especially because I left my younger brother behind and I knew my "dad" would've molested him eventually when he went through puberty. I also resented my mom for awhile, and only forgave her a few months ago because I was tired of holding resentment towards her for unwittedly putting me in some of those situations. Thankfully, things at home gradually improved somewhat and I stopped getting badly bullied when I hit high school.

I feel like the main reason why I am still alive today is because I don't want all the people who abused me to win by helping me to my demise. I live so that way their efforts to drive me to ruin will fail, and I know that my abusers are digging their own graves. For ex. the guy who assulted me in 7th grade got a girl pregnant as a teenager and dropped out of high school and works menial jobs to care for his family. Now I have a boyfriend, I attend therapy and I take antidepressants to manage my mental health.

I also got into an amazing college on a full ride scholarship as a bio major. Right now I am also preparing to go abroad for awhile, and I am thinking about doing something related to public speaking or counseling to raise awareness about these issues. I read so many stories on this sub and my heart breaks for all of you, and while I know some parts of my life may not ever happen to people I just wanted to remind everyone that there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope everyone here recovers and I wish everyone all the success in the world. May you all find the light and happiness that has started to finally find me.

Tl;dr: Got raped and sexually assulted multiple times as a boy because of creeps who took advantage of my autism. I later tried to kill myself and I have very bad depression currently. However, I try not to let get me down and now I have a boyfriend and attend school on a decent scholarship.

first day on this app and one of the first guys that DMs me just starts asking me if i sucked my rapist's dick and what specific possitions he raped me in.

I got with this guy in 2023, I knew he was bad but I wanted so badly to show him love and help him change. I housed him, fed him, provided transportation, support, I even got him things he didn’t need. I was could barely afford my bills but I did it anyway. He abused me in every way the whole time we lived together (2023-2025) rape, sexual assault, physical abuse, verbal abuse, manipulation, constant degradation, extreme alcoholism and he blamed me for all of it. He had moments where he would take accountability but every time the reversion was all the worse. In 2025 he broke up with me (he did this multiple times before) and this time he kept it up for a few weeks. He started drinking like crazy and would call, send me voice messages and text just to tell me I was worth nothing and say hateful things. I ignored it cause I knew it was just him fighting reality and that he missed me. A day or two later he sent me a paragraph acknowledging his wrong and saying he resented himself so much that he’d stop. I ignored it. A few days later I’m hanging with a friend of his and at the end of the hangout, he tells me that my rapist is waiting at the park bench in the neighborhood asking if we could talk. I was fine with it as long as the friend would be there watching in case some shit went down. He begged me for another chance and I told him he’d have to completely change, stay sober for AT LEAST a year for me to even consider him and that even then I’m getting back into my faith n would probably want a Christian man. He said he’d try his best to be everything I need, said he’d live through the 8 layers of hell just to be with me. Anyway, time passed and he seemed genuine, but he slowly declined back into it mostly. He went to the military and his first call was about sex, but when it came to letters it read like a completely different man. So much remorse, conviction, determination and love. But of course, during his first graduation he violated me evverryyy niigghhttt. I was so sleep deprived I couldn’t do a thing. The letters brought it back on track, he said he was so disgusted. But a few days before he got out, he got his phone back. Started posting/reposting shit about cheating and being sick of ur gf and being with “fine shit” while ur girl is at home. I confronted him and he responded with nothing but deflection, I told him if that’s how it was going to be, then forget about me. It was a short conversation, he ended it with “ciao” and that was it.

Immediately he went on posting shit on me, drinking, hanging w people he swore he cut off, posting nothing but “eater” this, “sex” that, “if I like your story I wanna fuck” n also stuff about alcohol and just hateful, awful things. I decided to wait until a week passed to say anything, but for days I had been praying that God would “let me suffer instead” of his next target. I felt so guilty for releasing this horror onto another. I repeated that phrase over and over, and begged God to let me do something. This past Sunday, I texted him reminding him of the things he’d done and what he’d do if he didn’t stop this cycle of reversion, that I say it because I love him and fear another learning to fear his hands and intentions as I. Idek if he read it, read receipts are probably off. After a few hours of rotting in my bed, i felt a heavy pressure on my chest, and opened my eyes to see I was laying in the back of a car in some parking lot with a bunch of green leaves and plants that I could see through the windshield. At first, I thought I had been drugged or something and someone brought me there, but things slowly became clearer: I was having a vision, and I was seeing from his perspective.

It was bright out, I couldn’t see either but I knew it was in a parking lot and I could feel a girl was laying on top of me (of course).
I could even hear the wind rustling the leaves outside. Then I closed my eyes, and I heard it. A mix of a mans voice and a cry of a dying goat. Not layered, but one voice. It was a distorted kind of deep, like when you slow down an audio. There was no doubt it my mind the second I heard it, it was a demon. It groaned, over and over again. It sounded like it was right outside of the car. I started to feel both my body in the car and in my bed, and I felt the demon sat on the floor right at the foot of my bed. I could hear it groaning right there, the sound was so clear, I could feel its presence with me. It was like it transferred from the car to my bedroom. After about a minute, the groaning stopped, I felt a huge weight lifted off of me and I could hear and see the sights and sounds of my bedroom again, but I could still feel its presence in my room. I immediately started rebuking it, and began to cry at the intensity of this moment. It left my room, and I fasted and prayed until today. Throughout the vision, I felt no fear. I knew it couldn’t hurt me, and I knew it was in my room to deal with through faith. I called a mutual friend between us (different friend) because we had been talking here and there and he also has a strong faith. I told him everything, and asked if I should tell my rapist what I saw. He said yes and so I did. I was left unanswered again, and he UPDATED HIS PROFILE PICTURE TO BE A RED AND BLACK DRAWING OF A DEMON AND THE WORDS “The Devil” AT THE BOTTOM. The things he posts are even worse, boasting of his evil like it is some kind of trophy to flaunt. I am so afraid of the ones he lusts for, they will be ruined and might even die. He is pure evil, I almost ended my life so many times because of his torture.

I’ve tried contacting all his friends and family, but the only one who cares enough to do ANYTHING AT ALL is the friend I called and he works 24/7 and my rapist barely talks to him. When he does, he just lies!! he pretends to be a good, accountable man!!! Everyone believes in the rape but I guess it doesn’t matter when it’s your funny homeboy. I feel so awful and the only evidence I have is a few texts. I don’t even know if warning others with a video will do anything bc I could be sued for defamation. I know this all sounds so crazy, I understand if you don’t believe me or think I’m making this up but I promise it’s so real and it fills my days with dread. Please help

Edit: sorry it’s such a long post, I don’t know how to condense my thoughts 🫠

I'm 21F, not sure if this is SA, but thinking about it makes me so emotional. I was hanging out with this guy, 24M, a while ago, but I did tell him not to do silly business later because 1. I know men want to sleep on the first date and vanish, and 2. I wasn't ready after what I went through. He said he understood and that he wasn't interested. Anyway, at the end of the hangout we decided to watch a movie, but he kept touching me. I told him to stop. He kept lifting my shirt up, but I quickly kept putting it down and trying to pull down my jeans to the point I kept zipping up my jeans and told him no because I wasn't ready. I wish he understood. No, he pulled down my jeans I kept pushing him, but how can a small, petite defend herself against someone who is around 150- 160 lbs?? I stopped fighting and looked at the ceiling of the car, just quiet. All I can think of is I wish I could've grabbed my shoes, run barefoot and call my bsf to pick me up in the middle of the bus stop. He kept and kept going to the point he went aggressive, and I was screaming No and to stop it but once he was done, I just cried. I wanted to cry so loud, but I cried quietly. I feel like this is all my fault. When I got home, I didn't feel anything- not sad or scared. For some reason the next day I became so emotional, and now I become more emotional. Not sure why last night I started feeling pelvic pain when I walk, it kind of hurts and I do believe I have an UTI which I cry when I use the restroom because of the discomfort. I never wanted to sleep with anyone because I wasn't ready and I know it's my fault. I always see the good in people.
I just feel so sad now, and disconnected
Unfortunately, I cannot go to the ER or Planned Parenthood for UTI testing I don't have insurance anymore. I’m not sure where to go for UTI discomfort & small pelvic pain when I'm walking or sitting. I do cry when I feel the pain especially using the restroom because I didn't want this to happen.

I hate that I'm still dealing with this shit. What's the point? I would do anything to rewind time and make sure it never happened. I want to explode. I'm full of hate, I'm so angry with everything, and I can't stand it anymore. It's been TEN YEARS, and I'm still not over it.

Therapy, whatever the fuck, going through it. (Vent)

i've told them multiple times it is not true and they just keep on saying it....i feel so disgusted and invalidated.... why won't they stop saying that.... it isn't true.... it was never true to begine with.... i'm so tired....

So I’m across the country from my (recent) girlfriend of about two months and last night she was telling me that she was going to go over to a (guy) friend’s house. I’m usually really cool about it because I believe in being able to have friends I think it’s weird to be insecure about a girlfriend hanging out with a guy but for whatever reason, I felt weird about it. I decided to not tell her anything and wished her luck. The next morning I get a text saying that she. “Might have been SA’d” and I got really worried. she won’t talk to the police or any hotlines and I feel like I can’t not do anything… I feel so helpless because I won’t be back for another couple of weeks. what can I do?

The text of what happened was this:

Basically we went over to his house and he offered me a drink which j thought was like a seltzer so I wasn’t worried but it turned out to have an alc % of like 14 so I got fucked up pretty quick at one point I puked and passed and when I woke up I had no pants and I was like wtf but passed out once more bc I was off my ass drunk lwk and I woke up to him touching me and told him to stop but he just kept touching me all over and I kept trying to get him to stop and he just wouldn’t and eventually it escalated to him forcing himself inside of me that’s like the summery

my situation is really complicated and i am working on getting help with it.

it happened a month ago and for reasons that may have not been good i didn’t tell anyone.

there was the man who did it, and his friend who was involved in what happened. that friend is my friend’s older brother, and my friend and her brother don’t know what actually happened to me, but i am scared what would happen to my friend’s brother. after i talked to people i don’t like the idea this man doing what he did to other people… it was a month ago so i don’t even know if i waited too long anyway

that's what his father told him when he finally told him that he raped me. A mistake? So him holding me down and asking me if "do you like that" is a mistake? on top of that, it happened in your home and that's what you tell your son?

rape isn't a fucking mistake, your son raped me in your home that night and I'm pregnant with his second child and all you could say is "everybody makes mistakes"

I don't give a fuck if he was remorseful, you're a piece of shit. Your son raped me while I am pregnant with his second son and that's all you say?

I should've reported him as soon as it happened but my guilt, the guilt.. he wouldn't be able to see his children.. I never think about myself and now I look stupid for not reporting him. I have major regret for not reporting him.

Im drowning in anger and misery and all he could say is "everybody makes mistakes".

I hate my children's father, I don't give a shit if your childhood was fucked up, I don't give a shit about your trauma.. you didn't get it fixed and it bled onto me in one of the worst ways it could.

Fuck him and his father for eternity. I shouldn't even let him attend the birth of his second son either for doing something so heinous to me while I'm carrying.

This was many years ago when I was eight. I lived on a street where i made friends with one of the boys who lived there. He and I spent weeks going to the river by us and jumping over it, climbing the trees around just normal child activities. I can't remember fully if I ever went around his house as I blocked out a lot of memories during my childhood. But one day, when I went behind the houses to our meeting spot, I didn't even get a chance to say hello. He shoved me to the ground and tried pulling down my shorts, I was so confused, but I held on for multiple minutes, trying to get him off me. I forgot to mention, but he was 12 or 13 at the time. Eventually, he gave up, then tried and successfully took my top off as I was only wearing my thin unicorn tank top, which was my favourite at the time. He then held my wrists down, and i was recently diagnosed with JIA (juvenile idiopathic arthritis), so i was incredibly weak, so I couldn't do anything against him. He then forced my shorts off. I didn't understand what was going on. His grip just hurt, and I was scared. But then he forcefully penetrated me, i still haven't forgotten the pain of how quickly he did it, I had zero time to even try anything. It lasted for an hour, and he held my wrists down, finishing inside me and then using his fingers and tongue afterwards. When he was finished with me he just left. I led there for two hours. I was in agony. I was distraught. I didn't understand anything, so I just sat there and cried. Three days later (i haven't said a word to anyone), im out with my sister by the river, and she goes inside to get us a drink, and then the boys father came. I dont remember what we spoke about. All i remember was him gropping my ass, rubbing his boner against my chest. Luckily, my sister came out, and he quickly left. I've never been able to share fully what happened to me, but please don't judge me for what's coming next as it's one of my biggest things im ashamed of.

I really, really struggled afterwards. By age nine, I was masturbating constantly after finding an entire new world on the Internet, trying to know what happened. I was addicted to masturbating daily for years, but it is what I masturbated too which made me hate myself. In some sick way, I could never ever feel anything unless i thought about what happened or imagining another scenario of something similar, I did this for so many years of my life. I hated myself for it, I found myself disgusting, I mentally struggled, and I was close to doing things that I wouldn't return from many times. And when I first started I used my controllers vibration, and that stuck for years which i think has caused nerve damage, I still struggle to this day to find any enjoyment from anything penetrative with partners or by myself.

I've not been able to fully open up and tell my story before, especially how the aftermath affected me when it came to masturbating. I still had to see his father and him on the street passing by for two ish years before my family moved. I didnt go out after that day unless I was with someone of my family, it was easy to hide why I stopped going out as I really liked gaming so I did that all day after school until we moved. I understand he was a child, too, but he knew a lot more about the world than I did, I still dont know why he did it.