I’m not a nurse, merely a now-former inpatient hospital oncology unit volunteer. Back in February, I overdosed on my own blood pressure pills due to a mental health crisis, then, stupidly, came into my shift — hoping to still have a good day and connect with my coworkers, which I really needed that day. Within minutes into my shift, I felt something was seriously wrong, not just mild side effects as expected, and told my PCT coworker than I was dizzy. They took my blood pressure. My blood pressure had tanked to 55/29.
That was the last time I ever saw most of my coworkers (except the ones who visited me in the ICU), who I loved and who loved me. I was, understandably and unfortunately, fired from the volunteer position after the incident. I regret my actions every day, and there’s nobody to blame but myself. I had worked there for a year and a few months. My coworkers (nurses, PCTs, unit clerks) and bosses (nurse managers) on the unit would frequently tell my volunteer coordinator how much they loved me, even stopping her in the hallway several times to “rave about me” (as per the way my volunteer coordinator described their interactions).
I learned from my mistakes, radically accepted that it happened & I can’t change the past, attended 6 weeks of intensive outpatient therapy (which focused on crisis prevention & management, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, depression, and various other things) & it helped immensely.
I know it’s my fault and nobody else is to blame. I made a stupid decision that day, and now, I may never get to see my former coworkers again. One of them said I should visit them at the hospital, but I’m wondering if that’s allowed or if you can only visit if you’re visiting a patient? Many expressed that they’re really disappointed I won’t be returning as a volunteer on the unit, as they vouched for me and supported my return. The position gave me the purpose and connection I desperately needed after having moved 2,000 miles across the country away from all my family and friends. It breaks my heart to think I’ll never see the people who mean so much to me, even though it’s my fault.
I’d love to thank my coworkers for one of the most meaningful and memorable years of my life, tell them how much they meant to me, and have them see me now that I’m in better condition physically and psychologically.
Is there any way I could visit my former coworkers on the unit? Who should I ask about it? My former volunteer coordinator no longer works there; she quit a few months after this incident. And the new volunteer coordinator is the one who delivered the news to me that I was fired, and they were very stern about it. So I don’t know if I could ask them for anything.