In my 15-20s I had a band, where I carried big weight (in the beginning most of songwriting and org, then mostly org and some chunk of songwriting) and it was overall a very nice experience. But I had to move to another country, so we recorded last songs and I moved.
Now I am in my 30s and don't think I have enough energy to carry the band, but I am a decent guitar and bass player, so I thought I would join a band, and so far it is a mildly disappointing experience. But again, maybe it's my personality, that is the problem, and either I change/adopt, or stop trying.
First band: I joined the band, something like pop punk, and it was led by 2 dudes essentially, one (guitarist) writes "chords", and the vocalist, which was writing lyrics and melody (essentially he was the author of the music). In the beginning the vibe was ok, but it got worse when I was asking (as lightly and politely as I could) to check tuning from time to time, because I clearly heard things out of tune. The worst offender (leader guitarist) gave me weird looks. Then in some songs, some chords clearly clashed with the melody (he liked pulling something like Abm13 while melody had no notes front there, lot of sus chords etc), and tried to come up with some, that would support melody better - he was very defensive and very unwilling to even listen to how it sounds. On one rehearsal I brought a couple of my songs (full songs, not only chord progressions which he was doing), The band was excited to take them and work on them, but he again was very bitter and left passive-agressive comments. I thought it would not end well long term and quit.
Second: dude told me he is gathering the indie band, that he is very creative and has a lot of ready songs to work on. I specifically asked does he means melody and lyrics, he said yes. Then there was couple of rehearsals of jamming and noodling (he very much enjoys noodling) and he expected vocalist, which can sing, but has no experience writing songs, to "be more brave and creative" - i.e. write melodies and lyrics. When I confronted the dude, he said oh, sorry, I probably misused some words, did I say I have songs? Oh no, I have just riffs, in the previous band everyone was doing only their part! Of course that was it for me, I referred the vocalist to a cover band I knew, he is doing great there
Third: cover band. They don't care, don't practice, and have weird excuses to not go to rehearsals. Like, "oh no, I already had plans to go out with my friends to the park". Not left yet, but probably soon.
Fourth: rapcore. The founder dude is very behind on lyrics, we even rehearsing once a week can assemble 2-3 ideas on the spot, in a month he wrote 1 text. I understand it takes time to write decent lyrics, it's fine, however he encourages us to meet more often (twice a week) for lounger sessions (3 hours), also come to his house to jam and try out ideas. Which I find a waste of time, since we play decent, can come up with arrangements quicker than he can come up with lyrics, and increasing time spent together won't yield much. Not even raising this, as ya know "killing vibes" again.
Not even mentioning 5 other bands, where in the first rehearsal it was clear we don't match. With these I thought there's hope.
I signed up to music school, to learn theory better, and learn basic piano. And honestly oftentimes when it's time for me to go to rehearsal, I am thinking that I would much rather stay home and record something in repear.
But maybe it's all me and instead I need therapy.
