For those of us who aren't biracial yet still mixed-race/mixed-heritage...

When did you first realize... you were mixed-race?

I have a memory from my Middle School years, of my Chinese Mom sitting across from me, and examining my facial features.

I remember a few times she’d note certain things that seemed to be related to my White Dad’s features.

I never did ask her why she did this (my sisters told me they never had that experience, ad they were younger). The best I can assume was my Mom was worried that if my features were “Too Chinese,” it might hinder things later in life.

Anyone else given an examination like that? Bear in mind my Mom wasn’t the brightest person.

im mixed between white and another race that i dont wanna specify because im really embarrassed, i hate all the modern day racism towards the other race that i am and i hate how i feel like i cant fit in with either race because of my appearance because despite me having lighter skin i still ended up getting unlucky with my genetics and having darker eyes and hair of which neither blend well with my skin tone and because of it ive always got a target on my back for people to be racist over it, i can never pass as either one and i cant help but to always feel guilty for how the other race that i am is the one that is subjected to the most racism out of any race, i know race is just a social construct that i shouldnt have to care about but i live in a very racist place with very heavy emphasis on having certain traits to match your ancestry and i feel like people most likely think that im not either race that i actually am and it hurts seeing how i dont fit in and how i always have to get lumped in with negative stereotypes just because i happen to be at least a little bit of that race i know theres a decent amount of posts like this i dont want sympathy or anything it just sucks and i cant help but to feel like people would hate me for my racial background if i didnt either pass as white or altogether not mention my race at all and im so ashamed that despite most of my ancestry coming from a region that should give me lighter traits all around i still ended up with mostly the opposite, i hate having to be seperated and always forced to identify as nonwhite/ a poc even if thats what im atleast half of

So I’m a young man in my twenties just graduated from uni and I was thinking about women who have hit on me in the past and white complexioned women who were monoracial (not strictly white racially plenty are POCs too with white / fair skin) when they expressed “interest” in me , they just fetishized me as their “dark skin chocolate black man” , mind you I have the same complexion as Drake and Tyla.

Fair skinned monoracial women, I find them to view me as way more black than I actually am (am about a quarter black) and they make my complexion into everything there is as if there is nothing more than my colour. It feels dehumanizing tbh. They saw my hair as much tighter than it is. I have 3b-3c hair and this POC south Asian girl was a bit darker than me too tells me my hair is 4c 💀. Bruh. I don’t know why they saw me as much blacker than what I am. It feels weird.

Black ppl on the other hand, although they treat me with more humanity, I feel that I’m still othered by them. Certain features like my hair, or eyes (they’re slanted) kind of become over exaggerated with them. Some won’t stop talking about my hair. It feels weird. Or I’m expected to see myself as primarily black (if not only black) and that is something I can’t do tbh even if I am more black presenting.

For a brief period I tried to explore what dating and flirting with men would be like. Needless to say, I only lasted a few weeks cuz a lot of men who are into men from my experience are more explicit in thier racism (if this is the right word?). It was weird to experience getting viewed as nothing but a BBC (and they didn’t even see me undressed at all btw heck I didn’t even end up doing anything with them) , they projected their sexual fantasies of being dominated by a black man on me, I was immediately assumed to be this domineering dude which was something I’ve never encountered before. I’m not even dark brown so it shocked me how they saw me as if I was super dark. I hated being called “chocolate” it was weird no one calls white skin ppl milk. It’s so weird.
Then dark skin black men viewed me as feminine ? It was so weird cuz my skin being much lighter than theirs (mind you I’m very masculine in my appearance and voice too ) had them seeing me as if I was a submissive light skin dude. It was so weird seeing how my skin colour in relation to the other person’s race could position me as being dominant or submissive.

In all of these experiences I kind of grew a bit disgusted with many monoracial ppl. It’s like I’m not seen as fully human by any of them.

It sure do seems that way.

My mom is latina, dad is black. I grew up being told I "look like a man" when trying to be feminine. My half-black male classmates seemed to be much more popular and the ones I tried to approach rejected me for nonblack girls. But my half-black brother never struggled with getting a girlfriend, while I was only ever asked out once as a joke. My brother regularly says he thinks black women are ugly and he had white ex-girlfriends who he allowed to say racist things about black people around us. I'm not close with his current white girlfriend because I overheard her brag about being racist on a discord call.

My mom jokes if she was into asian men I'd have an easier time as a woman but now I'm wondering if it's because blackness is stereotyped as masculine and asianness is stereotyped as feminine. I've encountered half-asian men who had my exact problem but in reverse (daughters seen as more desirable over sons). Is this true? It just doesn't seem fair. I can't control how I was born.

This is more specifically to black/white mixed people. And you guys know exactly what I mean. This just popped in my head when I started scrolling instagram and started to guess half of every lightskin/ mixed girls name. Jayda..

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I'm a black mom to a 9 month old. My husband is white and so is the rest of his family. Our daughter is very fair skinned. She's slightly more dark than the white babies in her daycare class with black features. Her hair is of course curly (3b/3c). I'm coming at this with a learning mindset as this is all new to me.

Every time we see my in-laws they make comments about her hair. They say things like "it's so cute', "it's crazy", "it's so soft", "omg or wow look at that hair". They then proceed to run their fingers through her hair like they're trying to sooth their own sensory input needs. My husband's grandma proceeded to take both of her hands and rub her head like a crystal ball. Mind you she has 3a hair herself.

I get it. She's super cute (I'm biased) and her curls are beautiful, but I feel some type of way that every time we see my in-laws, there are several comments about our daughter's hair. I recognize she will have a much different life experience than me because of her skin color. My goal is not to project my experiences and wisdom about being brown onto her in case she ends up being white passing. However, I feel like the constant comments continue to widen and reinforce the cultural and racial gap between myself and them. I personally feel offended. I wear my hair straight so they've had minimal exposure to black or other minority hair types and culture.

Should I ask my husband to speak up? I want him to get comfortable standing up for our daughter when people make microaggressions towards her (bc even if she ends up white passing, when people find out she has a black mom, that all goes out the window). To me, why not get comfortable by practicing with your family?

AIO/projecting? As mixed kids or parents of mixed kids, was this a problem? How did this, or would this make you feel ?

I was born in the US to South Asian and German American parents. No matter where I am, I’ve always felt like the “foreigner”. I’m too white to be South Asian, and in the US and Germany people ask “where are you from?” It’s always been complicated trying to establish an identity. I’m proud of all my roots but it gets demoralizing constantly feeling like an outsider. What do you do to overcome this?

Ok, so I’m not exactly sure how to ask for advice about this since it’s my first time experiencing anything of the kind. So I’m just gonna go for it and please correct me if anything I’ve said is offensive in any way shape or form.

A bit of important info before I start: I just got married. I’m white. My husband is half Puerto Rican, but also very white, like probably mostly colonial spanish ancestry, very little Taino ancestry if any.

The other day at a work party for the company my dad works at, I was chatting with one of his coworkers that I don’t know and she was asking a lot of questions about my husband and I, and our wedding (he couldn’t come because of work). And when I mentioned that he’s Puerto Rican (that came up because our wedding was in Puerto Rico) she immediately started gushing about how beautiful our mixed babies will be when we have kids. I know she was just being nice, but I was very taken aback by her comments and just kind of awkwardly stood there nodding. I know it’s not a big issue or anything, but it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way because I know it’s not a great comment for someone to be making and I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to handle stuff like that in the future. My husband and I have never had anyone make comments like that around us (again, probably because he’s not someone that people would think is Puerto Rican or any ethnicity other than white just by looking at him) and I don’t know if it’s actually something even worth telling someone that they shouldn’t say stuff like that, or if I even have the right to correct people, or even what to say to them

My favorite growing up was kimchi fried rice on a chapati haha. But I’m sure you all have had many amazing ones! I’m so intrigued!

I am raised in a lesser developed and somehow racist Southeast Asian country that I'm trying to leave but is still stuck inside it and I'm more South Asian presenting. The country forces their non-indigenous ethnic minorities to adopt the names of the dominant ethnic group, which does not even have surnames. You're not allowed to use your ethnic surnames and names if you are a non-indigenous ethnic minority in your legal documents, government school papers or job brochures. You are only allowed to use your ethnic names with your friends and family. Most minorities in my country, including South Asians, lost their surnames and couldn't track them because of this. Because of this reason, it makes it easier for my dad to hide his heritage. Because of this, blanqueamiento happens here sometimes depending on the situation. Both of my parents are narcissists. I have a self-hating South Asian father who thinks if you're racist against other South Asians and that if you and your descendants marry South East Asians or East Asians, you'll be accepted by ethnic South East Asians and your children will be free from the racism. My Eurasian mom and her family would sometimes make fun of me and my brother's features, like telling me why my eyes are like that..telling me why my mouth looks like that..telling us not to grow facial hair because it'll make us look like <slur for South Asians>. Because of this trauma, I can't even date anyone who isn't South Asian or mixed with South Asian.

(This is a bit of a random rant) Just wondered if anyone else had this kind of experience.

I‘m 30 now and still find it jarring when people ask where I’m from because I know I’m from England but I don’t look like it.

For context my mum is Indian but from the north so shes fairly light skinned and gets mistaken for other countries as well, my dad was half English and Portuguese and he was very tan, he also faced racism for a race he wasn’t part of 😭

I work in a hospital and the amount of times people have asked where I’m from and I don’t even clock what they mean so I say my English home town. I also went to NYC a couple of years ago and servers and stuff would speak Spanish to me. People in Turkey, Greece, Spain etc insist I’m not English

I feel like I’m always having an identity crisis, it’s sooo frustrating and I lowkey just wish I looked how people expect an English person to look.

Anyone else feel the same way?

I’m half Mayan half Transylvanian. Pretty cool genes which I am proud of. Yet my whole life I’ve face discrimination, hatred, and dehumanization. Called the hard R by white people, gringo or colonizer by Latinos. Frankenstein by most. Was one of the first mixed people in my neighborhood. Delt with a lot, at this point I’m not sure what to even feel like anymore. I love being indigenous, I love being Transylvanian. I hate feeling like neither tho. Idk just 21 years worth of venting not sure if mods will even let this upload. Thanks for your time if you read. Will delete later

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I wanted to share something I’ve noticed during my time on diff Reddit subs and see if others here have had similar experiences.

I’m a person of color from a country that carries a lot of strong online stereotypes. For the most part, I really enjoy engaging in discussions across various subreddits. Often, conversations start off completely normal, friendly, and respectful.

However, the moment my nationality or origin comes up, the tone shifts drastically. Suddenly, the focus drops from whatever topic we were actually discussing to out-of-line comments and stereotyping.

It feels like as soon as that piece of information is out, people stop seeing me as a human.

Has anyone else on this sub experienced this kind?

Before the summer is over, we need to add some new laws for mixed race individuals (And the Golden skin folks as well). Now, every single race need's laws to protect them daily. However, many people see mixed race people as below them. Or an easy target for attacks. So, I compiled some rules that we need added by at least the end of 2026 and onwards. Here they are:

The Word Hafu should be banned:

After checking some Wasian subreddit's, and this goes out to the Blasian's as well. The word "Hafu" means two races. Now, most Wasian's and Blasian's could care less and actually accept it as a word that is not harmful. However, for the younger generation, they may still find it offensive. Like the term "Red Skin" may be offensive to Native American's. But I want to hear more from the Asian communities on this word. So, give them a shout out.

The One-Drop Rule Should end in America:

The most important law, the One-Drop rule should just end completely. It has devastated the identity of so many biracial and multi-racial (Ex: Creolle's and Colourd's) people over the years. For instance, Drake is a Mullato man, but some still call him black for some reason? And that is only in America. Now, you do have more people trying to drop this. Some states allow you to claim, "two or more races", and some folks allow to have pride of your true heritage. Every country dropped it, because they knew it would turn into a worser problem down the road.

The Golden Law

This goes out to the Golden Skin People (shout out to the exoctical sphere). This is mainly for Golden Skin boys and men (Light-skin boys and men). We saw the little buzz for Cyrus Belton, and the boy that was killed in Clayton county. Yet the Austin Metcalf case had BLM defending a killer, not two defenseless boys who were murdered for nothing. That is because they were light-skin, or Golden skin as we call it now. This is awful when you know that these Gold people are picked and targeted for racist attacks. More than Darker black Americans nowadays. So, this law should protect them from that. Go on an add it Government.

* With that being said, what are some other protective laws that you would add. For Biracial, Multi-racial, Golden Skin people (Light-skin people), etc. Let me know below and take care.

#MixedRaceLivesMatter #GoldenNation #MixedRaceChildren #AntiBullying

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I see a lot of the struggle in being mixed race in this generation is over terminology denoting membership or affinity with other groups and I thought I’d drop a useful way of looking at identity I learned from the former president of ASALH (Association of African American Life and History) and Chair of Howard University’s History Department. I’m going from least to most specific here…

Race = lines of descent / phenotype (edited from “genetics” which I used colloquially)

Nationality = Legal association with a country

Ethnicity - A combination of the following factors that establish degrees of ethnicity

1. Line of descent
2. Acceptance within community
3. Membership / participation in institutions
4. Cultural knowledge / Tradition.

Being ethnically Black -which in America traditionally refers to descendants of the diaspora here before the Civil War- is not entirely based on racial lineage BUT race makeup does factor into your degree of ethnicity.

This becomes apparent when you look at people like Clarence Thomas whose commitments to white institutions, culture, and lack of acceptance in the Black community him an “Uncle Tom” to most Black people. Note that Thomas is obviously racially West or Central African. His ethnic identity has shrunk as his commitments and community changed but his race and nationality haven’t.

Another example from the opposite political isle is Barack Obama who was viewed as mixed or “African” rather than Black prior to his work in Chicago, living and working among Black people, becoming part of the Black church, and ultimately marrying a Black woman.

As we see with the many non-African descended people who have found popularity and have received “a pass”, race isn’t the only factor and oftentimes is not the most important when determining functional belonging.

What I tend to see is that mixed race people conflate race with ethnicity and mono-racial people confuse ethnicity with being solely racial. Both sides are fiercely defensive of their own experiences.

In American society race often means color which is not causally linked to race and ethnicity (not everyone in Subsaharan African is dark-skinned has the same physical features, hair texture etc)

The combination of these misunderstandings and artificial legal structures imposed by “white” ( a term I find really empty) Americans has resulted in a clusterfuck for which we are often blamed.

Context
I’m a mixed race Black man. One of my parents is Sicilian and Lithuanian, the other is African-American and descended from Nigeria and Ghana.

Both my parents are respectively very ethnic. They moved me and my sister out to the suburb among all white people (which sucked). When I graduated HS I immediately moved to Baltimore where I studied history and became very active in the Black community, joining institutions, making friends / connecting with my southern Black relatives etc. Many years later, my partner is white, I teach American history in a predominately Black / Hispanic neighborhood and am about to start at an HBCU.

I can’t pretend I’ve had the same experiences with racism as a darker skinned person but I’ve had plenty of my own.

I can’t claim I grew up in a black community.

I do have extensive knowledge of culture, history, and tradition , am accepted in the community, and am a member of ethnic institutions. I will pass down all of that to my child regardless of their color.

I do have a fully Black parent and largely interact / have relationships with that side of my family.

There is no ultimate black score or rating, it’s about knowing yourself and not trying to be something you aren’t or claim experiences you haven’t had. Does this mean some people will reject you based on their own beliefs? Sure but those aren’t people who want to understand you and can pound sand.

For context I am wasian, half east asian and half white (american).
Today I was talking with my mom about the fact that I'm interested in being roomates with someone I met and talked to on the subreddit of a university I'll be attending this fall. This person is an indian girl and an international student. We connected on instagram and i'd say we have a decent amount of commonalities so I am genuinely considering living with her. I showed my mom her profile last night and she didn't really say anything so I didnt think that she had any particular strong feelings about it. Today I brought it up again and her immediate response was to list the most ridiculous and stereotypically disgusting things you could say about indian people and I dont know why her racism catches me by surprise every single time. One of the more ridiculous things she said went along the lines of "What if this girl brings over other indian guys who persuade you into marrying them because they want a green card?". My mother was an international student and dated/married my dad with the intention of getting a green card and bringing my half brother to the US. While that is the bare bones truth I have to say that there is nuance and she was a very devoted and caring wife to my dad for 24 years (he passed this may). She was the sole bread winner for our family for my entire life and there are about another 100 nuances to their relationship that I could list. This is exactly why I will never understand how she can be so hypocritical against other immigrants.
She also said a lot of terrible things about darker skinned people and she KNOWS I hate when she talks like that. I try to talk sense into her and say things like "How would you feel if people hated you for a skin color you couldn't control" and she said some bullshit like "I can control it. I can control the skin color of my child". Oh my god im getting pissed off just thinking about it. I don't understand how an asian woman and a minority in this country who has faced discrimination for the color of her skin and the country of her birth can sit back and pour the same kind of hatred onto other people. She just cannot fathom stepping outside of herself for one second its ridiculous. I think she was taught this kind of racism and it just stuck, I don't think shes ever examined her prejudices beyond a surface level because I know at her core shes not a hateful person. Shes just very stuck in her ways and its so frustrating.

Okay Ik this isn’t like a big deal and race is just a label. However, recently it’s been bothering me when I get asked about my background and etc.

For context I say I’m half Turkish Half Sri Lankan, that’s what my parents told us to say when asked. However, it’s a bit more complicated than that.

On my Mum’s side my grandfather was half Turkish half Russian, and My grandma is fully Turkish. She identifies as middle eastern and so does the rest of my family. My Mum is very light (light hair, light eyes, light skin), and most people do not assume she’s Turkish. She usually gets German, Italian, or Greek.

On my My Dad’s side my Grandma is Eurasian ( Father: 75% European + 25 Tamil, Mother 50% Tamil + 50% English), and My Grandpa was Dutch Burgher (Dutch Colonist having relations with native woman, creating a community that married within each other for generations). My Dad is visibly Brown, and has grown up facing discrimination along with my Grandfather. My Grandma and my Dad’s Brother are white passing.

Now there’s my sister and I who have brown hair and white skin. However, when we were younger up to around aged 14 I always looked just white. However, recently we now get asked a lot about our ethnicities and where we’re from. At work, people tell me that they can tell I’m mixed. When I tell some people my background though they are shocked and cannot believe it, and I feel this sense of doubt or embarrassment when I say it now cause I feel like people don’t believe me. Also my Mum came to Australia when she was 3 and my Dad was born here in Australia, so I also feel kinda disconnected a lot from both cultures cause my parents were essentially bullied for their differences growing up.

My Dad says my sister and I are biracial. But idk cause it’s complicated. My sister and I both have very curly hair, which we didn’t used to grow out when we were younger, which is why I believe more people are asking.

Sorry this was really long, but I’ve just been feeling a bit of an identity crisis and wanted to know if it’s valid to identify as mixed race, when I have quite a bit of European DNA and look?

Being treated as and told you're dangerous by both black people and white people with the former (you're likely allied with) doubting the latter (socially and systematically oppressing you) subject you to that at all.

Both groups are your family and neither group trusts you on a deeply human level: both groups deny your very humanity and assert disbelief at the reality and totality of your experience.

We speak of "acceptance" and "rejection" a lot without getting into the painful nitty gritty about it and the real dehumanization at play which is why it's so easy for others to misconstrue and misrepresent the point we are making and present our grievances as just being shallow, petty, and trivial when it's in fact deep psychological and societal harm we're facing. Often alone as well - the only one in our family quite like us or only with our siblings to shoulder the burden with who may look different and be treated different or lack same gender relating (gender creates different flavors of the racial experience) or similar enough to us to face the same challenges and resonate with our experiences but carrying the weight differently or refusing to express it's traumatic and burdening aspects honestly or equally unsupported and unable to be a support in that way because they're isolated from the wider community just like you and grew up without multiracial parents themselves to be a model to them growing up and award them with identity acknowledgment and biracial guidance you each lacked/had to learn yourselves sink or swim.

Things are rough for B&W people. It's hard.

I feel especially in the U.S. where there are no mixed minority communities present but obviously a very painful history that acts as a vengeful spirit spreading anger, unrest, distrust and distress up, down, across, center, and diagonal; distributing the reek of the nation's extended oppressive system established hundreds of years ago... all while red eyed watching how you react—gazing with scrutiny in the wake of that racial class foundation that only half collapsed with the remaining body expecting (moreso demanding) you act unaffected by all of it to the benefit of others who don't perceive worth, perspective, or humanity in you at all.

Who even are you, B&W biracial? Who are you and why do you believe you should matter?

It feels like the whole world is asking you this and that no one wants you to answer. If you answer, you're assuming who you are matters and that's too threatening to the fragile self-esteem of the other people haunted. You can't mock their self-esteem ever - they can only mock yours to restore some kind of illusion of justice and balance you historically and currently possess of neither. Your plight is victim seen as perpetrator on the basis of existing due to black and white people creating you together. It isn't particularly sensible but you know deep in your bones that's why there's such a wide gap between how you are perceived and what you actually experience. The consistency and unifying quality that is effectively there though, is that you're dangerous. Your blackness is dangerous to the anti-black. Your whiteness is dangerous to the black and some of the brown who see you as a more tainted brown. Your biraciality is dangerous to the monoracial white and to the monoracial black. Your description often translates to the word "danger" and when it doesn't it translates to the word object.

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So, I'm 19M, white mom and my dad is mixed (1/3ish white, the rest is MENA and Sub-Saharan African).

I recently did a DNA test to affirm what I am, I was right about my DNA (roughly 1/3ish non white 2/3rds white), tho my dad's side genetically is extremely similar to his North African side, in fact he passes near completely as North African/Arab, but still, my family tries to tell me otherwise.

My MENA comes from my dad's maternal grandpa, an immigrant from Egypt. My grandma used to always tell me he was just Greek, I found some stuff and through research I found pretty quickly he wasn't Greek. My African comes from my paternal grandpa, a somewhat mixed guy from Jamaica. My family would always say we're Jewish (I have no genetic tied found tho), they would also tell me I'm just white, barely black, a 16th black at most and I've been laughed at when I describe racism or feeling racially targetting.

I don't even look that white, yes I have pale skin, but I do tan easily, I have a fairly West Asiatic/African face structure, same with my muscle structure, my hair is dark and loosely curly, my eyes are light brown but thin, I look reasonably halfish MENA or Hispanic according to most people, sometimes Asian or Jewish, sometimes white according to people.

Anyways, with my DNA test, it showed I cluster heavily to my North African side, my dad could pass off as basically fully North African, our genetics are similar, but I shared my results with my family, as always, it was some bullshit. My results matched my research exactly, this is what's right, but still, just, doubt. My grandma as always denied that her dad wasn't white, my dad just said he thinks this stuff kinda sucks. I just wanna belong somewhere. I went to an Asian festival yesterday and it was good, then unexpectedly there was a North African dancer who came up, she gave an amazing performance and I felt connected, I felt a sense of belonging. I've always been so close to the cultures of the middle east, my family upholds that no matter what they say about genetics, so that definitely helps.

Everything my family said though just made me feel deflated, and I have to remember, I only have 1 great grandparent who's actually North African, it doesn't matter if I have the culture in me, it doesn't matter if a whole half of my DNA actually matches North Africa, it's still only 1 great grandparent, one who's been denied on his ethnicity and I was always told was something else. I'm not really half North African, I'm also a lot of other things that end up combining close to that by chance. That sense of belonging is fragile, it just shatters like that. I want to feel like I belong somewhere. I want to apart of one of my cultures, not just a mutt, treated as a mutt, or treated as something that doesn't matter. It's not like I haven't been treated with racism for being middle eastern, I've been told by so many people that I'm a "terrorist," that I'm someone who'd do "9/11." So why does my family degrade me? Why can't I accept myself?

Sorry this is all over the place, but that's all, I just want some thoughts on this or smth.