I am a single mom and low income, as such travel is generally too expensive. So when my teen as invited on a tirp abroad with school and he agreed to earn half the money it cost, I was thrilled for him to go and see the world. I only asked that he send me at least one photo every day so I could experience the world vicariously.
These are the 3 he sent me so far:
Food on the air plane
A dog on a leash
A duck
Please note these are everyday average things to see here at home. I think my child is possibly broken….
lol.
UPDATE: thanks for every comment. I learned lots and have a different perspective (actually many). You guys have helped me pass the time and miss him a bit less. I appreciate you all. And, for clarification: I’m not really mad and would never chastise him over his choice of pics, I think they are adorable and funny. I may make a request for a specific type of pic with him in front of a historical or important scenery but mostly just say “cool” or “nice!” In response. I just want him to have fun and be the sweet, kind, smart kid he is already.
Second update: the pictures I know you have all been waiting for. 😆 I will post in comments.
This literally happened with my son at pre school. Asked him what he had done, nothing, then got an email where he’s holding a fucking barn owl on his arm
Me: How was school? Anything interesting happen today
13-year-old Son: Good, nothing
An hour later, his friend bikes over: Dude, did you see that like 15-person brawl today?
My Son: Ya, it was crazy. It was right in front of my locker, I think they are all going to get suspended.
As someone who used to do this kind of thing and can still remember it, it's because I didn't want my parents' input on whatever it was. They wouldn't "get it" or care because they're adults and I was a kid. Like Kids Next Door TV show logic
As a rapidly aging twentysomething who hopes to become a parent someday, and who currently works with a lot of kids/teens, I wish I knew how to avoid this. I know it's largely inevitable. But growing up I would hide even the music I was listening to from my parents, not because it was "inappropriate," but because I was afraid of their judgemental comments and I knew they wouldn't understand my perspective. But deep down I always wished I felt comfortable enough share more with them.
When I work with teens now it's hard to find the line between demonstrating that you care about them as people and are interested in listening to what they have to say, and not coming across as obtrusive or offering unwelcome input. But I try.
My sister has 3 teenagers (13, 17, and 19) and they all share everything with her. It's amazing an idk how she did it tbh. They're so open and honest. They'll talk about boys and mistakes they made at school and silly stuff and their interests even if they're "cringey" and their worries and conflicts. Those kids are thriving and it's genuinely so cool to watch.
I think it's natural. They start building themselves independent of their parents. But it's really though as a parent.
It's only toxic if they're holding on to stuff that are too heavy or if they fall with a bad crowd. But some independence is healthy.
And walking the line you're describing is nigh impossible. The line between offering and obtrusive varies too much from person to person. But you doing your best will (often) come back to them as they get older. So it will help build their character long term.
Oh gosh. I felt this. I'm GenX and a metal head. But I'm a grandma too. I have a granddaughter who is a new teen AND LEARNING TO PLAY METAL and is so good, and has been collecting guitars and her room is
decorated so cooool...and omg somehow, I've STILL "lost" her to this teen angst crap!
She used to be my lil bestie, now she doesn't even deign to talk to me, except when we are at family functions. She always has known I was the "cool granny" who loves same things she does! We went to Lana Del Rey together whe she was 11 and had a blast-- and now that she's 14, idk how to get her back. Ugh. I hate this stage teenage girls go thru.
awh ☹️ this just made me feel sad cause i used to be my grammas lil bestie but during my awkward angsty teenage years i withdrew fearing her judgement and we never got close again and i dont know how to close that gap now at 27 😥 doesn't help that i moved to the other side of the globe almost a decade ago
If she's still with you, find a way to reconnect. It would absolutely thrill her, I promise. Idc how far away she is. The smallest thing..a card, a phone call, a small inside joke in a DM once I awhile, ffs...it would matter more than you can imagine!
I had to find out on our school districts Facebook page that they brought a petting zoo to the school and my kindergartener got to pet some baby goats and lambs. He just never told me about it 😂
Getting to participate is the best thing about working in early years tbh, sat there looking forward to having a turn holding the snake as much as the children are.
Tbf, I’ve heard the question “what did you do/learn” today?” Is overwhelming for little brains, so the better question is “what was your favorite thing today?” And that gets them talking lol
"Would you prefer me to regail you with how shit everything is? My anxiety and imposter syndrome? Or the impending realization that I have another 30 years of this shit left?"
Yeah, if I tell my mom how I’m really doing it leads to half an hour of her worrying on the call trying to fix things making my day even worse and 3 follow-up calls. Better to just say things are alright.
this is the shit right here. I tell my wife or my mom the funny things that happened at work or the dumb people i had to deal with. I don't tell them how i feel
Yes, if I'm asking a friend how work is I absolutely want them to dump on me if work is not fine. Especially a spouse. My kids are just itty-bitty, but it hurts to imagine having such a surface level relationship with my kids that they couldn't tell me about problems at work
I mean, what’s the point if you just hate working but it’s at least tolerable to an extent. I’ve always disliked every job I’ve had, but I need money so. I don’t particularly enjoy talking about things that I don’t like to do.
My dad still always asks how work is going and I just tell him “work is work.” I’d rather he asked about stuff that I actually enjoy doing like my hobbies. If I had something to say about work, you wouldn’t have to ask. But I hardly ever do.
Oh definitely, if I have a shitty day (or awesome!) where something crazy happens I'm absolutely telling her about it. But just a normal, nothing special day is getting an "It was fine" response. Hope that makes sense!
One time I confided that my store wasn't doing so hot and they immediately launched into this death spiral line of questioning like Do you think it's going to go under? Do you need to start looking for jobs? Do you know how to collect unemployment? Do you have enough saved for your rent? Are you going to lose your insurance?
Like oh that's right, that's why I always just say "fine" with you guys
I was telling my dad about this amazing project I was supporting, the satellite that would eventually be used to map the topography of black holes. He interrupted me to ask if I was dating anyone and had I thought about going on a singles cruise. Wanna trade?
Stuff like, “it’s interesting. I’m working on a project right now that’s going X” or “it’s really stressful. We have these deadlines and my boss is unreasonable.”
Like, really, anything to give them a sense of if you’re happy, miserable, if you see a path to move up, if you’re thinking about quitting. Anything!
They just want to know about you, your life, what you’re thinking, your ups and downs. If you’re happy or sad or tired or thrilled.
They love you & want to know more about you. Literally anything you say will be appreciated.
Anything but something that amounts to “stop asking about me and leave me alone” which is how a curt “fine” or a dismissive “ok” comes off.
For me it's not really that I don't want to answer. But my brain does sometimes short circuit trying to think of a specific thing to talk about. Trying to pick through my entire day / week / month for the most interesting thing just takes a minute.
My mother definitely doesn't want to know anything about my little family. Ringing her is a terrible experience as she just talks about herself, her health, her car, her garden, her village, her whatever (insert word). She repeats herself ad nauseam so I just have to listen to her waffling on, saying, "Yes," "I see" or other such words as necessary. She has no interest in us at all.
She also talks about my siblings, even though she knows that I do not talk to them, and do not want to waste my time hearing about them. I know that she doesn't talk about me/my family to them as she has no idea how we are or what we've been up to.
maybe they do care, and maybe you're right. but i also know that i don't want the following hour or 2 to be dedicated to them trying to fix a situation they have no control over or ability to help with. it'll just stress me out more and i'd rather just not deal with it.
Honestly, both of those questions would trip me up on an average day. I work in an office, and most days my favorite thing is just that I get to go home. And I don't even particularly dislike my job.
My kid is 4, and her professed favorite part of any vacation is the shuttle bus from the airport back to the parking lot. If pressed, she'll then say that she also liked the plane.
You're asking a child to recall everything they did during the day and weigh each of them against eachother while waiting on them for an answer. Expecting them to already have one.
Them responding with the first or last thing they did, is just what happens when you weigh the mental cost of recalling everything and comparing them next to the social obligation to respond in a timely manner.
Well, that and she really does love transportation! But yes, I'm aware that she's just recalling the most recent thing; I'm not offended, and I know that she actually enjoys many other aspects of travel because she talks about that at other times. It's super funny, though.
I loved going to Disneyland as a kid and remember a lot of stuff that happened there when I was a kid. The tram from the parking lot to the front entrance and from the entrance back to the parking lot was still the best part of each trip, inspite of all the fun I had. Obviously upon arrival it was because I knew it was taking me to the fun, but it was still fun riding it back to the car. It's dumb, but I guess the fact that it had open sides that little kids couldn't sit near, lest they fall out, gave it an air of danger.
We took our kid with us to a conference once because it was in Budapest. We made a trip of it and visited Paris and Vienna as well. He was 3 at the time, and all he remembers is the chocolate croissant he had on the plane.
I start those conversations with my 5 year old by volunteering something from my day. If I ask him “what did you have for lunch?” I’ll get no response. But if I say “Guess what I had for lunch today? A burrito! What did you have at school?” He’ll tell me everything he ate.
my son just started asking me about my day at work after we talk about his day at school, it’s so sweet when they develop that conversational reciprocity!
My father asked most days, "How was school?" And we'd say, "Fine." He'd then repeat it back mockingly, "Fine! It's always 'fine.'" He never once asked a follow-up question (probably because he didn't know anything about us).
OP needs to ask for specific pictures. Also, I went to Europe as a teenager and brought everyone back souvenirs. My father asked why I hadn't brought him back a German beer stein. He hadn't asked for one. I was 15-years-old and certainly wasn't thinking about buying beer accroutrements. I was also supposed to know he wanted one even though he made fun of the ones we already owned (apparently those were from Avon and I was supposed to know that, too).
I used to ask my daughter what she did and got the typical "nothing". Then I started asking her "what was the funniest/weirdest/nicest/etc. thing that happened today" and would get "I don't want to talk about it..." in this sad voice and I would get alarmed and ask, "are you ok? did something happen?" and still get a "nothing happened..."
I finally got it through my thick skull that she just needed to decompress for ~5-30 minutes before I could expect anything. If I give her that buffer, she perks up on her own and will tell me in vivid detail how routine her day was. *shrug*
The "favorite thing" question stressed me out as a child. My kid brain treated it as binding, with far-reaching consequences, and so it always left me mentally paralyzed, unable to answer. I blame too many "three wishes" stories.
Another good one is “was there something that annoyed you today? Or “what was something that you didn’t like?/the worst part of your day?” This helps you to get to know your child better and validate that negative things are important to talk about and share too. I think sometimes those are easier memories to bring forth for them, because they are tied to a big emotion. You can then provide advice, problem solve and/or just a listening ear, then shift to more positive memories about the day!
Either was eeexxxxhhhhaaauuuusssttttiiiiiiinnngggg and tedious as a child. Parent asks same question every day, I'm just happy to be free from my school prison and don't want to think or talk about school, want food and cartoons, say whatever to get parent to shut up and stop asking.
I think because for kindergartners, every day is almost a completely new experience, they don't have the background to be able to say "oh, holding a crocodile isn't a normal activity." She was just at school, doing whatever they did at school that day. A novel experience, sure, but when practically everyday is a novel experience it doesn't really stand out.
People around a kid crying be like "this can't be the worst thing that happened to you, it's just a dropped coolie", but it absolutely could literally be the worst thing to ever happen to them.
I ask my fiancé about work and he’ll say “oh nothing of note today” and then his coworker is like “hey did you send in the report about the guy that crashed his car through the store today?”
Lmao I would ask my 6yo everyday what he did at school, or how his day was immediately when seeing him. We'd be 5 feet from the school entrance. He always says "I don't remember". What do you mean little guy, your day literally JUST ended 😭
When my daughter was in first grade I would ask if anything interesting happened at school. She always said no. One day I asked if her teacher did cartwheels down the hall. She giggled and said no. Several days after that I saw her teacher. I told her about the cartwheel conversation. She said she was going to go do cartwheels in front of the class. That day my daughter had something to tell me about! Lol
"What did you do today?" = Kid thinks: FUCK. I have to account for 8 hours of activities and they all need to be interesting because fuckin mom is going to ask dozens of follow up questions that I'm not prepared for and it's going to feel like an inquisition and I'm going to have to lie or say I don't know to some of these questions and then she's going to be disappointed. Fuck me, that's a lot of pressure. I need to be uninteresting, like a plain old grey rock, so I don't have to face this pressure again... "Um... nothing."
"Did you do anything interesting today?" = Kid thinks: Oh yeah, three or four interesting things happened today. I can share details about these experiences without having to recap the entire boring ass busywork day of worksheets and repetition.
Kids aren't stupid simply because adults ask the wrong questions. Insulting them for not being at your intellectual level is nothing less than abusive. Despite shitty parents' low opinion of their children's intelligence, kids can, and do, pick up on the way you speak about them to other adults.
On Friday I asked my daughter how school was. She said it was fine and nothing happened. Then when her mum came to pick her up she told me she had gone to Duxford on a school trip to the war museum and got to go in a Concorde cockpit and onto a DC9. I’m a pilot. I almost fucking puked. Kids do that.
To add, when I travel some of the best parts is to see how everyday life is somewhere else. I want to know what their supermarkets, parks, local shops, people. etc are like. Its an appreciation for the little things.
I also am notorious for sending pictures of ducks when I’m traveling. OP, sounds like it’s just a weird thing we all do. I’m sure your son will have a ton of better pictures to share when he gets home and can actually talk about what he saw
LMAO, this thread is making me feel better about my Europe tour where the only memorable photo I took was the smiling face of my favorite teacher through a tiny stone window as he was going up the stairs of the castle we were touring. The drone photos of Neuschwanstein Castle are fundamentally cooler than any I would’ve taken, but I love my stupid personal castle window photo. :)
I was visiting the Great Wall of China and my party wanted a group photo of us on the wall. I gave my phone to the tour guide to take a photo of us, and he forgot to flip the camera before snapping a shot, so I have a photo of a very confused Chinese man trying to take a picture of our group sitting in my photo library. It's one of my favourite photos from the trip.
That's good, always take photos of people. When you're scrolling through your photo roll in a few years the only ones you're going to stop at is people. I guarantee you won't even open those 12 pictures you took of a sunset.
You sound like my mom. She says the same thing. She ignores my vacation photos unless they contain a selfie. I hate having to think about how I look while on vacation, but I usually snap one or two to appease her
We took our three kids to Paris and spent a week going down the coast and to the Loire Valley. On the way home, I asked what their favorite part was…and all three said “the man with a cat on his shoulders in the park in Paris.” 🫠 They were ages 9, 11, 13.
Took a family trip to France a few years ago - Paris then around the south a bit. Kids all in their mid teens. We pooled our photos when we got back and about 50% of them were of various French cats doing French cat things lol.
Reminds me of my lil bro. He was a d1 football player who got go to Hawaii for a bowl game one year. Having never been I asked him to send me some pictures. He proceeded to send me nothing but pics of brick walls, sewer grates, man hole covers, and his hotel room lol. Not one damn beach picture lol. And he even told me he did go to the beach and take pictures.
This is especially funny to me because, a friend is currently on his very first trip abroad. I'm friends with his mother and sister, too. They have to beg him for pictures, and when he sends some... it's always just pictures of cute street cats! 😅
I always ask my son to at least send a sign of life if we are apart. Doesn't matter what it is as long as I know he's safe and enjoying himself. I guarantee I'll get something silly when he's on a trip to see military cemeteries this week xD
I always send morning, lunch and evening texts to check in when we are apart, but I know he's enjoying himself with the safety of adults so I don't expect constant responses and if shit goes down it's them I'll hear from. Not gonna lie though, I am anxious as fuck about his first trip without family around.
one of my favourite pictures i took is a dog pooping on the lawn with the louvre in the background . my mother couldn’t understand why I found it hilarious.
I took a trip to Washington D.C. and one of the very few pictures I took was of the capitol building but but more specifically of the bus sitting in front of the capitol building which had some of its letters blocked by trees so it looked like it said "CUM"
when i was a kid i went to rio for the first time with my grandparents and spent half of the 36 frames of a film taking pictures of vultures and random birds while visiting the christ. not a single picture of the statue lol
You reminded me of the time, years ago, when I visited Norway. We were on a tour seeing local highlights and all of us ended up enthralled watching a robot mow a lawn (it looked like a roomba).
Our poor tour guide was trying to get our group to pay attention and we were all gawking and videoing the lawn roomba lol
I'd like to think your kid and their friends are doing this on purpose and it's a good daily group activity. Like what's the most mundane thing we can send, just so we can save the best photos for when they're home.
This is the absolute best scenario. It's so depressing seeing some wonderful experiences being wasted as people watch through their phones so they can upload/livestream it and never watch the footage again.
What I do is, right when I arrive to whatever place/event/etc, I take a few photos for posterity, then enjoy the rest of the moment with my phone in my pocket.
Agreed, and also I think it's cute that he's noticing little stuff like that too, not just the stereotypical tourist stuff that everyone has a thousand pictures of. And it's also sweet that he's thinking of his mom when he sees a cute thing (the animals, not the food so much haha)
Broken why? This is legit me. I could care less about the important stuff people usually take a picture off. I'd rather picture of something I like and this is what that looks like.
If this is infuriating, I think you’re overreacting. They are enjoying food and local culture and obviously love seeing the animals in different places.
There's nothing wrong with your kid. I would say that there's everything right with him. He isn't sending you pictures of more interesting stuff because he is enjoying said interesting stuff instead of looking at it through the lense of the camera.
He sends you the most random pics because that's when he remembers the "homework" you've given him, but otherwise? He is living in the moment. Making actual memories instead of taking pictures.
I am also a low income single mom. My son recently went on a school trip to Quebec City, and I begged him to send pictures. He sent two pics of McDonald's food and one pic of a pigeon.
To this day, almost 3 years later, her favorite part? Was it the stunning cathedrals? The ancient Roman walls? The Charlie and the Chocolate Factory themed high tea? The tablet of Ea-Nasir in the British Museum? Climbing up to the second story of a Victorian era green house to see plants that have been brought back from the lip of extinction?
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u/MyNameIsJakeBerenson 23d ago