r/mildlyinfuriating • u/ChronicallyBelle • Jun 14 '26
go to your room My partner and I are both physicians who responded to an inflight medical emergency. This was how the airline responded.
Both of us are physicians and we're both clearly identified as such when we responded to a medical emergency in flight. True medical emergency were we were conferring the entire flight about possibly diverting the flight, medically managing the patient, and we were met by paramedics on the ground.
The flight attendant took both of our information including titles and medical specialties. Of course my boyfriend gets greeted as Dr and the I get called Ms which happens all the time in the hospital due to bias of women in medicine.
We checked our AAdvantage accounts and neither has Dr. Listed in our profiles.
Mildly infuriating to say the least.
Especially to all the women physicians who get called Miss or nurse in the hospital.
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u/Gandlerian Jun 14 '26
At first I assumed you were complaining you did not get awarded enough complimentary miles for volunteering. This is a valid complaint however, especially if they wrote "Dr" to him.
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u/ChronicallyBelle Jun 14 '26
Nope don't care about the points.
More annoying I did more than him and I'm the Ms.
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u/Shellz2bellz Jun 14 '26
Same thing happens to my mom. Most of my parents mail refers to Dr. and Mrs. even though my dad doesn’t have a doctorate. It’s pretty sad it’s still happening in 2026 when women make up a huge part of the medical community
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u/Go-Mellistic Jun 14 '26
This happens to me all the time. I (F) have a doctorate, husband does not, and most mail is addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Even progressive organizations like OxFam and Planned Parenthood don’t get it right, despite trying to correct it multiple times. 🤦♀️
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u/pluto_pluto_pluto_ Jun 14 '26
"Excuse me, my husband does not appreciate being referred to as Mrs."
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u/KitchenCellist Jun 14 '26
I work for an place that provides tourism info. We routinely get letter from school aged children asking for materials for projects. Many of those letters are addressed to Dear Sirs.
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u/Ryantg2 Jun 14 '26
shame bc the appropriate way to address two married physicians is "the Doctors Smith" which is the coolest sig ever
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u/W8andC77 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
My husband is a physician and I’m an attorney. One of our old finance people, that I chose and I served as the primary point of contact with, called me Firstname and husband Dr. Lastname. We both said call us by our first names when we met. It seemed so damn petty to make an issue of it but it always felt like a subtle form of disrespect. We both work in our respective professional fields, we both bring in good money.
ETA: and even if I wasn’t working or bringing in money, still would be wrong. Anyways he left and the new woman who took his place rocks.
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u/des1gnbot Jun 14 '26
I make like 50% more than my husband and our accountant persists in listing him as Taxpayer and me as Spouse, and addressing all mail to Mr and Mrs Hisfirstname Lastname. I refuse to open anything that doesn’t recognize that I am a person with my own name, so now all dealings with the accountant are his responsibility.
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u/EllaArizonaTrashbag Jun 14 '26
I would stop using that accountant altogether. I don't employ people who disrespect me.
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u/No_Photographs609 Jun 14 '26
Annoying Pedantic Redditor voice They did respect your request to call you Firstname, but not his by calling him Dr. Lastname.
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u/W8andC77 Jun 14 '26
You are technically correct. The best kind of correct.
But I think it was more a matter of being deferential and fawning towards him while being comfortable being informal towards me.
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u/ArchiStanton Jun 14 '26
Did you put dr. Under the salutations for booking for you both? I’m wondering if it’s just automated from how your tickets were purchased
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u/ChronicallyBelle Jun 14 '26
Nope both our profiles are the same with our names.
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u/textonic Jun 14 '26
If I were you, I would be writing them another email about this. Maybe you get another 50k points for the mishap
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u/GraceMcClellans Jun 14 '26
It would be a good heads-up for correspondence in the future. It may not change anything, but it doesn't hurt. And also, maybe more miles.
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Jun 14 '26
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u/Thedonkeyforcer Jun 14 '26
Someone will surely say "Wow, oversensitive much?". As a response to those comments, they don't know what micro aggressions look like. This is a death by a thousand cuts and just ONE more instance of you being treated as a uterus and "hormonal".
YOU ARE VALID IN THIS ISSUE!
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u/pacnwcub Jun 14 '26
In the same way you called the flight attendant a stewardess before you edited your post?
People (or more likely automated templates) make mistakes, just like you do.
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u/ninemyouji Jun 14 '26
There’s a difference between using an older, gendered term for flight attendant (stewardess vs flight attendant) and literally referring to a husband as Dr. and wife as Ms.
In no way shape or form has a ‘Ms.’ ever meant Dr.
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u/RedVamp2020 Jun 14 '26
This is it. Dr. is gender neutral and is an achievement of years of hard work. Stewardess, despite being an older gendered term, is the same level of achievement as flight attendant. If the attendant was a woman, as is quite common, stewardess is not really offensive or belittling. Not being recognized for years of hard work by being called Ms. is.
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u/zannet_t Jun 14 '26
"automated templates"
So are you suggesting AA just always defaults women to Ms. or did you just not read the post where they both identified themselves as doctors
Also, this is r/mildlyinfuriating...posting here inherently suggests OP doesn't view it as a big deal
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u/Iggyhopper Jun 14 '26
I expect more from a multi billion dollar company writing an email than a person writing a post on the internet.
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u/One_Lung_G Jun 14 '26
How is that the same? One is an outdated term and the other is them literally leaving out her credentials?
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u/Anderrn Jun 14 '26
That’s not really the gotcha you think it is. Stewardess is still applicable to the job that a flight attendant has so long as they are indeed a stewardess and not a steward. However, Ms. is not a replacement for Dr. (at least in the US).
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u/jennyfromthedocks Jun 14 '26
What’s wrong with stewardess
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u/Sebaceansinspace Jun 14 '26
Its an older term for flight attendant and so theyre acting like its a gotcha and totally the same thing as not calling a doctor a doctor because shes a woman.
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u/marmalade_ Jun 14 '26
Just the same complaints people make about waiter/waitress and “server”. Yes it’s more inclusive to use the non-gendered term but it’s also not offensive to call a female serve a waitress. In this case the OP knew the flight attendant was female and used stewardess by instinct. Really not the end of the world and not at all comparable to stripping a woman of her earned title as Dr
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u/Decent-Proposal-8475 Jun 14 '26
You people are always so annoying lol. Unless OP was calling the men attendants and the women stewardesses you have no argument
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u/leeloolanding Jun 14 '26
That would only make sense if they “accidentally” didn’t call the man Doctor, as well.
This comparison makes no sense, but nice attempt to gotcha a woman for daring to expect respect as a professional, you must have lots of free time.
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u/Normal_Stable_3103 Jun 14 '26
Thank you for your hard work, Doctor. You are a world changer. Women deserve more respect!
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u/avd706 Jun 14 '26
Airlines usually are sticklers for titles. I guess they unsuccessfully tried to distinguish between the two of you?
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u/Icy-Committee-9345 Jun 14 '26
It's her boyfriend so I would assume they don't have the same last name
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u/Captain_Hair_ Jun 14 '26
This is something TV Larry would bring up on Curb Your Enthusiasm. They’re sticking it to you! Sticking it!
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u/lmea14 Jun 14 '26
That's what I thought too, I've had bigger bonuses from signing up for credit cards!
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u/TheWorldDiscarded Jun 14 '26
I was the reverse - people refused to believe I was their nurse , as a man.
Whatever you say doc!
One old man insisted I must be a horse Vet. Sir where exactly do you think you are?!?
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u/Illustrious_Bunch678 Jun 14 '26
Did he think he was a cow?
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u/TheWorldDiscarded Jun 14 '26
His skin did have a striking resemblance to leather. Maybe he just did the math :p
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u/MInclined Jun 14 '26
I’m sure you’re not a horse, and also convinced you haven’t fought in any wars.
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u/invisible_handjob Jun 14 '26
To be fair a farmer is more likely to go to a vet for medical treatment than a doctor. Farmers only go to doctors when they're already basically dead
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u/TheWorldDiscarded Jun 14 '26
My partner was quite tall and wirey. Old fella may have mistaken him for a corn stalk.
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u/outdoorlaura Jun 14 '26
One old man insisted I must be a horse Vet. Sir where exactly do you think you are?!?
"A&O x 1. Pt reports feeling a bit horse and believes they are at a veterinary clinic"
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u/TheWorldDiscarded Jun 14 '26
Hahaha that one got me to LOL IRL while watching my stories.
Good on ya!
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u/JeffSergeant Jun 14 '26
To paraphrase Terry Pratchett, you want a horse vet to help you, not a doctor. When a doctor loses a patient "It was their time to go", but if a world-class racehorse dies, someone's going to be held accountable.
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u/ThisIsNotMyPornVideo Jun 14 '26
Was he..
Was he by chance...
horsing around....
I'll see myself out
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u/captfattymcfatfat Jun 14 '26
Small anecdote to maybe give you a smile.
My 3 year old daughter met one of our friends who was introduced as doctor and she immediately responded with ‘he’s not a doctor. Doctors are GIRLS’ in the most confident voice possible.
And we had to explain, that no, boys can be doctors too if they study hard and work hard, just like girls.
She had only ever been to female pediatricians and her aunt is a doctor and female neighbor is a doctor.
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Jun 14 '26
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u/BurritoWithFries Jun 14 '26
I had a professor in college who referred to God as a woman (this was an engineering course, I think it was usually in the context of "by an act of God, if she changed this thing" etc) and when a guy tried to argue against it the professor kicked him out of office hours ("why couldn't God be a woman, none of us have seen her")
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u/Donutzgalore Jun 14 '26
Thank you for this. Some of these comments are so rude. It’s clearly about the sexism involved, but people like to trivialize it.
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u/Ignorhymus Jun 14 '26
My cousin was on a flight soon after graduating medical school when the call came through for medical help. After not seeing anyone come forward, she volunteered. The patient was having some sort of cardiovascular event, and given its severity, she determined that the plane should divert and head to the Azores or canaries or somewhere.
She didn't get any thanks. In fact, all the crew were pissed at her for messing with their schedule. And to make it worse, once the plane had landed, a cardiologist and cardiac nurse emerged from elsewhere in the plane.
The poor thing got put in a massive high pressure situation where she was a freshly minted psychiatrist being asked to provide emergency cardiac care, to balance probabilities regarding the survival chances of one person versus disrupting the journeys of hundreds, and all she got was her professionalism being questioned by the entire crew, and some patronising and tardy 'advice' from the 'experts' who had kept their heads bowed when the call for help rang out.
She said never again
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u/imaginary-dirt2000 Jun 14 '26
I have a slightly long anecdote that I think OP will really appreciate:
About 10 years ago, some friends of mine were being interviewed by the newspaper, and the newspaper referred to the man as Doctor and the woman as Mrs (he has an MD and she has a PhD). Noticing this implicit sexist and capitalist inequality, I emailed the author to inform her that the wife in the situation was indeed also a doctor, so why was she only referred to as Mrs. whereas her husband got the title?
The newspaper reporter responded to me that they only call medical doctors “doctors” and everyone else is just a regular person.
Fast forward five years and Trump is demeaning Jill biden saying that her doctoral degree was not real and that she does not deserve the title of Doctor.
Being a Sicilian, and not being able to ever forget an instance in which someone was wrong, I forwarded the author of the original news paper article about my friends, and said “ hey look, you and Trump have the same opinions about what knowledge is valuable. Are you sure this is the team you want to be on???”
Needless to say, she did not respond. But score one for the good guys, right? Haha
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u/Thalaas Jun 14 '26
Honestly, I'm MORE amazed you got anything as a reward! My brother, a cardiology nurse, helped a man having heart troubles on a flight, and he got nothing. Course, yours sounded much more serious.
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u/theatregay Jun 14 '26
This happened with my mom as well! She’s a MD and responded to a medical emergency on a transatlantic flight to London. She was told she’d get some sort of compensation but it never came. She’s not bothered by it too much though. For her it was a cool experience to get to be the doctor on the plane, and the person in trouble wasn’t in critical condition so it wasn’t terribly stressful or scary.
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u/outdoorlaura Jun 14 '26
I thought receiving reward points was the norm, but maybe it depends on the airline? I've responded to 3 medical emergencies and was given points as a thank you every time.
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u/BernieTheDachshund Jun 14 '26
But y'all saved someone's life, so thank you for that.
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u/Anakin-vs-Sand Jun 14 '26
The comment section is filled with folks that would intentionally call you ms
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u/Dolly_Putin Jun 14 '26
Seems like the commenters are missing the point. Nothing about your post indicated to me that you “demand to be called a doctor.” You are a doctor, and there’s no reason this shouldn’t be acknowledged the same way it was for your boyfriend, especially when it’s directly relevant to the context.
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u/cy_Kel Jun 14 '26
That’s so lame! Do better AA. I love being a male nurse with mostly female doctors at my hospital, when I round with the doctors I LOVE when pt call me doctor and the female physician nurse and then I get to correct them with a little giddy in my voice that I’m the nurse and SHE is the doctor!
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Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
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Jun 14 '26
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u/Geographizer Jun 14 '26
My cousin has a doctorate in Nursing. Doctors hate to call her "doctor," and she finds it hilarious that they're so fragile.
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u/Mindless_Browsing15 Jun 14 '26
My friend is an emergency room physician, and she deliberately wears business casual clothing under her white coat instead of scrubs. One day she followed her resident into an examining room and the resident identified himself as Dr. so-and-so and the patient looked over at my well dressed friend in her white Dr jacket and said oh you must be Mrs. so-and-so.
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u/Ordinary_Story_1487 Jun 14 '26
I read some wild research recently. Female physicians have statistically better health outcomes for patients than male physicians, but are paid less on average. Core reason women have better outcomes is spending more time with their patients.
My wife and I switched to a female GP years ago due the extra time they spend with us and greater focus on lifestyle and preventative Healthcare.
Big shout out and thank you to all the women Dr.'s. Thank you!!
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u/One_more_username Jun 14 '26
The stewardess took both of our information including titles and medical specialties. Of course my boyfriend gets greeted as Dr and the I get called Ms which happens all the time in the hospital due to bias of women in medicine.
I would absolutely raise a stink about it. What the fuck?
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u/mister_empty_pants Jun 14 '26
That's because she's less concerned about being gendered than she is about NOT being recognized for being a doctor. These people hate that shit, even in non-professional settings many want you to call them doctor.
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u/KitsBeach Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
No. She said why its annoying. She did most of the work in aiding the patient on board, yet it was assumed her boyfriend was the doctor. If he had been called Mr too it would not have been nearly as infuriating.
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u/gailthesnail2 Jun 14 '26
As a female physician married to a male physician: I feel angry about some level of this every single day
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u/BobbalooBoogieKnight Jun 14 '26
That’s “Doctor Evil”. I didn’t spend ten years in evil medical school to be called mister.
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u/meh817 Jun 14 '26
I asked my male attending if he has ever been called nurse and he said maybe once. For me it’s easily once a shift.
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u/tvjunkie710 GREEN Jun 14 '26
As a flight attendant you have no idea how much we appreciate having doctors like you on board to help
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u/IPA-Lagomorph Jun 14 '26
Honestly, this is why when I send mail (like a holiday card) to my friend who is a physician, I address it "Dr. [firstname lastname]". I know she must sometimes get called "Ms" or "Mrs".
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u/thatcheekychick Jun 14 '26
I’m a university professor and once I served on a panel with two other women and three men. All the men were always referred to as Dr. All the women were addressed by our FIRST NAMES. Without fail, the entire two hours.
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u/smolstuffs ORANGE Jun 14 '26
No no no, only *he's* a Dr. You're a Ms. who also happens to practice medicine. *Insert world's largest eye roll*
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u/Big-Imagination9775 Jun 14 '26
That’s totally infuriating, not mildly infuriating. It would’ve been fine if they said Mr. and Mrs., but Dr. and Mrs. is not acceptable.
Thank you for helping save that passenger! 🫶🏻
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u/APartyInMyPants Jun 14 '26
I have a random question. When you filled out our flight info, you can generally list your titles along with your name (Mr., Mrs., Ms. Dr., Jr. etc. etc etc.)
Is it entirely possible they were simply going off of the information presented with your booking information? And perhaps your data booking the flight was listed as “Ms. Chronically Belle?”
Whereas your boyfriend had his itinerary as “Dr. ChronicallyGaston?”
I totally get the discrepancy in the info. But the letter is clearly a cut and lasted form letter. Just wondering if even though they have tour info, they just go by your booking profile.
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u/FiberApproach2783 Jun 14 '26
They do in fact go off the title you chose lol. Especially if you have a rewards account with them.
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u/ImNotTheMD Jun 14 '26
What do you have down as your title on your frequent flyer account? I have mine designated as doctor. Maybe you still have it set as Ms?
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u/Psychological-Bed751 Jun 14 '26
Please please please speak up. This is exhausting.
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u/reginald-poofter Jun 14 '26
Thats so frustrating. This is why I go out of my way to call all my female partners Dr. in front of staff and obviously patients even though I myself go by my first name and typically call my male partners by their first name.
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u/burlingk Jun 14 '26
At first I was like "Wow, cool..." Then I saw the second one, and I noticed the problem IMMEDIATELY.
I read the pictures first, so I was not surprised by the contents of body of the post. Like.. WOW.
If it had been Ms. and Mr. Or Mrs. and Mr. It would not have been so bad.
But Ms. and Dr. makes it CLEAR that they should have known better.
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u/FangornLeghorn Jun 14 '26
Thank you for saving a life and sending that person home to their loved ones, Dr ChronicallyBelle. ❤️
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u/baciahai Jun 14 '26
Very strange. Have you used these titles to check in maybe? (Dr/Ms)
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u/revets Jun 14 '26
Some flight attendant wrote up a report following the incident. After what I imagine was a stressful flight, and perhaps multiple flights prior. And didn’t note you were a doctor on it. Because your title probably wasn’t what they were focused on.
Then AA corporate attempted to send a nice thank you based in the report and you got upset. For the most trivial of shit. Jesus Christ.
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u/Candyland_83 Jun 14 '26
Girl. (Sorry, Dr Girl)
I work for the fire department and I told off a chief officer once. He was introducing our new medical director to some other head honchos. He used all their ranks and last names and introduced the medical director BY HER FIRST NAME!
Without even thinking I said “You mean Dr Medical Director”. I can’t remember exactly what he said after that but he seemed not to have even noticed that he introduced her differently. I was livid on her behalf.
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u/Superliminal_MyAss Jun 14 '26
As someone who writes emails daily on behalf of a company this pisses me off
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u/Comprehensive-Pea422 BLUE Jun 14 '26
That is so weird, especially if you both gave them your titles
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u/Dookie_Shrapnel Jun 14 '26
Im a paramedic that responded to an in-flight emergency on United and I got nothing so... 🙃
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u/TripResponsibly1 Jun 14 '26
I'm a med student and clocked the Ms. immediately. Infuriatingly they didn't also refer to husband as Mr. to boot. Feels almost intentional
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u/GSDNinjadog Jun 14 '26
One time I got 10,000 for a missed connection.
So just about half as important as saving a life
/s
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u/ferminriii Jun 14 '26
Only 25,000 points?
I once complained that my seat was broken and I took some pictures of the metal that left a little scratch on my leg.
They gave me 25,000 points for that.
Anyway, thank you for your service doctor.
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u/Redliter_L7 Jun 14 '26
Maybe he was called doctor because your he was wearing his white lab coat on vacation.
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u/IMGYN Jun 14 '26
Generic ass email that hasn't been changed in years. This was mine for telling a girl she was just dehydrated from 2023
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u/marymoonu Jun 14 '26
Okay, at first glance, I thought this was about the miles rewarded, and I thought it was a pretty nice amount, so I was annoyed that you were mildly infuriated. But then... I saw the second photo and realized that he was Dr and she was Ms. They're both doctors! How sexist and gross?!?!
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u/Busy-Butterfly8187 Jun 14 '26
This reminds me of the recent article that referred to Simone Biles as "NFL wife." Sure, her husband is a NFL player, but I really don't think that's the first thing that comes to mind when someone hears the name Simone Biles. Of all the descriptions that could be used for her, being someone's wife should not be high on the list.
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u/Genn8130 Jun 14 '26
Oh, I'm furious for you. I'm noticing this gradually changing, but it still happens way too often. Like with that doctor who had Ebola, Dr. Peter Stafford. For the first few days they'd mention that 'his wife, Rebekah' was also exposed (sometimes adding 'who is also a doctor in the region' so it's not like they didn't know), but not 'his wife, Dr. Rebekah Stafford.' Finally after the first few days of reporting they started using her title. Maybe there were complaints. I hope so.
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u/FunHonest7461 Jun 14 '26
I notice this in grand rounds. The chairman will recognize some physicians. Dr last name for the males and first name for the females.
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u/Sea-Breath-007 Jun 14 '26
Female doctor as well and slightly below the average height for the country I went to uni in and I have always looked young for my age.....you do not want to know how many times I was called a nurse, even after I had introduced myself as a medical intern or even a doctor, how many times people called the junior, but male intern a doctor and only talked to them, while I was their senior in every way and almost an actual doctor, etc etc.
Even correcting them never helped.
It's freaking insane.
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u/CptJak Jun 14 '26
Crazy how people are thinking this is inappropriate for “mildly infuriating” - this is surely the most fitting place for this kind of implicit bias irritation?
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u/ladeedah1988 Jun 14 '26
Gyno office paperwork had a place for Dr. as the husband, but not the woman patient. I did not go back.
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u/Nigel_featherbottom Jun 14 '26
When I was 12 years old and signed up for United's ff program, I was asked to chose a title and chose Dr.
They still refer to me as Dr. When they send me junk mail.