I am a new retail store manager of a beauty supply store who was honestly not nearly ready for the promotion I received, but here I am (trying my best). I have a brand new full time team and as we all settle into our roles, a few red flags have come up that I am struggling to handle. The most concerning one is one of my assistant store manager’s temper and inability to de-escalate. Whenever we have any kind of customer issue, it nearly always turns into a screaming match and he is convinced it was the customers fault and that they’re crazy. However, almost always it was his becoming defensive and clearly angry almost immediately.

Example: A customer comes in wanting to make a return and they don’t have the receipt. Our company requires a receipt to do any kind of return or exchange, but we are expected to use all of the tools at our disposal (of which there are many) to find the receipt before denying the return. He almost always denies the return before even trying to look. If a customer asks him to use any of the tools we have to look up receipts he will say that we only use them for extenuating circumstances, which is completely untrue.

We have spoken about my expectations for escalated customer issues and customer service in general. Both my and my managers’ expectation is that we are doing as much as we can to make the customer happy (within company policy of course,) but I am still hearing him turn away returns and raising her voice when he is slightly inconvenienced.

In the short time he has been in role, he has gotten 3 complaints against him. Clearly another conversation needs to be had and I know I will need to be extremely direct to get the point across, but I really do not see this going well. He is much older than me and has been working retail for much longer than I have which is both confusing and anxiety producing for me. I’d love some direction on the best way to approach this conversation so that it is productive and does not involve yelling lol. TIA!

I work at a medium size company with several layers of heirarchy: my director (Larry), his boss (who I’ll call Harry), and the boss’s boss (Barry).

My team has suffered some turnover, with threats of other employees leaving, over the past 2-3 years. Management has been slowly adding to our workload/responsibilities without any pay increases and only given rumors of adding additional members to our team, but no actual follow through (eg no job is posted and they’ve been talking about hiring additional people for 2 years now).

Barry (the top person) is new to his role in the last 12 months and met directly with a colleague of mine who had received a job offer from another company that would be a pay raise and better hours. My colleague asked for a counter offer, to which Barry complied, but this caused Barry to look at our employment contracts and essentially said everything is so poorly worded/not delineated, that he sees several problems:

1. We are going to keep suffering from scope creep as our company gets busier
2. Without an actual definition of our responsibilities and hours, it will be hard for our department to make arguments for more employees

Consequently, Barry emailed all of us, including Larry and Harry with 2 requests:

1. Can we come up with a formal definition of 1 employee’s responsibilities and hours and send it to him as a starting point for renegotiating our contracts (his email states his impression is we are understaffed as evidenced by turnover and records of exit interviews claiming this as the sole reason for leaving, and he wants to be able to prevent turnover by more accurately staffing the department)
2. Can we come up with a plan for the specific tasks we will pass off to the additional employees we requested hiring.

It has now been 6 months and there has been no movement from Larry or Harry. Two of my colleagues and I offered to write up both of those for Larry, and he took us up on the offer, but then has not submitted it. When directly confronted, he will say he is taking a look still. He finally blamed it on Harry saying he hadn’t finished reviewing it. I directly asked Harry who then told me he hadn’t seen the documents as Larry hadn’t sent them.

The secretary of Barry has mutual friends with us and apparently Barry is very irritated with Larry and Harry because he keeps pestering them for this information he requested 6 months ago.

I am at a loss. I am concerned this is reflecting badly on our department, and that Larry and Harry have some motivation I’m not seeing. I also don’t understand why Larry and Harry seem to have mutually exclusive stories, implying someone is lying or not paying attention. I have emailed both managers the documents along with 2 of my coworkers ccd who worked on them with me several times now, as well as expressed my concern in writing that we could miss our window to advocate for ourselves.

Does anyone have any insight as to why the two managers above me seem to be hamstringing the effort? Any advice how to manage up?

TLDR: the head guy wants a list of our responsibilities to justify hiring more people. The two managers between me and him seem to be unresponsive and giving conflicting accounts as to why our proposal hasn’t been passed along.

I want to start by saying I’ve been a manager at this company for a few years, and have management experience before that. I think every member on my team is super. My team are strong and I’m not currently concerned about anyone’s actual ability to do the job. My boss is a nice person, I don’t hold any issue with them as a person. Our work styles help each other get better, but I do find myself picking up after them sometimes.

We’re going through a temporary phase of absence of ownership right now, and it has amplified a lot of the roadblocks I deal with as a manager as I have been left with little agency to fix certain problems (no communication on new hires, no credit card info for emergency purchases, no plan or guide as to what they’re taking with them and what I’m taking on, I’m getting random calls from people I’m supposed to be meeting with but it was never put in my calendar) - I’ve basically been left as if ownership has been kidnapped without a trace in some ways.

We usually manage and focus on one team each (with a small bit of crossover) but their team - while capable and strong at what they do - do not get the leadership or organisation they need. My boss is not strong in leadership, organisation or communication (and they would acknowledge this himself) but they give me freedom to change things to make sense for the workplace environment. Because of this, my team doesn’t often see or deal with the mishaps from the other team. They usually get a lot more communication and support (from me or each other)

The thing is I warned my boss about this absence being a potential problem, and no matter how much time they had to prepare for this (with my help too - we had months), my boss still did not prepare. And it left me with more work and more responsibilities then I’m equipped to deal with on my own. It’s not that I can’t do it - but I’m not being given access to aspects of the business that would make management doable. It’s a mess. I do most of the main running of the company, so for the most part we’re hanging on. My team is fine - it’s their team that I’ve been left to organise the chaos for.

I consider myself a fairly reasonable manager, but it is getting to the point where it’s hard to maintain standards when I’ve been given no roadmap and expected to be the communication point for everyone. If anything, it seems like their team is hoping that me temporarily taking over, I can ‘clean up’ some of the mess the boss has left. And frankly, I’m not being paid enough.

Here’s where the issue really lies for me: my main team is seeing how busy I am and starting to work a bit more solo. It’s good to take initiative - but the problem isn’t that they’re taking initiative, they’re just not doing some things to the standard I hold them to on a usual basis and doing their own thing. It partly feels like I’m being ignored, but we have a good work relationship so I would hope it’s not that. I have had to repeat myself more than usual the past few weeks, and while nobody is being directly disrespectful-I can feel (and understand) them distancing themselves over “the small things”.

I’m definitely a small overwhelmed and I don’t usually show it, but when I’m not being listened to, I’m not sure how what more I can do without coming off like a micromanager or bad leader. Maybe I’m holding myself and others to too high a standard. But sometimes it’s feeling like I’m the only person who is keeping a ship afloat and I’m unsure how to get people back on track.

I’m curious how other managers handle this.

I have an employee who has had repeated performance issues despite coaching and feedback. At this point, based on their track record, I honestly don’t think they’re going to meet expectations. Company policy requires a Performance Improvement Plan before termination in most situations.

Part of me feels conflicted because it almost feels like I’m setting them up to fail if I already believe the outcome is likely termination. On the other hand, the PIP gives them a final opportunity to improve and creates a clear, documented path forward.

Manager’s perspectives

Hi everyone. Just wanted to get your perspective on what my manager did to me.

Basically, I’ve been working for this company for 9 years, 4 in my position. All successful year end reviews, 100% QAs, no complaints from both customers or managers, etc.

Last year, my manager decided to train the team to work on 3 systems independently. We usually work one system at a time, we are assigned to one system. I was trained last, if they even call it training, starting April. By June, I was working on the 2 new systems by myself.

Beginning of this year, I asked a co-worker to help me correct an error from one these systems. She said I was making LOTS of errors. She wasn’t my manager, she wasn’t my supervisor, just a co-worker. For reasons I would never understand, she told my manager about these errors. February, I was told I was going to re-trained for a month. They basically just went through my stuff, pointed out errors, and fixed it. March I was told, I will be put on PIP cause I didn’t learn from the training. I didn’t even got a chance to show I improved. I was put on PIP in March. Manager said she will support and meet me every 2 weeks if I need anything. She also said to always ask for help if I make an error. This was used against me. Everytime I ask for help, instead of support, it was made as “you keep making errors”. These errors are from the 2 new systems I learned recently.

Both April, she met with me and said I was doing great but wants to extend it. Okay, extends it. Then May came and no errors again, but wants to extend it again. Okay, extends it again. June came and no discussion of errors during meeting but rather I went on a PTO. A PTO that I requested 2 weeks before and she approved. Apparently, to her since I’m on PIP I should’ve never took that PTO cause it looked like I was running away from work. It was a month end PTO. Mind you after 4 years, this was never a problem and this wasn’t the first time I took a PTO on a month end. I told her I mean I had to take my son to a doctor and she said well you should’ve told me. But why though?? Anyways, she extends PIP again due to this. Between June and July, I made a couple errors, that I’ve done before and was never, ever a problem and again was brought up to me. Apparently, I wasn’t improving??

July, did not hear from her or anyone cause I made sure I will not make any error to shut her up. I really wanted to pass the PIP. On my 1:1, thinking she would just discuss my progress, but actually terminated me. Saying I still keep making errors, not improving. She said I’m getting terminated for performance. Before this email, I just received another email from QA for my 100% quarter, I had a streak starting 2024.

I cannot help but feel like she set me up for failure. Some of the errors she pointed out were the way I was trained and then backtracks and says no, we don’t it that way. I’ve been doing the same process since 2022, it was only now that it was a problem.

Now I’m terminated, after working for this company for 9 years, with great connections to different departments. I’m upset and can’t help but feel like she really wanted me out… for reasons I do not know.

I've been in my field for 15+ years and at my company for 5+ years (high IC, within different departments). During that time I've worked hard and built a strong reputation, and have historically been trusted to lead high-visibility work and cross functional programs and loop leadership in as needed.

A few months ago my director (who was absolutely amazing) got promoted, and I got a new director ("C") who got promoted into the role from another part of the organization. I genuinely like C as a person, but he's only managed one person before and has a much more hands on style, to put it nicely.

One thing that stood out to me early is that the other person he manages has worked for him for years, and seems to be content in the background doing execution while C remains the strategic lead and face of the work both internally and externally. If that dynamic works for them, great. It just made me wonder if that's naturally how he manages.

Since taking over my team, instead of actually helping our team and removing roadblocks and letting us do the work, it feels like C wants a hand in almost everything. He wants to know every little detail, join meetings I've historically owned, present work I would normally present, and insert himself into projects that were already moving. It feels like every high-visibility project/initiative now needs his involvement.

For example, I recently had to present a business update to our VPs for work I own. C and I had several working sessions beforehand where we discussed the strategy and deck ahead of time and worked through the content. Then after our final meeting a day before the meeting, he substantially reworked the presentation himself without ever making that feedback live.

I honestly don't care that he has a different opinion or wants to try to do things differently - what bothered me was that he didn't really provide that feedback in any of the working sessions we had, and I didn't get a chance to work through it myself. Instead of saying, "Here's what I think is missing, take another pass," he just completely overhauled himself.

Another example: we have an upcoming in person client meeting that our team is flying out where I've historically led from my department's perspective. It's not some executive leadership meeting where it would make sense for a leader to attend, just a normal working session in person. During one of our 1:1s, he casually mentioned flying in and attending (as if it was a given) so he could present our team's strategy himself.

I want to be clear - I don't think i'm too good or above being managed. I just know myself and I learn by doing, getting honest feedback, and being hands on. If someone else is doing the strategic thinking for me or taking those opportunities, I don't really grow. I also want to take work off of C's plate so that C and level up too, and I feel like with him being so involved in my projects that's not happening.

My concerns are really twofold:

• I'm worried I'll stop getting the opportunities that helped me develop and build my reputation in the first place.
• It feels like more and more of the high-visibility work is being pushed to become manager-led.

Part of me thinks this is just a different management style and I need to adapt. Another part of me can't shake the feeling that he's trying to establish himself and prove value by being involved in every high-visibility initiative, whether his involvement is actually valuable or not.

I want advice since I know I'm probably not looking at this objectively. Is this just a "pick your battles" situation? If you were my manager, how would you want an employee to approach this conversation without sounding territorial or resistant to change?

Cross posting since this may be a more relevant sub:

So at work I’ve taken on more of a leadership role. Not necessarily in the org chart, but my duties mean I need to train and manage (to an extent) the people in my department. The team is aware of this as I’ve been working in this way for pretty much this whole year. Basically I’m in charge of them but not their boss per se.

My issue is that I will have conversations with coworkers that are more personal, but can affect work. Like one coworker talks about how stressed they are or how exchange rates are affecting their pay, etc.

These are things I really do need to bring up to management since I work directly with the Execs and it heavily affects my department.

However, I don’t want to betray coworkers’ trust in me. How do you handle this?

So far it has been trying to be vague to the executives and not give more details than necessary.

Nobody to blame but myself. I hired this guy because he came across as incredibly proactive in the interview. He went to great schools, and I even convinced my boss that while he wasn’t the strongest candidate, he was good enough. I genuinely thought I could get good work out of him. I also thought I had a decent read on people.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I regret this hiring decision so much and honestly can’t wait until his internship is over. It feels like it’s damaged my team’s trust in my judgment. I know there are bound to be growing pains as a first-time manager, but this one stings very much. And in this job market, it’s especially frustrating to think we could have given the opportunity to someone who was genuinely qualified and eager to contribute.

Hello all,

There are actually many layers to this issue, but as the title says, I’m struggling with how to address performance issues that I don’t have concrete evidence of.

I work in manufacturing and I am in a classic situation where a bunch of leadership roles (department head and multiple floor supervisors) were consolidated into my one position. This leaves me in a frustrating spot where I am booked nearly wall to wall with important strategic meetings that I can’t blow off, so I am not able to be present on the floor nearly as much as I (and the team) want. I am also not able to delegate any of these meetings as the only relevant SMEs need to be on the floor due to inadequate staffing (despite my best efforts to rectify).

I’m working on those issues, but currently I’m dealing with a temp worker who is “seemingly”underperforming. They are not doing anything that would affect the final product (at least not yet) but what is being reported is that they are exceedingly slow and are making mistakes that vastly delay the team (but also not to the point that they have unplanned overtime). I’m getting this info second-hand from a frustrated high performer but I don’t have the bandwidth to be on the floor all day to observe so I haven’t seen these things for myself and I’d realistically have to spend the whole day observing to catch these (if at all as she puts on her best behavior when I’m around). I can’t just fire them as I need the body, plus I wouldn’t get an extension of the contract from my higher ups so anyone else brought in would only be for a short amount of time. And training another new person would be an additional drain I don’t want to needlessly subject my people to, especially if it’s only for a short time.

I’m inclined to just ride it out and wash my hands of them at the end of the contract, but I also feel like something needs to happen now to placate my permanent high performer.

Any suggestions?

Edit: Of course this is the post where I’ve made a typo in the title. Lol.

This is someone who was hired before I came on as a manager and worked here for a few years. English is not their first language and the way they write comes off very strangely - it’s hard to describe because it’s not always grammatically incorrect (although maybe 10% of the time the grammar is off) but the closest thing I can compare it to is that it feels like you’re reading a spam email. Their language swings between an almost poetic cadence or very high level and academic like a textbook or thesis paper. It can also take several reads of what they send to fully grasp the meaning because of the writing style.

Considering they’re in an external facing role and the average American needs everything written in a short, standard English, this is an issue that has previously caused friction with customers. It’s also caused issues with other coworkers fully being able to grasp what they’re trying to say.

I want to be culturally sensitive in how I explain it to them that they need to change their writing style. While I’ve searched for professional development resources to help with this, like a “writing for business” kind of course, I haven’t really found anything we can use within our professional development budget. I’ve suggested over and over again that they use AI, which they do sometimes but I think they’re prompting it more to check grammar than anything else.

Thoughts on how you’d approach this?

We are a team of experts who work in different countries. We are hiring and ramping up to handle additional business. What would you say is an excellent onboarding experience? We have the team meet and greet along with the basic business items. What else is good? Big thanks.

There's a dynamic I keep running into and I'm curious how managers actually handle it in practice.

Two people, same team, same level, same pay roughly. One is constantly picking up slack, not complaining, just doing it because they care. The other is coasting and everyone knows it, including the strong performer. At some point the strong one starts making small comments, or pulls back slightly. Not dramatically, just enough that you can feel the shift.

The dangerous part is they still look fine on paper, so it's easy to rationalize doing nothing for another quarter. But that window closes faster than most managers expect, and by the time it becomes obvious, the person has already mentally checked out.

What makes it harder is that addressing the underperformer usually means shortterm chaos: documentation, difficult conversations, possible escalation. So there's a real incentive to just hope the high performer stays patient a little longer.

Curious how people here have actually handled this. Did you prioritize the performance issue early enough to matter, or did you wait too long and watch the stronger person disengage anyway? And is there anything you said directly to the high performer that actually helped, or does acknowledgment mostly just buy you a little time?

I’m a relatively new manager and I’d really appreciate input from people with more management experience because I’m trying to learn from this situation.
For context, I manage employees at a consulting firm that primarily does industrial hygiene work.
One employee started in January. She received onsite training, multiple one-on-one training calls, and I created several cheat sheets and reference guides specifically for her. Initially we had a great working relationship. She even told me she enjoyed working for a younger manager (I’m 28, she’s 34) because I was direct and straightforward.
After I returned from maternity leave, something seemed to change.
I gave her a fairly straightforward assignment (think copying data from a report into Excel). She made several significant mistakes, enough that I couldn’t rely on the final product and had to redo it myself. I sent her an email explaining that the work wasn’t acceptable, that I had to redo it because of the errors, and that I needed her to pay closer attention to detail in the future. I was firm but professional and focused only on the work.
The next day she told me she was upset by my email. She said it made her feel like I thought she didn’t pay attention, that she wasn’t stupid, and that the mistakes were because she hadn’t been trained well enough. I explained that my feedback was about that specific assignment, not about her as a person, and that my goal was to help her improve—not criticize her personally.
From that point on, things felt tense. I continued treating her professionally and actually became more careful about how I worded feedback because I didn’t want her to feel attacked.
A couple of weeks ago she was assigned to a two-week project. After the first day onsite, she called my boss crying uncontrollably, saying she wasn’t trained, felt stupid, and wasn’t going to continue. Both my boss and I tried to problem-solve with her and find ways to make the assignment work, but she booked a flight home instead.
At that point, rather than terminate her employment immediately, we placed her on a Performance Improvement Plan. The main issues identified were:
Difficulty working independently and making decisions based on her training.
Difficulty adapting to changing project circumstances.
Professional conduct.
I reviewed the PIP with her on Monday.
On Tuesday, she asked me when she should schedule a project. Since we’d just discussed that one of the goals was for her to make routine decisions independently, I told her the dates she proposed didn’t conflict with company needs, but that she needed to make that decision herself.
Three hours later she resigned. She told my boss that I was the reason she was leaving and that she didn’t want to speak with me during the offboarding process.
I’m genuinely asking because I want to become a better manager: Is there something I could have handled differently?
I’m not looking for validation. If I missed opportunities to coach differently, communicate more effectively, or de-escalate the situation, I’d honestly like to know. At the same time, I’m also wondering if there are situations where a manager simply can’t coach someone through issues involving confidence, resilience, or accountability.
I’d appreciate perspectives from managers who have dealt with similar situations.

I have an employee that is actually pretty dang good. She gets her job done and does it well. There’s just ONE problem with her and it’s seriously becoming an issue. She goes into the one, single stall bathroom we have in our office for employees only and camps in there for honestly 30-40 minutes at least once a day, most days it’s twice a day. I know she claims to have issues, and that’s ok, especially since she does do her work. I’m fine with her taking care of what she needs to do.
That being said, I sincerely doubt that’s actually what’s going on - I strongly think she’s playing on her phone. My main issue is that she’s taking up the only bathroom we have for employees. There is a bathroom just around the corner from our office that is public - she could use that one but chooses not to. I have asked her to use that one if she’s going to be a while because this one is for our staff to not have to go out there all the time and disrupt the office flow (we are a physician office, so we don’t really want patients running into the doctors out there and asking them questions, etc)
What would you guys do or say to her??? This is one of those sensitive type issues - don’t think I can write her up, and I honestly don’t want to! I need ideas!!

I was told off really badly by my manager on monday via email, and i don't know what i could've done better.

On sunday night at around 1am, i suddenly fell extremely ill. I don't know why, i was fine the whole day. I was struck down by a severe migraine, i vommitted several times, i was burning up and sweating so badly that my bedsheets were soaked, and i kept sneezing and having coughing fits.

I woke up the next morning at 7am. I was much better, but everytime i tried to stand up and get ready for work, i was overcome by nausea and repeatedly vommited again.

I decided to call in and cancel my shift

However, i got a scathing email from my manager around lunchtime about how i needed to hand in notice two days before i called off a shift.

How could i have predicted a sudden illness like the one i had? I couldn't help it!

Performance reviews are coming up. My initial objectives cover 28 KPIs over 8 categories, is this a reasonable amount?

This is new to me so looking for a realistic benchmark.

I've been thinking about how managers actually improve (i am a manager of 100 people).

Most of us get promoted, get maybe one training day per year, and then figure everything else out alone. Difficult conversations, underperformers, giving feedback, saying no to your own boss. There's rarely anyone to practice with or ask.

So I'm curious:

- When you face a hard management situation, who do you talk to first? Your own manager, a peer, HR, nobody?

- Have you ever used ChatGPT or similar to prep for a difficult conversation? Did it actually help?

- Would you use a dedicated AI coach you could talk to (voice, not just text) before and after tough moments? Or does that feel pointless compared to a real human coach?

I sometimes use Claude to get advice when I can't ask a human, or just to think out loud. It does help in the moment, though I'd rather talk than type. But it's not consistent, it doesn't remember my situation or my team, and it rarely pushes back on me.

Happy to hear your thoughts.

I lead the creative direction for a high-visibility project at work. My role is to define the creative approach, guide the external agency, align the outputs, and make sure everything is consistent. A colleague contributes a small executional part of the project (mainly preparing a few assets based on my direction), but he isn’t involved in the strategy, agency management, or decision-making.

Today, a senior stakeholder from another country visited our office. She came over specifically to talk to me about the project and thanked me for improving the quality of the work and for guiding the agency. While we were talking, my colleague suddenly jumped into the conversation and started speaking as if he were part of the broader project. At one point he was explaining why “we” do certain things, even though he later admitted he didn’t even know which agency we were discussing and said he was “just participating in the conversation.”

That really irritated me. I interrupted him and asked whether he knew which agency we were talking about. He admitted he didn’t, and the conversation moved on. I also clarified to the stakeholder that my role is the creative direction for the project, because I wanted to make sure my responsibilities were understood.

The stakeholder continued thanking me afterwards and even repeated her positive feedback to one of our senior leaders later, so objectively I don’t think the interaction changed her perception of who leads the work.

Still, I left feeling uncomfortable.
From my perspective, it feels like this colleague has a pattern of inserting himself into conversations around highly visible projects where his actual involvement is fairly limited.

Looking for books, advice, proverbs, resources, techniques, so on to level up my people skills.

Just had my mid year review. Currently in an analyst-executive pipeline role. Manger encouraged me to keep improving my people skills.

I'm pretty new to the workforce. My previous manager was an intense micromanager, he was strict, demanding, and honestly pretty harsh. He'd message at all hours, expected a lot, and wasn't exactly pleasant to work under. But he also gave me constant feedback, challenged my thinking, and taught me a ton about strategy, client management, and draftings.

I've since been reassigned to a new team leader, and it's been the complete opposite. She forgets deadlines, gives my work only a quick glance before approving it, and offers almost no mentorship. My partner at the firm is frustrated with how slow my team is, even though I've repeatedly reminded my team leader about deadlines and usually finish my work on time. Often, all that's left is for her to review and submit it.

I know I'll probably leave the firm next year, so part of me sees this as a chance to become more independent. But it's frustrating constantly having to chase my own manager for approvals while the client is complaining to my partner.

Has anyone dealt with a manager like this? How do you make the best of the situation without overstepping? How do i take advantage of this situation to develop myself?