Once your heart is truly hurt, you never become the same person again. You don't know how to fake your emotions, so even if you try to act normal, your behavior gives it away. You're no longer the person you used to be before you got hurt.

Now, everything feels forced. You force yourself to react. You force yourself to talk. Sometimes, you even feel like you're forcing yourself to keep living. It doesn't feel like living anymore,it feels like surviving.

Slowly, you start becoming the kind of person you never wanted to be. You talk less. You enjoy being alone. Your own company becomes enough. You stop trying to fit into everyone's expectations, and you stop pretending just to make others comfortable.

It's not that you hate people. You don't. You just don't enjoy being around them the way you once did.

The strange thing is, after being hurt, you start understanding people much faster. Sometimes, one conversation is enough. You can sense their intentions, notice the little things, and see who they really are beyond the image they present. So instead of giving endless chances, you quietly distance yourself because you've already realized they're not who they seemed to be.

Maybe this is what happens when an introvert gets hurt too deeply. They don't become louder. They simply become quieter, more observant, and much harder to reach.

Same as above

​

I'm a 24-year-old introvert, and something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how difficult it can be to find people you genuinely connect with.

I'm naturally quiet and tend to enjoy conversations that go beyond small talk. I love learning for its own sake and spend a lot of my free time reading or thinking about science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, writing, and art. I'm currently writing a book, and it's become one of the ways I process my thoughts.

A while ago I had an online friendship where conversations felt effortless. We could talk about almost anything for hours. It eventually faded because life pulled us in different directions, but it made me realize how uncommon those kinds of connections can feel.

Since then I've wondered whether this is something many introverts experience. Is it harder for us to find people we genuinely "click" with, or does it just take longer because we tend to be more selective about who we open up to?

Do you think shared interests matter most, or is it more about compatible personalities? Have you ever found someone you could talk to for hours without feeling drained? If so, how did you meet them?

I'd love to hear other people's experiences.

I’ve just moved into a place on my own (yay!) I’m absolutely loving it, the lack of drama, the cleanliness. I don’t have a pet either. I’m not sure if this will happen but at some point does it ever get too quiet for anyone, if so what do you end up doing?

I never step out of my home. I have garden, pets and order online for groceries. I watch TV and cook.

Apart from the usual activities people who cannot function alone outside what's your coping mechs?

I've been asked what do you do for fun and how is your dating life ?

My opening line was - me being an introvert I step less out and engage in my own hobbies and daily usual stuff.. I had been shamed for saying what's being an introvert and avoiding dating :'(

I responded that introverts may not take relationships/friendships easily and take a while to accept them in their circle since they feell emotions with all the layers of heart within and respond and react raw..

Now I'm thinking how do we sound intresting without much of over explaining..

Hello I'm a 22F introvert person , live with family and work full time job in retail for 4y now.

most of the day im around people and I have to smile, talk and do my job.

but after work I don't have any energy to talk or listen or stay with any human being!

and bc I don't want anyone in my family to feel like I don't care about them bc of my mood, I isolate my self to my room or the bathroom or fake a sleep.

tried to tell my family" I need my me time after work" they say "your all alone at work, your selfish, you don't care, you don't want to see us"

so I started forcing myself to stay with them but I'm distracted and not in the mood, not listening to them like they want.

they got mad"why the frown, if you don't want to sit with us don't no one forcing you, why don't you listen " and now they don't want to talk to me.

I get that they want me to engage with them, but I'm so exhausted after work and feel like crying everytime I force myself to stay and act happy and chatty at home too.

They know I need me time and they still interrupt me when I'm eating and ask me to do stuff when they know how much I hate it when anyone interrupt my eating time and get mad when I say "I'm eating, give me a minute, but I'm in bed trying to sleep..."

(there is no way I can move out of my house bc that's not how it works in my country)

I love my family but sometimes it's suffocating when they do that.

I have began volunteering with a charity that I absolutely love. I love chatting with the kids, and I know that they need the help so I feel very rewarded.

However, I’ve started to feel guilty whenever I can’t attend, and they’re asking for more and more of my time. Does anyone else get stuck in this guilt spiral? I know that the only reason why I don’t want to go more often is that it takes an enormous amount of energy and I don’t want to resent or dread participating. Does that make sense?

As an introvert, people often misunderstand me because I suddenly become quiet. For example, I can be talking a lot one moment, and then become completely silent the next. It's not because I'm angry or upset with anyone—I'm just tired or I've run out of social energy. My classmates and some of my friends often think I'm mad at them, but that's just who I am. Sometimes, my social battery simply drops to 0%, and I need to recharge in silence.

Who else?

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and lately I’ve been struggling with a fear that I’ll be single for the rest of my life.
This year I’ve been trying to take more initiative in my social life. I finished medical school and am currently studying for residency exams, so most of my time is spent at home studying. I have a small online business that I run from home, but I don’t have a traditional job right now because studying is my main priority.
I’ve always been pretty introverted. I have very few close friends, all women, plus a few acquaintances through my siblings and other friends, but I don’t have a large social circle. To meet more people, I started going to the gym and even joined a dance class with my friend. I’ve met some people through those activities, but most are younger than me, and I haven’t really connected with any men romantically.
What worries me is that I don’t feel like I belong to a big friend group or community. Most of my social interactions come from occasional invitations through family or friends, and those opportunities are pretty rare. I also find it difficult to make male friends, especially at this age when it seems like many people are already in serious relationships or have well-established social circles.
I know 26 isn’t objectively old, but sometimes I feel ancient compared to people in their early 20s. I want marriage and a family someday, and I’m scared that by the time I’m done with training, it will be too late or that I’ll have missed my chance.
I also struggle with comparing myself to people who seem to have large social circles, lots of friends, and no trouble meeting potential partners. It feels like everyone else knows something I don’t.
For those of you who have had this struggle, how did you build a social life, meet people, or stop worrying that you’d end up alone? I feel like I need to make myself look more interesting than I am or else I’ll be unlovable.

Told myself I needed space. That people were draining me. That I worked better alone.

And in a way — I did. I was more productive than ever. Reading more. Thinking more. Creating more.

But at 2 AM when the work was done and the room went quiet — there was nothing there. Just me and the same thoughts I'd been having for months, getting louder because there was no one to absorb them.

That's the part nobody talks about. The isolation doesn't hurt when it starts. It feels like relief. Like finally being understood by the only person who ever could — yourself.

It only hurts later. When you realize you've been so busy protecting your peace that you forgot what peace was supposed to be for.

Odysseus had seven years of that. Perfect safety. Perfect solitude. And every single morning he sat on the shore and wept. Not because he was broken. Because the mind that stops connecting eventually has nothing left to feed on except itself.

If any part of this sounds like something you've lived — this video might hit different.

https://youtu.be/NQNUNk9Rdk0?si=VjVHt36eQOySEKYn When did your isolation stop feeling like strength and start feeling like something else?

Hi, I’m a freshman and I’ll be attending freshman orientation soon. Let’s just say I’m an introvert but have an extroverted side that wants to socialize, i can connect with many interest actually. A few days ago, I met some of my classmates, there were so many of them and it turns out they’ve already made new friends (which is kind of annoying, I know). I tried to be friendly, said hello, and that was it. Most of them were really loud, and I can’t stop thinking about my social life in the future. Back in high school, I actually had quite a few friends. we’d already formed close bonds. I’m afraid that college (with its vast social circles and people from all economic backgrounds) might lead to social divides or something like that. My anxiety has flared up again after being gone for so long, and I feel like I’m in unfamiliar territory. Now I’m just waiting for freshman orientation, but unfortunately, I’m already afraid of socializing again. I’ve heard that college friends are different from high school friends and are supposedly more open, but I didn’t feel that way when we met earlier. Is it just because the orientation for new students hasn’t happened yet? Damn, I think I need a therapist.

Im everything but sozial. I dont want to talk to people but are forced to, there's this deep pit in me and I dont know how to fix it. Thought maybe having someone as a lover help. Nope. Now all im doing is gaming but it only helps a tiny bit, anyone got Tips to actually talk to people find friends and stuff?

I visited a conference because of my PhD I'm doing. Even though I was doing fine socializing and building new connections, it always left me emotionally, mentally and physically drained afterwards, like I went straight to sleep after going to my hotel. And even now when I came back home I keep sleeping for 12-13 hours a day (I kid you not) just to charge my batteries back.

Networking is essential if you want to do a PhD and work in academia. But how should I as an introvert (specifically INTJ) be able to do it?

At the conference, I was basically putting up a show for everyone, "masking" so to speak. I was an actor, who was trying to get new connections and it worked. So being shy is not the issue here, I can easily initiate a conversation and even give a short talk at a conference.

So objectively, conferences are very beneficial for me and my work, but subjectively, they feel so draining that I just can't think of doing it again. And I need to overcome this somehow, at least partially, because they are just too good of use to disregard them in the future.

I live a simple live because I'm an introvert. Yes, I'm gonna wake up at 10 and watch Caseoh. I don't have to wake up at 7 just to prove I'm an "productive adult". Yes, I watch Tiktok instead of learning languages, cause where in the world I would use them, just to prove to some aunties I am an linguistic genius?

I wish I was born in a more laid back family & country, where you are enough as you are. And being you is celebrated.

From where I'm from, if you sleep til 12 - you are a failure; if you didn't study at prestigious university - you are average; if you aren't bending over backwards to work & climbing a work ladder - something is wrong with you, "you wanna live an easy life, huh?", if you didn't do nothing "productive" all day - you have to do 3626 tasks a day.

People don't realise they don't have to do all that. People like me can have boring jobs, life, interests, that seem "unreliable" because they are used to already "easy" paved way life: work, family, retirement.

I have four siblings, all are married with children, have friends and close relationships with the family. Then there is me, have never had close friends, am married but child free by choice, and am not close with my siblings or mom. Why am I so different than the rest of my family? I am considering therapy to understand why I am this way. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood or teen years, and am in my 60s and retired with more time to think.

If you like to answer with long messages, let's discuss. I got a lot of interesting questions that I wrote down on my notes and want to discuss with another introvert.

It is currently 2:30 in Canada, but I call these my 3AM thoughts as I seem to always be awake at this time.

Do you see introvert as an "issue" or just something that stops you from doing certain things at times?

Would you force yourself to participate in an activity/event/party if it is for a close family, friend or co worker? (You'll know you'll be uncomfortable but you want to be there for them)

If you had the choice, would you still choose to be an introvert?

Are you a complete different person based on location?

Let's discuss!

Hi everyone. I’m 19, and on paper, I’m actually doing quite well. I’m on a full ride in college, got a 4.0 in my first year of school, and I have 57k of excess funds. But, there is an issue, I’m very shy, quiet and introverted. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, because I was very content by myself all throughout my teen years and childhood, and I still am, to an extent, but I very much want to experience sex and relationships

I always wanted a serious girlfriend or wife. You know, someone to sleep next to most nights, life with, go grocery shopping with, decorate the Christmas tree together, just the companionship of a shared life. However, I’m found that due to my shyness, and being quiet, I’ve never really attracted anyone or connected in that way.

I’m very scared I’m never going to be able to, and that I’ll be left out of sex and relationships, so hears my question for all of you, how should I break out of this. What are things I could do to become even just a little more open and less shy, even if it’s just enough to find my person. Also, if any of you out there were ever in a similar situation, what did you do, and were you eventually able to find someone or have relationships? Thank you all!

People often assume that because I'm quiet, I'm shy, unfriendly, or don't want to talk. In reality, I just don't feel the need to fill every silence. I enjoy listening, observing, and speaking when I actually have something to say.

I'm curious how common this is.

It seems like I have to behave the way family and friends want me to rather than how I want to be. I am in sales and must mask every single day and I don’t want to have to do this with family and friends. How do I stay true to myself and still have relationships?

How about, "Sir, I would sooner associate with a blobfish!"

Hear me out if a guy's whole world is his room, his phone, and online communities, he never really builds the skills to meet people IRL. And then the girlfriend/relationship thing just... never happens. Seen this with a few people I know. Is it the apps, or is it something deeper? Or am I totally wrong?

I think most people dislike sales people but I couldn't imagine an introvert having a sales job. Kissing ass, trying to sell people stuff, and putting on a phony front. It just feels like everything I'm against. It totally would zap all the energy out of me trying to be someone I'm not.

I've noticed there are a lot of social expectations that people follow without questioning them.

For example, some people think being quiet automatically means you're upset, angry, or unfriendly. Meanwhile, I'm perfectly comfortable just sitting there enjoying the moment without feeling the need to fill every second with conversation.

I'd love to hear the ones that make you think, "Why is this even a thing?"

We don't talk enough about the generational trauma of being forced to read out loud in school.
I do!