Growing up, a lot of us were told the same thing. Go to college, get a white-collar job, accumulate assets, find stability, and you will have succeeded. You will be happy. Chances are, if you weren’t told this, you felt the social pressure of it. Any deviation felt like an alternative path where you were seen as behind, ostracized, or were made to feel less than those who stuck to the “plan.” Many of our parents were told the same. Find success, and we will be proud.

Many of us choose to listen to our parents. We live our best lives in college, enter the everyday workforce, and begin to stack wealth for ourselves.

But why did so many listen? What are they truly searching for? To die in a three-million-dollar condo? To go on a cruise twice a year? What do they really want? Do they just want to be accepted? To be seen as enough? Are we just searching for community?

As I age out of my younger years, this is something I get stuck on nearly every day. I have everything I was told I needed. I went to a great school, I’m out-earning my peers, I have my own place in a new city, I’ve been all over the globe, and now I’m beginning to support my own little family.

Why am I so unhappy?

Why do I wake up with a pit in my stomach so heavy, I need 30 minutes just to roll over and get out of bed? These days, I spend most of my time propping up a dream I never needed. 40+ hours a week, just waiting for my life to begin at home. Hoping I can get home in time to catch a sunset with my dog on the beach or cook boxed mac and cheese with my significant other.

But this is what I wanted. I wanted to go to school, not because I was interested in my subject matter, but because I wanted to earn my place within the community. I didn’t want to disappoint those who did, or those who expected it from me. I wanted a rigorous job, not because I wanted to afford luxuries, but because I was told it’s what I needed to be accepted.

Yet here I am - feeling more alone than ever.

As mentioned, this is a topic I often think about while I watch the clock. I write this from my desk now, in fact. I think about the times in my life that I believe I was truly happy. Where I felt the most stable and confident in tomorrow.

I believe that answer was college. While my first two years were tarnished by the latter end of a high school abusive relationship, I can say with confidence those four years were the best I have ever felt. People love to talk about the parties, spring breaks, and game days. While definitely a highlight, I don’t believe those are what drove happiness. I believe that answer is community.

For many, college is the only time during which you will live within walking distance of everyone you know, see the same friendly people every day, share a roof with your friends, and never spend too much time being too serious. This greater community and sense of belonging is what drives human connection. It’s what makes tomorrow seem manageable, even on your worst days.

I write this not to give my unnecessary two cents on the “corporate America sucks” cliché. We all get that. I write this because I feel like I have finally come to peace with this idea of community driving happiness overall.

I suppose, to those younger than me searching for meaning, take these words with a grain of salt. From someone who “did it.” If this is you, I ask this of you:

1. Keep your friends and family close. Welcome strangers without hesitation.

2. Try, try, and try things again. Never turn down a learning opportunity; in fact, you should seek them out. This will help you find a viable source of income that doesn’t dim your light.

3. Work hard in school. Take it seriously while it’s free. Education is a gift.

4. Whatever tangible luxuries you are willing to work yourself to death for, detach yourself from them. Once you get them, you will only chase something new. Your entire life will be distracted by this chase.

5. Slow down. It’s hardly ever as urgent as it may seem.

6. Don’t expect to find a “dream job.” Find your dream life.

7. Understand that trading your work-life balance for more pay is almost never worth it.

8. Get off your ass. I don’t mean exercise or eat well. Go try a new hobby. Talk to the bartender working the afternoon weekday shift.

9. You don’t need to optimize every part of your life. Learn to be okay with that.

10. Follow the things that put a smile on your face.

The path you choose in life is yours to decide. Reflect on your motivators, reflect on your needs as yourself, not another. As you water your garden, things will begin to grow into something beautiful. Just make sure that garden is truly yours.

Every couple outside looks like they’re filming a romantic movie. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to cross the road.🤣

This is what I found analyzing data from the General Social Survey. In general, happiness in the US has been decreasing. College graduates are consistently happier than non-grads. The college/non-college gap increased through the 2010s, but then shrank in the 2020s.

Had a chance to ask one of my favorite artists ever a question of how he defines Happiness. Very interesting answer coming partially from neurobiology I believe. What do you think about his answer?

I’ve noticed that I know longer belly laugh and no matter how funny something is I don’t really laugh. I make some sort of noise that might resemble an attempt at a laugh but that’s it. It’s like my body doesn’t know how to laugh anymore, even if I find something funny.

When I was younger (34F) I would laugh all the time at anything and everything, but now I just feel like a boring person. Laughing is amazing and I want to feel the natural urge to laugh without forcing a noise!

I saw something yesterday that was funny, I made my usually noise, but the person next to me proper belly laughed and I was so jealous.

Does anyone else feel like this?

What does the pursuit of happiness mean for you personally?

Hi all! You are invited to participate in a research study examining people's feelings and thoughts regarding various experiences and activities. If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a set of questionnaires about your feelings and thoughts. All questions in the survey concern experiences and activities typically associated with feelings of pleasure or displeasure. Many items may seem repetitive, but please be patient and respond to them as honestly as possible, as some items are about recent experiences, some about typical experiences, and some about anticipated experiences. The survey will take approximately 15 minutes.

 Survey Link

"Much of the damage that we cause on this green Earth comes down to our relationship to happiness."

Hi all! You are invited to participate in a research study examining people's feelings and thoughts regarding various experiences and activities. If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a set of questionnaires about your feelings and thoughts. All questions in the survey concern experiences and activities typically associated with feelings of pleasure or displeasure. Many items may seem repetitive, but please be patient and respond to them as honestly as possible, as some items are about recent experiences, some about typical experiences, and some about anticipated experiences. The survey will take approximately 15 minutes.

 Survey Link

I have always found happiness in smaller things. There is a big difference between building a life and constantly chasing some dramatic version of happiness that always seems to be somewhere else. I often wonder if a lot of people are not unhappy because life gave them nothing. Maybe they are unhappy because they were taught happiness had to look more impressive than it actually is.

Ever Wonder Why Some Things Feel More Enjoyable Than Others?

Hi all! You are invited to participate in a research study examining people's feelings and thoughts regarding various experiences and activities. If you agree to participate, you will be asked to complete a set of questionnaires about your feelings and thoughts. All questions in the survey are about experiences and activities that are usually associated with feelings of pleasure or displeasure.

Here is the link for more information and for you to access the survey! Thank you once again.

A Research Study on Activities and Experiences (SA2) – Fill out form