r/excoc • u/edmonddantes64 • 32m ago
Leaving Story- First Post
Forgive my long post but I felt an unexpected connection when I found this subreddit and after several days of reading had to add. Consider it my way of saying thank you!
I’m mid 40’s and was raised by divorced parents from my first year of life. Both were CoC members (long story) but my mother was pretty wild. My father’s family was straight “regular” CoC in TN. My grandfather was a guarantor on the note for the midcentury church building I grew up worshipping in, although he had a wife leave him during World War II and was therefore never an elder.
My grandparents, father, and aunt and uncle were amazingly loving humans, and all have passed now except my aunt. I can recall all the church tropes I find in threads here. I’m also old enough to remember men smoking in suits outside the building between church and Sunday school. I remember the outrage when an African-American family would make a weak attempt to enter our congregation (and remain). I remember prayers for us to be “once again known as a Christian nation.”
Area churches ran their own children’s home and retirement home. I served communion proudly and led long prayers and - when I went mercifully wild in college- even came in from staying with my girlfriend (not CoC), and hung-over, to lead our meager teen Sunday school class. Our church was always about 120 people and never many kids.
During high school, I had the shared experience of attending youth group with friends at a “liberal” CoC across town. Our town has a dozen CoC’s and two were always the black sheep. My dad hated it.
I attended our local private high school, standard CoC fare that came about in the fifties to combat integration. Thankfully, some teachers were outstanding and progressive and friends to this day. Others have gone predictably MAGA.
I consider that public college saved my life, causing me to see the good in people from all walks of life. Although I was encouraged not to let it “liberalize” me, it did it’s job- merely removed me from the bubble. Giving independent thought.
When I was 30, I made a sort of return to a large CoC with my wife (not Coc) and we made friends, but the cracks were showing. We had our first of two kids and after lots of miscarriages and no church support, we gave up on attending. I still held some broad faith until about 10 years ago until the YEC simply could not be ignored with any mental gymnastics, which led me to an overview of other world religions, a study of other creation myths, and definitely the failing of the hebrew historicity of the exodus.
Lots of things just couldn’t add up. I became agnostic and - amazingly- so did my wife in the same timeline.
Even as my politics swung left, I find myself sometimes still finding the 1980’s childhood simplicity alluring at moments. The loving old people and familiar hymns are strong memories. The clandestine walk out to the bathroom or water fountain. Then I find the important memories are so out of place with raising kids to be critical thinkers who aren’t bigots or intolerant of other people just trying to get through life authentically. The nostalgia goes away.
In moments I get frustrated that intelligent friends on Facebook I’ve known all my life are so “Christian Nationalist” CoC. At other times I remind myself just what it costs in cognitive dissonance and social disorder to leave, and I understand huge numbers of people just won’t ever challenge themselves enough to make the jump- intelligent or not.
Thanks for letting me post, it means a lot. I’m I Chattanooga, and I bet a few of you are, too.