I am so confused why people think this sub is the worst of reddit and the people here are all miserable antisocial freaks that viscerally hate all children and cannot even bare to see them in public. Sure there are occasionally posts about those who really actively hate children, but that's not even the majority of the posts, nor is it the intended purpose of this sub.

People also claim "I had to leave that sub because I just wanted a childfree community, but people there are so extreme and full of hatred!" And I am just confused. Personally this community has been my only resource for finding a doc who would sterilize me, so I will not tolerate any slander!

I’m a young aunt and some of my siblings kids loved me when they were below 8 years of age. They would even tell me they wanted to look like me, raise animals like me etc. It was sweet, innocent and flattering. The other kids took no interest as they were complete and utter iPad kids (genuinely glued to the screens, it was encouraged). But once all kids reached age 9+ they began to pick at my appearance (I have a minor deformity and am a bit overweight) so they call me “fat” “ugly” “weird” for not wearing makeup or for dressing in a different fashion style to their parents, having eclectic taste in interiors etc. They actually pick things apart in my home and judge me for things kids shouldn’t even be judging or taking notice of.

I work a minimum wage job due to disability and life paycheck to paycheck, my siblings on the other hand are very financially well off and all the kids constantly have the latest iPhone, iPad, Apple PC, games console, designer bags and clothing, bougie makeup and skincare despite being far too young for it and so on. The way they treat me and speak to me is honest to god as if I’m some sort of weird broke aunt. It’s totally different to how they used to view and treat me. I have seen some extremely questionable content on their devices aka bullying content, fatphobia against strangers etc. OBVIOUSLY, the parents (my siblings and their partners) are much to blame here and that’s another story but I’ve noticed even their little kid friends seem to view me/treat me as the same when I meet them at the kids birthday parties and so on. It’s very jarring. Oldest kid is only 14 btw, the rest are 9,10,11,12 and the other remaining iPad kids who have never taken any interest in me despite being their aunt and me trying with them, are 5 and 7.

When I was growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, I viewed people in their 20s as cool and fun, I enjoyed the attention and big sister or brother vibe - I wasn’t caring at all about what they looked like or how much money they had, how they dressed or anything like that. I was also not interested in skincare or makeup until my late teens (and skincare only came in my 20s!). It does make me sad to be honest, as much as I’m child free myself, I did love these kids and it was nice to know they loved me and viewed me as a special figure in their lives. But that seems to be totally non existent now. I can’t even get a response if I text them or try to engage. They act so bored when we see each other and all I hear is insult after insult from them. I’ll be honest, I’m nervous for the future as they become more and more spoiled (and rich) into their teens. I don’t want to be the weird aunt that they dread seeing. I have always had nice bonds with my own aunts so it’s a shame if that’s not going to be a thing with the way it’s been going.

Ever since I was a little kid and I had a little toy I loved, I had to give it to my little cousin because she was throwing a tantrum that she wanted it. And her mom somehow always fucking forced me to give it to her because I'm older ,,more mature" even tho that girl had plenty of toys and I lived in poverty with only a few, still somehow I never felt entitled to nobodies belongings

The entitlement these parents teach on their kids is insane.

I had this little distant cousin once coming into my house just grabbing all my make up and belongings and saying so ,,I want this and this". Since when the fuck is my room your shop? And her mom just acted like is normal and that I should give it to her because I have a lot more? I DON'T CARE?

I remember one time I got a vintage doll I wanted for so long it was really expensive, she came into our house with her kid and she immediately cried that she wanted the doll. Did I give it to her? No the fuck I didn't. I don't care that I'm 20 years old and the child is 8 years old, parents should learn to say no to their spoiled kids.

You don't understand how annoying it is to have to hide your things when a child comes into your own house because their parents force you to give them your belongings. I literally screamed at that child last time she did that, not to mention that she stole my expensive make up. And her mom told me I'm overreacting? I'm fed up with this and super irritated NO I WON'T GIVE YOUR 8 YEARS OLD KID MY DIOR BLUSH. Same with my cat? ,,just let her pet it she's just playing with her" SHE'S TORTURING MY POOR CAT GTFO

,,comon be more mature she's just a child you're grown you don't need these things" says who? What the hell? Or they just talk about some bullshit like,, she's just borrowing it I'm gonna bring it back" no the fuck you won't?

I saw a lady online talk about how a little girl wanted her keychan and her mom said to her that if she asks nicely she'll give it to her and when the lady refused she's suddenly evil? How about she teaches her kids to not be entitled to other people's belongings?

Edit: for the people that can't read properly and that are telling me to simply not give my stuff away, I was a little kid when I was forced to give my stuff to other smaller kids. I literally mentioned multiple times that I'm 20 years old and I'm not giving them shit in the prezent.

I hate when people say poor people should be allowed to have kids with no judgements. Like you're putting a whole other human into your shit situation. They're causing their child several misfortunes and im tried of acting like they're not. I also hate how some people call it eugenics, it's just common sense. I have sympathy for accidents but to intentionally have kids poor is just so dumb.

I work in the human services field with people who are over sixty. I was recently promoted into a role where I see pretty much every client issue that comes through my agency, and the frequency with which my team has to contact Adult Protective Services is troublingly high. The most common issue is financial abuse and the most common perpetrator is adult children.

Today I learned of a man whose adult daughter forced him to sign his home over to her using documents in a language he cannot understand. Last week it was an adult son who was keeping his mother confined to one room while he cashed her retirement checks and spent them on drugs, sneakers, and gaming systems. There's a new case almost every day. It's incredibly sad and infuriating.

We aren't a law enforcement or investigative agency, so all we can do is make reports to the right people and hope that these older adults will accept the help that is offered. Of course, the agency that investigates abuse is terribly under-resourced and there are only a handful of investigators for the entire state, so people fall through the cracks.

Elder abuse is extremely common. It happens to a lot of people, most often those who rely on their children to look after them when they can no longer care for themselves. So, when people say "who will care for you when you're older?" I just shake my head. Your children aren't going to care for you, and if they do, you better hope they don't feel entitled to exploit you for your assets, steal your income, and physically harm you if you try to object. There is no point in a parent's lifespan when children aren't a potential liability.

I don't need to understand nor care about it. I have asperger and crying toddlers/small children, even when I think about it, annoy me so much. I never liked them even when I was a kid (and no, that doesn't mean that I hated myself). I always find them to be cringy when I was watching cartoons where they use one crying npc kid for whatever reason or purpose. My noise canceling headphones are a god send in my daily life when I go outside, you know.

I also hate when I see NPC crying small children in anime/manga, because that cheap empathy is overrated. One Piece is probably the worst example of that, and dare I say, regardless of the situation it still tick me off. I recently finished Chainsaw Man volume 16, and at the last chapter of the volume there's this npc kid who falls on the floor (because it was running around, how original), and then you can guess what it does. Like who cares?

I am not supposed to "understand" nor "care" if that is how they can "communicate because their brains are developing", I don't care!

So I was watching this dating show pop the balloon and soooo many men were saying that they want 4-5 kids and the women r ok with it and they match.

Imo it is so disrespectful for you to want your wife to have any kids let alone 4.

Because child birth seems to be so traumatizing, either u tear ur vagina open and get it stiched or ur stomach gets cut open and stiched back. Wtf.

If i was a dude, i would NEVER ever want my girl to go thru any of this. And ppl may argue what if she wants to have more kids, but I still think it's incredibly selfish.

This may sound harsh but it genuinely is the worst most selfish thing u could expect someone to go thru for you Andd u don't love them, there's no way u love them if ur ok with them going thru pregnancy.

And i ABSOLUTELY hate when movies/ cartoons end with the loving couple having a child (s). It's not love and it's not romantic at all. Lik I'm currently watching this slow burn romance cartoon and they're so in love istg, ik this is gonna end with them having 3 kids cuz that's what both of them desire and when that happens it is gonna totally ruin this show for me cuz there's no way he would let her go thru so much pain. And i cant believe there's ppl irl who would want their girl to go thru all ts.

I get why ppl want kids tho, they want someone to look lik them nhave their own family bla bla, but in the age of adoption and surrogacy it's seems so wrong.

Idk imo u don't love her if u want her to have ur kids.

Rant over lol

I don't post here often aside from when something genuinely bugs me and sadly this is one of those times.

My sister and her family live out of state but I'm in town visiting for a few days. I was in another room but overheard a convo btwn my sister and her two kids: 12F and 9M. I can't recall it word for word but somehow the topic of children came up. My niece said something along the lines of "You're only ever gonna have to deal with [nephew's] kids because I'm not having any." Then my sister went into this speech about how she's only 12 and has a long time to decide. Furthermore, she emphasized that certain DNA is only passed from mothers to daughters and if my nephew's the only one to have kids then that DNA won't be passed down anymore.

I love my sister but I don't think pushing your desires to have grandchildren onto anyone, especially a 12 yr old, is appropriate. Furthermore, 12 is the exact age I first started having CF thoughts of my own, but the adults in my life never took it seriously. Even at 24 my own mother still secretly thinks it's gonna happen for me someday and that she needs to prepare for a "2nd round of grandkids" someday despite already having 5 of them (yes five grandkids!!). And yes she's expecting them to come from me since my brother and sister are done having them.

I personally don't care whether or not my niece has kids someday but I'd love for her to know that that decision is hers and hers alone. Man I wish it were socially acceptable to respond to certain arguments with "It's not my problem and I don't give a fuck :)" and then walk away haha. Anyway thanks for listening to my brant! Thoughts/comments are welcome :)

I am in train rn, returning home from the hospital. And a lady didn't let a woman with child to sit the chair next to her because her own sister was coming. And they just complained and complained. You aren't a priority just because you have kids. That's so stupid. If I had a cat with me, they'd be disgusted. Your child doesn't make you a priority. Sure, children should get priority in the hospital because they are vulnerable, but not in the train! Just shut up.

*Posted this on my alt account on accident at first lol*

Hey ya'll just a rant here.

My partner and I have experienced some rough times these last couple years. They lost their job over a year ago and haven't been able to secure another (we've tried many things, temp agencies, every job site, nothing sticks). They've burnt through all their savings trying to keep up their end of the bills but that's at an end.

I have a full time job but my income just barely covers the bills and I do mean, just that, only bills. All the groceries and incidentals I've been putting on my credit card and it's starting to add up so we've been looking into aid programs in our area for assistance with...well, ANYTHING.

The biggest thing I've noticed is that most programs helping with groceries, grants, what have you, all necessitate that you have children.

Some require having kids under a certain age too, on one hand I get it, being financially vulnerable is even worse with kids but crap can the rest of us get some help too??

Sometimes it feels the agencies like to give childfree adults a huge 'fuck you, go into debt or starve! We don't care since you aren't producing more members of the labor force 😀😀'

I dunno man, I'm exhausted, we may have to check food banks soon, at least I THINK those are for anyone.

One thing that gets exhausting about being childfree is that some people hear it as the opening position in a debate.

They respond as if you have made a temporary claim that simply needs the right counterargument. You’ll change your mind. You haven’t met the right person. You’ll regret it later. It’s different when it’s your own.

What is strange is that most other major life decisions are not treated this way. If someone says they want children, people usually do not demand a detailed defense of why they are qualified to permanently change their life. But saying you do not want children often gets treated like an unfinished thought.

For me, being childfree is not a mood, a phase, or a challenge for someone else to solve. It is a decision about the kind of daily life I want and the kind of responsibility I do not want to take on.

I wish more people could hear that without immediately turning it into a debate

I like sleeping in. I like eating dinner without negotiating with a tiny person. I like spending money without mentally subtracting diapers, school fees, toys, doctors, and birthday parties. I like coming home to silence and knowing my time is actually mine

People say, “But who will take care of you when you’re old?” I don’t know, but having a kid as a retirement plan sounds a lot more selfish than just not having one

I am treading into dangerous territory here with this actually truly unpopular opinion, but I feel we are all familiar with the common sentiment trope of someone diminishing our own struggles in life simply because we didn't have to do it while having "x" number of kids to raise. Or there is the common sentiment of our hopes, dreams, and achievements in overcoming traumatic life obstacles being entirely downplayed next to someone who is "just trying to feed their family". It's as if we are reduced to nothing but sheltered children who know absolutely nothing about the real world and can never experience true struggle, it is infantilizing, it is dehumanizing. Do I resent you for having kids? No, not at all, you seem like a solid person and I absolutely believe that you love your family and children and would do anything for them! But you "just trying to feed your family" is not a blanket permission slip to denigrate, disparage, and belittle anyone you want. I feel like we have all experienced this, basically being told to "shut up and sit down" because we can't possibly relate to the hardship of doing life while raising kids. In many ways I agree with the sentiment, because yes, I of course know it must be astoundingly difficult to raise kids, especially in this day and age.

Or you know, the sentiment of sharing with someone a dream you are happy to pursue, and the person just going "wow. must be nice. All while some of us have real jobs and families to feed." You know that condescending dismissive tone I am getting at. Oh you want to go to grad school, start a band, travel the world, become a visual artist? Selfish! But when you mention trying to have kids? Everyone lights up as if you are doing the most wholesome, commendable, and selfless act ever, and suddenly nobody wants to hear about those dumb art school plans of yours. But what I have grown increasingly annoyed with is the more increasingly common sentiment that everyone must feel sorry for parents, simply because they made the sacrifice to have kids, such that yes, we need to "shut up" about our own problems, because our own struggles mean nothing. And so I would say, as my truly, truly, horrible opinion, no one forced you to have kids, and you are not a victim for it (unless of course there was any sort of non-consensual coercion, in which case, yeah that is beyond fucked up, and I empathize with you entirely!) . *OK I said it! Please don't hurt me!!* I will problem remove this post after I get enough abuse for posting it...

I learned something after I started telling people I don't want children.

Apparently when you say you're childfree, people think this is now public discussion.

I don't mean “maybe later.”
I don't mean “I'm not ready yet.”
I don't mean “maybe when I get older.”

I mean I don't want kids.

That's it.

I don't hate children. I just don't want to become a parent. I like my quiet life. I like my freedom. I like being able to decide what I do with my own time.

I know parenthood is not for me.

But people always think they know better.

“You will change your mind.”
“You will understand when you have your own.”
“What if your partner wants children?”

Someone even told me if my partner changes their mind, I should just accept it because that's what marriage is about.

Honestly, what?

You can't just “compromise” about having a child. If one person wants kids and the other person doesn't, somebody is going to end up unhappy.

And having a child just to make your partner happy is probably one of the worst ideas ever.

Even at a doctor appointment, I said me and my partner don't plan to have children.

The nurse looked at me and asked, “Neither of you?”

Like maybe one of us was supposed to want one.

The thing that annoys me is people don't just disagree with my choice.

They don't believe me.

They think there must be some secret reason. Maybe I'm scared. Maybe I haven't met the right person. Maybe I will change my mind later.

Maybe they just haven't found the right argument yet.

But sometimes there is no big explanation.

I just don't want children.

That's the answer.

Please stop acting like I need to defend it in court.

I'm so tired of it, someone I know announced yesterday that her best friend is pregnant and are the best news ever and she's so excited, she's a mother herself. There's so much stuff beyond pregnancy to be excited for but no, having a child is more important than anything. Is more celebrated than buying a house or getting a job, nauseating cause there are a lot of people not fit to be parents

I'm seriously so annoyed, even the few influencers I follow are fucking pregnant!! One even made a list of pros and cons of being a mother and one of the pros is having her husband's child and the baby looking like him, I'm baffled. People don't realize a baby is for life? Also in this economy having a baby is crazy. Is not like a hate kids, on the contrary, but I don't the see the point of making your life harder by having one. Living for your kids and not for yourself.

The other day at the supermarket a kid was screaming and giving me a headache, I could never deal with tantrums, I have zero patience for that. I find every day more reasons to be childfree, what a nightmare would be to have one, so this is my rant cause I can't anymore.

Are there any men on this subreddit? Because I need to know. Because every guy that’s of age and single in my town wants kids.

When I hear a lot of people explaining why they are childfree, I hear oftentimes that the planet is in a bad spot or that the economy is not in a good place to have children.

I respect that all the way.

However, my reason for not wanting kids is simply because I don't want to. I knew I didn't want kids since I was 10. I have never wanted kids. I care for humans on Earth and stand for causes like LGBTQIA+ rights for my friends and family. I care for people. I just don't care for kids, in terms of having them.

The government could pay me $1 million dollars to have a kid, the answer would still be no.

Not having kids boosts my serenity and peace of mind. It fits who I am.

Every time I have to fly somewhere, children inevitably cause issues. Last week, I went on a long-awaited vacation to the beach, which required a 5 hour flight. The entire plane was literally full of disgusting SICK kids, coughing, sniffling, and spitting (?!) their phlegm for the entire duration of the flight. I counted over a dozen sick children within 6 rows of me, with various clearly contagious respiratory illnesses, and of course not a single one was wearing a mask. Their parents simply didn't care about the health or safety of other passengers. And although I had a regular mask myself, a KN95 or an N95 would have been needed to actually avoid infection with this many contagious sources. Sure enough, my beach vacation was completely ruined when I came down with nasty sinus infection 2 days later, which has since morphed into a concerning chest cough as well.

Contagion aside, kids almost inevitably end up crying/screaming or kicking the seats in front of them, which I have personally experienced on multiple occasions. The parents do nothing to stop them. I would be SO happy to pay extra for an adult-only plane - or at least a childfree section of the plane.

My mom doesnt necessarily pressure me to have kids but my sister with the kids does. It is her personality now I guess. She says all the cliche things like you dont know true love until bla bla bla. Anyways. Here's something I know (because they already give me hints), even if I did have kids, if I didnt raise them exactly the way they do then I'm a terrible selfish mother.

For example; I have a severe nipple phobia. Meaning I can't touch or look at nips let alone let anyone touch mine. So there would be nooooo way i could breastfeed. I have said that I couldn't do it. And the glares I get from my mom and sister saying "you have to It's so selfish not to". Or when i told them my friend ended up not being able to breastfeed either they judged her so hard saying "that baby isn't gonna be healthy " "she must not love her baby enough"

Another example. Theyre very anti vax. I hear both sides personally but idk what I wpuld end up doing if I had one probably just major ones. Idk. If they knew I let my baby be vaccinated I wouldn't hear the end of it.

Another example. Theyre very pro homeschool or religious private school. I have no desire to homeschool and I aint paying for no private school when Theres a free school across the street. I would probably never hear the end of it for sending my kids to a public school.

So just things like that. I feel like if I popped out a baby I would never hear the end of "you should" or "dont do that" or "i know better" . Of course everyone has opinions on how to raise but if you're decent you keep it to yourself and judge silently. I'm not a parent but I do know that there's no winning wveryone will always tell you you're wrong

So. Might as well not go though it right?

Basically the title. My friend has multiple children and is currently pregnant with another, but actively avoids being with her kids as much as possible. During the week, she spends a max of 4 hours per day with them because they go to daycare and have early bedtimes, and she still complains about nearly every minute she's with them. If it's her weekend with them due to custody arrangements, she's at her wits end with them the entire weekend. She's always making jokes about how she wants to drop them off at our doorsteps or make them someone else's problem. She treats her childless/off weekends like they're gold and it's genuinely the only time she seems truly happy in her life. The kicker is that she is pregnant again. I genuinely don't understand the concept of resenting your own children so much that you don't even want to be around them, and yet deciding to have more. Furthermore, there's not a chance in hell those kids don't pick up on the fact that their mom can't stand them. You couldn't pay me anything to live one second of that life.

I want to know what others are experiencing, especially people who are chronically ill or disabled.

I was diagnosed with a chronic illness earlier in the year, at the same time several of my coworkers had either become pregnant or recently come back from maternity leave, and the difference in how accommodating the job has been has been kinda grating on me. Everyone is understanding when a coworker doesn't show up because of morning sickness, no one bats an eye when they have to step away for 20 minutes at a time multiple times a day to pump milk, no questions are asked if they have to swap shifts to make it to doctors' appointments, and everyone is understanding when they sometimes need to sit down or drink some water or if they need regular bathroom breaks or they're not moving as fast as usual.

It's not that I think any of this is unreasonable but my experience with my illness at work has not been nearly as understanding. When I was initially diagnosed I had to miss a few days of work because I was in the hospital. I was treated like shit when calling out and told I had better bring a doctor's note like it was doubtful I could (I did, boss didn't even look at it). I had no history of absences before this. When I need to swap shifts or have one covered to make it to doctor's appointments, I get interrogated about it. When I need a quick break to eat or drink something or use the bathroom it's treated like an indulgence instead of a necessity.

I don't want to get into all the details of my health but I am not doing any of these things at nearly the same frequency as my pregnant or just back from giving birth coworkers, my superiors are aware of my health issues and I've provided every document requested, yet the treatment is just night and day. My boss has even commented that I "used to be a perfect employee" as though I somehow decided to just stop doing that instead of the reality that I got sick through no fault of my own and it's affected how I work. It's really hard not to feel like it's unfair when what I'm going through isn't a choice and yet my coworker who has chosen to have three kids under three is given every ounce of grace in the world.

First thing first, I am not anti-natalist. If a couple feel ready and both want to start a family then I'm all for that. More power to them! I'm just childfree myself and I'm not trying to convert anyone.

Secondly, I am in no way desperate to be in a relationship, I'm perfectly happy as a single man. However, finding someone who sees the world the same way as I do would also be enjoyable too.

Thirdly, I work as a mechanical engineer and I am likely undiagnosed autistic. This is possibly one of the most autistic things I have done.

Everyone on this sub who is single and childfree will understand the difficulty of finding a potential CF partner. Our choice eliminates a significant portion of the dating pool. But just *how* much does it reduce it by? I like numbers and statistics so I took a couple of hours over a few evenings and did some research. I opened Tinder, set my age limit from 25-40 and got to swiping. For each profile, I would note their family plans in a cell on an excel spreadsheet.

Here is the data.

187 profiles viewed in total, of that 187, 80 profiles gave no indication of family status (did not state if they already had kids, or if they wanted kids)

107 profiles did make some statement about family status. Of those 107, 50 stated they already had kids. A further 26 stated they did not currently have kids, but definitely wanted them in the future. So, of the "dating pool" 107 profiles that gave family information, a total of 71% are removed from the pool in the eyes of someone who is CF.

31 profiles remain in the "dating pool". Of those 31, 20 did not currently have kids and either did not state future plans, or stated they were "not sure", resulting in a total of 18.7% of the 107 profiles with data.

Finally, that gives 11 total profiles that stated they did not have kids and did not want them in the future, giving a total percentage of 10.3 percent. In an entirely personal anecdote. Of those 11 profiles, there was only an attraction to 3 of them totalling 2.8%

Obviously this data collection is very flawed and not very scientific but it does give a very rough overview of how difficult it can be for us CF singletons to find potential partners. It's tough out there, keep your heads up!

For reference, this "study" was based in the UK. I'd be very intrigued to know if other locations mirror these kind of numbers too. I'm obviously not expecting anyone else to be making spreadsheets or such but it would be interesting to get the general feeling from other locations!

Peace, love and happiness to you all.

Nobody to share the same excitement that I have about the results of my test so thought it’d share in here!

It is such a relief having been cleared and my partner can stop BC.

We are both child free and with her family history and being on BC since teens, continuing long term is a huge risk factor so being able to do this for her has been such a beautiful start to a new chapter.

To the guys out there, there is no shame in having a vasectomy, everything goes back to normal, the recovery is hard for some but so worth it when you think about what the options are for women.