I’m a 34-year-old male, and lately I’ve started wondering whether I’ve been looking at the wrong explanation for years.
For a long time I assumed I had low motivation. I even looked into low testosterone because something always felt “off.” I’ve had multiple hormone panels done, and my doctor says everything looks normal, including testosterone and other related hormones.
The more I think about it, the more I realize my issue may not be motivation at all.
I don’t seem to be motivated by importance. I seem to be motivated by interest, challenge, urgency, consequences, or rewards.
Some examples:
I procrastinate almost everything until the last minute.
Deadlines make it much easier for me to start tasks.
I often know exactly what needs to be done but can’t seem to begin.
Routine and repetitive tasks feel incredibly difficult to start.
If something interests me, I can focus on it for hours and lose track of time.
I’ll stay up far later than intended researching topics that catch my attention.
I sometimes forget to eat or take breaks when I’m deeply interested in something.
I’ve also noticed a lot of attention-related issues:
I reread pages because my eyes moved but my brain didn’t absorb the information.
I rewind videos and podcasts because I realize I wasn’t paying attention.
My mind wanders during conversations.
I lose track of what I’m doing in the middle of tasks.
I interrupt people because I’m afraid I’ll forget my thought.
Looking back, many of these traits were present when I was a kid. I was talkative, energetic, constantly daydreaming, procrastinated homework, and tended to do well in subjects that interested me while struggling with subjects that didn’t.
What’s confusing is that I’ve also been successful in life. I’ve worked in corrections, EMS, law enforcement, and security leadership roles. I’ve completed nursing school. I’ve lost 176 pounds. I meet important deadlines and perform well under pressure.
One thing I’ve noticed is that during emergencies or high-stress situations, I often become calmer and more focused while other people become overwhelmed. Sometimes it almost feels like my brain is operating at its normal speed while the rest of the world finally catches up.
I don’t feel depressed. I don’t sleep excessively. I can’t nap even when I try. The issue isn’t lack of energy so much as difficulty getting started unless my brain sees a reason to engage.
For example, hiking to a waterfall or summit sounds exciting. Wandering aimlessly through the woods doesn’t.
Once I start most activities, I usually enjoy them. Starting seems to be the hardest part.
Over the last few hours I’ve been reading about ADHD and found myself relating to a surprising amount of what I read.
Has anyone here been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult after spending years thinking the problem was laziness, lack of motivation, burnout, hormones, or something else entirely?
