I’ve been a closeted trans women for years. Probably fully accepted myself at 20. I’m now 27. I realized I have been waiting years to be comfortable. Due to transphobia from family members I kinda just put all that away in a box. It wasn’t great. I got tired of waiting till it felt right. So I took the first step. I came out to my sister. She was immediately supportive. We had long conversations about it all. I got an appointment for hormones. I’m not exactly comfortable going in person cause I live in a very small town so I did telehealth. Tomorrow my hrt should be here. I’m excited but also nervous. I just wanting to post this somewhere.

Hello everyone — cliché topic, I know. Everything you will read is mostly just ranting and stating the obvious, but I decided to write this shit because I’m depressed and bored, and so that if you have nothing better to do, you can waste your time reading this.

I was clinically diagnosed with transsexualism/gender dysphoria and shortly thereafter came out as a trans woman a couple of months ago. It was really hard to admit it; there was a lot of shame in conceding the truth that has been in my head since my childhood. I was unprepared just how brutal it was going to be to live openly as a trans woman, especially while being pre-HRT, pre-OP, and with no vocal training.

My face is unusually feminine (with makeup at least), but my body and voice unfortunately give me away.

Despite the whole mocking, discrimination, misgendering, verbal abuse even by psychiatrists, and psychological violence I’ve encountered regularly since then (and it’s no exhaustive list I have to say this), among this whole sewer ridden with excessive problems, I’m realising something demoralising and devastating about trans women’s dating world.

The overwhelming majority of men who are sexually interested in me are fetishists of “femboys,” “femmes,” “twinks,” and “trans” (as they usually list it, when they do). These men are obliviously transphobic — most of them believe that being attracted to a trans woman with a penis is “gay”. Their brains, for instance, see trans women in the same cluster as “twinks,” which is a gay subcategory, and “femboys”, which are primarily male identifying individuals who have very feminine appearances.

This means that most men who fetishise me and see me as a sexual object in their “girls with dicks” fantasies, do not see me as a woman, but instead as a “fake woman” in the same category as twinks and femboys, and many of them perceive their own sexual attraction to me or other trans women as a form of homosexuality.

When in the future I fully medically transition, once my hormones are female, my phenotypical sex becomes female, and my genitalia becomes female… what would most heterosexual men think about the idea of dating me, or even having sex with me?

Well, the answer is in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: approximately 96.7% of heterosexual men don’t want to date or have sex with trans women.

So then, the way I see it is that the majority of heterosexual men, whether they consciously realise it or not, perceive having sex with trans women as a sort of gay act. They don’t see us as women, or at the very least not as “fully women”. If we do not disclose our trans identity to them before intimacy, we risk being victims of severe violence.

The dating pool of trans women is exceptionally low, and the small dating pool that does find us desirable, sexually objectifies us and views us as not “fully women”, but instead as an “exotic type of women” — but not “real, biological women”.

That’s what I have thought for now. Hope you had fun reading what my mind shat into the internet. I have to spend time hibernating in dissociation. Goodbye.

I feel like this is disingenuous to non-binary people, but this is how I've been coping with being a very masculine trans woman. If it were up to me, I would want to be born a woman and I'd be happy just as a woman. But as long as I say I'm non-binary, I have an excuse for all my non-feminine physical traits. I think I'm afraid of being the conservative stereotype of a clearly AMAB person saying they're a woman.

I hate myself alot, not only for using non-binary as a shield but also for the internalized transphobia that stalks my thoughts.

Please don't let me offend anyone because that's definitely not my intention. Ok so my question is when a man transitions into a woman and keeps his dick do you keep the same crazy high sex drive mist men have or does that taper off with all the added hormones?

i’m going to try avoiding details to protect my partner’s privacy so i’m sorry if it’s a bit vague.

she’s a musician, she plays in a band. the band’s already been gaining popularity when she joined, which was about 4 years ago. and i think their popularity is gradually growing now too.

for context, she and i have known each other and have been close friends for a while but lived in different countries. we finally got together earlier this year and i moved in with her in the us.

i’ve been stealth most of my life. it’s just something that brings me a peace of mind and something i don’t want to address. and it’s never been an issue. until my social media accounts, especially instagram started gaining followers and weird comments began. even the other day i’ve been messaged by someone that an account has been made by someone pretending to be me? using old photos?

it’s so crazy and it makes me paranoid that something i’ve been protecting for so long will be out in the open for others soon and it’s giving me major anxiety

I am trans f (questioning), I feel like transitioning will be never an option for me not because I don’t want to but because I can’t think of a scenario where anyone in my family or friends circle would ever expect something that happening. I can’t think how that scenario might play out and top of that not financially independent, not so progressive country and no good gender care. What is life is gonna be to me.. I am already running late 25 amab, I think there must be girls overcame worse situations I wanna know how did you get the courage and planned your transitioning it would really help me and girls in similar state of life rn.

Drunk rant

Im 18 mtf and i love trans men. I love that someone can share and understand my dysphoria. I love to have a more masculine partner. I love to be cuddled by a trans man, to have their arms wrapped around me. Every trans man I meat looks like a god sent from the heavens. My dream is to be married to a trans man. Shame its impossible to find more then 2 where i live :( .Rahhh

Hi everyone, I’m a 23 year old MTF transgender woman who’s been transitioning for about 5 years, and I’m looking to make new friends and chat with others, especially trans women who are either pre-op or post-op, but really anyone at any stage of their transition is welcome. I’ve had multiple gender-affirming surgeries, and I’d love to talk about our experiences, support each other, and just have genuine conversations. I’m also happy to make friends with cis people if there are any here, so if you’re looking for someone to chat with about transition, life, or anything else, feel free to reach out!

Hi. I’m experimenting and I would like to use he/him.

Can someone test he/him on me? Like saying that’s his stuff or he did a good job.

Aren’t you guys scared of the hormone production and transportation will stop or majorly disrupted because of an upcoming war or some political situation, even Usa once one of the pioneers to the progressive changes in Trans visibility and gender care now seem like took a 180’ turn.

Hi, I'm 21 (non-binary transmasc) and have been on Testosterone since I was 18 so I pass. I stopped taking t for medical reasons, but I still use he/him pronouns etc.

I'm in an open relationship with my partner (M,28) and we both use dating sites. I also have a few male friends that know of my identity and my transition, so this is a topic that comes up frequently.

I am autistic with ADHD, I've never had any girlfriends for more than two weeks because of my severe insecurity and to be fair, I get why that is inherently unattractive.

But for some reason my partner and my friends are always so shocked when they ask me for advice on how to talk to girls I just shrug my shoulders and go "I don't know, why should I?"

And they always go: "yeah but you were a girl before."

Yeah. Last time I was a girl I was 12, so unless you want to talk to 12 year olds maybe don't ask me. Even then I kind of failed to make friends with girls too so ehhhmm...

And then I always have to explain myself. THERES A REASON WHY I TRANSITIONED AND WHY IM DATING A MAN. I TOO AM TOO SCARED OF GIRLS TO TALK TO THEM. JESUS.

sorry I had to let that out. I get that there are trans men and trans women who are better at this, but it's a bit of a weird move to automatically assume that I know how to have a relationship with a girl just because I was born one.

Aaand this is the end of my rant. Thanks for listening, I didn't mean to offend anyone (just in case, my angry brain is not good at processing what I write) and I hope I didn't say anything too insensitive.

I came out as a teen, started HRT at 18 as soon as I possibly could. So now I'm 22, over 6 years trying to grow into myself; moved countries, got two degrees, should finally become truly independent with my first serious job - life is going okay. But I'm so stuck and hopeless with my transition. On the medical side, it's fine, - pretty average changes for someone transitioning post-puberty from an unlucky start point; I'm much less dysphoric, for the first time not clinically depressed, and I even "pass" 100% of the time (I think it's primarily because trans and gnc people aren't on anyone's radar here and gendering just relies on presentation).

But otherwise I feel like socially I'm treated completely degendered because of my body and/or transness (I get outed constantly because of my ID). I'm extremely short and overall small for a guy, and people just say or do weird little stuff sometimes like they see me as a child, or much weaker than I actually am, or assign gender neutrality to me I very much do not have. My family and former acquaintances are most blatant with this, still having me saved in phonebooks with both real name and deadname or using the wrong pronouns out of "forgetfulness" when I stare at them in disbelief with a full beard. I'm lucky that I don't face much overt or violent transphobia anymore, and that I even found an academic bubble that is actually kind and treats me as a person, but it's different from social integration. I barely have friends and don't even bother with dating, because it feels impossible that I can be treated as a normal man. So in a way it feels like socially my transition failed, and that I'm forced into some unmale gender role. It doesn't help that I'm the only queer person around (unwillingly) out at all, so it's just all cishet dynamics and spaces, and I stick out as a sore thumb.

The only thing worse is how agonizingly slow and uncertain every further step in transitioning is. I've been saving for top surgery for 4-5 years, I have all the documentation needed on paper and I'm trying to have it in private clinics completely out of pocket. And yet every week there's new bullshit medical permission required, completely outside of the law, and every professional down the line acts clueless and drags their feet. Doctors keep threatening to withhold my HRT or surgery if I don't prove "I'm serious" by committing to other medical or legal procedures, then when you pursue those, the same thing happens, and so on. Top surgery and legal gender change should have been the bare minimum, early transition steps, and I can't even get those done. And it's not even rabid transphobes, it's all "allies" that screw you over for money or to avoid even minimal liability.

It just feels so hopeless, I'm so tired of feeling like a half-assed project in progress, I want to get on living already. And it feels unreachable entirely due to other people, independent from my efforts or how right transitioning feels for me.

How can I be sure that I am living my correct gender what if I didn’t realize that I am really trans and because of I am innately believing that I can’t transition so It’s never an option so It never hit me seriously. I am 25 amab

I am a transgender woman in the early stages of my transition. While the country I live in is generally trans friendly, I still feel weird when going to public facilities like pools or gyms because I need to use changing rooms, and also be with little to no makeup in public. Another type of places where I feel awkward is bar/pub/club. I have no problem going to a park, or museum, or theater as a female.

Could you guys tell me how are the things in your countries? How do you deal with changing rooms? How do you overcome the bad butterflies in your stomach in a pool or in a bar?

Thanks!

I’m in a weird spot where friends of mine think I’m egg and want to be a woman but I don’t.

I’m surrounded by people who’d accept me, I’m a fruity guy and bisexual but I’d never be happy as a woman. I’ve thought about it and the dysphoria would be intense. I like certain aspects of it but I think if I was ever going to crack the egg I would have done it years ago. My face and my body would never be even 1% of what I’d want them to be if I ever transitioned. I’m built like a linebacker, tall and broad shoulders and wide chin and huge nose.

In my dreams, I’m beautiful. But in the waking world, I look like shrek. I can’t change that, and I can be hot for a guy when I try. But to me, the face I see when I put on a wig and lipstick is not me. I don’t yearn to change him, I don’t feel wrong in my body. But everyone is acting like I should or waiting for me to figure it out. I’m 33, I’ve figured myself out. If I could snap my fingers and be any kind of woman… id only want it for a day. I would want to snap back. And I can’t do that to myself or my body.

I love women intensely. When I was a kid I swear I could feel heat or energy coming off the girls in class and I would frequently think of phrases like “the divine feminine” even at like 7 years old. But I’m happy as a man, as a yearner, a slightly fruity poet.

How do I deal with the feedback loop of everyone just waiting for me to come out as trans when I’m very happy in my gender identity?

Recently since I'm travelling around I decided to try BetterHelp so I can have a therapist help out with the starting stages of transition and I had an appointment today and it was the most god awful experience I've ever had with a therapist.

I've started and stopped transition a couple of times because i'm quite frankly terrified to transition because of external factors surrounding personal safety and discrimination, not the desire to transition itself. Within 45 minutes of messaging she told me "I think you need to find another therapist to help you with this, I've helped trans people and it seems like something else is causing this gender confusion, they all felt relief and not nervous"

Mind you her profile said that she was experienced in therapy for LGBTQ+ people...

So I'm seething obviously, has anyone else had good experiences with any therapists on this app? If that's the best they have to offer I'm way the fuck outta there.

I feel pretty guilty about it, so I wanted to ask people who might understand.

I’m transfem, and lately I’ve noticed that seeing openly trans women or wlw couples can trigger this really intense feeling of envy and sadness. I want to be clear I don’t hate these people, I’m not angry at them, and I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. If anything, I think part of why it hurts is because seeing them live openly reminds me of something I deeply want for myself.

It feels less like jealousy and more like grief. Yk as if seeng someone exist as the person i wish i was. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I end up avoiding the content completely or going to bed at 3pm just to not think about it.

The confising part is that even positive trans spaces can trigger it, because seeing people who are openly out, comfortable, transitioning, or expressing themselves can make me compare myself and feel like I’m behind or missing something.

I fell off Reddit a couple years ago and never looked into an alternative to r/traaaaaaaaaans is there any?

If so where is it?

I love transgendercirclejerk, but also it's hella depressing and sometimes i just want light fluffy memes.

So I'm a transbian, and for a while I've struggled with internalized transphobia. I've been trying to get used to the idea of dating other trans sapphics, but it's hard. I do have a level of bioessentialism to an extent. I've only had one sexual/romantic partner and it was over all a bad experience, and they were an enby on E. Dating an AFAB person, whether they're a cis woman or an enby feels natural. I tend to go for thick people, so when people try talking me into opening up to AMAB women/enbies more, it feels like I'm wrong for having a type? Trans femmes are often thin and lanky, enbies get top surgery. I don't want to be separate from lesbian communities, which is where I want to be, and I also worry that trying out the T4T world is doing that. It's not just a lesbian community with girls and enbies, it's a generic trans community where people are encouraged to go outside their comfort zones which may include genital preferences or whatever you can think of.

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Need help on trusting myself & need a little guidance