Bro wants to be Icarus minus the drowning in the ocean part

Also minus the unpleasant lesson in hubris

basically The Hound wants to be the Marvel equivalent of Icarus

The Hound wants to be

Robert Downey Jr?

is the Hound Robert Downey Jr?

SHE WILL NOT BE MOVED

JK SHE IS VERY EASY TO MOVE BECAUSE SHE IS VERY LIGHT BUT SHE IS MUCH HEAVIER WHEN DRENCHED IN POND WATER

But look at those little fucking pawpaws

look at that little fucking face

look at that cute little fucking harness

GOD I HATE HER SHE'S A BITCH

i miss my old dog because he was just ugly enough to be a prime roast at every opportunity and Toody is just too perfect

TOODY'S FIRST PADDLE

FULLY SUBMERGED

EMBARKED ON A VOYAGE

SWAM AFTER A KAYAK

HAD TO GO SWIMMING TO BRIBE HER TOWARDS SHORE

The Hound survived with some mildly damp ears and a distinct loss of both reputation and pride

Toody got punched square in the eye and now she's never washing that eye ever AGAIN

Nobody beats Barracuda up except The Hound and he does it with relentless efficiency and doesn't appear to register when/if she starts swinging back at him.

This is the face of an eternal queen who has encountered the void at the end of existence and realizes that it is unconquerable

The Hound honestly doesn't seem to realize that he has invoked a primordial sort of respect in Barracuda. He just likes to smack his problems until they resolve themselves

Fatty McFatterson got her fat ass stuck again this morning because she is a fatty fat fat cow who is fat

For context, Barracuda is able to stand on her hind feet when she's behind the bed as seen in exhibit A. However, her back feet are really only on the floor by a technicality, so she's more or less on her tippy toes, which does not allow her the jet propulsion needed to accelerate out of the pickle she has placed herself in.

All she can do is these little dumb baby hops that serve no purpose but to make me cackle

She can, however, just drop down and exit from beneath the bed.

But she would rather do her dumb little baby hops on her tippy toes, because she remembers being able to do it as a svelte and well-maintained young lady cat. Barracuda, like myself, has so far refused to look her encroaching middle age in the eye.

Is it a Home Depot in my local community? Yes.

Was I almost 2 weeks late getting it there? Yes.

Is it still exciting to see? Yes.

Obviously I paint for the love of the game but it's still really neat to be able to visit one of my actual paintings and be like "look das mine"

A lady complimented it the other day while I was buying tape and I word-vomited every aspect that made me use profanity while painting it and that lady said "my ducky it looks some nice"

Shame her and call her a fat little cow baby

Humble her

Make her regret laughing at The Hound and his oversized badonkadonk because at least he didn't get his ass wedged between a mattress and a wall

Toody tried to help but Barracuda called her 3 different bad words

I promised her I would call a crane tomorrow if the situation hasn't improved. I found out that a cat can, under duress, articulate "go fuck yourself" with surprising accuracy

The Hound remembers when a tin of Carnation Milk cost .25 and he complained about it then too

How's he supposed to drink his tea now

with oat milk?

jesus wept, susan

He cleans himself like a little fat man and I can't help laughing because look at his stupid little fucking legs

its hot as fuck boiiiiii

Also why there haven't been frequent, obsessive posts as per usual 😌 The fellas are honestly too hot to do anything even remotely humorous, and I've been on an art/horror movie kick anyway.

SPEAKING OF WHICH

MY HORROR BROS,

EVIL DEAD BURN

as an obsessive fan of the franchise and as devoted to Bruce Campbell as I am to Godzilla (unhinged and with extreme bias), this is peak modern Evil Dead. It's not as hard on the camp and comedy as the old school series, but OH MY GOD IT'S FUCKED IT'S ABSOLUTELY FUCKED

Like your weird little cousin got pushed to 5th grade because his teacher would rather die than deal with him for another 10 months, Petunia graduated from puppy middle school

She did not try very hard at all, and spent most of her time in class making eyes at the teacher's husband, who she would willingly die for if he asked

JK she actually learned real cool stuff like how to actually take a break and settle down in one spot instead of losing her friggin mind on the daily

She got a pupcake for being so smart and beautiful and strong

The Hound says that the training "didn't do shit, Susan" but he's just a curmudgeon who didn't get a pupcup and a new celebrity crush

She has been given at least 14 new nicknames, including Tood The Dood, The Great Toodly-Doodly, Looney Toon, Tunafish, Tuna, Fish, and my personal favorite, "THE THING"

She proved that she is actually very good at the learning part of training - she just expects fair and reasonable compensation before applying those skills in the real world. As the Joker once said, "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonli--"

WAIT NO THAT'S NICHOLSON

goddamn it

GET OUT OF HERE

"If you're good at something, never do it for free~"

why does the elevator have a puddle at ass o'clock in the morning

am I about to be jumped by water people

because I'll kick their asses bitch

pls someone tell me u saw my stupid ass 2nd episode OG naruto joke

anyway Toody is graduating from school this afternoon so stay tuned for those pictures - I bet half of you freaks will be more excited about a dog's graduation than 90% of the kindergarteners you know. maybe even your own.

it was not walk o'clock

it was 6 am on a Friday and I was scrambling to finish an art I accidentally promised a local collection and at no point did I even look at any of the 600 leashes in my home.

it is also a working weekend for me which Toody has many feelings about and they are all negative

send thoughts and prayers for when I tell her we're also picking up shifts at a vet clinic on some weekends - I say we specifically bc Toodles McDoodles will be accompanying me for said 12 hour dumpster fires

tbf she'll probably have fun

tbf I'll probably have fun

but goddammit it's still not walk o'clock

LET THE PUPPIES HIT THE FLOOOORRRR

Toody had a very exciting Canada Day and there are an absurd number of real cute pictures that I didn't want to spam you guys with but also she's so fucking cute u guys I don't even understand

she tried to make friends with a group of ducks and they told her to go die which was a little extreme but also idk mb they were American ducks overwhelmed by all the maple leaf motifs

she went to the dog park and someone left a kiddy pool there so Toody lost her GODDAMN MIND and ended up legitimately drenched from head to tail and was so happy about the whole affair

The Hound was also drenched when she came home and told him all about her adventures while basically lying on top of him. He was very warm because summer is finally summering, so he was shockingly happy to be moistened

Matilda was v excited to receive frozen grapes and apple slices as payment for not being a goblin like her sisters

She is an exceptionally good finder, with a smile that only her Mudder could love

The Hound is in the process of melting and therefore has not made himself available for regular photoshoots. He and Petunia have taken up shop in the bedroom closet, where it is pleasantly cool and smells delightfully like basement apartment

OH WAIT HOLD ON SOME OF Y'ALL ARE GROWN UPS I CAN ASK YOU

How do grown ups make a basement apartment stop smelling musty and old and basement-y? My landlord/upstairs neighbor told Toody that she smells like basement and now I'm on an obsessive quest to eliminate foul smells from my domicile.

Bear in mind that I am broke as a goddamn joke

except it's not even a funny joke

it's a sad joke that involves a lot of ramen noodles and cheap chicken fingers

EDIT: GOTDANG U GUYS GOT SOME MUSTY OL' BASEMENTS TO KNOW THIS MANY TRICKS. I love it here.

got trapped in the bathroom overnight and has t r a u m a

I went in there to pee this morning and all I saw was a tiny black blur when I opened the door

is this the first time Goosetopher has managed to lock himself somewhere silly? Absolutely not. Goose is a fellow who likes to explore forbidden places. He has also locked himself in various cabinets, closets, and laundry rooms.

he was in there for approximately 7 hours, yet ran to the food bowl like he had been deprived for days

The Hound and Barracuda both chased him with more concern than they would show me if I was bleeding out in front of them

Baby Satan looked at me like she just realized the levels of my depravity go far deeper than she expected

I had to give Goosetopher a bowl of delicious beef pate as an apology and he wouldn't eat it until I backed away at least 7 feet because apparently I might just lock him in a fucking sock drawer if he's not careful

Dink, literally waiting for me to put my fucking phalanges into his realm

ready for battle

prepared to defend Donk's window licking art with his LIFE

not pictured here is the silly amount of oatmeal I had to ply him with to be permitted to survive the encounter.

Oatmeal in this case being a tiny condiment bowl filled with soaked food pellets, spinach, bananas, strawberries, and kiwi, with a sprinkling of a dog food topper powder that's 99% pumpkin and chicken

Donk came out of the boudoir so fast he actually tripped and fell off the platform he was on. He could have died. He did not care, because it got him to the oatmeal faster.

Whatever it is, it's fucking disgusting Greg

Jesus Christ

there are children here

Personally I am sorry that I had to go to work to make a living to continue funding The Hound's expensive lifestyle. I also am sorry that he ran out of kibble this morning and will not receive more until this afternoon, when I use my maxed out credit card to purchase more kibbles for this fat little trashcan man

I am also sorry that he did not receive adequate snuggles and cuddles this morning due to my own laziness and refusal to wake up at a reasonable hour.

I know that I deserve his disgust, yet it pains me nevertheless

Baby Satan and Goosetopher are young, innocent members of society and both of them are too in love with The Hound to question if the nip nops really need to be rustled.

Goosetopher is getting hairballs from grooming his antique Goodwill armchair of a liege lord

Toody has been motorboating herself with old man moobies

Barracuda is planning on moving in with Dink and Donk to be the muscle for their little rodent mob

Dink is trying to call CPS because he knows a goddamn felony when he sees one

I can confirm that I did the Leo pointing meme as soon as this fugly old man dragon showed up

just out here trying to live his best feral life

minding his goddamn business

feeding an orphan (so kind)

bro assumed his new child wanted to square up with an Armada and two other dragons and he was like

"bet"

If you don't follow HotD, congrats because you're gonna get the really weird biased sparknotes version of the plot as we go through the season

EP 1: Old Man Dragon Yells At Clouds. Commits Atrocity. Orphan Cries (unrelated?)

WHO YOU LOOKIN AT HOUND? NOBODY CAN TELL MOTHERFUCKER.

The diet is beginning to falter and the fat is creeping back like an unwanted great aunt at your wedding reception. I can confirm that The Hound is a generally more pleasant individual when his BMI starts to scare his veterinarian.

Immediately after this photo was taken, The Hound latched onto The Poof (Toody's helmet hair) and created what we in the industry like to call a "Traumatic Childhood Memory" for Petunia