Picked a house, grabbed a sword,
Thought I would be a tactical lord.
Romanced the milf, then she got slain,
What the fuck was the point of this dating campaign?!
We had pixel Fire Emblem, 3D ones, tank ones, real-time ones, slashers... honestly, I kind of want to talk about the tank ones. From the very beginning, the Fire Emblem series did not really click with me, and right now I cannot even tell you why. Something about it just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was because Super Smash Bros gave way too much attention to this specific franchise, and it pissed me off that Persona or Final Fantasy did not get the same treatment.
Weirdly enough, I got introduced to Fire Emblem through Advance Wars. Playing it on a plane on a single console with my buddy was an absolute blast. When I found out there was a similar game, but with knights and dragons, I instantly got hyped to play it. At that time, Engage was just about to drop on the Switch, but I decided it would be cool to check out the previous entry first.
Three Houses is considered one of the best and most iconic games in the series just because I said so, and because I literally have not played any other entries, lol. It is also the perfect entry point for beginners because I am a beginner myself, and I think it is a great place to start. Or simply for people who love Heroes of Might and Magic III, but ran out of mods to play.
Right at the start, we pick our character gender, which does not really change much. If you pick the girl, you will have to romance sweaty dudes, but whatever. Unless, of course, you go for that yellow archer guy from the cover art. I will drop the pic below. I completely forgot his name, and I am too lazy to look it up, but just know he is cool, and picking him was the right call.
Back in the day, I only played as the male gigachad, and it was fine. While in Persona games I usually built entire harems, here one milf Manuela was more than enough for the whole playthrough. Anyway, that is beside the point. This specific entry introduced dating sim mechanics into a purely tactical, story-driven game, which I am pretty sure was not a thing in the older titles. It is definitely a secondary feature, but chatting or even hooking up with the teammates you almost got killed in the last fight against cultists or bandits is actually pretty fun.
The best part about this franchise is that if you lose one of your goons in battle, like a bandit shanks them, a priest smacks them, or a dragon absolutely obliterates them... that fighter is permanently cut from the game. Along with all their dialogues, side quests, legendary weapons, and even important story bits. This gives you a serious adrenaline rush because, unlike chess where you just lose a piece, you are not exactly going on dates with a rook or drinking tea with a bishop, so you do not really feel bad when they die.
Early on, you get to choose one of three houses where you will be teaching a bunch of talentless peasants how to fight, leveling up their skills, changing their combat styles, and helping them pass exams for new classes. This way, some absolute degenerate with a stick can eventually become a paladin or ride a wyvern. As for the houses, we have the blue ones with some blonde guy, which is way too vanilla for me. Then, there are the red ones with a chick I disliked from the very beginning. And finally, the yellow ones with your awesome roommate, who drops great jokes and is just a top-tier dude, like I mentioned before. You will spend the entire game leading this house, building bonds with your specific teammates, and experiencing your unique story branch. Because of this, you actually need to beat the game at least three times, once for each house, just to fully grasp the story. Ironically, I started playing this right after finishing Nier Automata, so I hope you understand how hard that specific aspect hit me.
Later on, if your teammate kicks the bucket, you will eventually unlock the ability to recruit warriors or even students from other houses. You can level up their social links with each other, and that actually affects how they perform on the battlefield.
The story takes a while to get going, but that actually works in its favor. With every passing in-game month, the vibe gets significantly darker. In the first few hours, your teenage students will be laughing about how they easily clapped five bandits. But six hours later, they will be forced to fight actual monsters that are somehow thicker than that giant turtle in Final Fantasy XV. The only issue is that sometimes the game dumps a massive amount of lore on you. At first, I even thought about sitting down and playing the original GBA titles (I know there were games before the GBA era, I just wanted to brag that I recently bought a Game Boy Advance).
The game also has an open monastery where you can fish, grow vegetables, mess around, or even visit the bathhouse. But honestly, why the hell would you do any of that when you can just go on a student mission and get some super cool legendary weapon? If I wanted that kind of slice-of-life gameplay, I would go play Stardew Valley or Fantasy Life. Why do I need this in a turn-based tactical dating sim? Anyway, on these side missions, you get a chunk of lore, which is sometimes genuinely interesting, along with new enemies, locations, or even a massive plot twist connected to the main story. I would tell you what it is, but I assume at least someone is going to read this review, and I am not that much of an asshole. By the way, these missions are time-sensitive. You can easily miss an event where you defend a town from pirates or fight a giant worm in the desert. The funny part is that if your students die during this time, other missions might literally never spawn. You will permanently miss out on some overpowered weapon just because you let your favorite archer get killed.
I could definitely talk about other aspects of the game in detail, but I already covered all the main things I wanted to say. It is a very atmospheric and slow-paced tactical game that gives you exactly as much as you need. And if you feel like it is giving you too much, like all that fishing and farming nonsense, you can safely skip those parts entirely. That is honestly a massive plus for the game, because I sure as hell cannot skip that stupid Batmobile in Arkham Knight.
Even if you are a complete noob at tactical games, you should still put the difficulty on Hard. Unfortunately, I overestimated how hard the game would be, which is not surprising considering the other tactical games I reviewed before this, so I picked Normal. After realizing I was easily wiping the floor with absolutely everyone without even grinding or having a full squad, I went to check some forums. It turns out I was not the only one dealing with this issue. I have no idea why they designed it this way, but I hope that if you actually go play this pretty decent game after reading my review, which I highly doubt you will, then please do not repeat my mistakes.
As for the people who have already played it: I was thinking about dropping a generic question like the ones I use in my other reviews. But honestly, I want to ask you guys about the other entries in the series, especially the GBA and 3DS ones. I know they are all great, but I want to hear about your specific favorites. Maybe one day I will do a review on one of those, too.