Hey, so I had a fight with my mom just now, and she’s very close to, or is right about, having enough with my behavior. Much of which I would say is derived from my Autism (hence me posting here). She wants me to move out as soon as possible, so I started quickly looking at options for serious this time (I’ve done this before even without fighting, soooo…)

However, the first couple options I found didn’t seem to be suitable for me. The first one was one where I am apparently “too normal” for (My autism is level 2, not 3), and the second is more an academy than like a group home or state home or any other kind of living for Autistic adults like me.

And even more, I don’t know how I can vet these kind of living places to ensure that they’re best for me. So I need help in figuring out in finding a place for me where I could, if not live on my own, then live somewhere…more peacefully.

Thanks in advance.

It would be really nice if someone could share their experience on these two topics? I'm getting quite lost, and it helps me way more to read real life descriptions of people going through the same things as me rather than getting the textbook explanation from the therapist who followed me.

1. Regression

Has anyone managed to compensate socially for years,  only to end up crashing more and more violently until it was not possible to be forced back into the system anymore (permanently)?

I know the term here is probably “regression”, but in my case this doesn’t seem to be temporary.

It’s more like I have reverted to the state I was never supposed to have left in the first place, but it's like...big jumps backwards. Not a few tiny polite steps. 

In the beginning, therapists told me it’s normal when you “unmask”, a term I hate because I know everybody masks socially to some extent. I feel that with autism, the right term would be “compensating”, because it’s much more than just putting on a mask. It has real destructive consequences. 

Moreover, I kept getting this comment of “it’s normal that you find it harder to do what seemed manageable before, because you’ve stopped to force yourself constantly”.

Okay, fair point, but it doesn’t answer the question “is this permanent?”. Can I finally be who I was supposed to be even if it means I'll never fit in anymore?

My instinct is yes, it’s permanent. I just don’t get why I can’t hear it from the mouth of a specialist. It’s not exactly a death sentence. Or maybe it's still too much like a sentence to say "you'll probably never manage to go back to a normal working life anymore"?

I suppose people think that it could eventually come back, and I find that weird considering my history/background (which they know).

Obviously I’m making progress and I do want to give back to society.
I just don't want to die in the process.

My progress is mostly about opening up to the world again, learning to feel when I get dysregulated before the meltdown happens, and drawing the line between what I can push through and what is going to make me crash.
It’s also about asking for help when I can’t manage to do something, without feeling too much shame because it's stuff I used to manage on my own before.

In any case, that is NOT reverting back to “normal”. It’s just learning to live with myself and within the limits that keep me a happy, balanced person. 

I know that without knowing my situation in details it’s hard to say anything, but I feel that by hearing other people’s experience maybe I can see where I’m headed? 

1. Non-verbal

Can someone explain to me the different flavours of “non-verbal”? I am supposing there are people for whom it is difficult to express things in words in general. 

But are there also people who are comfortable with talking most of the time, but for whom it becomes difficult, or pretty much impossible to talk during dysregulation? 

If so, can you be forced into talking in those situations? 

And if you are forced, what happens?

I’m asking those questions because I have recently realised I actually have issues with speech during dysregulation and meltdowns, and I’m not sure how to navigate them. I used to think I was just because I was "a bit too stressed" but apparently it's worse than that. It’s both scary and painful when it happens.

Thank you so much!

Copy pasteing for mine ease

i toured the day program today i relly hope i get accepted and that me having seizures, headbanging too the point of brain injury, and wandering into traffic do not mess this up for me..

they offer so much there like occupational therapy, speech therapy, social skills group, sensory room, video gaming room, field trips, arts and crafts, they teach you how too do/get better at adls for example hand washing and independence skills, they help you apply too stuff, they help people who can work apply too jobs etc

there are just so much theyv offer there

i relly hope i get in and that mine needs are not too high for there

it would finally give me the opportunity too make freinds and do so much and not be so isolated all the day and time

i have another meeting in August there and with mine DDS worker again

i hope it go well

(here a picture of the gaming room there)

I went to my happy place the zoo after some hard weeks I went zoo to go see animals im a huge animal lover and I love nature ☺️

niece and nephew staying with us for a month and i cant do it anymore. they stayed last year & it was very tiring but not as bad as this. only been almost 2 weeks and i cant do it anymore. they both have adhd, imo they have undiagnosed autism the both of them but i can't say for sure of course i just see a lot of myself in them both, both have bad bad bad behavioral issues. i cant do it anymore. my mom loses her temper on them and my dad is checked out. he said he wanted them gone days ago. my mom refuses to tell my sister to come get them. they aren't safe here they aren't happy here they can't stay in the same bedroom but we can't trust either of them out in the living room alone and i cant keep them safe from each other and barely themselves.

i have to do basically everything with them including discipline but they aren't being disciplined properly at home so it doesn't work well here. they want to hang out with me, they dont like hanging out with my mom or dad. only me. all the stupid chat gpt advice my sister gave us in an email is bullshit and does nto work. they sent them here without any preparation for them or us, no consideration for them or us. my sister was posting on facebook celebrating having a break from them.

i cant do this anymore. ive been telling my mom for days now to tell my sister to come pick them up because this is so unfair to us and them but she ownt listen to me & i cant fucking do this anymore. i dont know what to do. she loses her temper onthem and gets so nasty the same way she does with me and i dont want them exposed to that. she keeps saying ohh you can hide in your room i'll do everyting but she doesnt! she gets tired and annoyed and angry and will stop doing anything helful. my niece was playing with wires and the electrical socket while having a meltdown(?) tonight and she just said "stop it or youll get electrocuted" then kept ignoring her. when i was trying to talk her down later she tried putting her fingers in again. and then she tried lifting something heavy and dangerous that could crush her. like this is so seriosu

my niece is 8 turning 9 next week and my nephew is 12. turning 13 next month. they are still kids i know this my special interest is kids and [early] childhood development thats why im so stressed because i can see what is so wrong and i cant fix it cause im not their parents! theyre only here a month! but that one month they are doing TERRIBLY.

And ohh my mom wants to take them to disney. she wants to take them to pet capybaras and do all sorts of things because she thinks taking them out of the house will sovle everything when it doesnt. and since im agorapjobic i cant go with her to these things, which means they will fight and she cant do anything other than yell at them and lose her temper. m y dad keeps talking about wanting to spank them and he just scoffs when i tell him that will fix absolutely nothing

i cant verbally talk anymore im so overwhellmed it makes me nauseous just trying to speak but i have to speak to help them i feel like im gonna have a meltdown if this keeps going on i dont know how im supposed to do this for 2 more weeks

*apologies for crossposting. i am autistic & ADHD and posted this in an AuDHD sub and in an autistic adults sub, and then reddit suggested this might be a more appropriate sub for the post*

QUESTION(S): how do other people even identify their support needs? like is it a support need if i'm just "bad" at things that are either basic survival needs/skills or adult life norms/expectations/demands? has it been easier for you to identify and understand your support needs when they have been met, or when they have been unmet? (how) do you get them met? who is "supposed" to fulfill them?

CONTEXT: i think i've maybe been missing or confused about things as a result of having automatically interpreted autistic terms as their most realized versions (ie i did not think i was a person who masked because i assumed "masking" = successfully masking rather than simply trying to perform neuronormativity). i think perhaps i am getting stuck on a similar hitch around "support needs"--maybe something like being able to recognize that one even has support needs through being able to access professional care around them (something i know so many of us cannot access or afford). my confusion may also a problem of not having so far been able to make the cognitive jump in understanding from what, for me, are experiences of incapacity or "failure" to a framing or an articulation of "needs.

it is hard for me to understand or even really try to name or look at my support needs. while i'm extremely grateful for loved ones who have learned to understand my complicated disability realit[y/ies], i have not had a specific support plan, and i think i unfortunately have been conceiving of support needs in part through professional(ized) care (including being able to identify what those needs are and/or having them attended to). how do other people even identify their support needs? like is it a support need if i am just "bad" at stuff, even if those needs continue as manifestations of in-/dis-ability and go unmet? (ie if i simply continue not being able to wash my hair for many weeks at a time, etc?)

(kind of ironic to be sitting here thinking that maybe part of having never conceived of my difficulties as "support needs" is deeply inextricable from my having spent my life masking, "successfully" or not.)

realizing as i'm sitting here typing--generally not able to work; having not been able to get through high school (many, many years ago now), flanked by book mounds, an archive of past-due library books, trash, & foothills of dirty clothes + unfolded clean laundry; ticcing; having showered maybe one time in the past ten days--that perhaps i can answer the question of whether i even have support needs myself. and/but i would really appreciate some insight from you all!

I'm autistic with serious sensory issues. I live in a judgmental and conservative area with a lot of ableism. This spawned an impossible problem.

I wear whatever that works for my sensory needs. I probably look like a slob most of the time. That's okay with me.

But every time I go out, I notice people glaring at me. This is incredibly draining and hurtful to deal with. I wish I could tune them out somehow, but it doesn't work. Most people here literally have no reservations staring at anyone different.

I also noticed I seemed to develop something like an involuntary special interest (or obsession?) with trying to find clothes that can accommodate my needs and pass as socially acceptable at the same time. They're extremely hard to find (and i suspect it might be outright impossible).

If I find something that works for my body, I get shamed and stared at for wearing it. If I give in and try something that'd to let me pass, it wears me out and I wouldn't be able to continue without putting myself in harm's way. I take sensory issues extremely seriously and I believe attempting to suppress it would be tantamount to harming myself.

For cooler months, I can kind of sidestep this problem if I layer up. But this area has hot and humid summers which means I can't layer up without overheating myself. To make things worse, sexual harassment isn't taken seriously and a lot of men are going to ogle at any woman for whatever reason. So on top of harassment for being a "slob", I also risk being ogled at for reasons completely out of my control. I shouldn't be forced to choose between overheating and exposing myself to creeps or worse, but that's the choice this area is shoving at my face.

Every day when I need to get dressed I catch myself worrying about being judged and harassed. Then I end up cycling through clothing combinations again and again. I'm losing hours every day trying to solve a problem that I didn't create. The drain on mental energy and focus is just incredibly. I'm kind of at the end of my wits and am not sure what to do. I suspect I might be scrambling to find a solution to an impossible problem but I can't stop. I don't think it makes sense to pour focus and energy into appeasing standards that make no sense to me, but the societal pressure in this area is unbearable.

NT would tell me to ignore the problem or play into the bare minimum but I can't do that. I tried talking about this issue with an autistic friend but even they didn't understand (apparently their autism presents differently and they don't have problems with sensory stuff? or they could be masking hard?). It sucks that I have nobody IRL I'd feel safe discussing this issue.

Mostly looking to rant but would appreciate it if anyone has any advice or has similar experiences.

I grew up in an abusive family whom i cut ties with. When I was growing up, they refused to teach me essential skills for reasons that make no sense to me. Never taught me to drive -- i put myself through driver's ed in my mid 20's. Outright refused to teach me about personal finance -- i'm taking free classes funded by the city. What stings the most is that they basically assumed I'd amount to nothing -- against all evidence to the contrary -- and actively tried to reinforce that outcome.

When I got into college, my father threatened to block me from going and my mother was screaming that I will break and get thrown into a mental hospital (?????!!!!) before the end of my first year. The doctor I was seeing at that time told me "the best I could hope for was to barely graduate with close-to-failing grades" and "I could always beg professors for a pass". Looking back, this is complete nonsense. Begging professors would lead to nowhere. Another one said the university I'd gotten into was going to be "too hard for me" and I wouldn't graduate on time. What bothers me the most is that nobody was willing to talk about any kind of actionable step. Literallly every single authority figure around me was telling me to give up before I had a chance to try. Worse, when I pushed back, they pathologized that reaction and claimed everything's going to be fine if I just gave up and accepted low standards they wanted to impose upon me.

I was later blown away to find out some kids have parents who advise them on which classes to take, how to talk to professors for opportunities, how to format their resume, how to put their best foot forward in the professional world. I was given none of those things. It was all catastrophic predictions and no actionable guidance whatsoever.

Looking back, I suspect it could have been ableism. My parents spent so much time in delusional denial about the fact that I am not neurotypical. They did not hesitate to dish out violence in a futile attempt to "beat the neurodivergence out" of me. When that failed, it seems like they've done a 180 and shifted to thinking I had no future anyway, and somehow they acted like they wanted to make sure I'd never be independent.

Parents have nothing to gain from sabotaging their children. I have an intense desire to try to make sense of why things happen the way they did, so I end up looping over and over when something has no internal logic whatsoever. It's deeply disturbing to think about.

This is from the famous Pillowfort brand.

I chose the unicorn. Because it's pink and I love unicorns. And I thought her wings were really cute.

She is amazing. Best 25 dollars spent. I do not regret her.

She helps me calm down. She is very soft and squishy. She's big enough so that when I am lying down, I can cuddle her and rest my head on her like a pillow. Great sensory experience.

I feel like she helps me sleep better. Which is also good.

Stuffed animals and plushies have always been a special interest of mine. And I do not like weighted blankets, as I feel as though the blanket is too heavy and it makes me feel smothered

But a plushie is great. I can hug it and it still has more or less the same benefits as the blankets.

A friend's friends whom i've seen like 3 or 4 times hit on me like it was obvious, sending me a text, with lower tone, saying we should see eachother 1-1

I've NEVER been in this situation before how am I even supposed to act

I'm not against anything with her, it's just that I didn't envisionned ANYTHING before so I wasn't ready to react to it

How do I handle this​​

I saw a post on Instagram where someone with seemingly LSNs autism said “Meltdowns aren’t scary” and then proceeded to show a video of her “meltdown” where she was just crying and rocking, and then later talking to the camera with red eyes in the exact same position she was in during her “meltdown”.

I am fucking LIVID. Meltdowns are absolutely terrifying. It is extreme distress and complete loss of self-control.

I used to work with MSN and HSN folks so I have both seen meltdowns from the outside, and personally experienced them. Both positions are scary.

It is scary to see someone in that much pain. It is scary to be unable to soothe.
It is scary to be in that much pain.
It is terrifying to not know what you are going to do next, and having no ability to stop yourself.
Meltdowns are fucking scary.

Not all of my meltdowns are violent, but some are. I have luckily only had aggressive behavior towards my mom.

But even the nonviolent ones are terrifying. Losing complete control of your emotions and body is scary as fuck. Having extreme feelings like that is scary and overwhelming. The only way to describe a meltdown is fear and distress.

I am scared of having a meltdown. I am scared during meltdowns. I am scared afterwards that another will eventually happen.

It is insulting to say meltdowns aren’t scary.
Crying and rocking like that is just normal. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks, but that’s something even neurotypicals experience. Episodes of emotional dysregulation are part of the human experience.
This doesn’t mean that whatever is happening doesn’t suck. It’s just not a goddamn meltdown. Having a big emotion is very distressing, but it is drastically different than a meltdown.
I’m not saying this to invalidate anyone’s feelings or experience.
I just think it’s extremely important that we use the correct terminology, and recognize how dangerous meltdowns are for so many people in our community.

Saying meltdowns are not scary is insulting, invalidating, dismissive, and minimizes/ downplays a severe autism symptom.

Hi. I have autism and I have other mental illnesses.

I am eloping a lot lately. I get very overwhelmed by nightmares and sensory issues and I end up running away to the beach. I dont remember how I get to the beach but its always there I go. I find the water soothing.

I also have agoraphobia and I find these moments really stressful and traumatic and I dont want to leave the house ever again willingly.

What can I do to help this ?

Avert your eyes if you're Italian. I don't like slimy foods, so I deep-fried pasta. 🫣

Nice for a snack

I am very afraid of the dentist and I have some really bad dental issues going on. I don't have anyone to go with me and I'm terrified to go alone. I've tried contacting autism resources in my state, but they said its an 18 year wait list. I feel terrified but I don't know what to do. Its really wearing me down that I keep repeatedly going to these really scary and difficult doctor appointments with no support when I am level 2. I just want to hide, and not go at all but the issues only gets worse.

Hey everybody!

My name is Katelyn Hamilton, and I work as a research assistant in the DDMH Lab at York University in Toronto, ON. Our research team is composed of a lot of neurodivergent individuals who are extremely passionate about the topics we pursue!

We reached out to this sub once before and the response was amazing. Thank you guys for all of the support. We're still looking for a lot of participants, so if you have yet to take this study, and you have some time to spare, it would mean so much for the team.

Our lab is currently conducting an ethics-approved1 study on dissociation in neurodivergent adults. To our knowledge, this study is one of the first, if not the first, to explore dissociation in neurodivergent individuals this comprehensively!

This study aims to explore the relationship between all of the following:

•ADHD & autism traits;
•Sensory processing & emotion regulation;
•Restrictive & repetitive behaviours;
•Dissociation symptoms, including maladaptive daydreaming2

We measure all of these variables with several validated, standardized questionnaires. If you are curious about these variables, please feel free to leave a comment in the post. I am more than happy to interact with all of the communities we recruit from!

Important information!
•Participation is completely anonymous!
•The survey is roughly 30 minutes, completed online. All international participants are welcome!
•We accept adult (18+) participants both with a diagnosis and without. If you self-identify as neurodivergent, you qualify!
•You do not need to experience dissociation to participate.
•You may share the link with colleagues, friends, or family members who you think would be interested!
We don't post the survey link outright simply to avoid spam and non-responders.

If you're interested, you can:
•Send a DM to u/ddmhlab
•Email my supervisor Dr. Panetta at [email protected] OR use this link (it will open your default mail app with a default email)
•Comment on this post saying your interested

Notes:
1. This study has been approved by York University's Office of Research Ethics (ORE) Human Participants Review Committee (certificate # e2026-003). 
2. Maladaptive daydreaming is a newly proposed dissociative disorder that involves vivid, uncontrollable daydreaming.
3. Please note that if I don’t get back to you right away on Reddit, it’s because of DM limits.

Hi, i wanted to know how common it is, because i feel like I feel like a kid a lot. Most of my hobbies didn't change from when i was a kid, and i have trouble a lot liking things seen as more adult and stick to more childlike interests usually the same things from when i was a kid. I still play with toys and with my niece and younger family members and have issue talking with people who arent either kids or other more autistic people. when i look at myself in the mirror i still expect to see child me and its really weird that i look different when i go look. all my dreams are still me being how i was when i was a kid and stuff from my old school and my old friends that i dont talk to anymore. i cry a lot when i realized they changed so much and we arent just kids anymore and they dont want to play with me.

I get people being so triggered by the things I do, like expressing my hobbies and things I enjoy that aren't popular with others. People become so hostile when I am authentic and enthusiatic about my passions. Its so strange. Are they envious that they don't have the courage to be themselves?

TLDR; I got hyper fixated on the idea holding a would stop me from hurting others and feared if I didn't keep it on me I'd need to incapacitate myself so I couldn't cause harm. The social care workers had to escalate to Garda coming and taking the glass because of the risk involved. The Garda was nice.

T.W. mentions of violence and harm

I'm 17 in residential care with ASD level 2.

on Saturday I got incredibly freaked out that was violent and would hurt others. it's hard to explain, I don't have a history with hurting others.

I cried and and screamed from fear, then I grabbed a glass from the cabinet. I held onto it for dear life, it let me calm down enough to get into bed and I fell asleep hugging it tightly waking up all night to check it was still in my grasp.

I felt like if I stoped holding it I would hurt someone. I felt like if I tried to stop holding it I'd smash it and have to hurt myself to incapacitate my self to avoid harming others. I was petrified.

I got up at 8:30am, brought the glass with to brushed my teeth, got back into bed holding the glass tightly then felt parralised in bed unable to move out of fear I'd do it, I just wanted to get dressed but I sat frozen until noon when I social care worker got me to get out but I kept the glass in my backpack.

they asked me throughout the day for it, I would freeze or refuse. I would get anxious just taking the back pack off. I kept checking for it still being in the bag.

My key social care worker sat me down and heard me out about the fixation I explained it like the following;

'what if hurt someone right now -> I don't want that *cry/squeal* -> what if I broke the glass to hurt someone -> I could break it and incapacite myself so I can't -> I don't want to do that -> but what if I have too? -> but if I keep holding the glass then the inaction avoids an action'

then answered her questions. She was greatful I was communicating but ultimately I was too scared to hand it over. at around 9:30pm I locked myself in the bathroom until we'll after 11pm. I was petrified and felt it was the only way to keep everyone safe, I didn't want to hurt anyone but I was so scared.

I managed to leave but it was terrifying. I took my meds and got in bed. then the Garda were brought into my room because the social care worker felt she had to get existental help as she couldn't leave me with a weapon.

the Garda were thankfully lovely people, I've had mixed responses with Grada when they've gotten involved in my meltdowns. They were calm and kind, and made me tea after.

I was convinced in the moment that if it was taken something awful would happen, but it didn't. I'm still anxious but the glass didn't help me despite how nessercery it felt in the moment. I don't know. It's all a bit stupid.

I wish I wasn't like this is so stupid. I gave it up and that was something I think. I don't know I feel confused and anxious, the Garda and my key social care worker said I was being brave but I still feel stupid and scared.

were together for 9 years, since middle school. broke up tonight. supposed to stay friends but idk if we will. don't have anyone other friends or people i really talk too, only 3 acquaintances i don't know how to talk to. they're the only one i talk to. and the only one ive ever been able to have any sort of connection with. feel like i'm never going to make another friend or have another relationship. feels like its my fault for ruining our relationship bc i'm too disabled and too autistic and too mentally ill. just going to be alone forever bc i don't know how to be a person.

Hi, a bit over a month ago I had a meltdown for the first time in a while, and ever since every single day I consistently feel like I'm on the verge of having them, especially towards the end of the day. And I have had multiple too, luckily mostly at home. Doing things that I normally can triggers me to get worse, and it's to the point where I can't get food for myself at all (I have a caregiver so I'm eating but still) and any sensory excitement is too much. For example, I live with a young child and if she comes to my room I can't handle it at all and I'm lucky if it doesn't cause a meltdown.

I know that for me these periods end eventually but I wanted to ask for what y'all do or would do if this is a familiar situation to anyone. Getting tired of it, very, very tired.

Is it normal to feel alone and other stuff. Even when being around people? I get bad around crowds but sometimes still feel alone and distant.

I really wish I didnt have to go out in public it stresses me out so bad I have an autism lanyard and use ear defenders as I get anxious and highly sensitive to noise, im a mad flapper and vocal stimmer and if that dont help I punch myself in the head or hit my head off objects or slap myself then I feel bad that my head hurts I live on my own and I'm honestly struggling im seeing a mental health therapist but I think i need a carer to help me

Hi everyone - My name is Jaxson, I'm autistic (Level 2) and I wrote a song to express my lived experience, challenges and growth. (I have posted it in this group before and it was so lovely hearing from so many people and hearing others experience and storys). It's called More Than ASD, and the message is about being seen as more than a diagnosis. Writing it helped me process a lot of emotions, and I wanted to share it here with people who might relate.

I don't want to just drop a link without context - I wrote the lyrics here so you can read them if you want even without listening.

**Lyrics written by Jaxson McConnell, and all rights to this song and music belong to Jaxson McConnell:**

Crushed, I was under every Judge,

Pressed down deep beneath the sludge,

I started as a buried seed,

Trapped and yearning to be freed,

A cutting phase, a distaining look,

To make me crumble

To make me crumble that's all it took.

You cannot know what you will be,

And once you get it that’s the key,

You are more than the disorder in ASD.

Then suddenly the load was not there,

I shot up through the mud and into the air,

Not forced to do, and not forced to go,

Now, at last I could finally say NO

Or that I am angry, or I feel dumb

To someone other than my dog,

To someone other than my dog,

Or my mum

You cannot know what you will be,

And once you get it, that’s the key,

You are more than the disorder in ASD

Ever since then I struggled and fought,

And now I am more than what I ever thought

I could ever be, so I will keep going

Take a chance and not stop growing,

Whatever it takes, I will push through

And if I can do it, so you can

You cannot know what you will be

And once you get it , that’s the key,

You are more than the disorder in ASD

You cannot know what you will be,

And once you get it, that’s the key

You are more than the disorder in ASD

I'd love to hear

* What resonated with you

* If this feels authentic or relatable

* Any thoughts, critiques or feelings you have

If you're comfortable, I can share a link to hear the song - just ask. (I will say i'm a little embarrassed about how I performed the start of the song, in which might make it seem not to good but once the song gets going - I can 100% say i am proud of it)