I’m in this place right now mentally where getting myself to do the things i love is very difficult.

I have a high functioning depression disorder (clinical diagnosis), so i am able to function optimally while struggling mentally. But i do occasionally reach lows where it is extremely difficult to actually function. Most times, to get out of the funk, I focus on people that doubt me or on the fact that all odd are stacked against me and that gives me all the boost i need. That boost can last 2 full years before the next crash.

Recently i moved to a different country and my environment is a lot more peaceful and serene. My friends are the sweetest souls and communicate how much they love me and are proud of me. They remind me this mental low won’t last and i’ll find myself again. I love them and i am so grateful to be surrounded by beautiful souls.

I also started a job that i am not the biggest fan off, but I still ace all my metrics and constantly get a shout out from my supervisor on the team chat about how well I’m doing. This happens every week! Again High functioning.

Now the problem is, i feel like this is too much comfort!

I’m not much for a 9-5. I care more about Music, Art and real life experiences. That’s what i don’t have energy for.
The things that i actually care about and bring me a lot of fulfillment.

I feel now that i need someone to doubt me so i can actually be fueled by the need to prove them wrong.

I think years of been emotionally abused by a family that constantly try to tell me I’ll never amount to anything or that the path i set for myself is a waste of time has subconsciously conditioned me this way.

Lowkey. I need to fix this mental machine because i don’t think that’s an efficient way to function.

But in the mean time. Need some haters and doubters please!

HELP!

You owe no one beauty but you also lose nothing by thinking you're the most beautiful person in the world whether people agree or not .