Are they allowed here? Someone posted something pretty aggressively terfy yesterday and it got quite a few upvotes. I know terfs tend to brigade posts like this in the comments, but I also noticed the mods deleted some comments calling the OP out/trying to educate her and I haven’t noticed anything in the subs rules about transphobia so I wanted to ask directly.

Im honestly really tired of terf talking points and bioessentialist rhetoric about male socialization everywhere online as a qwoc. People investigate about my AGAB and when they find out I’m AFAB they call me a gender traitor for defending trans women/enby’s. The genital investigations are a very weird and very violating disservice to all of us, especially since most of us have experienced being gendered by others without our consent. Just wanted to ask so I could find out if this is a space I should be in if I don’t want to see posts like that

hi! Does anyone have experience with friendship repair? My friend and I are currently going through this process. We went from being hip to hip (codependent, or homoerotic, as my friends would say LOL) to basically restarting.

We are both past the accountability and saying sorry to each other. We are trying to build a new foundation, and for me it's been hard. It feels awkward, but this is worth it to me because I want them in my life and we're both trying.

Any advice on sitting with the discomfort of knowing how close y'all were to now restarting and figuring out what the "new" friendship looks like after conflict?

Hi y’all, I’m coming here to ask yall for this advice because I think we are the most crafty, insightful, and compassionate in these situations. I think we have heard “get a therapist and on some meds” plenty enough regardless of their value and place. My fiancée is looking for a new therapist (wish her luck) and is seeing a new PCP and is bringing this issue up as well. I won’t go into too much more into my fiancée’s details other than what’s necessary for context. How they explained their symptoms to me were “heavy, everything feels very effortful, feeling disconnected & othered by relationships & interactions outside the home” and they seem very down on themselves, and she feels like she is a bad person. In the meantime as we wait for professional care, what can we/I do to help them? It is breaking my heart. I am so moved by how wonderful they are that it feels impossible to hear her talk about herself in that way. I know it is hard to hear your fiancée, who you feel like “has to say nice things to you” & that is their only form of recognition and appreciation. Our friendships are struggling right now and we are both (separately & together) making new budding friendships that will hopefully feel more reciprocal and familial one day, but that means the community & support system aspect is in a transition phase too. I work from home so as much as I can, I have been trying to take house chores and cooking off of her plate to lessen the feeling of heaviness and overwhelm, and encourage that instead of doing house work when she gets home that she indulge in her crafts and hobbies, but I know that is hard to do anyway when depressed. Is there anything that yall would suggest I do to support her more or, what you would tell someone to do while you’re experiencing a depressive episode to help? I’m not trying to cure her. I understand it’s complicated, I just want her to feel much less pain. Little or small, what can I do?

There’s so many posts about dating, seeking relationships and companionship, what your type is, etc. But I’m curious if y’all feel dateable.

How do you show up in relationships? Do you think about your communication blind spots, areas you can show up better? Are you actually emotionally available? Are you reflective of areas where you could show up as a better partner in your next relationship?

I’m just curious because I see all over socials everyone complaining about dating and shortages but everyone else can’t always be the problem 🧐

What cities (Apart from London ofc) would you say are the best for queer poc specifically black queers. Like as in safe plus having a community.

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Please dear mods, don't take this down. I'm just venting.

Is it just me, or is finding genuine queer love in Zambia incredibly difficult?

I'm at a point in my life where I have a career, I'm building my future, and I know what I want. I'm not looking for someone to fund me or save me. I just want someone who is emotionally available and actually knows what they want.

Instead, it feels like every conversation ends up in the same place. People disappear for days, come back like nothing happened, say they want something serious, then act like they're only interested in hooking up. Others don't even know whether they want a relationship or just attention.

And don't even get me started on hookups. Maybe they work for some people, but for me they've started to feel so... basic. So empty. Physical attraction alone just isn't enough. Without trust, consistency and emotional connection, it feels unfulfilling.

The sad part is that because our community is relatively small, you keep running into the same patterns over and over again.

Sometimes I wonder if there are actually men out there who genuinely want to build something long-term, or if everyone is just stuck in an endless cycle of talking stages, mixed signals and casual encounters.

Anyway, that's my rant. If you've experienced something similar, I'd genuinely like to hear your thoughts.

After matching, she gave an enthusiastic opening message, I responded in-kind with prompts from her profile, this 27-year-old woman offers her phone number (‘gets overwhelmed by the apps’) & it ends here. Not surprised but still BAFFLED… why take the time to create an account, upload photos, verify your identity, send/receive likes, when you’re dizzy? Who is putting a gun to those individuals’ heads, prompting them to waste intentional folks’ time? Why not just stay OFF the apps?

Tell me how you're spending your day!

Thoughts, I want them!! What's your favorite song or least favorite song?? Or a song off the album that has had to grow on you??

I’m moving to Richmond next week and I wanted to make new friends with lesbians in Virginia! Lmk if you’re in the area 🧡

Asking as a bi woman who identifies as sapphic myself.

I need to know if I’m achieving what i was going for

I'm doing an internship in SW Michigan rn and I hate that it's so hard to find Queer folks of color to canoodle with!! I've been queer for awhile but I've been a serial monogamist, but now I'm in an open relationship and thought this could be my time to explore :/ and it's not like I could never get with yt folks but dang I wish there was at least some variety lol. Plus being a Black woman I'm already fighting against not being everyone's beauty standard, so the lack of variety definitely doesn't help...

Do you guys date long distance ? Im in a city where the pool of black and poc lesbians is very small. So I either date very sparsely, move or do long distance. Has anyone had this problem? And how do you start looking in a differnt city on dating apps?

hey guys, my partner (Hispanic) and I (black) both relocated near San Diego a few months ago after moving from the East Coast. We have been trying to get out more and meet other members of the community but sometimes it feels we aren’t welcome due to race. For example, whenever we are in predominantly queer spaces here, we notice slight microagressions, usually from white people. I think it definitely caught us both of guard considering California is portrayed as a place of diversity and acceptance.

Pride is tomorrow and while we’re both going, we really do feel like fish out of water now cause our experiences haven’t been the best tbh :( I was wondering is this a common thing or did we get unlucky and we need to keep trying. Any advice would be appreciated !! 🫶🏽

Hii!! So I was reading and scrolling on internet as one does and I came across posts abt how dating someone who's not close with their family is a red flag. I jumped head first in a rabbit hole on quora, and reddit and I asked my classmate today what she thought abt it. She said that she shared the sentiment bc if they're not even close with someone who gave birth to them and then they'll not be loyal to you.

while I'm in hs rn, I wish to date and one day get married when I'm older (30s ish or older) and while i live w my parents rn, I don't wish to keep in contact when I'm older since I don't like them and I'm also bisexual, so this felt very demoralising actually. Since dating poc in another country (I'm indian btw) will already be hard and this condition on top of it? It'll be more difficult.

Js wanted to know your opinions! (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

despite for example, it not crossing your mind because always been subject to the ✨oreo allegations✨ anyways because being black was more of a fact than something you engaged in with any thought other than being around fam?

because I'll be real, i'm having a bit of an identity crisis. like i've never been self hating, I just pursued my interests as I pleased, and a lot of my friends ended up not being black because of where I lived and that being neurodivergent meant I didn't get along with a lot of my fam and black NTs anyways. i mean that didn't mean I didnt have other black friends, plenty, black partners too like my last boyfriend before my engagement, but you start to realize just how much your habits, fundamental values were shaped by that upbringing and how white folk do not understand, and become actively hostile to it, hostile to you, your emotions, and to your asserting yourself even if you're called "white on the inside".

its always been obvious to me how this works, but i'm at the point where i'm even questioning my NAME choice which I made almost a decade ago thinking it may give people the wrong impression, realizing some people consider my deadname to be a black name, despite the fact its also asian and a name used by plenty of other white trans people i know.

Hey i wanted to get some pointers on fashion I wear mostly stuff with the brand name on it and I dont want to continue wearing that. Id like to wear something that shows im saphic . Ive been having so much trouble with dressing, one day I want to dress masc the next day I want to dress girly but I can't find the perfect mix. .my friend told me i dress like a kid lol. I want to be stylish and sexy and adult like without spending too much. And being too loud.