r/ProgrammerDadJokes 22h ago

I win every fight against my coworkers

28 Upvotes

Because I know what to do when push comes to push --force.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 3d ago

My girlfriend and I are doing a code review, but we disagree on almost every line of code.

150 Upvotes

We're going through a bit of a rough patch.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 3d ago

I recently got into a fight with my database administrator…

39 Upvotes

He ended the fight by saying “just DROP it”


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 3d ago

declaring a war using js

32 Upvotes

I’m declaring a war.

var war;


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 3d ago

How many spiritualists does it take to change a network of smart lightbulbs?

19 Upvotes

None, because we're all connected.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 3d ago

What's the opposite of FreeBSD?

81 Upvotes

MallocBSD...


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 6d ago

I won a Social Engineering Award for a website that tricked people into flipping their bits.

90 Upvotes

I was just phishing for complements.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 6d ago

What game do compilers play on their birthday?

22 Upvotes

Parse the parcel.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 12d ago

Mumm[i] = f(Mumm[i - 1])

50 Upvotes

It's the Recurse of the Mummi.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 13d ago

I tried to make an OS where everything really is a file.

59 Upvotes

But it didn't go according to Plan9.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 13d ago

Idempotent APIs...

35 Upvotes

...if you've seen them once, you've seen them all.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 14d ago

Online encyclopedia of larval beetles

13 Upvotes

GrubHub


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 15d ago

Online encyclopedia of microbiota

21 Upvotes

GutHub


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 18d ago

why entomologist programmer

6 Upvotes

this one is bug also


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 18d ago

why exterminator programmer

2 Upvotes

bug


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 20d ago

Why did the exterminator decide to make a career change into tech?

23 Upvotes

He was already good at debugging


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 21d ago

Two programmers argue over their printed shirts: Spoiler

65 Upvotes

A typical merch conflict.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 22d ago

I'm a straight-shooter, I call a spade a spade, and I remotely control systems in cleartext.

77 Upvotes

I telnet like it is.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 22d ago

rm -rf /*

91 Upvotes

[Deleted]


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 22d ago

if the Star Wars universe was a computer simulation, what would the Jedi knights say?

20 Upvotes

may the Source be with you


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 22d ago

"rm -rf /*" Spoiler

0 Upvotes

My boss told me no, so "rm -rf /*" lol


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 24d ago

Linux versus Windows is a No-Win Situation

66 Upvotes

r/ProgrammerDadJokes 24d ago

What's the dumbest code you've ever written that's still running in production today?

Thumbnail
0 Upvotes

r/ProgrammerDadJokes 27d ago

Two hackers were hacking a target.

10 Upvotes

Hacker #1: Ok the payload has been deployed on the target system. How do we command the payload and extort the data?
Hacker #2 was just preparing to leave and in a hurry, said, "See to it."
Hacker #1: Got it, I'll C2 it.


r/ProgrammerDadJokes 28d ago

My data centre runs so hot and uses so much water it creates its own weather system.

94 Upvotes

It's cloud computing.