Salaam.. 31F here :)

I “met” (just talked few times) with a man who seems perfect, but for the past few days I am starting to think I am getting to the answer why he is 37 and unmarried.

Anyway, he is successful IT guy, has (I would say average money… but he recently got fired and switch jobs every year) money (or I thought so), works our regularly, and he looks good in general.

He seems very religious, doing umrah every year, it looks perfect on paper.

Until I checked his socials (everything is public).

He does have hijabi girls in his following list (but they all look like they are 20, 22, max 25), but he also has (I don’t know what is bigger issue here) half-naked women - cleavage, short mini skirts, a lot of skin outside, sharing music etc. These girls are muslims indeed, but it seems odd.

I thought it is just that he is following them, but it’s never about “just” following.

I checked his LinkedIn profile and he rarely likes or comments anything (so I guess he is picky to whom he gives attention to), and he is actively “supporting” one woman (who is like I already described- cleavage, mini skirts, hugging with business men), but she is building a company and looks like she has A LOT money.

Someone would think this is about business but I would not want my husband to work with this kind of women (no offence, but I wear hijab and try my best to keep the distance).

So… just wanna chit chat. Am I overreacting? I feel like my gut feeling is right.

What are your experiences, girls?

EDIT: This is directed towards people who are on the verge of committing Zina and seriously considering it, this needs to stop.

I’m trying to wrap my head around this… you feel lonely, family is bad, no friends, and distant from everything, life is sucking in general etc.

How exactly is having intercourse going to help your problems? How is something you’ve never experienced going to help you?

You don’t need intercourse…. You need support, emotional love and care.

Is it worth committing a major sin that can easily be unforgivable just to not even feel happy afterwards? You’re going to feel super guilty if you do this.

20F I think my only way out is marriage.

I'm so done with life. I have my dreams n everything, n I never saw marriage as an option. I never even imagined myself getting married. But now thinking about my situation logically it feels like marriage is my only way out. I'm terrified that the only option I have is going to turn out even worse than what I'm already experiencing.

I mainly wrote this to see if there r other girls around my age who feel the same way… or if anyone got married around my age what's your life like now? I'd also love to connect with other girls n have a deeper conversation. I can't really put everything out in the open here lol I already feel kind of exposed posting this. So if you're willing to share your experience or just wanna talk feel free to DM me :) maybe we can even get to know each other.

Do you think that a major reason why we as a community are struggling to get married in the west is because of our looks?

I've been thinking about the tradeoff between physical looks and financial earning power/mahr requirements and I feel like this is certainly a factor for us dudes.

Like if we all looked like Zayn Malik maybe things would be easier lol

Time and time again, we are told that Muslim men offer the bare minimum but I think this is wider issue and works both ways.

So I rejoined and seriously started looking for someone to settle down with after a fairly long time. AH I have a fairly full life. I’m practising and stay away from haram and always have. I am close to my family, have a great career, earn well, live well, I take care of how I look and dress and am into fitness and endurance sports, in addition have a fair few hobbies.

My issue is this: the vast majority of the interesting people I talk to who are “Muslims” who actually take care of their appearance and have life experience and are actually good to talk to… are very tenuously Muslims. Most are drinking or clubbing or have a colourful past.

Meanwhile, the practising people I talk to have zero interest in getting to know you and have often play the hard to get game which is exhausting. I’m afraid that most Muslim girl convos go like this: what are you after? I won’t move and will do my career, I want fifty-fifty in the household duties, I want to be taken care of financially. I have zero interests and generally aren’t active or that bothered about their appearance. They don’t even want all that much involvement with raising kids or contributing to their future, for example helping pay for their private schooling etc. You do wonder as a Muslim guy what you’re getting in this bargain. The bare minimum?

Honestly, some of the most grounded conversations I’ve had are with non-Muslim women who seem to have a clear idea what living and loving in today’s world and raising a family involves. I believe we’ve sheltered a generation of Muslim women who basically want a dad, not a husband or a life partner.

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I'm posting on behalf of my cousin because he's been struggling with marriage for years, and I'd appreciate some sincere Islamic advice.

My cousin is 34 years old. Alhamdulillah, he's financially stable, kind, responsible, and religious. The problem is that he has an extremely hard time finding someone he's genuinely attracted to.

Physical attraction matters a lot to him. Even if a woman is religious, has good character, and checks all the important boxes, if he doesn't find her very attractive or doesn't like her voice, he can't bring himself to continue. He says he genuinely doesn't feel attracted to her and can't force those feelings.

Over the years, he's spoken to around 100 women, but almost none of the talking stages lasted more than a week. He tends to move very quickly. He wants the relationship to progress fast, and I think he also underestimates how long it takes for many women to become comfortable and open with someone. If a woman isn't immediately enthusiastic or very eager to talk to him, he quickly loses hope.

He's also been rejected many times. Since he lives abroad, he's tried meeting women through halal introductions as well as messaging women on Facebook and Instagram (always with the intention of marriage and respectfully), but most never replied.

He was engaged once. They got to know each other over the phone while he was abroad. When he returned to his home country and met her in person, he realized he wasn't physically attracted to her. He tried to continue for a couple of months because of family pressure, but eventually broke off the engagement because he couldn't imagine marrying someone he wasn't attracted to.

When we talk about it, he insists he's not trying to be shallow. He says he's genuinely unable to feel attraction toward most women, and he's terrified of "settling" for someone he isn't attracted to and then regretting it for the rest of his life or being unfair to his future wife.

At the same time, I wonder if his standards have become unrealistic, or if years of searching and rejection have made it even harder for him to connect with someone.

From an Islamic perspective, how should he approach this? Is it wrong to place this much importance on physical attraction if he truly can't control what he feels? Or does he need to change his expectations and work on himself before continuing to search?

TL;DR: My 34-year-old cousin is religious, kind, and financially stable, but after talking to around 100 women, he still hasn't found someone he's genuinely attracted to. Physical attraction is extremely important to him, and he even ended an engagement because he wasn't attracted to his fiancée in person. He's afraid of settling and regretting it later. Is he being unrealistic, or is it acceptable in Islam to keep searching until he finds both compatibility and genuine attraction?

Any Pakistani American guys (born and/or raised in the US and are citizens) who married abroad? How was your experience and does your wife work?

Having trouble finding someone here so considering all my options..

Im very strict to myself regarding marriage requirements but i have 4 different Muslim women which have approached me regarding marriage in my Semester and some non muslim women.

I said that i needed to lay some groundwork to decide clearly, manage my time etc and would decide then.

If i reject all and dont get married at all i fear fitna

If i marry i fear responsibility, as im not independent financially and i fear that my lack of ability would show on my wives character

I also fear that these women may just be attracted to me but have higher standards that they make out to have.

My Stats:

Studying medicine, living alone, struggling to work part time while studying, 20/M

Interests:

Fitness, Religious education, Good grades

My plan would be to directly approach women that interest me and to first ask to speak to the father snd bond with them to have a good understanding of their character roots and how they imagine the dynamics, only then i would clear my doubts.

1. Age and Gender
2. 28 Male 6’2 Fair Slim
3. Age Range that you would want/require in a prospect?
4. 20-30
5. Location, and are you willing to relocate for a prospect?
6. New York, No Relocation
7. Ethnicity, and are you more open to mixing?
8. Pakistani, yes
9. Marital Status - Single/Divorced/Children
10. Single
11. Ideal marriage timeline
12. Asap to a year
13. Five important characteristics you look for in a prospect
14. Modest, submissive, kind, emotionally stable, funny(not a dealbreaker)
15. State/specify your level of religiosity
16. Pray 5 times, mostly in the masjid. Give dawah in free time and individual worship.

My whole purpose of life is to pass this test and attain the highest level of jannah possible. I try to work on myself, my heart, my spirituality and always self reflect and try to improve.

1. ⁠Level of education, and what are you looking for?
   I will be a registered nurse in August 2026 and will pursue psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner after

2. ⁠Current Job Status
   Registered Nurse (August 2026)

3. ⁠Do you want kids?
   Yes; as many as Allah blesses me with

4. ⁠List 3 hobbies, or things you like to do in your spare time
   Gym regaurly - in a private studio no women or music. Very big on fitness, eating healthy, meal prepping. A overall healthy lifestyle. Not gonna push that on to my significant other but hope she’ll be patient with my eating discipline 😭😂

Swimming in the summer is great and spending time with my family is the most wholesome to me. Used to watch anime but trying to lay off the screen time now.

1. ⁠Add something short and interesting about you that makes you stand out!

Just looking for someone who is kind, modest, feminine , no previous relationships or Zina as I have actively fought to save myself for years. I have a provider mindset, don’t expect anything from you financially but in return just want peace of mind and tranquility as we spend these few hours in this temporary dunya.

**May Allah swt help find you all what you’re looking for.**🤲🏽

I was not sure which forum to post this. But any insight is much appreciated. I am a non Muslim female, but have been seeing/dating a Muslim man for approximately 2 years. A few weeks ago, he brought me to meet his father. His father stated that we were meeting because his son intended to marry me. I would say the meeting went okay, but that was my first time and only meeting him. There also seemed to be some tension between the father and son, but I am not certain. It just felt very tense. His father asked to arrange a meeting with my parents and I agreed. Afterwards, things have been a bit estranged in the relationship and I am not sure why and he is not providing any answers or much clarity. I am so confused. I do not want to drive him crazy by constantly asking what’s going on, but to bring me to said meeting and the go ghost is mind boggling. Im just confused as to what may be happening.

Also I did not know i was meeting his father under the premise of marriage.

Endless debates, Men blaming women, women blaming men on gender roles. People are doing haram acts and getting support from strangers online, strangers we don't even know if they're Muslim or not, but they give positive reinforcement.

Meanwhile, when you do something halal, something good, people rush to judge, haram police pointing tingers, saying you're doing it wrong, criticizing you at every step. People ask questions, but answers come from unverified sources. non-Muslims or Al posing as hijabis, algorithms pushing hate and fitnah. Most of our families are on social media; it's part of life.

But as we scroll, we see family stress rise, people drifting apart.

Men and women join these platforms, bombarded with drinking, gambling, nudity. Everything pulling us away from our values. And real causes, The causes that affect our faith, our families, our future are buried, suppressed, or labeled as sensitive.

That's why we built Muslim Connect, the Muslim Social app- a space where we hope Muslims and Friends thrive, where we connect authentically, where your communities and gatherings flourish.

Do you think it will work or fix any of problems or we are being naïve, and this is just the way things are now?

I have struggled with this feeling my entire life and I understand that it is haram to act on it and as such never have. However, I don't have and never have had any attraction to women.

Going through Islamic subreddits many people seem to suggest celibacy for anyone dealing with these feelings. This isn't a very perfect solution because I still desire close human connection, even if it is not romantic, and my parents will very soon begin to pressure me to get married (for now I have told them that I am asexual).

They also say to "just get married," which also does not work because it induces great anxiety in me to get married to someone I am not attracted to and make their life miserable.

Another slightly-less proposed solution is a lavender marriage where one with SSA marries another with SSA for the companionship without a romantic component. I have never actually heard of any muslims that have done this though. It may be difficult to find such a partner in Pakistan but I am sure it can be possible through social forums like reddit.

So my question is: has anyone gone through a lavender marriage (marrying another person of the opposite gender that also has SSA) before and would be able to share their experience? And I have some questions:

1) Is it easy to stay steadfast in religious duties and not fall in to temptation with the right partner?

2) Is it worth the companionship even without the intimacy (is the bond still "real")

3) Has anyone ever actually experienced a sudden shift in their attractions after marriage?

Jazakallahu Khairan

I am new and don't know how to privately respond. How? Inshallah, I can connect you with someone suitable. Where are you exactly located?

Asalamualaykum everyone,

sorry i used chatgpt as i struggled to put this together myself,

I'm really looking for some advice because I feel completely lost.

Around 6 months ago, my whole life seemed to fall apart. Out of nowhere, I developed severe anxiety and OCD despite never struggling with anything like this before. I'm still trying to understand why it happened. Alongside looking at it from a mental health perspective, I'm also exploring whether there could be a spiritual component (such as the evil eye or jinn), so I've recently started doing ruqyah consistently along with my morning and evening adhkar.

My husband and I had our nikah done early so our relationship would be halal, but we currently still live separately with our parents. Before all of this happened, we would usually see each other once a week and everything was genuinely good between us.

The problem is that my anxiety became so overwhelming that I became scared of seeing him. It's not because I was afraid of him—it's because he's very emotionally aware and can immediately tell when something is wrong. I desperately wanted to "fix" myself before seeing him again, but instead I just spiralled further and further over the past few months.

Only about a month ago did I finally start accepting that this is the qadr of Allah. I've stopped trying to endlessly find the "why" behind everything and have been making dua, doing my best to manage my OCD, and trying to carry on with life.

On top of all of this, I've been taking an antidepressant which was prescribed to help me sleep and eat. Unfortunately, it gave me really bad emotional numbness/anhedonia. I feel indifferent to almost everything, and that has affected how I express love and affection towards my husband. I've explained to him that this isn't who I really am and that the medication has made me feel emotionally flat.

He could tell something was different, and he told me he's angry that I've become like this. He's basically given me three weeks to finish tapering off the medication and "feel like myself again," after which he'll decide whether he still wants to continue the marriage.

I honestly don't know how to deal with all of this at once. Managing OCD is already exhausting, and now I feel like I'm also trying to save my marriage at the same time. Some days my OCD is manageable and I feel almost normal, while other days it's really difficult.

For months I've kept asking him to be patient with me because of the OCD. Now I'm asking for a little more time because of the medication withdrawal and the emotional numbness, but he seems increasingly frustrated.

Part of me feels like I'm fighting to save a marriage that maybe isn't good for me anymore. Lately he feels very judgmental, and I don't know if that's because he's hurt or because he's genuinely reached the end of his patience.

At the same time, the thought of losing him absolutely breaks me. He's my best friend. We have the same goals, the same dreams, and I genuinely can't picture building a life with anyone else. A year ago we were happy, excited for our future, and everything felt normal. Now, just months later, it feels like our marriage is on the verge of ending, and I'm terrified of letting go.

Has anyone been through something similar? Am I expecting too much by asking for more patience while I recover, or am I holding onto something that may no longer be healthy for either of us?

Out of genuine curiosity, I have a few questions for the married brothers. As someone who's currently searching for a job, I'd like to know:

• Were you ever worried about not being able to find a stable job?
• Did you ever feel like you were stuck while trying to find one before getting married?
• How long did it take you to find a stable job, and then how long after that did you get married (assuming you were actively looking)?
• Were you looking for a job and a spouse at the same time, or did you only start looking for marriage after finding a stable job?
• Did your parents encourage you to start looking only after you had a stable job, or were they happy for you to look beforehand?
• Did you ever feel like your job was/wasn't "good enough" to start looking for marriage, or did you keep waiting for something better?
• If you don't mind sharing, what do you do for work? Is your job full-time, part-time, or contract?
• When your parents found someone for you, or when you first met your now-wife and her family, what was their reaction to your job or career?

Sorry, i know its a lot of questions, but if you could give an answer for each, even briefly, i'd really appreciate it.

Jazaka'Allah!

I’m so tired of going from one person to another, starting over again and again. Every time there’s a little bit of hope… and every time it just disappears into thin air.

And the last experience? Probably one of the worst 😭
Lovebombing, lies, empty promises… even using ChatGPT to reply (I wish I was joking). And then the real personality comes out the moment you confront them.

At this point, I am done😞
I’m a hopeless romantic, but lately I don’t even know when or where I’m supposed to find my person.
And I can’t lie… there’s also this fear that keeps creeping in.

The fear of arriving 1 day at the age of 40 and still single, watching everyone around me getting married, seeing my siblings settled while I’m still here… waiting.

Parents dont live with you whole life and i fear to end up being totally alone while everyone having a family. I have a lot of beautiful dreams to fullfill with future husband🫶🏽🙈.

What if marriage is not in my qadr? I am making a lot of dua as it can change the qadr.

That thought honestly scares me more than I’d like to admit.

Still… I’m not fully giving up. I’m thinking of downloading Muzz again and maybe even getting premium, just to increase my chances and see what happens.

Please keep me in your duas 🤍
And if you have any advice, I’d truly appreciate it.

I just needed a heart-to-heart talk, because I know I’m not the only one feeling like this.

If you’re going through something similar, feel free to share… let’s talk 🫶🏽

As a (male) Desi, I’ve had others beat around the bush and NOT want to get on a call for weeks at a time. Always some excuse. I’m pretty sure this is because it’s awk to try to have a “romantic” conversation in a South Asian household where there’s no privacy.

I’m not even talking about anything inappropriate, but just getting to know you/dealbreakers.

I really hope the next generation breaks the cycle. This is madness.

I don’t know if this will help anyone, but I thought I’d share my experience.
I joined Muzz recently and matched with a guy whose profile was fully verified, so I didn’t worry about him being fake or catfishing.
We barely spoke for a week, and within the first few days, he started love bombing me. He kept saying how serious this was for him, how much he liked me, and how he could see a future with me. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t get emotionally invested because it all happened so fast.
At the time, I didn’t realize you could call through the app, so we exchanged numbers and started talking on WhatsApp. We also had voice calls.
Something else happened that really confused me. When we first started talking, his profile said “Never Married.” Then, while we were still talking, I checked again and it suddenly said “Divorced.” Shortly after that, he told me, “I’m really sorry, I have to tell you something,” and said he’d been in a very abusive marriage that didn’t work out. I figured everyone has a past, so I didn’t think too much of it.
Then, after he ghosted me, all within a week, I checked his profile again and it said “Never Married” once more.
That honestly shocked me more than the ghosting. I don’t know why someone would keep changing something that important. Maybe there was an explanation, maybe there wasn’t, but it definitely made me question how honest some people are on the app.
He also told me he lives in the US. I have no way of knowing whether that was true, but after everything else, it made me question that too. I was just surprised that people can be this non-serious on a matrimonial app.
Since then, I’ve stopped rushing to exchange numbers. I take my time getting to know someone before moving the conversation off the app. It hasn’t magically fixed anything, but I do feel more careful now.
I just wanted to share this for any girls who are new to Muzz. Please don’t trust someone too quickly just because their profile is verified or because they’re saying all the right things. Take your time, watch their actions, and protect yourself.
Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Selaam Alaikum everyone, Im writing this post out of, curiousity?
So as a man I look for a lot of qualities in a potential wife, just as she is looking for a lot of qualities in her future husband.

But one thing that I always come back to is this.
Making a marriage work 'functionally' , in my head I got it figured out and all.
But I want a marriage that is founded on the blessing from Allah swt, and then uses that blessing to be each other's best friends first of all, to be each other's first and favorite person.

I am posting it to ask, how do you guys look at this? Does anyone have stories to share on this?
Or am I being just delusional and all that?

I’m looking for advice because I’m genuinely confused and have received completely different opinions.
My husband and I have been legally separated for about two years. Our divorce case is still ongoing in Canada, mainly because of child custody. We are still living under the same roof because of financial circumstances and because we have two young autistic children.
We are not Islamically divorced and legally divorced yet. I have asked my husband many times to give me an Islamic divorce (talaq), but he refuses. He says he will go through the Canadian court process.
Many Muslims have told me that even after a legal divorce, an Islamic divorce is still necessary, otherwise it can create problems later. Others have told me that if a husband files for divorce through the court, some scholars consider that to be an Islamic divorce as well. Because of these conflicting opinions, I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.
Another thing that makes this situation very difficult is that my husband has started talking to other women for the purpose of finding a future spouse. According to him, he’s simply planning ahead so he doesn’t “waste time” once the divorce is finalized. I know he has Level 1 autism (he was diagnosed only 2–3 years ago as an adult), so I understand that he may process situations differently. However, from my perspective, it is still very painful because we are still living in the same house and, according to my understanding, are still married Islamically.
To make things even more confusing, despite our separation, he has continued trying to initiate intimacy. I have often refused, but there have also been occasions when intimacy happened after our separation. I honestly don’t know how to understand any of this from either an Islamic or practical perspective.
I am also the primary caregiver for our two autistic children, and I’m trying to make decisions that are in their best interests.
For those who are knowledgeable about Islamic family law (especially in a Canadian context):
Is an Islamic divorce still required if a husband files for divorce through the Canadian courts?
Does continuing to live together or having intimacy after separation affect the Islamic ruling?
If the husband refuses to pronounce talaq, what is the proper Islamic course of action?
Would you recommend speaking to a local imam or Islamic arbitration council before making any further decisions?
I’m not looking to argue or criticize anyone. I’m simply trying to understand my rights and responsibilities according to Islam and legally because the conflicting advice I’ve received has left me very confused.

So a few days ago I matched with someone on muzz. She is a fob here on a visa doing her residency. She’s Egyptian but was raised in Saudi Arabia. After a couple phone conversations, she initially wanted to end things saying she is scared what her family will think of her knowing she put hersel on the app even if she comes across a really good practicing man. She goes on about how even if her family won’t make a big deal out of it, subconsciously her father will feel shame that his daughter put herself out there basically “advertising herself for marriage”. I told her what is the issue, you’re overthinking, why should that matter. You’re here in America you barely know anyone, how else are you going to find someone to get married to? She also said she can’t lie to her parents saying she met me through other means because she was raised on strong Islamic values. I told her you are basically throwing a good potential away because you are so worried about things that aren’t that big of a deal. Then she says ok I just need time to think about how she is going to explain this to her parents. What do you guys think?