r/insomnia • u/bambininos • 5h ago
I’m so sick of this life
I saw my psychiatrist yesterday because I hadn’t slept in 2 full days. I’ve tried a bunch of sleeping meds in the past and failed pretty much everything. I’ve been on 300mg gabapentin for about 2 years because it’s the only thing that is remotely helpful, but it stopped working due to tolerance.
She prescribed me 75mg of pregabalin. It did absolutely nothing. I didn’t even feel it. I laid there until 3am. I took hydroxyzine (which has never helped me), drank some chamomile and ashwaganda tea, smoked a weak thc and cbd joint, and tried to lay as still as possible. Unfortunately, I still only got about 4 hours of sleep and woke up with a pounding headache and body aches.
I don’t know what to do anymore. This bout of insomnia is nothing new; I went about 32 hours without sleep last week as well. Even when I do get some sleep, it’s either just a few hours or I sleep for 15-20 hours at a time. No in between. I’m chronically sleep deprived. I feel like I need to be put in a coma.
Nothing in my old failed sleeping pill arsenal knocks me out, absolutely nothing. Not hydroxyzine, gabapentin, pregabalin, trazodone, doxepin, ambien, ramelteon, mirtazapine, magnesium, melatonin, or benadryl. I unintentionally fight through any sedation sleeping pills provide. I’m so tired of trying new medications because everything seems to be either really unpleasant or do absolutely nothing. I do everything possible to have amazing sleep hygiene, make my space comfortable, live a healthy lifestyle, etc.
Even if I got in bed right now, as exhausted as I am, I don’t think I could sleep. I’m so foggy I’ve looped back around to being wired. I felt like a hazard on the road today as I drove to work. I cried this morning because my coworker was eating smelly food and biting her fork. I’m so dizzy. I feel like I could just drop dead at any moment, and I hate to say it, but I wouldn’t be too opposed to an eternal sleep right now. My mental health is on a sharp decline and my right eye has been twitching for the past few days. Nothing will take away my headache.
I’m only 24. I’ve had this problem since I was a kid, and it gets worse all the time. Am I going to have to spend the rest of my life struggling like this? Always feeling horrible? Even when I do get some sleep, I wake up knowing and dreading how much effort I’ll have to put into doing it again. Even despite tons of effort, it rarely pays off.
This is such an emotionally, socially, and physically painful problem. I feel like no one in my life understands my struggle. They tell me to take a nap or lay down if I’m tired. They offer me melatonin or tea to help. My boss has told me to “go home and get some rest” several times (out of genuine concern, not anger) because I come in so bedraggled. I feel shameful to be around because I’m so mentally slow some days.
I’m really worried that my psychiatrist is getting a bad opinion of me because I’m cycling through so many different meds that don’t work. I lost one doctor already because he told me I was trying to push him to prescribe controlled substances. I hate being seen as dependent or drug seeking. I’m honestly scared to even try benzo meds because they’re potentially addictive. I just want something to work.
I can’t lay down comfortably for long periods of time. I have terrible arthritis in my elbows and knees. I also get random feelings of bugs crawling on me or spots of incredible itchiness if I stay still in bed; trying to ignore it to fall asleep is almost impossible. I’m so tired.