That’s right, parasocial relationships – when people feel like they know someone they’ve never interacted with – aren’t all just intense crushes, they can be platonic too.
It turns out it’s a very normal way for a child with an absent parent to think.
As consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, Dr Elena Touroni, says: ‘Yes, it is very common for children with absent parents to fantasise about other caregiving figures who have the qualities of what they are missing out on emotionally and psychologically.
‘Often it will be someone in their immediate environment – parents of friends, teachers etc. It can provide a strong longing that is very understandable. It is an attempt to fulfil emotional needs that are otherwise not being met.’
Counselling Directory member Claire Elmes points out that it’s easy for anybody to form this kind of attachment to people we see in the media.
She adds: ‘Anyone can develop a parasocial relationship, but it is suggested that this is a common trait of children with absent parents. Children with an absent primary caregiver are terrified of rejection and crave familiarity and security.
‘As a result, it is incredibly easy for young children to form strong attachments to media figures who are reliable and familiar – characteristics of a person in whom a child would place trust.
‘These children find security in media characters that their parents could never provide.’
Dr Elena agrees, saying: ‘There are all kinds of different role models in the public domain, and we have significantly more access to their lives.
‘In this way, pop culture lends itself more easily to developing fantasies around who a person is and how they live their life. It’s possible for someone to project all sorts of feelings and needs onto someone they don’t necessarily know.’
It’s important to note that, as with many other things, you can have too much of a good thing.
Claire says: ‘It’s interesting to debate the advantages and disadvantages of parasocial relationships. On the one hand, they may provide incredible learning opportunities for children, particularly young kids who frequently interpret these figures as actual people.
‘On the other hand, when a parasocial relationship becomes too intense and obsessive, it can resemble a certain kind of addiction – which is detrimental to mental health.’
If you notice a parasocial relationship becoming a problem, either in yourself or your child, it’s advisable to seek out professional help.
That being said, please also keep in mind that forming parasocial attachments in the first place is super normal.
Counselling Directory member Helen Burke-Smith says: ‘I think parasocial relationships are normal amongst all children and adults alike – we see adult PSR’s a lot in celebrity fascination, following influencer’s online, TV programmes etc.
