Hello, sorry if this is labeled as just venting/complaining if it is feel free to delete it and apologies in advance cause I'm gonna be all over the place

To explain myself I'm M20, a complete virgin (never kissed anyone, held hands etc), I'm also below average height (5'7) and I have high functioning autism so I have a lot of mannerisms/interests that the average person would consider strange along with being incredibly shy, already a lot of unappealing traits haha. I wouldn't say I'm an incel in the way people use the word now, I'm not a misogynist/racist/whatever else and never have been, I am an incel obviously in the traditional way though in the sense that I'm incredibly unappealing to to the average woman for the reasons I listed earlier among others and admittedly a lot of issues that I want to fix myself which is what I need help with.

I guess if I struggled with anything the most it'd be self confidence, even extending outside of never being in a relationship I was bullied a lot as a kid (elementary/middle school) due to my looks and also being autistic (along with various other dumb things kids bully others for lol), and sadly even if that was 7-10+ years ago I think it messes with me even today. I know I don't look and act the same I did back then but if that many people thought that about me and nobody thought differently then why should I believe anything else? Even though the bullying stopped I had exactly 0 friends all throughout high school too, i might have had a couple friends throughout elementary/middle school but nothing that lasted very long), I also have Aphantasia which makes imagining things basically impossible so I can't imagine someone ever loving me, even if I didn't have that though the reality is that there's been a ton of people that thought I was ugly/strange and very few that thought I wasn't. Why should I believe the lesser number? That's what I ask myself every night.

Any advice/asking for elaboration is welcome and I'll do my best to respond, I just ask you dont be outright mean cause I don't need any more of that in my life haha. Thank you for reading.

I'm 5ft 1 I am extremely short I look ridiculous. I just don't know how I could ever be attractive to any woman there's no reason for them to be. I have graduated highschool with no freinds I'm basically going into the adult world with nothing. What can I even realistically do should I just accept no woman will want me

I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and I've never had any romantic experiences. Never went on a date, never kissed, never held hands. Diagnosed with Aspergers, and had trauma from my parents, classmates, school/college due to shyness and being socially awkward.

I struggle with the idea of the gender role that the man has to approach and initiate things because I wasn't able to do it. I always felt like if you were a man that was shy and socially awkward no girl would see you romantically. I always felt like not being shy or awkward was the prerequisite for being worthy to experience love and be loved romantically. It's like nothing about me or my personality matters anymore because girls don't like shy or socially awkward men. I always felt like if I was a girl with the same personality, I could still be shy but someone can still ask me out and still love me for who I am.

I'm not a bad looking guy. I get looks and stares from women in my class and in public. I have both male and female friends that point out when a woman was checking me out. But I still have a lot of trouble making the approach because I don't know what to do or say. It tells me that they like me for how I look, but I never had any girl like me romantically for my personality. I always feel like my shyness or social awkwardness would put them off if I did try to talk to them and that's why they're not interested in me.

I've been working on myself socially for the past 2 years but I still realize I'm still so behind everyone else. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to escalate, I don't know how to plan a date, I don't know how to approach, I don't know how to ask someone out on a date. I only now felt okay enough talking to girls I'm interested in but only if they talk to me first

I’m mainly asking other people who’ve never dated or had sex into their 30’s, but I’m welcome to responses or perspectives from anyone.
I feel like my sex drive and desire for intimacy is still there, but I think it’s half what it used to be. I think I’ve found a routine for my life alone and solo goals. Im sort of torn in half about whether I want or should pursue a relationship.

Sorry If I’m rambling i have an opportunity with a woman im attracted to but am unsure if I should pursue it. I think I would be less lonely but more stressed from managing a relationship.