I'm so used to my Reddit posts getting taken down that when I wrote this originally I was expecting it to be up for all of 5 min But since it's still up let me try to articulate the situation more precisely. And I'll keep adding to it as I get further into my research, obtain his death certificate, ETC.
My father was driving a commercial truck when he suffered cardiac arrest. His heart stopped pumping blood, he lost consciousness, and that is why the truck crashed. The crash did not cause the cardiac arrest. The cardiac arrest caused the crash.
After that, he was on the side of the road for about forty minutes without enough oxygen reaching his brain. By the time he got to OakBend, the damage had already been done. He never woke up. He never spoke. He never breathed on his own. He never came back. Machines and medication kept his body functioning for four more days, but my father was already gone in every way that mattered to the people who loved him.
At first, none of the medical staff would give us a straight answer. I was hearing maybe a heart attack, maybe a stroke, maybe heart failure. I was told there had been no brain activity since he arrived. My father’s wife of four years was supposed to come to the hospital on Friday so everyone could sit down with the doctor and finally understand what had happened. She did not show up. I never got that meeting. My brothers nor myself never got the clear explanation we were waiting for.
Early the next morning after his wife didn't show up last minute, my niece texted me that my father was officially gone because his wife had “pulled the plug.” It took me a little bit to start putting things together. I've been doing research and learning about a lot of the stuff everyday so please be patient with me This is not my area of expertise at all. My brothers and I still didn't understand dad's condition, they didn't understand his wife's decision to stop support, or what the doctors believed had actually caused his heart to stop. And that was really irking me.
I directly asked the doctors why is my dad dead and they kept saying we can't violate HIPAA and I kept saying F HIPPA lol. Anyways later on I was able to trick one of the case managers into confirming what I knew which was that he suffered cardiac arrest. As soon as she said it, the conversation changed. She became guarded, told me she could not say much, and said she would speak to a supervisor. She took my information and said someone would follow up. I feel like I've been able to speak with everybody except for my father's treating physician so that's pleasant.
That was when I really started digging, because “cardiac arrest” is not an explanation. It means the heart stopped. It does not tell me why it stopped. It could be a heart problem, an abnormal rhythm, a blood clot, a breathing problem, a medication reaction, a chemical exposure, poisoning, or something else. Confirming that his heart stopped explained why he suddenly lost consciousness and crashed. It did not explain what happened to him.
Then I tried to find out where his body was.
OakBend sent me to the Fort Bend Medical Examiner’s Office. I called, gave them my father’s information, and waited while an investigator searched. He came back and told me my father had never been reported to their office. He had never been sent there. They had never opened a case. They had never examined him.
I went back to OakBend and kept pushing. Eventually, someone found paperwork showing that my father had been released directly from the hospital to Schmidt Funeral Home. His wife had signed the release. OakBend had sent me to a Medical Examiner who had never received my father while his body was already sitting at a funeral home. What the heck does it mean to find someone's paperwork how how does that even happen?! 🤯
So yes everything was and still is controlled by my father’s wife of four years, OakBend, and the funeral home. OakBend controlled the medical chart, the heart records, the lab work, the brain findings, the death paperwork, and the release records. His wife controlled access to the information, the body, and the funeral arrangements. The funeral home controlled what happened to his remains. I control nothing, it's true. Which this really wouldn't bother me if this woman wasn't guarding my father's medical documents as if my father's health is none of my business. 🧐
OakBend told me to go through his wife for information. She gave me nothing. I called her. I texted her. I emailed her. I asked what happened to my father, where his body was, what the funeral plans were, and whether cremation was being scheduled. She did not answer me. Which by the way she only texted my oldest brother and there's five of us. She won't respond and we're not allowed to go to our dad's house and I don't know just walk around you know? Like I want to be in his space I want to experience his last moments I know that sounds kind of crazy but I do.
Well all of this was just too much for me I was like all right I'm going to get down to the bottom of this. She found out that I was investigating. She found out I was calling people, asking questions, trying to understand why his heart stopped, and saying I wanted an autopsy to understand what caused my dad's heart to stop.
That is when she became angry with me and started telling people not to give me details about the funeral.
I need to be very clear about something. I had never screamed, threatened, or insulted her. Besides I didn't know her long enough lol. I had never caused a scene around her. I might have caused the scene around her a time or two lol. I'm a goofball with a wild soul what can I say lol. I did not particularly like her, but I had never treated her badly or even told her that I did not like her. When we were around each other, we were simply around each other. .
I was not shut out because I had behaved dangerously. I was shut out after I started poking and prodding.
While all of that was happening, I politely requested both his lovely wife and Schmidt Funeral Home that I was trying to arrange an indepedent autopsy and that I did not want his body altered before someone had a chance to examine him. I really didn't understand much about autopsies yet I'm telling you this entire field is so new to me.
Yeah well lol they embalmed him anyway. They embalmed him on July 16, nine days before the scheduled viewing. There was time to keep him refrigerated while my request was considered. Instead, they chemically altered his body while they knew I was trying to preserve it for an independent examination. I was then told that cremation would happen after the viewing.
That meant I was racing against a clock nobody would show me. I did not have the exact cremation date. I did not know which crematory would be used. I could not get a written hold. I was trying to preserve my father’s body from California while the people in Texas who had all the authority and all the information kept moving forward without answering me.
So in my research I have learned that Hospitals are not always required to formally determine brain death, even when a person has suffered catastrophic brain damage and is being kept physically functioning by machines. A hospital can keep the body going, later stop the machines, and then record the death after the heart and breathing stop. This is disturbing to me I'm not saying that they need to determine that he's brain dead 5 minutes after he gets rolled in but I am saying that later on when they do determine I guess if they do does that change the timeline? Because that would have sparked a medical examination. My father did not die in the hospital He was unconscious and on the side of the road for 40 minutes I have his crash report and the entire time that he was there He did not have oxygen going to his brain and when EMS got there they were trying to perform CPR. While in the hospital my father never regained consciousness or independent breathing. Yet the official death was recorded four days later at the hospital after the machines were stopped. (Just FYI because I was really suspicious about this from the beginning He was on the side of the road without oxygen because he was in a very rural part of town. So at least that made sense eventually! )
When the hospital does not formally document brain death, the paperwork can center on the later hospital death instead of the original event that destroyed the brain. The story becomes that someone died in a hospital four days after admission, rather than that an unexplained cardiac arrest caused a commercial-truck crash, left him without oxygen long enough to destroy his brain, and started the entire chain of events.
That changes what becomes visible. It changes the timeline people focus on. It can affect whether the Medical Examiner gets involved. It can affect who keeps control of medical decisions. It can affect how the death is certified and how quickly the body moves into the funeral system.
I have a serious problem with that.
I don't know who benefits from that lax of protocol but It did not benefit my father. He never woke up. He never recovered. He never had another meaningful moment of consciousness. The practical effect was that OakBend kept control of the medical record and the death process, my father’s wife kept control of the decisions and information, and his body moved directly into funeral-home custody without an original Medical Examiner investigation.
I am not saying that proves anyone chose that path for an improper reason. But I am saying the consequences were enormous, and every one of those consequences benefited the people and institutions already controlling the process while leaving his children outside of it.
I have theories. My theories are not proven because I do not have the records that would prove or disprove them.
The reason I do not have those records is not because they do not exist. OakBend has them. EMS has them. The funeral home has records. My father’s wife has controlled access to information and decisions. I am being told that I need proof before anyone takes my concerns seriously, while the proof is being held by the same people and institutions whose decisions I am trying to understand. So thats cool!
I am not claiming every theory in my head is already true. I am saying there are too many unanswered facts, too much concentrated control, and too many irreversible decisions for me to pretend this was normal simply because the people controlling the records say the process was routine.
His heart stopped first. The cardiac arrest caused the crash. The lack of oxygen destroyed his brain. He never returned. Everything that happened afterward determined who controlled the records, who controlled his body, what became official, and whether anyone independent would ever examine why his heart stopped.
I'm going to do some more research today. I'm not going to stop until I have answers that make some kind of sense. 😔