r/FigureSkaters • u/isaaa_- • 1h ago
Please just read me
Today I’m 17 years old. I started figure skating 5 months ago. I have exactly 2 years to quit skating forever. I’ll be sent (for personal reasons) to live in a country that doesn’t have a single rink, and I have no option.
As of the 5 months i’ve been skating I feel like i’ve achieved so little compare to fellow teammates who started around the same time and already have single-jump combinations while I can barely do a waltz (and I’m not even using edges). I can’t do most things people should do by the time they reach the 5 month mark. I’ve invested so much of my own and my parent’s money on skating equipment and coaching, yet I’m genuinely a failure.
I just wanted to be proud of myself.. Perhaps to achieve something idk. I dream of going to nationals even as pre-preliminary. But it breaks my heart to know I can’t. It breaks my heart to know that my efforts are not good enough. 8 months ago I made a promise to someone very dear to me, who I truly believe will pass away in around 2 years maybe less maybe more. She’s been someone so important because she’s the one who chose to believe in me first, I’m so upset I have nothing to show her or to show myself.
I haven’t cried in over 200 days, but today was the first time — after such a horrible practice that I allowed myself to tear up, I teared up as I saw a girl around 6 just have the brightest and most genuine and beautiful smile throughout her entire practice, genuinely being good and enjoying what she did, she has so much time left, she has so much potential, I just grief the person I could’ve been if I were talented, or if I had started earlier.
Now, I know this may sound rather extremist of myself, but even if it’s the most grueling piece of advice, allow me to shine once along the stars of my dreams, allow me to be confident in every stroke, in every time i leave the ice and use the imaginary wings that allow me to fly in a jump, how, how can I in the short span of time I have left with the one thing I’ve found to love can I improve the fastest through, how can I become the greatest I can even if it’s only two years, they’ll be the best two years of my life I believe, atleast until i meet the ice again, even if it may take decades, please just for the bare two years, how can I finally sit at the performance ice and be proud of how far i’ve comed and how much I can do.
Thanks.
P.S - English is not my first language not my second so sorry if there’s something that makes no sense or i’m sorry for any lack of rationality jaja