I'm a mom, not a father, but I wanted to ask some fathers for some perspective/ advice. I (26F) am in love with the father of my babies. He provides for us and is able to let me stay home and raise our kids. We have a toddler and a young baby. I am extremely grateful for this set up because I could never trust someone I don't know to watch/ raise our kids, and he feels the same way.

The only issue is, I feel like I'm the only one doing that- raising our kids.

He has a great job where if he only works 4 hours, he still gets paid for 9 if he finishes early (which he very often does, he's a fast & efficient employee at his job). So, I feel a little upset when he comes home from work after 4-7ish hours, and then immediately takes a nap. Then, after his nap, he'll go workout. Then, he'll eat dinner and "hang out" with me and the kids (he's often on his phone). He also smokes pot, so he'll leave and go into the garage several times to smoke. I don't have an issue with him smoking, he vapes it so I don't ever have to smell it or worry about the kids smelling it, but what bothers me is I just feel like I'm doing this all alone.

After his nightly ritual of smoking pot and kind of hanging out with us, he often, not always, goes to bed super early, leaving me alone with both of the kids, and it makes me feel abandoned.

I feel like he doesn't do enough. I think I'd feel differently if he did more things. For some examples, we have a whole other house that he inherited when his dad died that needs to be emptied out and sold, it's been sitting for 5+ years and I wonder if he'll ever do anything about it. Our garbage disposal has also been broken for 2.5 years and he still hasn't fixed it. I've mentioned maybe hiring someone to fix it, but he becomes defensive and says it's something he can do, he just hates doing plumbing work and is procrastinating it (well duh). Our kitchen and bathroom needs painted, the outside of our house needs painted, our AC is broken and needs fixed, etc etc etc.....

Also , when both of his parents passed away, we inherited all their junk (they were both hoarders). So, we have no space for our own things in the house we're living in, and the other house is full of junk too!

I'm just worried that I'm beginning to resent him. I love this man, but I can't keep living this way. Like I said, if he would take care of some of the things I mentioned, I wouldn't mind that I'm the sole and only caregiver of our children. I just feel like he's being extremely lazy, and it's affecting the quality of our lives. I know he'd feel better too if he took care of some of these things because I know they bother him too, but he just won't.

What am I supposed to do? Nagging just angers him and pushes him away, confrontation doesn't work either. I'm at my wits end and I obviously don't want to leave him because I truly love him and want us to be together for our children.

Am I just being ungrateful? I do try to look at it from his perspective, but maybe there's something I'm missing? I could really use some input.

I don't really know where to start with this, so I'll just start.

I'm a dad of three. 11, 7 and 4. On paper I'm a co-parent. In reality I'm a single dad who does everything, every day, with a full time job on top.

Their mum and I were together for 14 years. It took me most of those years to admit to myself that what I was living in was emotional and financial abuse. She worked, but never once contributed to a bill. I begged her to help. She didn't. When money ran short I covered the gap on credit cards, and now every one of those repayments falls on me. When I finally left, I left everything behind. Every item in that house, all of it paid for by me, because leaving it there was the price of being free.

Since the split she's shown almost no interest in parenting. She's now in a relationship with a man in Turkey and flies out every four months for five weeks at a time. No discussion, no plan, just gone. I pick up everything. The hardest part isn't the extra load, it's sitting in front of an 11 year old, a 7 year old and a 4 year old trying to explain that mammy has left again and I don't know when she'll be back. There's no script for that.

Financially I'm keeping my head above water and that's about it, despite having a decent job. I pay rent on my own place. I also pay the mortgage on the house she lives in, a house she's never put a penny towards from the day it was bought, and she isn't even on the mortgage. On top of that I'm paying solicitors twice over. Once to try and get the house back, and once to get a court order so the kids have a stable home with me for the majority of the time, so she can't just abandon them again whenever she feels like it.

The strange thing is my day to day life hasn't actually changed much. She worked 3pm till 10pm when we were together, so I was already the one doing school runs, dinner, bath, bed. I was a hands-on dad long before I was doing it alone. But somehow it's harder now. Back then I had one hour to myself in the morning before the school run. I could train, clear my head, feel like a person. That hour is gone, and it turns out that hour was holding a lot together.

Now the routine is relentless. School run, work, school run, dinner, bath, bed. Every single day. The gym is gone. My social life is gone. And underneath it there's this constant pressure to be the fun dad too, to make memories, to be switched on for them 24/7, when most days I'm running on fumes.

Work isn't a refuge either. I'm in product design, and AI is rewriting the entire discipline in real time. I'm having to redefine what I do and who I am professionally in the middle of what feels like chaos, at the exact point in my life where I have the least capacity to do it.

There are good things. I've met someone who has steadied me emotionally in a way I didn't know I needed. But she lives a long way away, and I can't move closer because my ex won't agree to the kids changing schools. The same schools I take them to and collect them from every single day. So even the good thing comes with a weight attached.

I have family around me, and emotionally they're brilliant. But I'm also the person everyone comes to when they need help financially, even though I'm quietly struggling myself. I don't think anyone realises.

Honestly, most days I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in routine, in debt, in work, in expectation. Not in a dramatic way. Just slowly, quietly, while looking fine from the outside.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this. I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere, to people who might get it. If you've been through something similar and come out the other side, I'd genuinely like to hear it.

I am a single 30 years old man living in France. I am doing a surrogacy in Mexico, and if everything goes correctly, I should have my first baby sometime next year.

To give a little bit more context :

• I was depressed two years ago. Mostly because of damaged self-confidence and a difficult breakup.
• Today, I am feeling way better. My work and my sport routine are mostly responsible for this.
• I am planning on taking a sabbatical year after the arrival of the baby, since I want to be able to spend time with her/him and build connection
• I started a calisthenic routine 18 months ago that did absolute wonders to me (It's called the Lafay method). I feel great. I'm fit and in shape. I sleep better, I have more muscles than I ever had, and I barely have any fat left. My self-confidence is back to healthy levels. Now, this routine is taking a significant amount of time (1 hour and a half to 2 hours a day), and is hard to maintain unless I am fresh and energetic.

I think you start to see the picture. While I can't say per se that I regret my decision of having a baby alone, because I deeply want to be a father, I am starting to come back to my senses and second-guess myself. Maybe I underestimated how tired and overwhelmed I will be in the first year, before the baby has a proper sleep schedule.

When I read about couples being overwhelmed by a single child, how will I do alone? My calisthenic routine will be impossible to maintain if I am constantly tired. It will be even worse if I am constantly moving, which is bound to happen in the beginning since the surrogacy is abroad. Even now, being childless, I kind of struggle with keeping the calisthenic alive when I travel, since my environment and routine change.

And I know that if I stop with my calisthenic routine, the benefits that go with it will stop, I'll stop being fit, and I'm afraid I could get depressed again, like I was two years ago. And from there both me and the baby will be miserable...

What are your thoughts on this? I am particularly interested in hearing experiences from alone parents, who had to find a way to free time for themselves, while properly caring for their child, and also maintaining enough energy for physical activities.

I'm a severely depressed father to a 12 yr old boy but feel like I'm failing him.

I've been like this on and off for around 7 years.

When I'm home from work, I usually barely speak to my wife or my son because I am always in such a horrible mood due to my depression. It's next to impossible to joke around, laugh, be light hearted, be present. I literally hate myself so much and just don't care about anything. I try to care about things I used to care about, try doing things I used to enjoy but find I get nothing out of anything at all anymore.

A few years ago when I was in a good space (which was temporary) I'd ask my son what he wanted to do, go biking, swimming, play sports etc and we used to do a lot together. Then as he got older he wanted to hang out with his friends all the time which I get, it's normal. If he's not hanging out with his friends and I ask him to do something, he won't want to do anything with me. I don't force it because I'm sure he sees how I am so depressed all the time and doesn't want to be around me. He rarely ever talks to me on his own and when I try to talk to him it's like pulling teeth.

I don't feel like a parent anymore, rather just someone who "pays the bills"

My son knows I have no friends. I have no hobbies (other than working out which is becoming even harder w severe depression) he knows I am not a fun guy like his uncles (my brothers are amazing fathers) he also knows I am not smart at all (most likely below average IQ) he knows I can't fix anything around the house (my wife can fix anything) he knows mom is the rock and dad is unstable.

I feel like it would be best if I just dropped dead. To save him the embarrassment, save him from the disappointment of having his loser dad screw things up again. Or simply, avoid seeing his dad so severely depressed for so many years, not enjoying life at all, not living. He will never have an outgoing dad who guides and teaches him anything. No wisdom b/c when you are very stupid, you have no wisdom. It would be best if he doesn't have a total loser, hermit, a father who is always angry or sad, (angry at myself) who is always alone and has no hobbies or passion for life.

I regret becoming a father so much. When they say some people should never become parents, that is 100% me. I feel so sorry for wife also b/c she doesn't have a man she can count on for anything (other than paying bills until I lose this job which is a matter of time) we never do anything together anymore. Rarely talk, never laugh and my son will grow up thinking this is normal.

I wish I could just get into an accident and die tragically so they can be free of me.

​Hey gents, looking for some advice or shared experiences from anyone who’s navigated this.

​My daughter is 3 years old. When it’s just me and her, she’s amazing—listens well, follows routines, and collaborates easily.

My parenting style tends to be structured, authoritative, strict, but empathetic.

​My wife leans more toward a laissez-faire approach (no real structure, super loving, though can also be strict).

​The issue pops up the moment we’re both in the room together. Her willingness to cooperate or listen basically evaporates. It’s like having two totally different kids depending on whether it’s a 1-on-1 setup or a group dynamic.

I am so exhausted, almost depressed about this, because its wearing me out not being listened to, any of my structures being followed, etc.

I am so sick of this.

Has anyone else dealt with this dynamic where your toddler completely changes behavior around both parents? How did you and your partner align your approaches to get through it?

My son (9) is a lovely boy, well mannered by any standard, respectful, funny, quite responsible for his age, but he really loves to play. He’ll have 6 subjects of home homework during a week’s school break and if he’s not told, will wake up everyday to either jump on video games or go out to play with friends, until he’s reminded to do homework. His grades are also not good, which makes me think he struggles to concentrate at school too. I or the mother sit him down speak with him, we ground him, and even do his work with him to add some extra effort so he can get better at his studies, but he’ll forget something you told/taught him two hours ago. A part of me, wants to just let him be a child and believe he’ll eventually align as we also try to guide him, but another part is worried. Should I be worried?

Didn’t really know what to tag this, since this is my first time in this sub. Dad of two, 3 1/2 and 1 mo, both girls. First kid I didn’t have BO and feel any different physically. However, this 2nd go around, I felt my body change

My BO is pungent. I shower twice a day, once when I wake up and once when I get home from the gym/run. My body feels so much more oily (face, shoulders/back, chest). Crazy bacne and chest acne. My facial hair / head hair is growing at a frantic pace.

Just wondering if this is normal, or if anyone else has experienced this. I wouldn’t be puzzled, but I did not experience this with my 1st. I’ve done some research and a lot of studies show brain chemistry changes in accordance with the wife’s changing hormone levels. But I have never smelled this bad or felt this gross in my life.

Any help or knowledge is appreciated.

**I became a father, then I became a parent to an autistic toddler. The way I speak, move, and think has changed to a point that other people around me are irrelevant, meaning—**
**I have become disconnected from people who don’t understand the daily reality of my parenthood.**
**I speak softer, move more intentional and by example, every thought I have is a precursor of preventative maintenance.**
**I have become hyper-aware of routines, sensory environments, and subtle changes in behavior. Being a type of overseer and observationalist to my child has robbed me a bit of the finite enjoyments of being a Father. Has more importantly hindered my relationships in the outside world. I became what I observe. I moved away so I could focus on being a Father. The pressure of other people (including my own family) became too much. Working 10hrs a day away from home became too much. I now live in another country. Been here for over two months working part time from home so I can do this parent thing differently. The mother is more rested and able to be more in the moment, our baby is finally becoming verbal, literally everything is more manageable. So I’m here to say in two months of being an at home Father for an autistic child has been an absolute win. This came with a lot sacrifice and deep planning. Yesterday it felt like I could breathe for the first time in 4 years. I sat by myself outside this morning with coffee. I cried for the first time in a long time cause the effort, sacrifice, and perseverance showed itself in two words and one motion— my baby pointed with her pointer finger and said “Look… spider” as clear as day.**
**Obviously I said “Yes baby! That’s a spider, I see the spider”.**
**Felt like I could kick a hole through a fucking mountain.**
**So make the sacrifice required. Don’t wait. Plan. Everyone else will live with your decision. It’s not about them. It’s about your child, the mother, and you.**
**Thanks for reading.**

Asking the older dads here. We have three kids (12, 9, 5) and I’m turning 49. My wife is 40 and wants another child. I’m not sure how this experience will be for my age. Not just the baby phase but … I’ll be 60 when the kid turns 10, and 71 when it turns 21.

I can deal with the financials, I’m just not sure the entire idea is very wise. Would appreciate experiences shared by others here.

Years of my fucking life wasted. I can't believe I sacrificed so much of myself, my sanity! So fucking stupid, she gets to call it quits because of her perspective being what it is for her. While I felt the same for the last three years.

Telling me, "I don't want to be in this relationship, I don't feel supported, like I am receiving the attention I deserve, loved, I just feel like I deserve better." When I worked 60-100 hour workweeks to pay for everything, and all she did was stay home. I get it. We have kids. KIDS ARE A HANDFUL, and I always showed appreciation for it. She never accepted any compliment. Affirmations. NONE OF IT. For fuck sakes. We have a person that comes and cleans the house and helps with the kid so you can go to the gym. FOR FUCK SAKES WHAT DID I DO WRONG?? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS IS MY FAULT?

Honestly, I am so angry. I am so upset. It's so unfair how much honest bullshit I put up with and I stayed to make things better. Yet at every turn. "There is nothing wrong with me, it is how I am. Don't like it leave." Even though I am the person bringing in money. TALKS TO ME LIKE I AM RETARDED.

FUCK I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY KIDS. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THEM??

I failed so badly as a father and a man.

My 7 yr old son has an exam on Monday, and I still haven't managed to clear his school fees. The outstanding balance is about $220, and I honestly don't know if they'll let him sit the exam. The school has been incredibly understanding with us, but the term is almost over, and I completely understand they have policies to follow.

I don't really have a solution. I just needed to get this off my chest

We keep going

Let me start by saying i always told myself i would never have kids..... well here i am at 41 with my daughter who is now 10 months old. Shes happy and healthy. I in the other hand am idk having a midlife crisis? I feel like im loosing my mind a bit i love my wife I love my daughter but I guess im depressed? Ive never in my life had any sort of depression but this is the only way I can describe it and im not 100% why I feel the way I do. Is this normal for fatherhood is it because im an old man dad starting at 41? I feel like i dont do enough amd at the same time I feel like I do alot im all over the place with my feelings and emotions. Im exhausted I miss my wife who i feel like I dont get to see ever but see everyday but we lost the quality time we spent with each other. We dont have a ton of family support to help with the babe her family scattered accross a few states and mines only semi intrested in helping. I tend to worry about alot mostly future and financial things which I know isnt helpful to my mental condition either. I try to wear a smile but sometimes it comes out in me being somewhat short and grumpy which is not how I want to be. I have minimal experience here on reddit and ive been googling how I feel recently and google ai keeps referencing reddit so here I am rambling about nothing. I dont even know what im asking i guess is what im feeling normal for a father of my age and a baby her age? Sorry for the rant and the lack of punctuation.

Make your kid part of your life instead of becoming part of theirs.

We loved to travel, etc. so instead of stopping travel and changing our lives we simply just brought our kid along, they didn't know any different anyways. Sure, had to make some minor changes here and there, but overall we just kept on and brought our kid into our life and man years later I am proud to say it has made a great positive impact.

Could use some encouragement.

Nothing is really wrong per se except the usual: working a lot, money tight, daughter (2yo) growing up faster than I like, and noticing the passage of time.

I’m a present father. I have a good relationship with her and my wife.

I’ve also been really working hard on areas I need to improve on, whether that’s being more present, bad habits that hurt my mind or health, etc.

But I’m just feeling exhausted.

We have a second child coming in October. I am working a summer job. And I start my new teaching position in August.

I just feel wrung out, almost emptied of every bit of energy, and also sad at how fast it’s going. I don’t want to miss it

As a (35) dad who’s a truck driver my kids are finally getting to the age where they care less and less that I’m home or gone to a point I’m feeling the sting of un care. I’m stuck between do I keep making this sacrifice for them and have them understand when they get older or do I keep chasing their love? It’s the first time in a long time since I felt they could care less outside of can they have money. They are 7,8, and 11.

I’m looking for advice from fathers who are living a traditional one-income family lifestyle, especially those with 3 or more children.
My girlfriend and I will be getting married soon, and we both want a family-centered life. She would like to stay home and raise our future children, and I fully support that. I believe being able to provide that opportunity for my wife and kids is an important responsibility.
Right now I work in the auto collision trade. Since I’m currently living on my own, I’ve been able to save money and stay financially stable. The thing I’m struggling with is looking ahead 5, 10, or 15 years into the future.
Once you add a wife, children, healthcare, groceries, homeschooling or schooling expenses, activities, and everything else that comes with raising a family, it’s hard for me to imagine how a single income can support a household with 3 or more kids in today’s economy.
My girlfriend and I would love to have a larger family if possible, but I find myself wondering whether that lifestyle is still realistic for ordinary working-class families.
For those of you who are currently doing it:
How many children do you have?
What do you do for work?
What income range made it possible?
What sacrifices or lifestyle changes helped the most?
What financial mistakes should I avoid before getting married and having kids?
Is there anything you wish you had done differently when you were in your early 30s?
I’m not looking for political arguments or debates. I’m genuinely interested in hearing from fathers who are actually living this lifestyle and making it work. I’d appreciate any advice, lessons learned, or insights from your experience.
Thank you.

Hi all,

thought i'd share the news with you, i'm a becoming a father in November to a baby boy (hopefully all goes well)

i have both excitement and fear in me, any advice for whats about to come will help a lot.

We have a 1,5yrs old baby. She is perfect. I am trying to be a good father, but my wife is burnt out. Unfortunately the grandparents are very rarely help like one or sometimes two times a week like for 1,5-2 hours sometimes we can go to them and it can be a longer period.

My work is quite tense and i have to perform like crazy. Multiple clients, AI just blown up everybodies expectations in the industry, so it sucks.

I just simply got myself in a position where i have to perform and to fulfill everybody’s expectations.

And my wife is like quite rude sometimes and thinks i never help, which is literally not true but somehow that is her perception. Totally not true though. And my perception is that i just streched myself completely and thats okay but i just cant cope with the my wife’s recurring feedback that i dont do anything. That just hurt. And also i gave myself all to work and there nobody seems to be satisfied because they expect more. (I am a 15+ years of experience senior with quite a capacity and ability to work, but they expect even more)…

So basically i am not enough at home, not enough at work. How do you cope with this as a father?

For me, one of the biggest ones is when people say things like, "There's no way she's your daughter," or, "How did she end up looking like that?" I know it's usually meant as a compliment, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

Another thing is when people constantly assume she's older than she actually is or make a big deal about how beautiful she is. While I appreciate that they're trying to be nice, sometimes it feels like that's all people focus on.

What about you? Are there any comments or situations involving your daughter that you find annoying or wish people would stop saying?

I have two teenage boys, and since they were younger we’ve talked about sex, but mostly from the “be safe, use protection, respect consent” angle.
Lately I’ve been thinking about three things I wish someone had talked to me about before I was an adult.
The first was credit. I knew how to save money, but nobody explained how missing payments or letting bills go to collections could affect jobs, renting an apartment, and pretty much every part of adult life.
The second was postpartum. I became a dad at 22, and I had no clue what my partner was going through after giving birth. I worked hard because I thought providing financially was enough, but I wasn’t educated on how much support she actually needed.
The third one is a little more awkward. Looking back, I don’t think I was a very thoughtful sexual partner in my late teens and early 20s. I wasn’t a bad person, just immature and mostly focused on myself didn’t do oral sex - growing up I didnt have these talk .. I had get a good job , make sure you are providing her but not much that good sex isn’t just about you. It’s about paying attention to your partner’s needs and making sure she’s enjoying herself too.
Would it be weird for a dad to have that conversation with his teenage sons? Not graphic or explicit, just emphasizing that sex should be mutually enjoyable and that being a considerate partner matters just as much as practicing safe sex.

Hey y'all. I've posted before about the "magical" newborn phase just being more fatigue and stress for me. People love making negative assumptions on here so I want to preface by saying I get involved as much as possible. Daycare hunting, sleep training e.g. I camped out on the lazyboy with little guy last night before work today so wifey could sleep a bit. Sleep regressions are rough, but anyways...

Some dads here said they felt like they enjoyed things more when the kids got older. Anyone else relate to that?

Blessings that give motivation

This is my first child, and I have been doing the night shifts to allow mum to sleep and recover post partum. It was a very long, very stressful but completely incredible weekend that's changed my life. I never thought I could love something as much or as immediately as him and my feelings for my partner are overwhelming. She was just incredible. I've been struggling on the night shifts, not knowing what to do and ultimately needing to have the midwifes support me on the ward, but now I'm home for the first night and I just feel like a failure. I have an incredibly flexible job with a supportive team that enables me to do the night, sleep a bit, work my 9-5 and then be back.

I don't deserve my son, I don't deserve my partner. I'm the weak link that can't settle him to sleep and needs saving. And I just feel so sad because I want to give them everything.

First time dad here. My son is 10 months old. Recently I have been having issues feeding him at night. My wife pumps exclusively so he has been bottle fed since birth. Historically we have always traded off feeds, I do some she does the other, specifically at bedtime. We used to alternate every other night, one cooks and one does bedtime. The last week and change, he has completely refused to take a bottle from me. I can do the entire bedtime routine with him, all is fine until its time for his bottle. He will cry and cry and eventually escalate to hysterics if my wife does not intervene. As soon as she picks him up he stops and looks for the bottle. He will take bottles from me during the day, its just when it comes to nighttime. We have tried switching up the routine, feeding before bath, you name it. But nothing has helped. My parents also watched him a few nights ago when we went to a wedding and he did the same to them. Refused to eat and just screamed/stayed awake until we got home and then he let me wife put him down in like 5 minutes. Obviously this is hard on me, feeling rejected and not able to comfort my son. Additional info: my wife works from home and watches him during the day and I work in the office 8-5. So I know she has had way more time with him than I have due to that. Has anyone experienced this before or have any advice? I appreciate it

Should I let my daughter live with her mom?

Hello Reddit, I hope y'all give me solid advice or at least another way to look at things.

A little background, I have had primary custody of my daughter for nearly a decade. Typically when my daughter goes and visits her mom she does Express that she wants to live with her but at the same time she's with me she expressed that she does not want to go down there. The summer break has been pretty rough my daughter had been very distant and pretty vocal about it, even though right before she left she told me she didn't want to go.

I have a ton of concerns with, but ultimately I feel I am in a lose lose situation. The concerns I have is given the past history I have dealt with, just to name a few. Over the first 3-4 years, The mother has made about a dozen frivolous calls to DCFS accusing me of just about everything, from beating our daughter, not feeding our daughter, to forcing my daughter to wear dirty clothes and not shower, this is just a few. She has taken me to court 4 different times (these would be either trying to change custody or get off child support)all to where the judge and GAL stated that the accusations made were unfounded and for lack of a better word BS. There have been clear signs of lying, manipulation, and parental alienation on the mother side, due to the fact our daughter has told friends and family that mommy told her that I'm a liar and I took her away from her and I should not be trusted.

During COVID, schools were shut down and e-learning was happening, my daughter's mother asked if our daughter could go to her place earlier since we were about a month and half from school getting out. I agreed and then next thing around August I got a court summons for custody changes saying her mom is taking care of our daughter and not me.

Last but not least, this is the most concerning to me, during the last spring and summer break, she went to visit her mom and i received a call from my daughter crying saying I need to buy her a plane ticket to come home because her mom is kicking her out of the house and that she cannot stay with her anymore. Yes I know this sounds crazy, but I heard her mom saying this in the background. I thought I was doing the right thing by talking not only to my daughter for an hour but also talking to her mother, offering advice to them and help smooth over the stressful situation. Hind sight I should have just bought the plane ticket and maybe none of this would be going on.

She called me today, demanding I let her live with her mom and telling me I need to text her mom that she doesn't have to come home and that she can live with her mom.

No matter how I look at this, I find myself in a lose lose situation. If I don't let my daughter live with her mom, she resents me and the next 3-5 years are cut throat. If I let her leave and if history repeats itself, my daughter gets hurt. Or maybe it ends up going well, I just don't know.

Do I let her go live with her mom and hope her mom doesn't try to kick her out again or do I tell her no and have her resent me?