Hello and Welcome!

I am a person that thinks a lot but I don’t appear to be as much in my head.

I am friendly and like to be chill with people. Relationships are very important to me and usually my biggest reason of stress as if it’s a given I’ll mess it up.

I am interested in many things but struggle to commit to any.

I’m a quick learner but I sometimes lack the self discipline.

I hate failing in front of others because I think it makes me look incapable.

I am okay with talking about feelings and I’d consider myself emotional but being honest is not the same as being vulnerable for the things that matter in my eyes. I hate to admit it but sometimes I feel uncomfortable when people show their “weaker” sides (this doesn’t apply to my close friends and the people I love). Hence why sometimes I am unsure on how to act when someone needs support. Speaking of love, when I love, I love hard but coming to the point of love is a long process for me.

I initially might come off as light hearted and I like jokingly bickering with people but I think most people in my life deem me as a “serious” person in terms of what I’m doing an what I want (this isn’t always the case I promise).

I apply logic and effectiveness to most areas of my life despite being very sensitive.

I struggle with doubting a lot but I firmly believe I can do anything I set my mind on.

I like being who I am and I believe the things I feel, do and experience matter to me simply because they are mine. I am always ready to answer to anything.

I like to view life as a movie with dramatic and happy scenarios.

I tend to first let a feeling affect me and then actually realise I am feeling it. It’s like I think through them first “this is mean. It should hurt me. Did it?” or “this hurt me but maybe it wasn’t as bad?”.

I don’t bond with people easily or attach but when I do it’s very intense. When it comes to meeting or interacting with people, I love the exchange of energies and ideas.

I like to not think of my setbacks as setbacks and tend to minimise the importance of negative things in the past. I tend to be enthusiastic and high on mental energy.

Sometimes I have a blurry vision of who I actually am and I think that comes from introspecting and worrying too much about what I might be doing wrong.

It’s embarrassing to admit but I am really sensitive when it comes to human relationships; I am always anxious the other person won’t consider me as important in their lives as I do with them. I don’t even know why that happens, it’s just that the thought of someone thinking I mean so much to them feels weird.

I am afraid of disappointing everyone to the point I am left alone.

Even though I always end up doing what I want because I owe it to myself, I wish I could worry less about others’ opinion in the process.

It might be naive but I do believe that good things come to good people. I do not however believe in things being meant to be or “fate”.

I am poor with self-control when it comes to doing things that give me pleasure.

Sometimes I feel like such a free spirit and others like I am tired of my own inhibitions.

Major FOMO to the point of exhausting myself.

I play our fake scenarios that excite me very often.

I want the great romance, the great freedom, the great life in a sense of wanting it all and wanting it big time, intense.

I change my mind easily.

I do struggle with feelings of alienation at times.

I don't fully understand typology, but right now I'm a 461 and certain about being sx/sp, yet I'm 100% sure I'm a so4—is that possible? so4 sp6 sp1?...

1. What do you think your life is about? What drives you in life? This can be something like a goal or a purpose, or anything else that comes to mind.//
   - Living i guess lmao. I actually don’t know… maybe living? Like enjoying the time I have?(even if I’m mostly ungrateful and always wish for more only to end up missing those moments)

2. What were you like as a kid?//
   - Apparently, I was a semi-troublemaking kid. I was stubborn and had a hard time sharing my friends. I also couldn’t understand most of the things(like my friends calling me toxic when I had no clue what I’ve done). i was also little aggressive.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents. Does anything stand out about the way you interacted?//
   - I love my parents and they love me too. It’s just that sometimes, I feel like my father gets mad at smallest things or makes me uncomfortable(such as by his joke or sometimes being annoying). However, they are understanding people❤️‍🩹 But they did argue a lot

4. What values are important to you? What do you hope to avoid doing or being?//
   - I don’t want to explicitly tell but I can say I don’t want to be a criminal or a bad person in general. I’m often anxious about it and consistently question myself because I doubt myself.

5. Aside from phobias, are there any fears that characterized your childhood? Have they continued into the present day, or not, and if not, how have you dealt with them?//
   - I don’t know? At young age, like somewhere around 11-12, I had struggles with anger. I also had OCD and it made me anxious because most of the times, I hated the why my mind was questioning me. I was also paranoiac, scared of death. To this day, I’m less struggling with anger(yes I do get explosive but I know how to express love, feelings etc better) but I’m still struggling OCD and anxiety. I try to deal with them via help by others. However, i even struggle to trust those people(like my psychologist, thinking she tricks me).

6. a.) How do you see yourself?
   b) How does your environment sees you?
   c) How do you want others to see you?
   d.) What do you dislike the most in other people?//
   - a) Self aware and a little chaotic. Some days, I’m energetic, some days I’m not. One day, I hate it— one day I regret it and feel sad. But I’d say I’m creative just feels like not enough. I’m also moody, expecting others to realize my feelings because I’m shy and ashamed… but im supportive and loud when I’m with people I feel like I can be myself.
   - b) probably quite and uninterested at first? once i found people who were KINDA similar to me, I became loud and annoying. I could talk back to those who disrespected me so some viewed me annoyed, noisy person. One thing Im sure is that people defiantly view me as a messy person😭 Im disorganized.
   - c) As someone important, maybe people’s number one or maybe as someone talented and enough
   - d) Everyone might act righteous. What I hate are those who believe they are never wrong. No dude, your not cool for bullying others👀

7. Which habit do you most automatically act on? Rank the following habits from most to least automatic, on a scale of 1 (most) to 3 (least).
   a.) Work for personal gain with more concern for self than for others.
   b.) Strive for a sense of tranquility in yourself and the world around you
   c.) Decide what is right for the betterment of something or someone else.//
   - c>a>b

8. Where does the wandering mind take you? What provokes this?//
   - Imagination, creativity! i like to dream, write my own stuff. This usually happens if I’m bored.

9.What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?//
- It’s honestly hard to decide… I mean, I will be happy when I’m not tired and things are going the way I want. But at worst, I think its when I’m anxious thinking or my past mistakes.

1. Let's talk about emotions. Explain what might make you feel the following, how they feel to you or how you react to the emotion://
   a.) anger - when someone insults, hurts my loved ones. Also when someone is just… annoying. I actually snap and yell. I get frustrated easily especially if people nag me. Yes, I do regret after because I get moody.
   b.) shame - when I believe I’m doing something wrong. I just try to fix things even if the person deserves it. I’m not gonna gain anything but I feel happy and relaxed, maybe right for doing the right thing.
   c.) anxiety - when I can’t trust myself or anyone. I just try to forget it by venting or try to reason it. I sometimes write my thoughts to realize how stupid and funny they are.

2. Describe how you respond to the following://
   a.) stress - I feel sad, fear. I just try to distract myself.
   b.) negative unexpected change - Oh boy… disappointment. I feel annoyed or mad.
   c.) conflict - I often can’t decide what to do.

3. a.) What kind of role are you naturally inclined to take in a group? Why?
   b.) If put in power, how do you behave? Why?
   c.) Do you tend to struggle with others who have authority over you? Why?//
   - a) The person who gives ideas. I’m a creative person who is good at crafting. I always paint, do things.
   b) I don’t know… I think I would try to use it for the best but also for my personal gain.
   c) yes. I’m stubborn. If I believe they are wrong, i will just deny it. However, what type of authorities are we speaking of? I mean, if its teacher, parent figure like people I feel like I can go against, i can stand up for myself. If its something else, I do fear because I fear of being in trouble or be punished.

4. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't?//
   - If they are sly or not. Sometimes if its someone close to me or at least someone I do kinda know, I can also sense their mood or understand whats wrong with them.

5. Comment on your relationship with trust.//
   - Bruh, I have a hard time trusting. After all, if someone can’t trust themself, how can they trust others?

6. Briefly: What religious and/or political beliefs do you have? Do you think they influenced your responses in this questionnaire?//
   - I do believe in god, just not too religious. I support freedom and equality. Yes lmao

Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it.//
- highschool. I’ve been in the same school for 8 years. Change was difficult thing for me so I tried to remain mysterious and force myself to hate the school, cried everyday for my parents to change my school because I felt like I didn’t fit here. I was judgmental, believing that I could never find what I had.

Which of the following temptations do you find yourself acting upon the most? (And briefly state why)

1 To constantly push yourself to be “the best”
2 To be without needs, well-intentioned
3 To replace direct experience with concepts
4 To have an extreme sense of personal moral obligation
5 To think that fulfillment is somewhere else
6 To cyclically become indecisive and seek others for reassurance
7 To overuse imagination in searching for yourself
8 To avoid conflicts and asserting yourself
9 To consider yourself entirely self-sufficient

- I think I relate to 6, 2, 1. 6 because I tend to be indecisive even at smallest thing. 2 because I want to be honest and good person. 1, its little complicated. I’m not perfectionist… Im not strict. What I relate is me being morally right person. Because perfect can have many meanings.

What's something you are: a.) thankful you have b.) wish you could have? Why?
- a) I feel like people around me, my family.
b) wish I could be sure, wish I could be loved… I struggle lot with my self esteem.

Credits

Original questionnaire: Spades, Paradigm, and Boss with the help of Owfin, madhatter, listentothemountains, and others.

I have a difficulty to tell if I have 2w3 or 3w2 fix I relate to both of them a lot and I just can't figure out for sure which one I have. I would really appreciate it if someone could give me some advice ^^

I never know what I want. I'm not sure if this is my personality, or because of how I was brought up.

1. What is my deepest fear: Having nothing to show for when I get old. No achievements, no relationships etc. Also not knowing what I want in life.

2. What drives your daily actions? Habit/work-life system I've set up, responsibility, or excitement.

3. What thought or feeling occupies the majority of your mental energy? "Who am I?" "Why don't I know what I want?" "How do I get people to treat me well?" "What's wrong with me?"

4. How do you react to disappointment or loss? Anger. Nowadays I call the person out on it. I'm not easily disappointed. When I am, its usually because the person with authority can't live up to what they expect of everyone else.

5. What is your automatic defense mechanism?
- Avoidance and silence..... which is passive aggression imo..... I'm not sure if this is personality or upbringing. My grandma told me that as a newborn, instead of crying, I'd slam my legs and arms against the mattress if I wanted something. I still avoid from time to time.
- I've learnt a new mechanism that requires energy, but makes me feel better and helps the other person understand me: direct attack with sound logic. I would have gathered enough data on you, and come to a sound conclusion on what should happen..... so I honestly rarely lose in these situations.
- Another zero energy method: Get the other person to shut up. Usually happens when I think the other person will get pissed for no reason. "No, no, just do as I say". This also makes me feel good, but I think its a bad habit.

6. Do you over-prepare for worst-case scenarios, or do you tend to push those thoughts away? Growing up I was told to shut up quite a fair bit, and I was scolded for asking any questions.... even confirmation ones. So I used to guess what people were feeling, thinking etc. As a young adult, I told everyone to stop expecting me to shut up, and I quickly learnt that my family is afraid of my voice and independence. (I also lost their favour as a result, but I thrive on acting on my thoughts and feelings now.) Now I overprepare for interpersonal problems and in communication. I try to estimate what everyone is thinking, then ask. Even in my work, I cover all grounds and research what I don't know, before asking my superiors for advice.

7. Do you easily prioritize the needs of others over your own, or do you prioritize getting tasks done efficiently? Definitely getting tasks done efficiently. But if its me vs others, I easily prioritize myself.

8. What is your relationship with your own desires? I still don't know what I want in life, like what kind of partner, what kind of job..... but I do know the smaller things, like what foods I like, what checkups I need, what skincare I like, what clothes I like. Definitely better than when I was a kid. I wasn't allowed to have opinions as a kid, but ever since telling my parents to "quit it", I've been holding whatever opinions/likes/dislikes I want. I keep them out of the equation.

9. How do you communicate during disagreements? I used to suppress to avoid arguments..... not because I don't like conflicts, but I thought it was my responsibility as the eldest of an asian family. Also because I was expected to shut up. Now I speak my mind, but I am also wise with my words and timing. I'm very direct, both for my mental health and for others to understand me. It can still come out quite sarcastic and mean tho, working on that.

10. Is there a specific type description that makes me feel exposed or uncomfortable? I felt called out when I read "type 9: content with anything." I feel content really easily, but I rather not be. I was taught to be ambitious (but was also scolded for having dreams of my own lol), and I know contentment isn't practical, as you will not be prepared for cases of emergency, and your life will just be bleh.

En mi infancia viví en un hogar donde no estaban permitidos los errores o la debilidad; tuve que ocultar las emociones y verme competente, alguien que valiera la pena ver. Recuerdo siempre actuar como la hermana mayor e intentar proteger a todos, incluso a mis progenitores, dando la cara en las peleas, porque recuerdo que si alguien hablaba mal de mis hermanos, podía pelear o incluso si habian peleas entre mis padres yo daba la cara. En la escuela yo tenía mi propio grupo donde todos me buscaban como líder eso me daba cierta satisfacción porque significaba que logré que me quisiera o ser alguien importante de alguna manera.

• Incluso si cumplo con una tarea a la perfección y soy halagada por esta, no siento que sea suficiente necesito hacer más y por el contrario, si no soy halagada, buscaré la forma de que lo sea, ya sea hablando de ello.

• Aunque tenga una vida tranquila, buscaré formas de emoción, porque por más que me cueste aceptarlo necesito algo de de desorden en mi vida.

• Asumo que las personas me querrán sin importar qué, porque yo tengo la capacidad de atraerlas.

• Reaccionó al dolor intentando engañarme a mi misma de que no lo siento, e intento adormecerlo porque necesito mantener una imagen ideal; ya después pensaré el por qué.

• Cuando era niña sentía que debía ser valiente y proteger a todos (ser una “superhéroe”), estar a disposición para ser querida, y si eso no era suficiente, podrian atraerlos otras cosas grandiosas de mi.

• En mi vida adulta actual intento demostrar que soy una persona de importancia que estoy mucho más ocupada que otras personas (que ciertamente no lo estoy) entonces intento evitar cualquier tema que me haga ver más pequeña que los demás o algo fuera de mis conocimientos, experiencias o capacidades.

• Tengo miedo a ser humillada pero lo curioso es que puedo agachar la cabeza cuando me conviene o estoy segura que la persona no vale la pena.

• Todo depende de las circunstancias.

• Igualmente desde la niñez hasta el dia de hoy tengo fantasías donde soy la protagonista alguien a quien todos ven y quieren por su carisma, su caos o su sacrificio, porque siempre tomo el trabajo o como dije antes doy la cara en las adversidades.

• A pesar de todo no sé realmente quién soy, puedo mantener mi esencia pero la moldearé segun crea que te agradará más.

I challenge you guys to formulate questions in the format “do you, or do you“, to which I will answer in complete detail, about the two enneagram sections I’m currently confused about (heart and gut), mostly between being a core 2 or core 3, and having a gut 1 or gut 9 in my tritype. Head type I’m somewhat settled on having a 7 fix, possibly in second order.

Give it a shot. Give me your best questions

Bonus : If you want to take this up a notch, you can make questions for different instincts within the core types I’m suspecting (3&2)

All questions are welcomed. Good luck :)

This might be overboard but I just watched videos explaining all the enneagram subtypes and wrote down everything I related to. So... Type me I guess. I really wanna know my tritype but anything is fine. Also sorry I didn't really bother editing it

Sp1:

I have a really big need to be a good person. I never act myself act innapropriate which is why I never show my negative emotions. Because I'm scared that it might not be morally right. I'm incredibly anxious about being perfect. If I do something that's not considered moral, I'll freak out really bad. I also so try hard to become a good person so I can be trustworthy and reliable. I feel like all the responsibilities lay on me. I'm very obsessive about this. I feel like things aren't under control because they're not in MY control. There's so many things I would like to do, but the internal critic in me won't let me. On the outside Im a lot more friendly and warm. I don't hold others on the same standards as me. I'd say I'm anger repressed. I don't feel much anger at all actually, I just feel anxiety. It's hard for me to stop being hyperviligant. I wanna do the right thing and find the perfect solution for problems. I wanna be safe from blame. I don't want others to shame me or criticize me and I get extremely distressed when they do. I often ask myself "why am I the only one who cares?" "why am I the only one who has to be like this?"

So1:

I don't relate to anything

Sx1:

I sometimes feel like people would be better off if they just listened to me. Or if everyone was more like me. Often whenever I do something bad, I tend to start justifying my actions without meaning to. I can have a very "Ive earned this" "it's not hurting anybody" mindset. This also causes me to be paranoid of other people. Because of my own bad behavior I do behind the scenes, it scares me that others might be doing the same. I hold a resentment for everyone around me and there's not a single person I have nothing bad to say about. I can feel like I deserve special treatment. I can also be very hypocritical when it comes to moral high grounds. I relate to nothing else. 

Sp2:

I can come across as very childlike. It's kinda apart of my personality. I act sorta immature and I've had a lot of people calling me cutesy. I have this unconscious need to be taken care of. I always strive to act friendly towards others, and i get really happy when people reciprocate that. I want support from other people and I try to make that happen through friendliness. This is gonna sound narcissistic, but people seem to consider me as very sweet and maybe even charming? Ive had a lot of people attached to me. I can relate to all kinds of people. I can be very enthusiastic, playful and fun loving. I often distract myself from my negative emotions with social things. Sometimes I find it hard to take responsibility for my emotions. I'm very hypersensitive especially to criticism, but I mask it. I consider myself to be dependable and capable but i also always resist being the person in charge. I feel incredibly uncomfortable being the person of authority. I wanna be important but the thought of being a leader sounds horrible. I support people a lot and whenever someone tries to thank me, my first instinct is to minimize it. I find it hard to assert my own boundaries. When somebody relies to me, deep down I wish that somebody else would do it instead. It's weird because I do really wanna help people. But there's just this underlying feeling yk. I wanna be seen as a hardworking and independent person yet I'm hesitant to actually try to be. I wanna be seen and known, but there's no one who really knows me because I'm scared of showing people what's behind the surface. Because I know it wouldn't please people. I'm a pretty private person. I also really dislike being seen as two-faced and manipulative. It's one of the only things that truly set me off.

So2:

I wanna be seen as somebody competent and someone people can rely on. I REALLY wanna be seen as someone that can be relied on. I spent a lot of time researching on how to help people. I wanna be so good at it that even the most private people open up to me. I try to do things the way they should be done. I'm very people oriented. I often work behind the scenes to make things in my group circle work. Though I procrastinate a lot about it, I'm not productive. I'm very connected to my people and I have a clear understanding of them. I can get into a bit of a superiority complex sometimes because of this "I do right things for the right reason so why don't others do it too?" mentality. I wish people would be more like me sometimes. I'm also deeply scared of being ignored or important. I feel the need to be the center of attention in all my friend groups and easily get envious or jealous. I have a big need for admiration. I can also be seen as everybody's friend, though I often feel like everybody's servant.

Sx2:

I want people to be attached to me and I want to be the center of attention. I wanna seem appealing to people. I can present myself in a specific way to draw others in. I can be very supportive of others and I'm naturally very vibrant. I have this "I don't have to tell you what I need because we're so bonded that you should notice" mindset that's deeply ingrained into me. And if it's proven wrong, I'll get extremely upset and resentful. I think I'm good at reading people and understanding what they need. I can become what people like in order to get them to like me more. I prioritize the people that matter the most to me, while neglecting my other friendships. I charm specific people sometimes because I know I'll need them. I think that's pretty much it, I don't really relate to anything else.

Sp3:

I wanna be thought of as a good person. I wanna be the best example and have the ability to be a good role model. I don't wanna come across as self-absorbed and I don't want people to know that I want their approval. I think that's it

So3:

I crave applause and attention deeply. I tend to seek attention a lot and I strive to be the center of it. I rely on social media recognition a lot for example. I often post stories where I just talk about things I did because I want attention. I also post quite a bit and it pains me when I don't get enough likes. I tend to morph myself in order to be liked. I have a hard time with relationships because I'm scared of letting people know about me too deeply. I'm very conscious about how much I let people know. I feel like they'll reject me and see how broken I am.

Sx3:

I wanna please people. I tend to act like people's personal cheerleader a lot. I promote people a lot and deeply care for their achievements. I feel like I have value if the team is winning. I can come across very kind and friendly. I'm also pretty shy. I can change for other people without meaning to and sometimes I lose myself. Tbh I relate a lot to that one, but I only specifically relate to it whenever I'm in a bad mental state.

Sp4:

I connect with my negative emotions deeply but I keep them to myself. I feel like they're too much for others. Not everyone needs to deal with my sensitivity. I've always understood that. On the outside I come across as happy, friendly and positive. I put on an exterior of happiness and I tend to confuse people a lot because of that. I transcend my pain to connect with others. I never express any negative emotions like sadness or anger and whenever I do I tend to feel gross. I feel like I'd push others away by expressing them. I want people to see my self sacrifice and appreciate me for it. Sometimes I put myself in tense situations to see how much I can handle. I don't wanna dwell in my envy and dissatisfaction. I never feel like I'm enough. I feel like I have to earn people's affection by not being a burden. By helping people and not burdering them with my pain. I'm really into careers that involve empathy like counseling, social service etc... I'm very good at realizing what's going on in my circles. I see disconnections, tensions, disagreements. 

So4:

I know that there's something wrong with me. I feel as if I am inherently broken. I have a bit of a victim complex. I don't show my pain, but I tie it to my identity a lot. I can't imagine myself without it. I'm so envious of literally everyone in my life. While I don't express my negative feelings, I actually do complain a lot. About superficial things like... Complaining about a friend or that I'm hungry. And I do it in order to gain attention. Despite how I am now, when I was younger I actually WOULD wear my suffering on my sleeve. I would show it to everyone and my whole identity was based around it. As time went by, shame overtook me though. And even then I still barely actually vented. Sometimes when I'm in trouble for doing something wrong, I can weaponize my own vulnerability in hopes of receiving validation. I'm overly sensitive. I wanna be seen in my suffering. I wanna be forgiven for my failures and be loved unconditionally. And I deeply fear that people are gonna start hating me. I compare myself to others a lot and I always give up because I end up at the bottom. A lot of people seem to think highly of me but I feel so inferior to others. Whenever somebody thinks lowly of me(which happens rarely) I internalize it a lot. But I also can't help it but feel a sense of comfort with it. Because it proves that I'm right. I'm very lazy and procrastinate a lot because I'm scared of failure. I find it hard to take responsibility often. I find a lot of familiarity and comfort in sadness. I self sabotage a lot. I feel as if I'm on my own. I don't entirely trust anyone. It feels like it's me vs the world. I often think about how no one will ever truly understand me.

Sx4:

I can be very attention seeking. I enjoy being different at times. Unconsciously I really do wanna be different too. (Unconsciously since I don't actually realize it in the moment). I can be somewhat aggressive and have been physically violent at times. When pushed to my limit though.

Sp5:

Nothing really? Interestingly enough, people have vibetyped me as this. Irl though, I tend to keep people at a huge distance. Very similarly to how this subtype does. I like to be alone, and I feel intruded easily.

So5:

Nothing

Sx5:

Sometimes I fantasize about an ideal relationship (though not romantic). I want somebody who I can share EVERYTHING with. Everything I am. I tend to express all my relational passions through creative outlets. I value my private space and I can be introverted.  I need somebody to trust and be close with. But I'm scared of sharing myself with other people. I very rarely have. I'm very idealistic about this, which is why I have trouble finding that perfect person. And even when I find them, I quickly realized that the perfect person is not actually perfect. It's hard for anybody to really pass my test. I'm easily disappointed. I wanna be connected to people, but my connections often come off awkward. In private I know exactly what I wanna say, but when I actually have to, I tend to stumble over my words a lot. And I never share stuff clearly.

Sp6:

I lead with friendliness and warmth. I tend to be bubbly, easygoing and energetic. I'm very hyperviligant. I notice inconsistencies in people very easily. I can test people by asking questions just to see if they're reliable. I'm extremely fearful. A lot of the childhood stories I share are ones with fear. I've always been a very easily scared person. I'm very indecisive. I always feel like I never have enough information to make up my mind. I build up a lot of friendships and connections. Whenever something bad happens I feel as if i can lean on them. I want support from people. I fear other people's anger a ton. Even the slightest sign of anger in someone can make me freak out. Which is why I never let out my own anger. I'm much more likely to let out my anger after a situation happens. And I only let it out with close friends. I find it hard to apologize to people and admit I was wrong, because that would mean inviting all of their anger. I don't like taking leadership roles because I don't feel capable of it. I know exactly how to solve my problems but I NEED someone that I can process that solution with. I wanna be protected and have no enemies. Or well... I do wanna have enemies kinda, but I also wanna have security and know I'll be protected. Assertive strong willed people are very attractive to me. On the inside I'm ALWAYS overthinking. I can keep my cool when crisis happens because I'm already ALWAYS in crisis.

So6:

I have a huge fear of doing anything wrong. I don't want people to disapprove of me, especially once I project an authority figure on. I tend to look at morals I can follow. I really want certainty. I NEED to be certain. The world feels safest when it's black and white. I feel extremely anxious when I'm uncertain. I look at what MY people have to say and I follow that. I look into that.

Sx6:

I'm only like this irl with specific people, but I can go into this "you don't know what I'd be capable of if I was pushed into a corner" mindset. And I AM capable of being aggressive. I don't know what other people are capable of and that scares me. I feel like I have to be ready anytime to repel that threat. I can deny my vulnerability by acting aggressive. If somebody threatens me I'm more likely to double down on my aggression and challenge them further. HOWEVER I'm only really like that with specific people that have pushed me to my limit. So I don't think this counts anyway.

Sp7:

I'm pleasure-seeking and I can come across as selfish because of that. I feel like what I want is what I need. I tend to burn through friends a lot. I'm constantly becoming friends with new people and seeing them as my best friends, only to immediately stop talking to them when I get bored and find someone new. Nothing's ever enough to satisfy me, I NEED more. I've always had a REALLY bad fear of missing out. I build a lot of connections. They're like personal allies who will support me to help me get what I want in life. I trust them to get me out of trouble, make me accessible to fun experiences, etc. I get myself very excited for things, only to then get dissappointed by how underwhelming things are. Despite the way I handle relationships, I do occasionally find a group that I stick to. And I see it as family. I believe I have a privileged position there as well. 

I feel like I can't have peace until I've acquired that gluttony. I've had people tell me that they're scared that eventually they're not gonna be able to talk to me at all unless they're constantly entertaining me. Unfortunately I am like this with many people. 

I hype things up a lot while planning, and I'm very enthusiastic about them. I'm optimistic that they'll work out. 

Despite how many friends I have, I often lonely. People tend to get exhausted of me easily. I think my friends often feel left out because of how I am. I evade relationships. Intimacy is horrifying. Romantic relationships genuinely feel like being handcuffed to me. They're so limiting and make me feel trapped. I find it stressful when people frequently open up to me or express vulnerability. I aim to keep things light hearted. I'm terrified of sitting in silence. My thoughts always go out of control and I can't sit in discomfort. I'm also pretty resilient and good at finding the positives in situations. A week ago I was in a very awful situation, where'd I be throwing up every day from stress and it was the first time in my life where I had felt so trapped and broken. But even though nothing got better, I'm a lot better now. Because I found more positive things to distract myself with. 

So7:

I do try to resist my gluttony, because I'd rather be thought of as a good person. I have a huge desire to be admired for my goodness. I focus my attention on giving to others, easing their pain etc... I feel like I exist to serve the group. I wanna help by bringing healing. It helps my own pain as well. Serving others kind of purifies my guilt. I avoid conflict and fear commitment.

Sx7:

I hate having to face reality. I wanna stay in this idealistic utopia where there are no problems and everyone's happy. This brings me down a lot, because instead of fixing problems I procrastinate a lot because in my mind everything is okay. I assume that everyone has a familiar mindset and I get really surprised when others tell me I'm being taken advantage of. I don't wanna believe in those things. I'm an extremely naive person and I never seem to learn my lesson. I want everybody to be joyful and upbeat. I can look really depressed for a period of time. And then I discover something exciting and suddenly I'm back in a great mood. My head is always stuck in the clouds. I'm stuck in my dreams. I accidentally make people feel special because I get fall in love (not romantically) with people too fast. Only to then discard them. 

I have a constant need to be humourous, to be liked and to be admired. I'm constantly running away from life. Sometimes I randomly get hit by reality and I start feeling trapped. And then to stop that, I try romanticizing it and picturing myself as a fictional character. I look at the world from an overly romantic idea in general. 

E8:

I relate to nothing

Sp9:

I seek my wants more than my needs. I'm never satisfied. I feel like no one will ever love me for me in life. It feels as if no one will ever truly know me. I tend to put off things I need to be doing. I never make my needs known and just quietly hope for others to know. I don't wanna talk about what's going on with me internally. I often forget my own needs, desires and dreams. My identity is very flexible. I seek out superficial pleasures like eating, playing video games etc... I find a lot of comfort with routines. I'm very good at understanding other people's perspectives. I see how various pieces all fit together. I procrastinate a lot and find it incredibly hard to get myself to do things. Every day feels the same and I find it hard to get out of my routine. I rarely feel anger. Like ever. It's an emotion I lack. Or at least I think so.

So9:

I want to be apart of the group desperately. Sometimes I can lose myself in the team. I care a lot about how I come across. Despite how much I want to belong, I feel like I never truly do. I don't wanna share my pain with others because i don't wanna burden them. I tend to minimize it a lot.

Sx9:

I can see myself through other people's perspectives. Especially if that person is someone important to me. I wanna understand myself. People tell me I'm a sweet and kind person. I'm intuitive and artistic. I find it hard to express my needs especially when others' needs differ from mine.

This is the reason I made a reddit account.

On this website (https://enneagramuniverse.com/) I got e5. I didn't feel it was me.

On this website (https://enneagram-personality.com/) I got e8w7 but I feel I'm more calm than that.

Please help. This is the only reason I made a reddit account.

(Edit: adding questionnaire to help ya'll out)

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

12-16 and female.

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

Not that I know of.

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

I was raised Christian and the way I responded to it? Belief.

• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

I'm still in school but I do not like math and perceive English, social studies and science as easier.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

Lonely.

• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

I don't like sports. I do enjoy going for walks with my family in nature or climbing the trees. I did enjoy drawing for awhile but I'm starting to become disinterested, similar with writing. I don't have any particular hobbies and if I did I would drop them in favour for something else I hope will magically make me patience and make me make works of art!

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I would say I'm curious. Well, I have many ideas I could execute but I choose not to either because I forget about them or get lazy. I'm curious about many things, for awhile insects and then drawing then embroidery but now... just whatever the youtube algorithm feeds me. My ideas are more about feelings and lessons or adventure and epic shots almost like a movie or just pondering what is the meaning of life.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

I would enjoy being a leader. I believe I would be good at it. My leadership style would be calm and always checking up and giving clear rules and roles to everyone. If someone is struggling give them a pep talk.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

I'm clumsy but not wildly. Only when I'm doing stupid things and not thinking do I fall. I feel I'm not the most coordinated but others far worse than me. Sure, I enjoy working with my hands. The activity? Living life.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

In some ways my imagination is artistic. However I wouldn't say I seem artistic and rarely do I actually create anything from my imagination. I don't really care for others art but I do like (classic) Thomas the Train and many animations (particularly traditional animation) because it just looks so beautiful so I guess you could call it art because of how hard people worked on it.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

I have a horrible memory but my opinion my past is.. it's cool. My opinion on THE past is... they were lucky. They didn't have phones or tablets or anything else. My present is doing great. The whole of the present? Could always be better. The future? We'll see, I have hope for the future. I always do.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I would help them only if I actually knew what they were asking about, if I didn't I would just plainly say so. The reason I would help them is pure ego. Prove to myself I'm a great explainer and helper. Depends what kind of help your asking about though.

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

I don't think about it but I think yes.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

Depends if I feel if it's worth it or not. Would it better to put our time and love into this or is it better if we beat the others? However efficiency and productivity is what keeps the world going round.

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

I don't feel I control others but if I did it would because I don't trust that anyone else can make this place as perfect as I can. I have a plan in mind and it would be so much easier to do that if I could control it all aka be leader.

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

I have no hobbies, yet!

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

My learning style is that that needs clear rules, clear instructions. If you give me that I feel I could do anything you ask me. Learning environments I struggle with the most is where I feel the teacher/mentor is not doing things in an engaging way. I would prefer classes involving logic and your physical senses.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

I wouldn't say I'm at all good at strategizing nor do I give thought to do it. I do have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as I go.

• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

Professionally my aspiration is to do something I can enjoy and take many breaks on... need those breaks and personally? Be loved.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

One of my fears is that the people I love would one day stop trusting me. What makes me uncomfortable is being somewhere I don't want to be I guess. What I hate? I hate delusions. Why? In what world are delusions good?

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

Smiling, green grass, laughing... enjoying food, feeling happy.

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

Feeling confused, stressed, distrustful scared to look someone in the eye. So mostly if I feel I have done something wrong that someone I love won't trust me because of that wrong.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

Well I'd say I'm pretty oblivious, maybe because I'm overly confident nothing could harm me say a car? Speaking of cars I mostly daydream when I'm in the backseat of the car looking out the window and I would say I'm aware of my surroundings in a passive way.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

Whatever the brain algorithm pops in my mind, just like youtube.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

If I'm with say my parents or in a team where there is a clear leader already who I'm not I'm very cautious with a decision I should make, what if they don't like it? What if they hate it? Now if I was by myself or the leader I would probably be very clear-headed and able to make that decision without changing my mind over and over again.

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

Not long at all. Emotions are just.. there! Imagine if you didn't have emotions oh no.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

Yes, in that sense I can be a people pleaser because it's not to keep the conversation it's to not hurt the person's feelings.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?

No, I wouldn't say I break rules often. I'd say it depends. Authority should not always be challenged only if their doing something clearly stupid that is clearly not going to help anyone and is just clearly bad, but overall I think authority overall can know better but they should listen to the people too. If I do break rules it's because their stupid and I see no need for them nor to obey them.

Ask any other questions in the form of a comment.

Before you read, Im 16 and diagnosed with OCD and GAD so consider these things when typing.

Hi! A friend sent me a test and told me it was accurate. When I took it, the result was ENFP at first, then INFP. I learned that these tests aren't very reliable, so I decided to sort it out myself, and I keep coming up as either INTP or INFP (I'm torn between the two). I relate to the sp E1 type because I constantly want to be a "good" person. It makes me feel good, and it feels like I have an obligation to be that way. However, I've heard that INTPs or INFPs can't be E1s, so I’m asking for help again... Yes, I need someone to type me. Below, you’ll read about my personality, my thoughts, and the things I would’ve done! (And I used Google Translate so you could understand me better so no, this isn’t really ai lmao):

First of all, being ethical is a necessity for me. I feel compelled to do this because I want to be a good person. For instance, if I had knowingly cheated, I would intentionally leave blank the number of questions equivalent to the score I gained through cheating on the next exam. It might sound absurd, but it feels as though that is how I could pay the price for my mistake. I am certain that if I handled it any other way, it would weigh on my conscience. I am not particularly religious, but I also fear going to hell (after all, these exams are crucial for future university admissions or jobs, and cheating would mean infringing on others' rights...). And yes, if I cheated in a subject I was weak in, I would still do the same thing regardless. Being honest makes me feel good and at ease. In fact, even if there were a chance to win a reward based on the exam results, I still wouldn't answer those questions. I also wouldn't want to deceive myself. As for my friends, if they were cheating, I would warn them because it isn't right, and it feels as though I am participating in it too. Ultimately, yes, I like to handle things according to my own logic; even if I had done something good, I am sure it would still be on my mind, because doing something good doesn't completely erase our mistakes. Speaking of mistakes...
I’ve made mistakes, too—like acting toxic toward people... 

Yes, I was young back then and didn't understand a lot of things, but even so, I still think about it with sadness. It feels like I view myself as a bad person. Of course, I’m not that kind of person anymore. I am more respectful and understanding toward people. Even my psychologist says so; they view me as someone who is honest, self-aware, and able to articulate my feelings, yet also someone who wants to improve themselves (though they say I might be exaggerating things a bit). The truth is, I generally don't trust anyone... I constantly judge myself by my own standards. I feel a need for people's judgment, yet I can't bring myself to trust them—after all, if you don't trust yourself, you can't trust others. It’s not just the past that I get hung up on, though. I feel as if I didn't truly appreciate the value of time back then. Yes, I miss my old school days, but even back then, I was missing my *older* friends. It feels as if I’m never truly happy... as if I’m always wanting something better. Even when I was little, I used to constantly think about life and death. I was afraid of everything—of my loved ones dying or losing them... And yes, as you might guess, I’m a very anxious person! This stems from my lack of self-confidence. I’m indecisive about even the smallest choices, yet if I genuinely want something or want to prove a point, I don't give up; I look for a solution. I wouldn't say I'm fearless, but if I truly believe I deserve something, I go for it—even though I’m scared. 

Yes, I do care about what people think. I want to be seen as a good person in society; I feel I *need* to be a good person. Yet, in almost everything I do, I end up viewing myself as a bad person (for instance, regarding AI—even though I don't support it, I still use it. I know it sounds ironic but I can’t leave ai. Wherever I go, I keep seeing it. i feel dumb and need guidance. I use it because Im lazy and sometimes vent or explain stuff for reassurance or explaining my creative characters because i’m way too embarrassed to ask feedback from others… It just makes me sad because I love animals and I feel like I’m killing polar bears or other animals since AI does contribute to global warming!)

My goal here isn't to explain my problems and ask for pity🙏. I figured that if I explained my thoughts and feelings in detail, perhaps people could type me more accurately. Well... regarding energy levels, it varies—I can be both energetic and not! For starters, if I’m not keen on something, I won't put in the effort. For instance, when I first started high school, I missed my old school, so I deliberately acted cold toward everyone in the class. While everyone else was socializing, I tried to come across as stoic and mysterious. However, if I really want to—like when joining a new course—I’ll socialize if I share interests with someone. Of course, I feel afraid, but sometimes that fear fades because being with friends makes me happy. Whenever I’m with people I care about, I become loud, playful—a completely different person. When I first arrived in class, people saw me as quiet; I struggled to adapt. But then, gradually (even if I couldn't adjust at first), I met people who were somewhat like me and really started to be myself. People went from seeing me as quiet, calm, and odd to viewing me as loud, annoying, and a joker! Of course, hanging out with others isn't always for me. Sometimes I get genuinely bored and have absolutely no energy. Yet, being with others means being myself; even if people find me strange, hanging out with someone makes me feel less alone, and the fact that they might get odd looks too makes me feel good.
I get angry very quickly. Yes, whether I’m dealing with a sick person, a teacher, or anyone else, I usually get annoyed because sometimes I feel it’s truly necessary to shut people up. I tend to stand up against injustice. I can also be quite stubborn. But of course, I feel a bit bad about it later. Even if someone makes me angry, if they are in a helpless situation, I feel sad—or even scared—wondering, "What if I end up like them?" (helpless, sick, or unloved)? Yet, sometimes I genuinely feel I am in the right. It takes me a while to apologize because I feel embarrassed. But yes, I do apologize, of course (at least most of the time 👀).

I have other issues, too—for instance, I struggle to trust my friends or sometimes can't bring myself to stand up to them. If my feelings are hurt, I immediately give them the silent treatment or act cold on purpose. I can't really express my emotions openly, so I wait for others to reach out to me. The other day, I was a bit angry with a friend. I was tired of always being the one to suggest things or try to start a conversation. It felt like they sometimes forgot about me and valued their new friends more. So, when they didn't invite me to their birthday party, I deliberately didn't reply to their messages. I was dropping subtle hints—like intentionally not keeping up our TikTok streak. Eventually, I explained how I felt. Even though that wasn't their intention, I still feel like I’m not their first choice, and that makes me sad.

Yes, most of the time I feel like I’m no one’s number one. I want to be loved. I try to treat everyone well, but it feels like I’m not getting what I want in return. When I was little, I was always in the background. Even my friends would get mad at me without asking what was wrong, and it turned out that was usually because I was being toxic and rude. Of course, that was back when I was very young. But in middle school, for instance, I was constantly forgotten and left out.

That’s why I stand up to people every now and then now. If I don't like someone, I’ll make snide, subtle remarks. Maybe that’s why some people in my class don't like me; I push back against them, and I’m not like them... and please don't think I'm trying to be a "pick-me" or anything—they genuinely see me as a strange, different person sometimes. Last year, for example, the girls talked behind my back before I’d even really started talking to them. When I drew, some of the boys would make fun of me. It also often stems from the fact that I’m disorganized—yes, I’m just as scattered as my mind is 😓.

Sometimes I’m very quick to criticize. I mean, if I don't trust a situation, I always assume the worst; I imagine the most absurd scenarios. Speaking of drawing—yes, I used to constantly compare myself to others in secret. I did it more back then. A friend of mine was good at drawing too; the teachers always seemed to pay more attention to her, which made me sad, and I was constantly trying to show off. I’m sure the reason the teachers paid her a bit more attention regarding art was that she was somewhat quiet and didn't fully show off her talent. I was usually someone who craved attention, and almost everyone knew I drew. I still compare myself to others today.

Ultimately, these are just part of my personality! When I was little, I was often overlooked. For instance, my father would get angry too easily or take offense quickly—even if it was just in jest (though sometimes even his jokes would upset me). Of course, he isn't a bad person, and I had a happy childhood! Still, it seems one can develop an anxiety disorder or OCD without necessarily having childhood trauma... People say I’m empathetic and soft-hearted. Yes, I think I am. I can sense when someone is sad, and I listen to their problems or offer advice—even the kind of advice I wouldn't necessarily follow myself. I just don't want them to be alone (or to feel alone).

Disclaimer : I’m aware that test results aren’t accurate but I do them nevertheless for the fun of it.

I’m studying Psychology for my degree, and I plan on taking two more degrees in Sociology or History and Criminology. I pick my classes out of my own interest and I can say I thrive in it—even though it gets overwhelming.

My life revolves around my family. I was normal growing up, I guess my parents spoiled me a little because I came after they tried for 4-5 years followed by my two older sisters. Up until I became rebellious and stubborn that my family starts restricting me. But all my life I feel overshadowed and constantly challenged by my elder sisters for their achievements and how easily they can converse with my parents. I’m also the third child out of 11 siblings. Too many. I know.

I wouldn’t say I was abused, but my elder sisters always spoke harshly to me and pinched or slapped me when I got on their nerves. I had no friends growing up due to homeschooling so I was a nosy kid trying to fit in with teenagers while I was barely 6—they always find a way to run away from me every chance they had.

My father was absent 60% of my life due to working overseas, and he can get scary when he returns. He had extreme anger issues at one point, it was very hard on the family—especially for me since I was rebellious. A few things happened that are bad enough to make me still tense up in his presence until today. He went to therapy and got his temper controlled but I always walk on eggshells around him.

My elder sisters are also controlling even to this day, especially the eldest. She mocks me for liking my friends more than my family, they used to take my phone away for a year, they talk bad about me to my parents. It’s really hard for me to get along with them even to this day. Now I have two close friends that I barely talk to, talking too much (even over text) can be draining for me.

If I had to choose between going outdoors or indoors, I’d mostly choose to stay indoors. But I do like to go out if it means getting away from my family, even for a few hours.
Sadly, my friends aren’t exactly the people I like hanging out with as they always try to take me to clubs and functions I’m not interested in. The two close friends I have aren’t around since they’re studying in another state.

I’m a curious person. I always search up things and stock them up in my mind so then I can write them down later on paper and get answers. Most of the thoughts are philosophical or personal—mostly reflection because I like to keep myself in check.

I can say that I get possessive of things I own, only when I feel like someone wants them too. I wouldn’t care about a pen I bought 2 months ago, but I would suddenly care about it when someone else is asking for it. I was often called selfish but I hated that title—so I allowed them to take what I have. Sometimes I give it to them altogether because it feels like that object is not mine anymore now that someone else touches it. Other times I take it back and make sure to clean it thoroughly so I can use it again.

I wouldn’t enjoy being a leader. I don’t really like having to organise a group of other humans, I’d rather work alone and observe others. If I had to be a leader, I’ll definitely try to be somewhere in between laid-back and strict. I wouldn’t want them to slack off but I don’t like pressuring others. I wouldn’t hesitate to cut their name off the group work if they didn’t contribute anything.

I’m ambitious and focused on my goals—I have things to prove, especially to my family. At the same time, I don’t like having my boundaries crossed. I distance myself from everyone, even my partner. I require lots and lots of time alone to not feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I find myself wanting someone to break down my walls and make me comfortable with them but I don’t give anyone the chance to do that.

My ideal life would be ; me working as a strategist for an agency or company that focuses on reducing corruption and pollution on this earth. Maybe a husband and maximum of 3-4 children. Travelling the world and discovering what else this world has to offer, meeting and learning with scholars to get their views on life. An empty and unfulfilling life is what scares me the most (other than the disapproval gaze from my parents).

Scroll to the end for the summary if you don’t want to read everything.
I’m still new to typology and the Enneagram, and I don’t think I’ll be able to figure this out on my own, even after spending more time with it.
I’m mainly wondering how I should understand the “core fears” associated with each type.
With my dominant instinct most likely being sp/sx, I’m stuck between Type 4 and Type 9 as my core type. I don’t think I relate strongly to any of their wings. If anything, 4w5 and 9w1 make the most sense, but I’m not convinced.

Simply put, my behavior, instincts, and way of living are very Type 9-like. But my inner self, what feels like the “raw” or “true” me, leans much more toward Type 4.
Type 9 makes sense to me in a lot of ways. I want harmony, peace, and stability because life is easier and more comfortable that way. I’ll almost always choose the easier option if I have the choice, not because I necessarily enjoy it, but because it feels necessary for survival. It’s more of a need than a want.
I hate it when that peace is disturbed.
I don’t know if I actually relate to the core fear of Type 9, though.
I’d hate to have my inner peace and comfort taken away, but by “inner peace” I mostly mean not having to deal with troublesome or inconvenient situations. Peace and harmony help prevent those things.
I go along with other people and people-please because it’s easier for me that way (and for everyone else, I guess). Nobody gets upset, and there’s no conflict if I just let things happen the way the other person wants. I hate things that are troublesome or inconvenient, and having my peace disturbed is one of those things.
I’m also not a very emotional person, and I constantly contradict myself, so it’s hard for me to judge my motivations. Take Type 1’s core fear of being corrupt, for example. I can’t really say I fear being corrupt. If anything, it’s more of an uncomfortable feeling than an emotional fear. I know I’m a bad person. I know my morals are messed up. I know I should care more. What bothers me isn’t that I’m corrupt. It’s why. Why am I like this? Why am I such a bad person? The emphasis is on the “why,” not the fact itself.

On the other hand, my personal fears and desires feel much more like Type 4.
I fear that I’m not unique enough. I want to be diagnosed because, if I’m not, it feels like my mental illness, and by extension, part of my identity, doesn’t really mean anything without confirmation. I fear that I’m not fundamentally different from other people. I’d hate to find out I’m actually just a “normal” person.
I’m not saying I see myself as special or better than others. If anything, I usually see myself as worse. I guess wanting to be different plays a role there too.
But if I’m not fundamentally different, then what am I? It feels like I’d lose my sense of self and my own worth.
I don’t necessarily want to be different. It feels like I need to be different in order to have any meaning. Being unique, mentally ill, unwell, or somehow different gives me a sense of significance.
I also like suffering and doing things on my own. Not in a “look what I survived” kind of way, but because it gives me personal satisfaction. I feel good about myself when I manage to push through difficult situations by myself. Sometimes I even make things harder than they need to be just to see how much I can endure. Surviving that makes me feel more valuable.
I hate asking for help because it makes me feel less valuable. Not in other people’s eyes, but in my own. If someone helps me, I can’t take pride in what I accomplished afterward.
In a way, suffering, putting myself down, or identifying with being mentally ill reassures me that I’m different, that I’m myself.

Summary
Type 9 side:
I want or need peace and harmony because conflict and inconvenience are exhausting.
It’s easier to go along with other people than to create conflict.
Peace and harmony = less inconvenience.
Less inconvenience = more comfort.
Disturbances ruin that comfort.
Making things easier for others also makes things easier for myself.
Peace and comfort feel more like a necessity than a genuine desire.
Type 4 side:
I have a strong need to be fundamentally different or unique because that’s what gives me a sense of self-worth.
Being different makes me feel valuable.
I worry that I’m not actually unique. That I’m just a normal person who wants to feel special.
If there’s nothing fundamentally “wrong” or different about me (such as mental illness), I feel like I lose what makes me who I am.

i tried to make as little changes as possible because i wanted my personality to be easier to see through my answers. sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes LOL.
also, if you want to type me in any other typology systems i’d really appreciate it!! i can answer more questions if needed too, since i know questionnaires aren’t always the best way to type someone. i mostly just wanted an outside opinion because i feel like i can barely trust my own logic sometimes

1. ⁠What are your views on the good things in life? Do they happen naturally, or do you have to create them yourself? How do they manifest into reality?

i feel like you have to work for most good things yourself, things like money or relationships require you to work for it. i’m a very lazy person and i don’t put too much work into doing much, my relationships are kind of just there. i love my friends and value my relationship but i only just talk to them, i want to be a nicer and more helpful person but it’s very limiting when you’re broke LOL.

2. ⁠What are your views on the bad things in life? What are the reasons they happen? How much control do you really have over such matters?

bad things happen because people make bad decisions, or it’s just something random you can’t control. everyone is responsible for their own actions, so it’s their fault if they make a bad decision that causes something bad to happen. some other things are just pure luck and you can’t control it. as long as you don’t make stupid decisions i think you can’t really control other bad things.

3. ⁠How attached are you to your emotions? How often do you express them to others? What even is the purpose of such feelings? And what are the biases that impede your judgements?

i’m pretty attached to my emotions, i feel like it would be torture if i was a brainless robot who doesn’t feel anything. i try not to express my negative emotions since i know doing that will cause some people to dislike me, but i’ll express them if its people i’m comfortable around. i guess the purpose of feelings is to connect and give people a reason to make changes. if no one got mad or unsatisfied with how things were today, there’d be so much inequality. my emotions CAN effect my choices, but i try to act with my brain since i know there’s a bunch of things i could do wrong if i acted irrationally. the only time i fully act with my emotions is when they’re like huge emotions like heartbreak or something else. it’s not like i don’t take emotions into consideration when i make decisions, i just know if i rely on my emotions too much i might make a bad decision. i also want to add this tinyyyy bit in here for no reason whatsoever: i find it really hard to hide my disgust or distaste towards something. a bunch of people (aka my sister and mom) come to me for fashion advice, and i’m VERY picky about fashion. my facial expressions definitely do not help either. my sister will show me a shirt that i don’t think looks good and my face will immediately show it. it’s not even like i’m trying to be rude, it’s literally just my first reaction and i can’t really control it. my sister has pointed this out several times whenever we go shopping together. my mom has also called me stubborn because she likes to buy me clothes and (no offense mom) her fashion taste is HORRIBLE. this is why i usually prefer clothes shopping by myself because i feel like i know myself best. i really like expressing myself through clothes and i feel like my style is something that’s very personal to me!!

4. ⁠What do you want in life? Are they achievable? If people and obstacles are in your way, what would you do then? With resources being limited, is it ok to acquire essential needs by denying them to someone else?

i guess my only motivation right now is to find my motivation. i have this one quote i said like a month ago and it’s just kinda stuck, “the purpose in life is to find the purpose of your life” the purpose in life can vary for so many different people, some people’s purpose is to make a change, some could be to find love, whatever! i do want to find love and have enough money to buy whatever i want, but i think that’s pretty universal for everyone because ive never met someone who wants to be broke and fully alone LOL. i think my goals are pretty achievable, i just need to keep looking until i find the right purpose for me. if people or obstacles were in my way i wouldn’t know how to act. i don’t see why there would be any obstacles in my way to be honest, it sounds kinda stupid for someone to stand in my way. i guess i would get like pretty sad? i’ve got no clue sorry. i feel like there’s always a fair solution to something so i might try to come up with a fair alternative if resources were limited. i’m not all that smart (besides academics) so it might be a little difficult. if there’s no solution is might try to take it for myself?

5. ⁠Are people inherently good or bad? Or is it neither? What do you believe when it comes to moral goodness? What duties do we all have as individuals? Do we owe anything to each other by default?

i think everyone’s born neutral but grows up to be good or bad, depending on their environment obviously. i think being a good person is just being kind, honest, and fair. obviously some people are more morally good than others, that’s just the basics. everyone owes everyone like basic decency. unless someone’s like a bad person then yeah idgaf if you treat that person like shit 😇

6. ⁠Are you extroverted or introverted? If you're ambiverted, when do you lean on each side? What excites you? What drains your energy? How do you feel alive when plagued by boredom and the mundane?

i’m ambiverted. i lean being extroverted around people i’m comfortable with, i have a big problem with getting annoyed really fast and really easily. it could be something small like criticizing me over how i act or do something and i’ll hold a grudge and just want to leave the room. i’m more introverted around unfamiliar people and people i hate, i genuinely just don’t want to talk to random people unless i think they’re cool or not annoying. i get excited whenever i can be around someone, talk with them, and just have a fun time without getting upset. my energy gets drained around annoying people, super energetic people (when i’m not in the mood), and when people are just shit talking someone i like. i feel more alive when i’m talking to someone and when they’re really focused on me, but not pushy about it. i like when i can talk about myself without another person being bitchy or too pushy.

7. ⁠What people/values/things do you hold dear to yourself? How do you prevent yourself from being separated from them? Does being disconnected scare you? Do you desire to fit in with the world?

i hold a bunch of things dear to me, my bed, my friends, my (not annoying) family, my favorite fictional characters (#imdrooling), and just uh general things like food and pretty clothes and furniture. i prevent being disconnected with them by uh keeping them? i guess with things like my friends i talk to them but i don’t have many resources or money i can spend on them to make them love me 😇 if i had the money though i would totally buy my friends anything they want, that seems kinda pushy though. i can imagine myself saying shit like “oh just grab whatever you want!” i don’t want to overwhelm my friends since i know that’s a thing i do something 😢 i guess being disconnected scares me, my life would be pretty boring and empty if i didn’t have a bed or friends. i don’t desire to fit in with the world, i DO desire to have a place that accepts me though. i don’t want to change who i am just so people will like me, unless i REALLY like someone. then ill probably adjust myself slightly to seem cooler than i actually am. (not really adjusting myself but making my existing qualities more exaggerated)

8. ⁠What are the biggest disappointments you have? It doesn't even have to be something that happened to you personally. What is something you expected more from, but it somehow managed to fall short?

other people and romance. i like the idea of having great friendships and a movie like relationship but all of that is a big lie. friends can easily go behind your back and lie, partners can cheat on you and LIE. i always imagine having these great big friends and a perfect beautiful partner but that shit probably is never gonna happen. i have like high standards, i get annoyed easily, i get frustrated easily. it’s all just so hard to work with that while wanting to have good healthy relationships. for friends i feel like everyone trust shifts too much and one day someone can like me and i can be the center of their world, but then the next they have someone else!! it makes me mad. for romance i have to think they’re beautiful for me to want to date them, but it’s so hard to find someone with a good personality and a good appearance… 😢

9. ⁠What do you expect from others? Are you entitled to anything? Be it love or materialistic things. How easy is it to rely on others? To depend on something else outside of your control?

i expect different things from different people. just in general i expect kindness, fairness, and honesty. but if it’s from a friend i expect actual attention and affection instead of just small talk and not even bothering to get to know me. i feel very entitled to love and affection from everyone but i’m also smart enough to know that’s a stupid thing to feel entitled to. i want to be loved and seen as an angel just for existing but its genuinely a dumb ass thing to expect i hate myself for wishing that. it’s hard to rely on others, i want to be able to. every time i try to rely on others for something big my emotions get like insanely huge and ill start to cry or like just straight up SOB. this is kinda why i struggle with my mental health because i feel so bad asking for help…. gyulp! but man if it’s something small as shit like asking for someone to help me with a task then yeah i’ll ask.

10. ⁠What are you as a person? How do you see yourself? How do others see you? How do you want others to see you? How do you want to see yourself?

i feel like the best word to describe me is contradictory. i’m warm but i can go cold in the snap of a finger, i can be happy but be sad the next second, i can be smart but also so incredibly dumb, i can have huge emotions but also be relaxed. i don’t know how i see myself really, it’s hard to tell sometimes. i guess romantic is how i see myself, not in the super flirty way but i value love a lot and i love imagining myself in a relationship. sometimes i’m comfortable with how i act but sometimes i feel like i’m the weirdest person ever 😇 i already said how i want to look to other people, like an angel who everyone loves. i also want to see myself that way, but i have a lot of problems that i need to overcome before i do see myself that way.

11. ⁠How do you organize your thoughts? What are concepts and ideas to you? How do you navigate through such a hazy frightening future? What do you believe are the most important questions one can ask?

ouuu shiii idk. uh i guess i just go with something that i’ve seen work before? i try to stick to the one thing that is proven to work, anything outside the box is kinda too confusing or too unpredictable and could go work so i’d prefer to keep to rules and stuff. i guess abstract concepts and ideas are cool? i don’t personally like them a bunch but it’s whatever to be honest shrug. i’d just rather the world to be viewed super easily like “here this is the meaning of your life handed to you, now you don’t have to do all this exploring and figuring out your life because THIS is what you’re meant to do!” i like the sound of that 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ i lowkey just trust that things will play out correctly in the future, i’d like to explore things but it takes so much energy that i’d rather just wait until my life just unfolds by itself. i don’t like this last question it makes no sense so i’m not answering okay.

a per recommendation i am now using a questionnaire🫡

demographic information: 22 year old male, unemployed, addiction issues, and mentally ill (mdd, ptsd, anorexia)- who want me?

1. ⁠What is your idealized image of yourself? Is there a difference between your idealized version and your real self? How do you feel in your own skin?

I try to project an image of someone who is arrogant, self-assured, independent, insensitive, and unemotional. Unfortunately, I am none of these things naturally, and I often fail to come across as someone who is any of the stated traits.

I am clumsy, awkward, empathetic, and generally easygoing. But people like that are always taken advantage of (my brother being the prime example), so I attempt to rid myself of those traits more often than not.

For as long as I can remember I have resented myself. Even as a little kid I would always give up my toys to those I believed deserved them more than I did. My parents never understood why I would have such a strong hatred against myself, and I don't understand it either... But because I cared for my wellbeing so little I was often considered "brave" and "strong", which are labels I carry close to my chest as motivation to keep going.

1. ⁠What causes you being ashamed and disappointed with yourself? What do you feel you are lacking?

I think I'm most ashamed with not being able to rid myself of my ego. Everyone has to integrate in a society that wasn't made for them; everyone is miserable. But I was always the troublemaker who refused to be part of "a cog". Like I couldn't accept that I have to be miserable in order to survive.

My family always hated the fact I avoided responsibilities and commitment to pursue an unconventional life. They hated it so much I started to resent myself the same way.

Despite that internal hatred, I still can't make myself do things I don't want to do.

1. ⁠Your motivation to move forward, the reason/s you live for? What is your internal drive? Could you give some examples?

I can't leave the people in my life. Some rely on me, if I left they would be lost and would probably end up dead. Others (specifically family) would talk poorly of me if I left, so I stay in part to spite them...

I don't really want to live, since I was about 11 my main goal in life was to live until I didn't have to anymore. I can't say I've grown much in that department.

For now I just try to take things one moment at a time, I find the most contentment and meaning in nature. It grounds me, and it makes me remember that I don't have to have a real purpose to simply experience.

1. ⁠What is your deepest desire? For what you are secretly longing?

I don't think I really have one right now... I think if anything I just want to find some kind of meaning in my life. I want to make an impact on people's lives- I want society to change into something that isn't so rigid and flawed against the people who live within it.

The things I long for are vague and impossible to achieve. Too many people have died trying to change the world, their efforts all amounted to nothing except extending false hope to those who need to cling onto it as motivation to keep going.

1. ⁠What are you most afraid of? What cause you a strong visceral reaction?

Vulnerability. I am scared of others who try to get to know me beyond a formal surface level. Being touched makes me angry and reactive. Being asked personal questions confuse me because it feels like a way for someone to gain leverage against me.

I do my best to only interact with people when I need to- I don't want to view them as anything other than obstacles. Too many of us are self-centered and manipulative. We use each other constantly to get something for ourselves, and too many of us convince ourselves we are selfless when we are just trying to make ourselves feel "good".

1. ⁠How important is for you to learn and evaluate what is right or wrong? What is your immediate reaction and thoughts to others' criticism of you?

Extremely important. I need to be seen as someone who will offer the shirt off my back for another, especially because I know I am seen as a leech more often than not.

I try to decipher how others view me constantly, but I always end up with the wrong impression due to paranoia and my own warped sense of reality. I don't often get criticism from others willingly, but I also don't get acknowledged in the first place so I feel left in the dark when it comes to intentions and perception.

1. ⁠How important is for you to be liked and appreciated? What are your immediate feelings, emotions and thoughts to others' disapproval of you?

I wish I was well-liked/attractive/easy to approach. However I am too isolated to be perceieved as anything other than another bystander. I have not had to deal with open disapproval for a long time. However, I have always dealt with the occasional disgusted or confused stares due to my weird sense of style in clothing and hair. This always made me feel ashamed especially because I never went out of my way to make myself look different; the last thing I wanted was to catch negative attention.

1. ⁠Share the earliest memories you can remember. Try to remember the actual feelings, emotions and thoughts you had at that time.

My earliest memory is still as vivid as if it happened yesterday.
I was in my bedroom and everything looked wrong. I felt like I was on an alien spaceship, but I was still in my room- the colors and environment were so warped that I wouldn't be surprised if I was dreaming, except I still felt awake and like everything was tangible. I couldn't move, my body was paralyzed most likely from fear but I remember trying to get myself to get up and run away. Coyotes were howling, which was probably real because we had them around where we lived. I cried out to my mom who I swore I heard running to me as said she was coming for my in a panicked voice, except she never ending up arriving. I was 3 years old.

I remember feeling abandoned in that moment, nothing around me made any sense and it was all too much for me. Despite my attempts to reach out I was left alone, I felt like I had to fend for myself in order to survive the experience.

1. ⁠Can you describe your relationship with the maternal figure in your life? Share your feelings, emotions and thoughts about them and explain how your connection with them affected you.

As a toddler and young kid I had a close relationship with my mother- she did her best to make experiences comfortable, safe, and exciting. She used to bake treats with me and my brother, she would make movie nights for us where we ate ice cream on the couch, she would take us to the park, made tea parties, etc. She was always involved with us, it felt like true love.

Everything changed when I became severely ill at age 12. It was like she withdrew from me, like all the love and passion she once had was suddenly ripped away. She swears she loves me to this day, but nothing ever felt as warm ever again.

When I was a teenager (14-16) I became violent. I would berate my mother for not trying harder, while at the same time insulting myself to make a point that I was never worth any effort. I'd break my belongings, I ran away a few times in the middle of heated arguments, I'd threaten to hurt myself, and all while screaming and crying like a lunatic. She had every right to hate and fear me. She eventually shipped me over to my dad's house because she "knew [I] was afraid of him".

Now I am an adult, I shouldn't expect a mother's warmth like a little kid... but I can't help but feel like my experience was cut short due to my illness.. I think she was so scared of losing me that she emotionally withdrew; protecting herself and what little she felt she had left of the child she thought she had.

At this time, my relationship with my mother is rocky at best. She'll occasionally check in with me to make sure I'm doing well, but other than that we never recovered from the trauma and pain my illness created.

1. ⁠Can you describe your relationship with the paternal figure in your life? Share your feelings, emotions and thoughts about them and explain how your connection with them affected you.

He was emotionally absent and was incredibly domineering in early childhood. Me and my brother were often "disciplined" through physical beatings. However, by the time I was 12 I was having sexual realtions with him; I assumed this was how fathers loved their children. We had a routine that lassted up until I was about 17 years old. He was reported to CPS only a small handful of times, my statements never made it past the initial investigation rooms due to the excuse my experiences were simply a product of my already documented psychotic symptoms.

By the time my sister was 12, there was an incident in which she locked herself in the bathroom to escape my father who was violently drunk. She called my mom, and my mom came to rescue her from him.
I was there that night, I begged my mom to let me go with them, she reluctantly agreed.

I don't have a relationship with my father at this time, but unfortunately I still find time to greet and catch up with him because a part of me still clings onto how he loved me. I feel disgusting every time I see him.

1. ⁠Can you describe your relationship with your siblings and peers in your life? Share your feelings, emotions and thoughts about them and explain how your connection with them affected you.

I didn't have a relationship with my siblings until about a year ago. Before that I kept myself at a distance, the closest I would get was when I would go to bully my brother (who I was physically and emotionally violent with).

I also didn't have any real friends until about 2 years ago. Before that I kept myself invisible through general unresponsiveness and hiding in corners. I barely even had to deal with bullies because of how little I existed in spaces.

I am incredibly stunted socially due to this, but thankfully it's much easier to find likeminded individuals because no one but those like me will interact with me.

I was pretty much convinced I was an Enneagram 8 until I started reading more about Type 6. The descriptions of Sixes being doubtful, anxious, and thinking about worst case scenarios fit me surprisingly well, and I definitely relate to those traits. The thing that’s confusing me is that I don’t really relate to the core fears, motivations, or desires of Type 6. I relate much more to the core motivations, fears, desires, integration, and disintegration patterns of Type 8. I do struggle with anxiety though, and I second guess myself a lot if I don’t make decisions on impulse. Even then, I don’t really seek reassurance or support from other people. I don’t look for someone to depend on or guide me through things because I’d much rather handle my problems on my own. I’m generally very confident in my own judgment, my abilities, and the way I perceive things. I’m much more doubtful of other people than I am of myself. The only area where I consistently second guess myself is decision making. Sometimes I trust my gut immediately, and other times I overthink my choices, but I usually keep those doubts to myself instead of asking other people for reassurance. When it comes to vulnerability or expressing sadness, I suppress those emotions because I hate feeling vulnerable and don’t want to appear weak. I naturally push back against being controlled and would rather confront problems head on than rely on someone else. That’s why I’m confused about whether I’m a counterphobic 6, an 8 with a really strong 6 fix, or just an anxious 8. If there’s not enough information, let me know what else you’d need to help type me.

I am attempting to be more active on this subreddit but not like a "Help me type myself!" more of a so "Your type is probably ___" and i'm curious on how people actually type others so accurately.

(i am also attempting to type a character i really relate to but i dont know anything to do for that so...)

If you can, please explain how through comments. Thank you in advance!

(PS i have ADHD and may forget the sentence while reading so uh but saying you read is still acceptable!! ok!)

Can someone explain why I need to do smth like dye my hair or cut it or change my style or organize my wardrobe or change my room design to "enter a new era of me"? Like I can't just think "Well I'm starting uni tomorrow that's a new era full of new experiences" and not be "so I need to buy a new notebook or change my style or maybe delete my insta and make a new acc". Unless there's some physical change or smth new in the physical sense I will feel stuck in the same old way. Even on my birthday I feel the need to do smth like the examples I've mentioned or I will feel like my age didn't change. Is this bcs I'm (probably) ISFP?

I am not really "a party animal" nor an "alcoholic" haha, so these stereotypes should be put apart since cognitive functions go deeper than that. Anyway, I feel like I am always the joking person in my friend group and even when I am nor trying I will make everyone laugh, even my best friend who is INTP and not emotional can't stay serious with me. The reason I think I might be ESFP is that I can't spend too much time just on my own, I need either a close friend to talk to or get out of my house EVEN if I won't talk to other people. I love going to uni and being among other students and studying online would make me go crazy. But at parties I feel anxious to dance or be active, while I will definitely forget about that anxiety if the song is my fav or there's someone who enjoys it with me. I also tend to talk/act BEFORE thinking but I am not necessarily a "risky" type of person. At uni, I will answer questions very quickly without having to form my opinion in my head, I can speak and think at the same time. I might be anxious/shy at parties but if there's a topic I enjoy I will give a public speech even if I went there unprepared (I usually write down key points but I never memorize the whole speech compared to my classmates for example and still get better speech and better grades). I have such a hard time with people who are like "no don't cut your hair no don't dye your hair it will take so long to grow" PLEASE, it's just hair, I will try a hairstyle and if I don't like it, I'll try smth else then! But when I want to do smth to my hair I won't think about it for a month, I might obsess over that idea for a few days and on a random day at 2am cut it on my own. Idk if this info is enough so you can ask questions to figure out my type.
P.S. Interesting how I want to check others' opinions on this issue and not just figure it out myself?