The only conversations my ESTJ has with me is ONLY about these odd superficial perceptions(talking about women’s bodies attractiveness and his preferences)micromanagement and how I’m allowed to spend my time in a “suggestive way” he never asks me questions or wants to talk geopolitics with me etc also about how women don’t hold accountability and gets upset just a lot of grievances towards women and people of other races. All in all to be in this waddling self pity of a martyr complex of a man that just has the whole world on his shoulders and a chip. Any minor inconvenience he’s after me to hold myself accountable as the reason to blame for the inconvenience. There’s no intimate conversations or bonding time. It’s as if he I’m just a cog to his ultimate plan and he can just skip over the foundations that build a well rounded relationship.

I haven't worked for 8 years, it was out of my control the reasons why. However, recently I finally became ready to work and have been trying to get back into the workforce. I'm in Australia for context.

I must've done 100 applications by now, had 1 interview which was unsuccessful. I keep getting rejection letters but no acceptance letters. I've polished my resume and studied up on the latest developments in my field, but still no luck.

I'm feeling very demoralised and just feeling like I'm never going to get a job. How do you deal with this? Any advice? I'm wondering if I'm ever going to get a job.

Sad thing is I've never been more ready to work, I'm so keen to work and actually think I would perform really well, but no one is giving me the chance. 😓 I don't want to lose my motivation.

Would appreciate some words of support or guidance. Thanks.

Most of the ESTJs usually put aside their subjective feelings and thoughts about their inner self, so they can keep a cool mind and efficency. I get that. But what if that Fi is stronger and is literally having a fistfight with the Te? Could that Fi actually help them to mantain the efficency better than they think it would? Or would it make it worse?

Of course, that depends in the person in question. I'm asking because I'm writing a fanfic, and one of the side characters has pretty interesting personality, in terms of psychological analysis. And I may not know very well about cognitive functions, but I literally checked on them over and over again and I just couldn't believe she is an ESTJ, while the results if my analysis told me otherwise.

Her name is Miyabe, and she is very energetic (like, a HUGE amount of energy if you undersantd what I'm talking about.) She just can't stay still; she's always moving, always doing something, either talking, working, walking, singing, playing videogames (she get REALLY mad when she loses a match, and very aggressive with her phone). If she is quiet, something is very wrong.

Despite of her turbulence, she is very loyal to their lived ones. Absolutely loyal. Like it was something everybody should do because she thinks that's the rule. At least the rule of the good people. She is even willing to get other out of her way so she can complete her philosophical dream: to be a hero. But not everyone's hero, just the idol of her beloved ones. It's... complicated. She basically wants to take the lead because she knows what would make others fail (personal experience here) and she is making sure that's not happening. Even if failing is actually good to learn, she doesn't want them to get hurt because something went wrong. Something they could have avoided if they just didn't do that.

In other words, she's overprotective. Funny, a whirlwind, but also a military commander if the situation requieres it. The thing is, she wants to feel alive; she has to feel alive. Orherwise, she wouldn't be able to be alert to danger. Is highly likely to be an ADHD.

When she sees something bad is going to happen, specially to her beloved ones, she has a really hard time deciding whether she should act or think and find another solution, which is the most logical option, and she knows it. Actually, she wants to do that, but her Fi is not whispering but screaming on her ears to do something quickly. But she manages to shut it down, because she knows it can get worse if she rushes. It only does make her feel way better if the tells herself she is doing what she has to do to protect them, and it works, most of the time.

That's why she gets really creepy and frustrated when someone wants to act because they feel like it. She wants to, deep inside she wants, but she thinks happiness only is going to remain in her life if she has control over it. Which means she has to have fun when it's okay to have fun (even if she breaks one or two rules. She knows she deserves a break). And maybe that's the impulsiveness in her.

So, if anyone may please talk about this, I would be very thankful. How do ESTJ with a high developed Fi act? It could be related to the enneagram or some mental disorder?

Watching the new Rabbit Hole video about the four-leaf clover, I can’t help but think she’s the perfect example of an ESTJ. I even googled her name right before posting this, and her autobiography sounds like a textbook ESTJ description, lol.

Describe it, what is most satisfying part about your bream lifestyle and why?

Question from an INTP. You guys are known to be one of the most conscientious of the mbti types. Do you guys often get the feeling that you’re more competent than the rest of the people around you? Cause I think you are

I have an ExTJ cousin who is always driven and has lots of energy to accomplish things everyday. It just amazes me to see her in action. My question is that how does this drive/motivation feel like or come from? Does it come from dopamine of achieving things? Does it come from stress/anxiety of not completing things on time? I’m just curious to understand this from an ESTJ perspective

My anxiety has hit a peak this week and Im losing it. Now that the big hurdle is over, I am in the process of debriefing this stressgful period and taming my big anxiety of whats to come.

1. So what just happened back there?

Here I look at what went right, wrong, and in between. What was expected, what was unexpected, and learn from how I operated under all that pressure.

2. Are you ready to take on another project?

ESTJ are known for working themselves into the ground. If we can barely move, this is a sign that theres a lot more wrong with us than we think.

"im breathing, im moving, nothing hurts.. much, so i can keep going". Sometimes thats not good enouth. Last night, out of nowhere, I exploded into tears. Such a small thing ticked me off and all the suppressed emotions boiled over. I didnt know that was going to happen.

We must check in on ourselves, lest we explode like that on the job, or not realise that were freaking out our shareholders with our intensity.

3. Can I name 3 real things that I should be anxious about?

This is where I bust out the planner/schedule/diary/itinerary whatever and look ahead.

Is this really whats bothering me?
Am I ready for everything thats about to come?
Whats the biggest obstacle in the next week? month? 3 months?
What should I be preparing for now?
Will I have time to prepare for these?

If Im able to answer these questions with solutions, knowing that I will have enough time to prepare for what is to come, I should let go of these feelings and focus on the task. I, for one, know that I will feel much better once I am able to tackle all these challenges well prepared. Ill come out the other side feeling amazing, earning a well deserved rest where my mind is free from emergency debriefing and anxiety of damage control.

If Im not able to answer these with solutions, I have a real reason to be anxious. Immediately skip to step 4 with awareness that you will be panic solving things.

4. What do I do now?

This is ultimately the last thing you should think about. This is because if you jump into action without a plan, its like swimming in mud. You will feel helpless.

Once I have context, using the previous steps, I can prepare my next move. Now that my mind is more clear and less anxious about things out of my control, I can now move forward to tackle what IS in my control. I begin motion/impetus by beginning immediately.

Im probably leaving things out, but let me know if anything here helps you out.
I always ask myself questions to quell my anxieties so I can move forward.

I have a crush on my ESTJ manager. I'm quite reserved and shy around him, as the more I like someone the more self conscious I feel. I admire and respect his competence, confidence, structure, ability to lead, and directness. I enjoy his sense of humour as well.

However I am very conscious of boundaries and when one on one, our conversations don't enter personal territory. Over time I've noticed he shows a more patient and gentle side towards me compared to his usual blunt, somewhat intimidating style. He speaks highly of me to others, steps in to help me unprompted, makes adjustments to alleviate my stress, words feedback gently, and has told me he values my empathy/compassion for others. For me, as an ISFJ, these types of actions helped to build trust and safety, made me feel seen and respected, and naturally my feelings grew.

Should I give up on him, given the circumstances? From the perspective of ESTJ men, if you genuinely liked an employee, would you ever act on it, or would the combination of being their manager and maintaining professional ethics make it completely off-limits?

Something I’ve noticed is a recurring trait with ESTJs is that they’re generally very technical, precise people, and actually like complicated explanations or logic. This to me seems like good Ti. Even though Ti is meant to be a Te dom’s ignoring function

ENTJs on the other hand have barely noticeable Ti, they’re very generalist and can be wrong a lot. It’s very obvious that they prefer to use Te over Ti.

Do you notice this amongst yourselves?

I’m an ENFP with a very hyperactive mind, and I’ve realized that external accountability is by far the productivity strategy that works best for me

Since responsibility and consistency seem to come much more naturally to many ESTJs, I was wondering if any of you would be interested in trying some kind of accountability partnership

Nothing complicated. Just something like checking in on goals, keeping each other accountable, or having regular progress updates

I’m curious to see how that dynamic would work between an ENFP and an ESTJ

I'm trying to type someone, and for a while I was stuck between Fe vs Te, but I am now leaning that they are Te-Fi, specifically some kind of xSTJ

Why I think they are Te-Fi and Si-Ne:

• If they don't think social propriety about politeness applies, they can be quite blunt in their critiques, such as with family members. If people push back, they usually just say that they're factually correct, and they don't have the energy to think about stuff like tone. They think about tone with people who are less close because they're not "supposed" to be that blunt with people who aren't family, it would be rude and would reflect badly on them, you can't just say things like that to acquaintances or strangers. But with family, it's in the private realm, and it's normal to be blunt and just say the honest truth
• Their tastes in fashion and food seem pretty fixed. They know their preferences, and they don't really diverge from those preferences often. They tend to buy similar looking clothes at stores and order similar things at restaurants
• They prioritize what is reality and don't enjoy thinking about hypotheticals that they think are fantastical or unlikely to happen. They think hypotheticals are either a waste of time to think about or that thinking about them means that you're being unrealistic (like too positive or too negative, either way you're unaware of the realities of the world). However, they take hypotheticals that they think are grounded in reality very seriously, and if they think it's a very serious matter with severe potential consequences, then they'll respond to critiques of their thought process by saying that you're not taking into account all of the facts that they know very well from their life experience
• When they were 5 years old or so, they were kinda a bully to other children they saw as weak or weird, including locking them in the bathroom. But they grew out of this pretty quickly and they acknowledge this was bad
• I feel like at their worst, they can get really selfishly emotional about certain things, such as when their child's scheduled SAT exam got canceled at one location, and they complained a lot and insisted that the SAT should've canceled the test at all of their locations because it wasn't fair to their child if other people got to take it but their child couldn't
• Normally they seem pretty nice and friendly, but they have strong boundaries and values about certain things, even things that are seemingly small to others, and on occasion they have berated family members and family friends because of this. They think they're just expressing their thoughts, but often people can feel berated and insulted by this. They've chased away a family friend due to berating them so strongly on 2+ occasions that the family friend felt unwelcome and so the family friend felt that they should stop showing up to gatherings at this person's house, even though they were invited. And then they interpreted the family friend's absence as proof that the family friend had left them due to inflexibility and inability to just work through solvable issues, and now that family friend is one of the worst people they once considered a friend, who hurt them severely, and just thinking about them raises their blood pressure and stresses them out, so now they will never consider reconciliation because it makes no sense to give someone who has already hurt you severely a second chance

But one thing I get hung up on is the fact that they write these texts and make these social media posts that seem to me as kinda "fake" about their emotions because they always describe everything as wonderful and amazing and talk about how "everyone had a great time!" Personally I feel like it's a bit too effusive for my tastes, and saying how "everyone had a great time!" feels like they're speaking for others and dictating others' emotions for them, but I'm sure this is coming from the biases in my own personality

Once I asked them "but what if it wasn't actually wonderful and it was just ok?" and they said that it doesn't really matter because it's just a social nicety and it's rude to complain about an event or hangout so overtly to people who graciously spent time with you

And also in general, they seem to care about how other people perceive them. Like saying how they need to clean the house when people come over because otherwise so-and-so will be shocked and scandalized by the mess and think that they're so disorganized

Or another big thing is that they're hesitant to respond to group chats before anyone else has responded because their response would depend on what others say first. Or they hesitate about responding because "nobody else is responding"

Although sometimes they will ask me for advice on what is the appropriate way to respond to someone sharing something emotional, so maybe that speaks to underdeveloped feeling functions? Or sometimes they'll ask me to write a text on their behalf, and I'll ask them stuff about tone or punctuation (exclamation point or period, and such) or exact phrasing, and they'll say that doesn't matter, just get the point across and choose whatever I think feels right

But also I feel like a lot of what I perceive as "Fe" in this person could actually be Te + Si, i.e. looking to propriety to inform how they act, instead of genuinely caring about social harmony beyond propriety

Like I feel like they're more concerned about how others will perceive them, but they don't exactly give consideration to others' emotions if they feel that their position is correct?

Like when they heard how their sibling (living at their childhood home) bulldozed their parents' garden to replace it with a second garage, they were ranting about how they want to go over there right now and berate them for destroying their parents' hard work and being disrespectful to their parents by replacing something beautiful with something just meant for materialistic purposes, and how their sibling was behaving like the antithesis of how a child should treat their parents. I think the only thing that held them back from doing this was the fact that they would be causing a scene and being rude

But they did end up saying some things to their sibling, and afterward they noticed their sibling's spouse being more polite to them and giving them some more distance than usual, and they were pleased about that because maybe that means they feel bad about it and acknowledge their error

Even despite the fact that they take into account propriety, I still feel like they go too hard at times and usually feel justified if they do so. Like once they thought their doctor was being too pushy about them doing tests, and so they sent a strongly worded email. Their doctor seemed pretty apologetic, and they were like "maybe I went too hard 😅. but also I had to say the truth or the doctor would've kept up the same pattern and made me feel forced and pressured into doing all these tests that I think are unnecessary."

This person is a woman btw if that makes any difference

Do you see any evidence for any cognitive functions here? And let me know if you have any questions

The point of this post is mostly to deload emotions and also add some "human-ness" to other people's perspective of a super tyrannical and robot-like ESTJ.

I really identify with all the traits and characteristics of an ESTJ. I'm extremely ambitious, result-oriented to a fault, decisive, overly realistic.

Every year I make a vision board and work my hardest throughout the year to achieve all of my plans. My vision boards are not just idealistic "i want money", they're action items to achieve like "I will do XYZ to nourish my body." I have over 6 active businesses and career paths, not all of them successful but they're slowly taking off.

I acknowledge that my personality can cause me to not savour moments the way we're supposed to because I'm so obsessed with outcome.

The last year has been hard.

When my father was walking me down the aisle in my wedding, he wanted to spend a few seconds to just stare at my face and basically say goodbye to the daughter he raised - but instead all I could think in my head is "we're two seconds off the plan, lets get this over with." That was the last time I spent with my father before he got sick.

Then my husband lost his job. Instead of being empathetic and understanding, I got so upset that he wasn't producing results. And resentful over the lack of action from him. I couldn't be with him in that feeling and I just wanted him to get up and go do something. In my head, if you did something productive - it would fix your feeling and you wouldn't feel sad anymore.

I find it so easy to do anything that's productivity and result oriented. Feelings really are difficult. That's not to say I don't have my own, I feel sadness, grief, rejection and all these things. But my reaction to all these feelings is that I need to do something specific to fix the feelings.

My husband likes to say that I'm actually an introvert or that I'm antisocial because lately I've been draining faster in parties and social gatherings and wanting to leave immediately. But my perspective is that I spend my "outside" energy taking care of people at work, taking care of him, taking care of my friends. So i feel like the only time I really get to recharge lately is if I do things on my own so that I'm not needing to take care of others.

Does that really make me introverted?

My father is an ESTJ 8w7 and he's very hardworking and disciplined. He can never rest and always do something to keep himself occupied. I admire that about him a lot.

I'm an INFP 6w5 and I'm his youngest and the only daughter, i have an elder sibling with whom he gets along with well. Though we are so much different, he expects a lot from me and that makes me anxious. I try to do as much as i can but I think the result still disappoint him. Which also make me feel discouraged and disappointed with myself.

We have a lot of clashes in opinions, if he wants me to do something which I don't want to (mostly studies) then he's the one who always wins and i had to do as he say. He's very short tempered and whenever I try to say something during arguments I tend to cry so I don't bother to talk back to him. That probably annoys him too when I cry. Though he apologise to me afterwards.

My question is that what should I do to express my opinions to him without making him feel annoyed and what should I do so that he'll understand that sometimes I want to make choices of my own for myself.

ISFJ here! You all are my Favourite extroverted type, I've meet three ESTJs in real life and all three were in a mentor role for me in my life, the first one made me discover that I had a passion to learn Forign languages

As for the second one he was a very dedicated and a very skilled teacher at his craft and he made me enjoy learning more about Geography on YouTube

the third one saw and still sees great potential in me that he appointed me as a student council president assistant and to my surprise alot of people seemed to agree that his choice for me was right

I wish I've encountered more ESTJs in my life because everywhere they are in, they make it a better place with the an easy cost of discipline and trust in their plan and vision

Thank you all for listening to me and I hope you have a wonderful day/evening!

Hello everyone, I'm an INFJ 4w5, 35, I've been working on trying to improve my Te a little bit and be more grounded, plus I have a crush on an ESTJ that I plan on asking out in 3 weeks. With that being said do ESTJs tend to feel "more adult"? It's a tricky question, I guess. I've accomplished a lot in this past month by working on my Te, I was able to get not one but 2 jobs after standing up to a former boss who was talking about my personal life behind my back (he was most likely an ESTJ as well, but an unhealthy one). I confronted him about it, and he denied it, which I did not respect. I thanked him for the job and offered to shake his hand, but he kept wanting to explain himself. When he said, "No, I don't want you to stay, but you're going to hear me out", I said "Absolutely not," and walked out. I am also on my last college class and getting ready to graduate with my master's in a few months. It's online, and in the small town I'm in I need to move first to get a job with my degree(hence the 2 jobs for the savings). With these 2 jobs and my student refund, I should have $6,000 saved up in 3 weeks. Honestly, I've been waiting months to ask this ESTJ out simply because I wanted a stable job and some savings.

I think a bit of it is that I still kind of feel like a child. I like making video games, music, and writing stories (using the MBTI and Enneagram to create unique characters). I am working on web development in my free time, taking Udemy classes since my major is information technology, but she's going to school to become a physician's assistant and maybe even a physician after a few years. That's just a very adult job, plus I feel it's more important than coding. Honestly, I'm worried my "childishness" will annoy her. I'm at a point where I feel I'm finally getting a handle on the adult thing it's just not something I enjoy, adulting. I do like being independent and being able to help my family out financially, which is why I like to work and I do want to start a business someday, but other than that, I'm not really big on money or status. The ESTJs I've known (especially my mom, an ESTJ 1w2) always seem like experts at being adults.

So, after some consideration and research, I've concluded that I very likely have ADHD (specifically the inattentive subtype, not hyperactive). I had briefly considered it in the past but thought I didn't have it because I did well in school, am pretty responsible/organized, and no one has suggested that I might have it.

Below are the "symptoms" I have.

1. Easily distracted 

2. Disjointed/random thoughts

3. Low motivation to do things when I'm not extrinsically motivated 

4. Mood swings/delayed emotional maturity 

5.  Would often half-pay attention in lectures/sermons; drawing/taking notes helped me pay better attention. 

1. Frequent pun generator (although that's basically my whole family lol)

2. Tardiness/ poor ​time management

3. Have creative ideas but aren't as good at bringing them to life.

4. Forgetting to do some things or where I put things (even though I have a great memory)

5. Difficulty sticking to a routine

6. Caffeine doesn't seem to wake me up, just makes me anxious and keeps me up later 

7. A few others

I'd never use ADHD as an excuse, but it's nice to have an explanation for a bunch of things, and it should help me know how to continue working on them. (Some things I have gotten better at). I'm hesitant to get an official diagnosis and take medication for it but will keep that option in mind.

Some of the things are in line with me being an ESTJ, ​like having trouble regulating my emotions and the fact that I enjoy being busy, ​but several of them are antithetical to my personality, like tardiness (​even though punctuality is important) and having​ trouble establishing a routine (e​ven though that would be good for me).

Sorry for the long post- but I'm not really sorry because this subreddit can use all the engagement it can get.

Hi ESTJs.

I'm trying to get back to work after a near decade gap where I had to take time off for health reasons. I'm feeling really scared, as I've always felt so unsure about the employment process. I worked in my field for like 5 years before this, but I just keep thinking no one will ever hire me. I applied for like 10 positions a few months ago, writing a unique cover letter for each one, and didn't get any responses - occasionally just a generic rejection email where they say that they had a lot of high quality candidates and unfortunately I didn't make the cut. I went to a few careers counselors who pointed out my resume wasn't formatted great, so I am working on it again. But just keep feeling like I'm never going to land a role and just keep feeling really nervous and incompetent.

The sad thing is, I have a degree in a highly technical and very difficult subject which I worked really hard for, and yet now it's been sitting completely useless for the better part of a decade. And it seems despite this degree people still haven't felt like hiring me. Plus when I see the number of applicants on a single job on Seek, I wonder whether they're ever going to take a look at mine. I've also called up some job agencies but they say to just upload your resume to their website and then there's never any follow-up.

I guess I'm posting here because you guys are the experts at these things, I'm seeking reassurance or guidance or something. I wonder if you can offer some helpful words.

Thank you,

A nervous ISFP

Sooo I found out I may be an Estj which is insane. What are the signs? And please no stereotypes. I think Estj are really deep interesting beings let me know everything you wanna spill <3

I'm an INTP who recently caught feelings for someone, and I've found myself completely rewiring my romantic standards around him. I think he might be an ESTJ, but I want to get your thoughts on his type and our potential compatibility.
Here is how he acts in everyday conversations:
• Gives practical guidance
• Encourages proactive behavior
• Responds quickly to what a situation needs
• Comes across as confident in decision-making
• Feels “effective” or “mentoring” in interaction
• Picks up details most people would ignore

Does this sound like a text-book ESTJ to you? If so, how do INTPs typically fair in relationships with this type? Any insights would be appreciated!

To all ESTJs but particularly those who have been having a difficult time connecting with the Fi-Ne side of themselves–how do you allow yourself to stop feeling like you need to know the reason for everything and feel for yourself instead of using ur feelings to guide you through systematics and rationale, and how do you let go of trying to control fate itself especially with people that you feel connected with on a very deep level?

One of my best friends is an ESTJ and I'm an ENFJ.

​

What's it like having a 4th function F?

​

He has been diagnosed with ADD. Could having a 4th function F play a role in this? If so, what would have been a natural and healthy way to overcome this issue? Its fine that he is on meds but it would be nice if he also knew how to help himself.

​

Maybe his feelings are getting in the way when he is trying to do his job. But if that is true, what does that feel like?

​

Also what kind of video games do you play? He has been trying to get back into gaming but he can't seem to get into any of the ones I recommend.