I'm 24M and living at home with my high-control Chritsian family (in the UK). We have some difficulties but they love me in their own way. However, they are completely unable to understand or sympathise with 'people who leave the faith'. At church, I also have some close friends and still serve a decent amount when I'm there. 

Over the last year, I have been deconstructing to the point where I wouldn't consider myself a Christian. I've always been difficult to have conversations about serious doubts with my family or church because I know they will be deeply saddened by it to the point it will seriously affect all my relationships. I've been feeling more and more low as well since the gap between my life now and the way I want to live has been getting greater and greater. It has gotten to the point where I have decided that I should leave my home soon, even though it makes more practical sense to stay.

I have enough money saved up to stay somewhere for a while. However, I am still working towards getting a job. Also, I still haven't told anyone from my family or church what is going on with me. I have only told a couple of friends who I went to school with. Do you think I should move quickly and try to leave without giving my family much notice? Do you think I should wait a few months and endure my family's advice and constant attempts to change what I've done? Are there other things I can do to make this situation easier?

I got a question for those who dry fasts or used to dry fast. What does dry fasting generally does to you like physically and mentally and also too how does it affect your dreams? Lately I’ve seen videos who are especially Bible believers been doing dry fasting for three days because they’ve mentioned that’s how “ speaks to them or give them answers “ but I’m so confused that why your supposed to not eat just to get some answers? Is that not just a psychological issue

I'm 17M and I've been raised in Muslim household and idk if this is the right subreddit but I genuinely don't know what to do

So before I left islam I had doubts but I ignored it and then I thought about it and I said it wouldn't make sense for god to send good people to hell eternally just because they didn't believe or seem convinced. I also didn't understand why homosexuality is a sin because its not something you choose.

I find those struggling and I've always been told that islam is perfect religion and flawless but I seem to struggle so I did a bit research and saw what do people think of islam and it just felt weird to me seeing different worldviews because I live where there are 90% muslims here

I lost faith gradually and I became EX MUSLIM on November 2025 and I lived in a very intense fear for a week as if like my life is in danger I was stressing out about the fact that I could die tomorrow maybe in my sleep it was terrifying and overtime it just went away and felt alive for new experiences and no pressure

but then on June the fear has returned and I've been crying I felt hopeless the fear of hell has been haunting me everyday and I tried to make the sense of it all and I still was in fear.
anxiety just gets worse by everyday on what if it’s true and I would end up in hell
I would try to ask for guidance and I felt nothing.

Now do I believe in god? well I lack belief in him but I'm also open to anything! and I'm gonna admit I'm not really knowledgable on islam I was just told to believe in god and his messenger and some stories it's not like it was my decision to believe in it

Any advice? I do wanna deconstruct but at the same time I feel like idk what I'm doing I feel hopeless idk what exactly I'm trying to deconstruct

Hey! I'm not sure if anyone has heard of this group (quite a small org and has origins in China) but I was in this church for a while and left sometime ago.

I'd be down to share stories and experiences with former members. I live in the UK where we have a number of churches but there are other ones around the world (lots in East Asia).

I got married last year and we don’t want kids yet, but I’m already worried about the dynamic between my husband’s family and our future kids. My FIL is a church elder for the Church of Christ. My MIL and SIL talk shit about every single person in their lives, especially those who do not practice religion the “right way”. We’re closet atheists but we are on the verge of publicly splitting from the church. I have a feeling it’s not going to go over well. How did y’all navigate boundaries around religion with your family?

(also, just wanted to add, we do not care if our kid wants to join an organized religion when they’re older. we just won’t be raising them in one.)

I’m 39F and was raised fundamentalist patriarchal (homeschooled) Protestant, the worst kind. We converted as a family to Catholicism when I was 16 and immediately leapt to the more radical side (Traditionalist). I left home at 19 to live with a secular grandmother and my parents cut me off.

fast forward 20 years and I’d still consider myself a very practicing Catholic, but a “normie“. Mass every Sunday. my kids attend parochial school. confession every so often. I still know the catechism upside down right side up. Ive struggled with many aspects of Catholic doctrine in the last few years tho.

like many of you, Im quite interested in the study of cults and high demand religions such as Mormonism and Scientology. I’ve come to realize that Catholics might have to be classified right in there, as the stakes are actually quite high for what might seem to be fairly innocuous doings. let’s take Holy Days of Obligation, which vary country to country. America has about six or seven random feast days (not Sundays) that you’re obligated to attend Mass on, under pain of mortal sin. spelled out, if you don’t make serious efforts to get to church on a random Tuesday in august, you’re condemned eternally.

HOWEVER. the majority of Catholics are simply uninformed and don’t know these things… and are therefore are not under the obligation. for those like myself, the minority that has memorized the rule book… it often feels like a curse.
Just thinking out loud here.

How do you deconstruct?

All my life I always followed god. I was raised Catholic and then when I got "deeper" into the faith, I became a Christian. I always wanted to involve god in decisions especially the really big ones. But, I did not hear anything and basically felt like I am a nobody and have not done anything in life. I wanted god to guide my decisions and life - - after all, he was the center of my life and the most important thing for me. Well... absolutely nothing. Matter of fact, instead of "guiding" me, my life would just keep getting worse. I thought it was just the test of my oh so little faith and I need to strengthen it. Gosh that was so stupid of me.

Being raised Catholic, it's very ritualistic. Stand up and down... sing songs... kneel, etc. With Christianity, I was taught to get deep into the "word." So I started reading the bible. A lot. From cover to cover.

However, whenever I would, I would read how much EVIL that happened before - - not from people but from GOD actually. I tried to deny it couple times. Of course, it's the "devil" putting those thoughts in my head. I should trust god... he is a mysterious god and knows the best for us. After all, god is good all the time.

Well, I couldn't take it anymore. Most especially that believe in god made my life worse. Like I had a surgery that is supposed to help me with something - - that I would get relief on something that I have been dealing with all my life. But NOPE... it actually got worse. Matter of fact, I got something that is very rare that it can't be treated. So I have been in hell because of that. I was very very Christian during this time. I started questioning why would a loving, caring and good god allow that. I am in hell because of that god. Ironic.

Also, I always felt that god didn't care about me. That my life is something that he is just playing with and that I am not important. That made me angry because I have served and worshipped him all my life, but to treat me like I am nothing... it's evil. Especially when people around me who are not believers or are "light" believers are getting ahead and getting "blessed" by god while at the same time god is making my life miserable and just laughing about it (that's how I feel).

I am married. And the whole family is Christian. I have a lot to do with that since I was a Christian and I thought that's what I should do.

So right now, they know how much I hate god and I am vocal how god is evil. I have read the bible and no one can tell argue with me that he isn't.

Right now, I just want to be free of god in my system. I don't want to be associated with any belief or non belief. I have my own way of independent thinking. I don't want to be associate with god anymore and that means not being a Christian. At the same time, I don't give a crap about atheism.

If god exists, then he is evil. If he doesn't, doesn't mean I have to be an atheist.

I just don't care.

____________________________

I know this is long, but I just want help.

What kind of therapist should I go to?

Even that I moved away from god, I feel like that belief still has a hold of me and living life is HARD.

I want to get rid of it in my system.

I am asking for what kind of therapist. Even a hypnotist. Anyone who can help me.

I feel like I have religious/spiritual trauma. However, the ones that I read about that have it are from people in their congregation.

But in my case, it's about the actual god itself that I worshipped my whole life.

So I don't know what exactly to look for.

This will be a long post but, I have nobody to turn to.

I don't wanna watch a debate videos from Alex O'Connor, Richard Rawlings, Non Stamp Collector, DarkMatter2525 and then boom, watch some apologetics from Jay Dyer, Trent Horn, Mike Winger, Melissa Dougherty.

I sometimes even click on astrology or wicca related videos out of boredom and curiosity, so I can learn more about these differences in mentality and how this stuff works even if I don't want to get involved.

I feel like I stand on the sides of life and yet nothing feels certain

I sometimes rewatch the religious movies I used to love as a child, some of the stuff that I went through has been horrific and even if I might find myself get drawn to religion, I cannot fully believe

Even when I try to pray, I don't truly believe

Yes, reading saint stories is interesting, yes, watching the chosen or listening to a hymn can feel comforting but that's not what the whole faith is all about

I don't want to disrespect anyone here but I feel stuck and exhausted of these patterns, wanting to understand every denomination or religion and yet feeling so miserable because of my memories and the way things are in my life

I don't want to delude myself into believing, I don't want to have some near death experience or some hallucinatios like some of these people in their YouTube testimonies tend to experience

Yes, it's nice to know that some people managed to find something that gives them hope but I can't fool myself into doing it

I sometimes watch videos about the end times, about prayer, the dogma of certain denominations but I also watch videos from ex Jehovah Witnesses, mormons, fundamentalist and how they became atheists.

Maybe I wish that someone out there would look out for me, yes

But I also remember the times when nobody was there when I actually needed help

When I dealt with violence, physical abuse, when people bullied me, stalked me, touched me, mocked or beated me up

Whenever I think of those people that did it, I feel angry and scared as it it just happened some hours ago

It doesn't help that both sides can sound smug and obnoxious sometimes, both atheist and christians and it feels like I cannot be understood by neither of them

Both extremes can seem off putting online

Don't get me started on those prophecy or end time videos or flyers we sometimes get in the mail, it literally sounds like they're experiencing psychosis and are proud about it

I sometimes feel sad that things have come to this, I don't think my grandparents would've wanted me to lose my faith so early in life but I did

I still remember the time when I was 8 years old and prayed that I would die after some older bullies from neighbourhood stole my cap and sticker book then threw a rock on my head after I begged them to leave me alone

These people are happy, don't have any worries, their parents don't know the stuff they did to me and the same goes for the people I met later in life

I'm just sick of this BS

No, it doesn't make me feel less alone or depressed when I try to pray despite everything that happened

Sometimes, I try to pray and confess my sins after

praying in my room, it feels desperate and foolish

Sometimes, the same things that draw me to religion might be the same that repel me

I'm not saying that I want these people to crawl to me and beg for an apology but, I don't want to go through such things ever again, I'm sick of creepy, violent or obsessed people, especially men

I don't believe in miracles or things like that, I don't believe in the so called power of prayer

Can you imagine how terrifying it can be to be contacted or bothered by people that you didn't even want to hear from, more than a decade ago?

For someone to show up around your home even if you never showed them where you live?

Can you imagine how anger inducing it is for someone to simply not leave you alone after you made it clear that you don't want anything to do with them?

Yes, I might be traumatized by the things that happened to me, no I don't have insurance and cannot afford "getting help"

I'm a miserable person but can I least be left alone in peace, in my misery?

I don't wanna hear from some random bully I had in middle school or highschool, I dont wanna hear from someone who had an obsessive crush on me, I don't want to hear from people that hurt me deliberately and showed time and time again, that they hate me and mock me no matter how I try to act

I am tired of feeling this way and I'm tired of watching my mother get more frail and sick every week.

I am tired of crying, I'm tired of being angry, I wish I would receive actual help and guidance but can't afford it

It doesn't help that I started to isolate myself after being abused and bullied for years, to point when I got expelled from highschool, I cannot even afford a tutor and I'm too frail for any trade work, even if I were to try to get one, I'd still be rejected cause I'm not a man and that's just how things are where I live.

I don't wanna be like Job, I don't want to struggle, I already have close to nothing, I don't wanna lose anything or anyone around me

Yes, I wish that a good god would be real but I don't believe in anything, I've been way too hurt by my past to delude myself into believing, even if I'm drawn to it.

I want to see actual changes, I want to be happy, I want something surprising to happen, I want to move up in life, I want to feel protected from anyone who tries to mock me and hurt me.

I don't know what to do.

So I have recently just started having a lot of confusion and questions about scripture, about the things I've been taught my whole life. My mind is consumed with it, and I can't even explain how I got here, I just started thinking more about it and even at work all I question is the morality of God, what is true and what is something that was just drilled into me from childhood? I was raised baptist and believed all the way here as a sophomore in college. I feel like I have just now been able to trust myself, to feel like maybe I'm not innately sinful and wrong, that maybe I don't need to be saved because humans have so much love and goodness in them, I don't know.

I'm sure most people start to have these concerns, and I honestly wish I could just go back to believing easily, but I'm struggling. I also think I may be bisexual, but this is just something I feel like I can't ever come to terms with and been feeling like I can't tell anyone. What should I do next? any resources? I still think I believe but I want to truly understand what I believe. I went to church today hoping that it would remedy my thoughts and show me more truth, but I left with a bad taste in my mouth (for context, it is a southern baptist church).

One of the deacons was speaking at the end saying things like "older folks know it was nice, we’d go to church on sundays and that was great, now we are mocked for our beliefs and values, there is so much oppression even in this country." Geniunely, I don't know how a straight white christian man could say this, and it felt like I was the only one appalled by it. Like, sir, you are not oppressed. You are quite possibly the least oppressed person on this planet. But I digress, I guess I just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere because this whole thing is uncomfortable, and scary.

Hi everyone.
I’m a Christian man who grew up in a very conservative church environment where purity culture—the belief that any sexual expression before marriage is sinful—was strongly reinforced. I took those teachings seriously. I was a virgin when I got married, and I genuinely tried to live by the values I was raised with.

Over time, I’ve found myself wondering what experiences I may have missed because of that upbringing. I am trying to thoughtfully explore some questions I’ve never really allowed myself to ask. Lately I’ve even considered visiting an adult toy store just to learn more, but honestly, I’m shy, inexperienced, and a little embarrassed by how unfamiliar all of it feels.

I’d appreciate hearing from people who understand where I’m coming from and can offer thoughtful, nonjudgmental perspectives. A faith background would be a bonus, but what matters most is kindness, patience, and openness… people who are willing to share their experiences or viewpoints as I navigate a new and unfamiliar chapter of life.

I’m simply hoping to have honest conversations, learn from others, and connect with people who can relate. If any of this resonates with you, I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts.

Hi all, (Long post alert)

While in college, I attended a church that became a backbone of my life. I had been at the church for eight years and during the eight years I thought it was wonderful. In reality it wasn't. I now realize that is a high control group, manipulative, etc. I won't go into to many details (although some later in post). This was the kind of church that to be a member you had to do interviews with the elders and be voted into the congregation, etc. They even went as far in this community as highly suggesting (read: force) that you moved to the immediate area of the church. If you for whatever life circumstance could not do that and still wanted to attend the church they would just make you feel very uncomfortable each Sunday (read: harrass). In my case, I couldn't live in that area for personal reasons but loved the church at the time and would have loved to move. For me, they would ask me sometimes three times on a given Sunday "If I had moved yet, "Why I am still living there instead of here" - after I responded to the question, thinking that was the extend of the conversation - the same people would ask me the same set of questions the next Sunday and the next - until one day - among many other things that happened that I won't get into I just decided to not go back to the church. I was deeply involved but I lived about 30 minutes away from the church and realized that I was part of the problem, that I should not drive myself 30 minutes to be treated so poorly.

I will explain a few things to give context:

While the church was under 100 people (read: small) and there was an encouragement that we live in community (read: are involved in each others life, "doing life with each other"), there were cliques. After eight years of knowing many people, I was always suprised when I wasn't invited to any weddings of my friends (they would pass out invitations at church and skip over me, etc).

My pastor's children (7-16 yo) would say racists things and he would not correct them.

a dear friend of my at the church who i really trusted invited me to an event. the event was downtown so I drove us there. She got out of the car while I got parking because it was downtown. When I parked and went to the building it was locked. I called my friend and she didn't respond. I called her several times, still no response. She ends up coming downstairs after the event is over and saying - "it was a complete lapse of judgement " that she forgot to come and get me and that she was sorry. I ended up driving her home. To make matters worse, when I would eventually leave the church, this person called me "bitter" for leaving and alluded that I was probably sinning out there in the world and should come back. (read: bitter black woman)

As previously mentioned, without pomp and circumstance, I decided one day to just not attend the church from thence forth. I was in grad school at the time and was busy too so I just ended up not showing up. Initally, they did church "wellness check texts" but for which I ignored all of and then they started emailing me threatening excommunication essentially. The argument was that while I could leave the church, I had to have another church lined up for them to affirm my faith. I wasn't at that point. I needed space from church in general for a while. They kept pushing I kept pushing back. blah blah blah. I ended up having some pastor at a church I had attended a few times write them so I could stop recieving their threats of excommunication.

After leaving, I have a therapist and a spiritual director who is helpful. I cannot help but feel like as I process through this experience, I am not reaching all the conclusions that I need to. I have explored the agency, autonomy, racism, control angle but I think something that deeply hurts me more than I realize was how people who benefit from going to churches like that will never critisize them to the extent that they need to be critisized. The idea that people would rather speak badly about you and call you bitter (read: bitter black woman) than to call out sin, etc. These people benefit from the church programming for their kids, etc so they treat defectors as godless, etc. It's hard for me to make sense of how people will deny truth if it will make their world less comfortable.

Let me know what you all think. What angles should I work through ?

I don’t understand why conservative Christians are so fixated on eradicating homosexuality, but some of these Christians have tattoos and engaged in sexual behaviours before marriage.

And there are like real problems out there - racism, pedophilia, incest, mental health issues, poverty. Why are they more interested in someone else’s sex life instead of real issues? Isn’t that a misuse of the “talents” God has given you? Cue: parable of the talents. I’m not sure if I’m interpreting this parable correctly.

I went to my first Pride event today- I am a cishet female, but I've always been a huge supporter of and advocate for the LGBTQIA+ community. While there, I was recounting the times my family or my former church community have said something along the lines of "I can't judge (person) for being (identity), but I also won't support them. I can't judge, only god can."

Yes, I know I can ignore them, but it got me wondering how you all see this statement, whether you're deconstructing or you've deconverted (or however you would label this journey). I feel like when I would hear this, it was just kind of a conversation-ending cliché or a form of plausible deniability on their end, but I want to hear other people's thoughts or experiences within their respective religious communities/cultures.

:) thanks

*i do not believe in the abrahamic god, but i do not know if there is a higher power in general.

Before anything, I'd like to say that I don't know if this kind of questioning of the scripture is allowed around here, so I'd like to apologize in advance if I broke any rules. I would also like to say that I did not do any research about this topic and reflection, so please be patient with me.

When I was reading the Bible a few months ago, specially the Old Testament, I got to know a little more about the story of Israel (at least theological if not historical). And I kind of felt a bit peculiar with what were the focuses of the Lord back in that era when compared to his focuses on the New Testament.

In the Old Testament, it seems like God's focus is only regarding the people of Israel, and not the rest of the world. He's concerned that the customs of other nations around might corrupt the hebrews regarding their faith, so he doesn't want them to get very involved with them. Of course, He's not completely indifferent or intolerant to people from other nations, and some examples can even be seen in the text, like when he says to be kind with the strangers because Israel was a stranger in Egypt.

However, the focus of reaching and saving the other nations does not appear until the New Testament, when Jesus comes to Earth and starts his ministry. Which makes me wonder: If it was God's plan to redeem the world from the beginning, why didn't he started doing some of this work before Christ came, caring about reaching the other nations instead of just focusing in one of them all? Why didn't he care about being worshiped by other nations back then? Why couldn't an intermediate work of conversion be done before Jesus arrived? If he was concerned with humanity since the Fall, I think it would be appropriate to reach other nations when they were formed, wouldn't it be? Instead of just focusing in one for a very long time.

I might have gotten some parts wrong back there, but I tried my best to be precise with what I still remember. I still haven't researched about this topic at all, but I'm kind of curious about what others have said about this, from those that are on faith and those that are not.

Has anyone else thought about this?

For 25 years, God was with me. That's what I believed. He was my best friend. The one I could tell everything. He was there when I hit rock bottom, crying with me. He was there on the best days of my life, celebrating with me. We've been through so much together.

And now he's just... gone. No goodbye. No way to ever be with him again.

I don't regret the journey I'm on now, but it honestly feels like I killed him with my own hands.

How do you cope?

Hey everyone. I come here from time to time because I‘m really struggling with ocd and fear of religion. I wasnt raised a believer but I wanted to take a look into christianity when I felt alone in a new city. It didnt work out as you see, now my mind is obsessed with figuring out if there is a god, heaven, hell, what religion is true etc. I also got blasphemous thoughts that torture me every day.
I‘m in therapy for four months now and my therapist suggested we could talk to a priest about my thoughts and if I‘d go to hell for having them.
We‘ll meet a catholic priest on monday, but I‘m not sure if that will help. I‘m also scared of asking critical questions because I don’t want to be responsible if he gets into a faith crisis or sth.
As of now I just have one question, that is why would there be hell in the first place? Doesnt this contradict a loving god? I also ask myself why there is so much suffering and why create the universe in the first place? (but that has nothing to do with my ocd).
Do you have any more ideas what I could ask in the conversation? and is there anything else I should prepare for? Thanks in advance :)

As I've been deconstructing from the religion of Christianity I've been drawn more and more to the spirituality and practices of the Divine Feminine (goddess archetypes, earth centric spirituality, etc.). It has brought me much healing and comfort, as well as put me in better touch with my inner wholeness and authentic self.

It's dawned on me recently that much of the story of the Bible has been directed at excluding and destroying these Divine Feminine or "pagan" practices and, at times, the people who identified with them. I mean, this is what much the OT is about. Because the goddess religion existed in the regions that the hebrews were called to inhabit, yahweh specifically (according to the Bible) instructed the Israelites to destroy these practices, to kick these people out of the land (murdering many of them), and to put to death anyone in the Israelite nation who continued to practice these things. Even in the NT, Paul and Peter and the other apostles are trying to over throw the religions and ancient practices of the pagan people of the time. Why couldn't they coexist? Why did it have to be one or the other?

I'm not suggesting that these practices and other religions were perfect and didn't have moral issues, but I also don' think it was right to villainize them and make them morally evil as a whole. Especially since much of what the Hebrews did to the people in the surrounding nations was morally wrong and don't get me started on the atrocities that have been committed in Christ's name (the "holy" wars anyone?). Not to mention that there is still a lot of hate and bigotry within Christianity today. But this is ok because followers are supposedly on the "right" path believing the "right" things?? They get grace and mercy extended to them but people of other faiths or spiritual practice do not??

All this to say, I'm realizing that I have a real issues with the exclusionary nature of Christianity. Especially since it has attached such concepts as eternal salvation/damnation to it. I wanted to deconstruct and still keep a peaceful, respectful, and somewhat loving relationship to Christianity but I'm not sure that I can now. It seems wrong in many ways, and yet, there is good within it. Sometimes its all so confusing.

Has anyone else experienced this? And if you made it this far, thank you for listening to my rant.

I posted in this subreddit not too long ago at the start of my journey and I got a lot of help. I ended up telling my parents about my deconstruction and at first they took it terrible I mean my mom told me I’m listening to the voice of Satan and all that but after a while she’s eased up and she apologized for that statement lol. For me I’ve never been happier I feel so free. The expectations of religious upbringing really boxed me in and I’m happy I no longer feel that burden anymore. I’ve started to accept evolution and that maybe nothing really happens after death and that’s totally okay. I still have a want for a community, that’s the one thing I miss about religion but I’m sure I’ll meet people like me or atleast similar.

I don't feel too good about myself. I don't know how I'm going to turn this around.

I think that's my first safe thought I've had in years, because it felt like my entire body vibrated with it. It felt...self-aware.

I'm having a good time of reading some arbsurdism regarding everything! But I also regret the living hell of my fixations. But I've had a therapist before, and I think I can show up for me with self-compassion.

Thank you.

What would I keep as good beliefs?

Better to rebuke than to flatter if one is wrong. Two is better than one because they can help each other up. The honey dripped but they put their hands to their mouth because they feared the oath. Come in for thou art a valiant man. The Lord is a sun and a shield. The Lord loves a cheerful giver. If any make one of my children to sin, it would be better that an anvil be wrung around his neck and he be cast into the ocean. One man saved from his sin is grace to the Lord. The Lord will send you a comforter, a deliverer, a redeemer. The sufferings of this present time will not compare to the glory that is to come. If you love me you will keep my commands. Be strong and courageous, be not afraid neither be dismayed, for I am with thee withersoever thou goest. The Lord has taught me the structure of the world and the activity of the elements. My grace is sufficient. The Lord recompense thy work under whose wings thou art come to trust. Remove the beam out of thine own eye, then you can see to remove the mote out of thy brother's eye.

All this to say, believers have done amazing things and believers will continue to do amazing things.

And maybe it's important that I say this upfront, I only started picking apart my faith when I had begun living out a dangerous lie. And when I did, the Father of Lies must have peppered some weeds in my garden. But when you try to pull out the weeds, you risk pulling out the wheat also!

Just because so many people in the faith are worth disregarding for their illogical deductive reasoning, it doesn't mean you should let the vital emotional health it provided go to waste!

I think I prefer speaking with a person who has the Word at the back of their minds, not the front of their minds. Let the frontal lobe be used cognitively for the present situations.

In the last couple years I’ve tried harder to solidify my faith than I ever have. I’ve read my Bible more, prayed more, studied scholars more, served my church more. I often out of step with my faith in my 20s but I thought it would click as I aged, based on what older men described. Instead I’ve gotten further away and I’ve seen the parts of church bolted on by tradition, not given in holy texts.

On one hand, it helps make sense of many problems. On the other hand, it leads to more questions.

I had such a longing for connection and thought religion could help, but now I can’t talk openly about whats in my head. I’m married into a family deeply embedded in the church and am aware that if I didn’t care about their opinions I would be gone already. Thankfully my spouse has been learning with me and we are on the same page.

Now I have the theology to disarm a lot of bad theology I encounter. It feels like I should be more certain. But the process of learning how to grapple with bad theology has left me with too much knowledge. Theres a part of me that goes “reject the whole thing, you have the logic to say it’s made up” but an equal part pushes back.

I think the universe was created by a higher power. I’m not sure if there’s an afterlife but I can’t deny that it’s odd how universal supernatural beliefs are. I see the value of religion in community. I’ll teach my kids Christianity, albeit differently than I was taught. They’ll decide their own faith, but I want them to learn it as a starting point for religion.

The Old Testament generally imparts despair to me, but Jesus is too compelling to write the whole thing off. I agree with C.S. Lewis’s premise that Jesus was either insane or he spoke the truth. He went so radically outside of the religious tradition in Judah while also claiming to be of that very tradition. He embraced children, made women core to his ministry, and appeared to women first in the resurrection appearances. Whether you think those were real events or made up by authors decades later, it is remarkable that great pains were taken to elevate the marginalized.

Studying religion fascinates me. Maybe it’s a foolish hope that if I keep going I’ll eventually find the capital T truth. In the meantime there’s a lot of sadness and anger towards my immediate religious community. Being given harmful teachings, feeling like I can’t talk about what’s really going on, pressure to keep up a good front or risk the few connections I have. The hypocrisy at judging others while claiming grace for they and them.

But at the end of the day, I can’t step off that ledge and deconvert. I don’t like how deconstruction is becoming synonymous with deconversion. I don’t want to sit back rant about religious people are dumb or all religion is bad. I want to really grapple with why we believe what we believe.

I grew up in a seventh day adventist household and my background was interesting as I was raised with my parents who were immigrants coming to this country, now I attended a church conference and sat in on an event about ones relationship with career and God, now to summarize it, basically it was simply said you cannot compromise your morals and standards just for a job, as a seventh day adventist the most important is to keep the seventh day of rest to go to church on Saturday and not to work, this I can agree with, hey work can take everything from you, you have to establish boundaries with it

But one thing a person said really angered me, she was a mental health counselor and she says my life as a Christian I must live as a Christian, if you do not have food I must feed you, if you do not have shelter I must give it to you, she even went on to say that she had housed a few of her patients in her own home and had done it several times, now thinking of this outside of my own personal objections this seemed to be a good thing, giving to those who are struggling, but the last comment was, she would give a Bible to her patients as she said it was the best psychological book to give to those struggling

Now I understand that there are Christian mental health counselors that do specialize in faith based approaches but from what she was speaking about, it seemed that her practice was not a faith based on as it was a shared practice and she even told a testimony of one of her colleagues asking why did she give a Bible to one of her patients, now the more I thought about this it kind of turned my stomach, I understand as a Christian you must proselytize, this is what is needed of you, but it seems even someone like her who is doing the good thing isn't doing it just because it's right

But doing it only to gain favor with God, and that kinda kills me, people only want to be good when there is a reward of heaven not to be good because it's the right thing to do

I’m pretty much fully deconstructed at this point from religion (Christianity). I still believe in the teaching of Jesus (or at least some of what was given to us because who knows what is true or not). I definitely still believe in a higher being that created everything, I definitely lean more into esoteric beliefs nowadays.

The thing is im married and my husband is still Christian. He not overly religious or deep into it at all. He does however hold moral concepts and principles very very tightly.

He knew something was going on with me for a little while now and about a month ago he made it known to me that he was aware and I told him I didn’t fully understand what I was feeling yet and I wasn’t ready to talk about it . Well we have our routine marriage therapy appt this weekend and he suggested that we kinda hash it out before we go to sorta have an idea of where we stand when we speak to the lady.

Needless to say I told him that I’m struggling to see the point in marriage nowadays and to me it feels not right (low vibrational energy surrounding it) and he sees it as one of those core truths in life. I feared this conversation because I knew our beliefs would not align and he would really really struggle to respect mine.

I love my husband and while I don’t believe in locking down for the sake of a piece of paper anymore, I do believe in our connection but to him It is not enough because his words are “whose to say I won’t change my mind down the road,” and I can’t disagree with him because who is to say..

Im having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here, because I really really hoped I could have kept these things to myself and went about our life without him knowing because that is the only way I think this will work UNLESS it’s swept under the rug and comes up later. Sigh….

Has anyone had a similar experience and can weigh in with some hope and kindness?

This is my first ever reddit post so I apologize If I did something wrong. Hello everyone, I want to say almost a year ago, I fully realized after a important event that I had some Christian beliefs/fears. I grew up in a strict Christian household where prayer and church was a must and punishment would follow "disobedience". They named me Angel and my brother Abram. Religious pictures, statues, among other things were common household items. My parents tried to drill it into my head and they achieved their goal i guess. As I grew older I became able to stand up for myself and refuse to go to church, ect. I truly know very little about this religion, I never read the Bible, I dont really know any important names or stories besides the extremely mainstream ones. I never prayed after the age of 11 or 12. At a certain point I became aware of a spiritual practice that caught my full attention and Interest. I didn't really know how to start though so I left it alone for a while. In between this I never practiced Christianity. Eventually I found myself back to the practice that had caught my interest. I researched and began to become vaguely aware of how it worked. Every once in a while however I would have certain hindering thoughts based on irrational fear stemming from my upbringing. I would usually be able to dismiss them. I also was not living with my parents at this time, I was in placement. After the aforementioned important event, I decided to postpone my practice due to the instability in the group home I was at and also because thoughts stemming from Christian fear began to become over powering. After certain events, I found myself in another placement where I decided to restart practicing/learning. I quickly realized however that these thoughts/memories held me back from truly embracing and being able to practice my spirituality. I didn't really know what to do, so I stopped once more. I am still currently in placement, I have once again restarted the learning process but this time I know what i have to do before I could fully continue with the practice, which is deconstruct. I plan on learning about non abrahamic religions, closely examing the thoughts that come to me and asking if they truly make sense or simply based in fear and ignorance, listening to certain podcasts, yt videos, books, ect. The only thing I cant really do right now is get a therapist but I should be able to definitely some time by the end of this year. I also know that it will take time and patience. Is there anything else I'm missing ? What helped you when you were just starting?

"Why does this church have a gift shop? Wasn't Jesus against that kind of thing?"

I mean, yeah. Churches, at least in Roman Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy, Anglicanism, and other mainline denominations, are essentially meant to be the equivalent of the new temple formed by Jesus. Why sell things there, then? Jesus was decrying commerce in a very holy part of the temple, but in plenty of churches, the gift shop is in the very place of worship rather than being outside. Of course a church needs money to stay afloat, but the earliest Christians were ascetics and the earliest clergy were expected to wander from place to place, living off the picky bits people gave to them.

"If God is so good, why do bad things happen?"

• OK, so evil is just the absence of good. Right... But why is good only distinguishable by its opposite; if God made everything as it is, why couldn't he have made good in a way that it can't ever be absent?
• OK, so evil is to do for free will. Why couldn't God have made it so free will can exist in a world with just good if he made all things?
• OK, so evil is to do with morally strengthening us. Dunno why a baby with terminal cancer needs moral strengthening, but oh well.
• OK, so evil exists so God can triumph over it in the end to glorify himself. Sick bastard. That's why Gnosticism was invented! - Jesus...

For the first two, a Thomist will tell you: "it's just illogical, of course good can't exist by itself. It's illogical to imagine good for humanity without free will." But then that means forms such as good or free will exist outside of what God has created; the former could be explained (maybe, it's a stretch) with God being good already, perhaps without creating it, but that would mean free will exists as a form outside of God entirely. Does God exist independently of good and free will, then? Is he working with what was given to him, meaning he's not omnipotent or didn't create all things? Theologians have wrestled with this thing for centuries but it's very obvious that the Problem of Evil hasn't quite been solved yet.

Well I have solved it. but it involves the heresy of Audianism and essentially makes humanity's creation by Jesus necessary as part of his existence by contingency, which effectively means Jesus wouldn't have the choice to create humanity which is... Weird. It does mean though that it wasn't his choice to make humanity suffer because he's contingent on it to exist himself as a human without incarnation. In any case, Audianism was part of a Pre-Nicene Syrian Christian tradition that's been dead for 1,500 years.

"If the Bible is true, why does Genesis go against science?"

Perhaps it's allegorical. Philo seems to have leaned that way. Also an Alexandrian, Origen also believed so. And Augustine was willing to give a little leeway when it came to the length of the days. But for mainstream Christians, for most of their history up to the Enlightenment period, Genesis was real history. Adam, Eve, Seth and friends were all real people and, even in modern times, the Roman Catholic church will not shift from Adam and Eve being real historical figures; there are various pseudoscientific theories for fitting Adam and Eve into the evolution of man. Why has Christianity decided to shift gears when a part of the big book seems to not have been as correct as once believed? Yes, there have been Christian scientists. But that just goes to show Christian scientists are compatible with science, not that the Christian book is compatible with science.

"The Old Testament has a lot of bad bits in."

Yeah... Christians will say this was God trying to curb the bad behaviour of the Israelites but, at several verses, it seems God is behaving worse! And, why couldn't he find a more efficient way of intervention for his chosen people? With the Old Testament now seeming to be more myth than fact, I guess some of the violent sections can be interpreted purely theologically: I guess... I don't know where the theological message is in the part where God tells a priest to conduct a water-dust abortion to figure out if she's committed adultery or not, but - again - oh well. This is sort of like English teacher exegesis where you're forced to read a lot more into what is actually there.

"Paul is dodgy."

OK so most scholars believe that Paul did not take over Christianity. Some doctrines, like the divinity of Jesus, even the hymn to Jesus in Philippians, predate Paul in Christianity. Paul is not responsible for introducing a hierarchy to the church. Paul also perhaps didn't intend to create antinomianism, but was working with early pre-Talmudic Noahidic categories. However, Paul's deterministic soteriology, comparable to that in texts from Qumran, contrasts with the non-Pauline New Testament texts. Paul may have also been running with a pre-Talmudic Merkabah or Hekhalot tradition for much of his theology, which he would've believed had given him legitimacy (to himself, mind you) as a mystic upon receiving his vision.

I’m at a point where I’m seriously considering leaving home. Living with my family has become emotionally exhausting. I constantly feel like I’m being judged, monitored, and pressured to conform to expectations that don’t align with who I am anymore.

I feel like I have to hide parts of myself just to avoid conflict. The lack of freedom and constant stress are affecting my mental health, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending everything is fine.

The only thing stopping me from leaving is financial stability. I’m currently trying to find a job so I can support myself and have somewhere safe to go. I don’t want to make an impulsive decision, but staying here is becoming harder every day.

For those who have left similar situations, how did you do it? How much money did you save? What were the biggest challenges after leaving? Is there anything you wish you had known beforehand?

I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences because I feel stuck and don’t have many people I can talk to about this.

Edit : For context, I live in India. My biggest obstacle isn’t legal restrictions but becoming financially independent and finding a safe way to leave. I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar because I feel stuck and don’t have many people I can talk to about this.