i just wanted to ask if anyone else experiences dissociation this way. i do dissociate from my sense of self, but instead of feeling “out of body,” i tend to feel like only my body. say i’m at the dentist and dissociating because of dentist trauma. instead of leaving my body or the room, i basically feel like i become the tooth that’s being worked on. or, i’ve had a lot of physical injuries, and i feel like i become the injury and my only focus is surviving and taking care of myself.

my whole life, i think i’ve placed taking care of my physical body and ensuring future safety as one of my main priorities. my own body always has been a special interest of mine, and i am hyperaware of every aspect about it. not in a hypochondria way, but just in a very observant and proactive way.

i wonder if this has to do with how i experience dissociation, and if i’m subconsciously always avoiding discomfort, because it becomes all i am? not sure, but i just wanted to put it out there in case anyone feels similar

So I overheard at my OBGYN appointment my doctor talking to another doctor about me outside of my room and telling him that I had DID. But no one has ever told me that and when I’ve asked my therapist or psych they said I don’t. It feels like everyone knows I have DID but me. I have some serious anxiety about it and not sure what to do. I asked my husband as well but he says he’s not a psych and I should bring it up with her.

We started seeing a trauma therapist for the first time the other day. She asked if we have a headspace, implying that that could be a source of comfort, but ours really isn't. She seemed really surprised at that. Trying to find others who relate but everything we can find is saying similar. Systems see their headspace as a comfort, maybe with some scarier areas, but overall comforting.

I've heard it's common for hosts to not remember headspace when fronting; I've got a snapshot and one brief experience that I can remember.

Our headspace, to put it bluntly, looks like Hell. It's a lot like the surface of Mars, but pockmarked with craters. There are huge, dark mountains far off and thick, black, roiling clouds (the Fog) covering the sky (which I think is also a gatekeeper alter, maintaining a barrier between the front and the headspace). There's a small log cabin in the periphery of that snapshot that I somehow know I'm really not supposed to know about.

The one experience I do remember of being in the headspace is standing atop a very tall cliff with a few others. It's the only time I've been able to see my (non-human) self looking like how I feel, but all I remember is being yanked upward; before I got anywhere near the Fog, next I remember was the real world.

The only other area I know about is the dungeon. There are alters kept there because they can't keep their memories to themselves, at least one whose entire experience day-to-day isinside a cage, chained to the floor by her ankles, wrists, and neck. And I know that's what's needed and if their memories did get out it would lead to major system collapse, but I can't help but feel for them. One of them is a child.

Do any systems relate? Anyone whose headspace isn't comforting? Not necessarily looking for advice, I know we're a long way off from actually addressing anything, but we can't be the only ones like this right?

I'm the caretaker in my system, and the only female alter. I typically stay inside and take care of others alters through helping them handle their emotions and perform self care. We are also transgender ftm, and I am the only non-trans alter. Both of these things have led me to feel extremely isolated from who we are as a person, and the rest of the system.

I typically don't front, so it's easy for me to ignore my feelings. But I have been forced into fronting for the past few days, and I've been thinking about everything I've been ignoring. I am extremely upset about how I'm unable to be who I really am outwardly, and how nobody in real life will ever really know ME. We didn't have friends as a kid so I didn't get to grow up doing girl activities, and now we're transitioning and I can't do them now either. On top of that, I'm expected to take care of everyone and help them live their lives, not live my own. I'm starting to feel like I have no real reason to stay alive, and I will never feel fulfilled. My entire existence is about pushing my own needs aside to aid everyone else.

The host is wrecked over me feeling this way. He has no idea what to do, as I typically take care of him, and he is terrified that I will go dormant from the stress and he will have to live without me. I just don't want to keep going on like this. I didn't realize how much I hate this life.

we were ending our session and i asked if she knew anyone i could talk to that specialized in dissociation, and she told me that she wasn’t sure and asked why i wanted to know. i said that i want to look into did/osdd (im honestly not sure which one i suspect i have) and she looked at me funny.

ive done my research, checked off anything else it could be, and yet i feel so dumb. im scared because im a minor and did/osdd is often brushed off in adults, let alone teens. i know something’s up with me and im scared im gonna be ignored.

any advice/comfort would help

I know I have partial DID, I've done everything to research for so long, talked to my therapist and psychiatrist and even got the diagnosis process started as they both agreed I have it.

But then I moved places and my new city thinks I'm not crazy enough to take seriously, and apparently my country doesn't even see P-DID as a thing. So basically, I have everything and everyone telling me yeah its P-DID, but I can't get an official diagnosis bc everything in my country is currently hot ass.

I've spent my whole entire life already going "yes I am normal yes everybody else also have other people in their head who occasionally take over the body and I can't do anything but watch what they get up to for an hour yes this is fine" and suddenly oh! Thats actually NOT normal so trying to convince myself to think otherwise has been so hard and I feel like such an imposter for not having a diagnosis even though I will never have a diagnosis since I don't actually have full DID, I have P-DID and its different enough to be dismissed from a DID diagnosis but knowing my countries healthcare I'll guess that its still close enough to actual DID not get me the diagnosis of "other dissociative disorder"

So yay me and my weird fucked up head full of random people that were apparently NOT supposed to be there.

I just want to vent and connect with people who can understand what I am going through on some level.

I am having a horrific time with this disorder lately. I was recently hospitalized and was discharged back to the apartment where my abusers live and they have been playing mind games to make me guilty for having boundaries. It's making my dissociative symptoms worse than they've been in a long time. The whole reason I was hospitalized in the first place was that my little was terrified into a multi-day flashback from having to talk to them every day. So I prioritize her safety now by avoiding them and dissociating. This does not stop them from being their insensitive, selfish, and sadistic selves. I would explain but their antics are so cracked out, convoluted and frequent that this post would become an essay. And frankly I am scared of them finding this post.

I have a few comorbidities including anorexia and chronic pain/inflammation which have both been flaring since the hospitalization and the increase in triggering events. I had a heart attack in the hospital. I have had multiple episodes of tachycardia since the hospital and was put on heart meds which hasn't helped much because of the stress combined with lowered food intake. I am constantly in pain or lightheaded or on the verge of passing out or all three. I work on my feet so I spend all my off time recovering in bed. It is lonely as fuck. No one comes to check on me. I live with my family and they choose to take my deteriorating health as a personal jab instead of simply asking me what's wrong. And most of my friends don't visit or check on me at all.

My little has been drowning in grief. I and two other system caregivers try to be there for her but she can't accept the fact that we have to be our own support system right now. It makes her so sad that so few people show care for us. Her sadness makes me and the other adult parts so angry. That our little could be so heartbroken by the rejection of others, still, all these years later. That people are still making us feel like this. And that our friends/family still show no desire to learn or care for us in the ways we need. They haven't even bothered to ask about the heart attack I had at age 23. I told them about it and they didn't react at all. And the other day my sister implied I was being dramatic for wanting to go to urgent care when I went tachycardic again.

All they want to do is do is talk about themselves, drink and drug, lie and use people, and feel justified in projecting their rage endlessly outward. I am repulsed by them. It's becoming impossible to stay cordial.

I have one close friend who knows about my dissociative disorder and living situation. They are as supportive as they can be, but they also have had a terrible childhood and live with an abusive person so I feel bad reaching out to them for support. I have two sisters who know about the dissociative disorder, heart issues, and anorexia but treat me as if none of those things could possibly be causing me any ounce of stress. When I talk about what I am going through, they either 1) talk about themselves or 2) provide unsolicited advice/comments on how I am treating my disorder that they know nothing about *by choice* (I have shared endless resources with them about what DID is and how to support me with it.)

It's infuriating because they really think they're helping and that I'm just sick because I'm not trying to get better. They are projecting and lack the self awareness to know that. They claim to be supportive but have done nothing but provide input on all of the ways my various illnesses have been inconvenient or uncomfortable for them. They also dump all of their self-perpetuated problems on me constantly. It drains the hell out of me. But they'll bend over backward for their deadbeat exes or our abusive parents. It's so dumb.

I function well because I was an alter formed to make the system appear normal and functional. I have been in treatment for over a decade and take my healing very seriously. My other parts don't come out unless I am alone (a collectively negotiated boundary put in place for our safety as we heal) so I guess that people's ignorance makes them think I'm not actually sick? But inside I am at constant war. I am very vocal about needing support and I just never get it. Idk this disorder makes me feel invisible. I never asked for help until recently. I try to be hopeful and seek corrective experiences for my healing but no one is equipped to support me. It makes me just want to be by myself forever.

I have a therapist who is great but I am trying to maintain healthy emotional boundaries with her. I have a tendenency to become infatuated with people who are kind and she's the kindest person I've ever met. I wish she could be my friend. Everyone sucks and I hate my brain and I hate my family of origin for making me this way and forcing me to apologize for it all the time. I wish I could afford to move out.

For the last few days ive been extremely dissociated, ill be okay for a few minutes or even hours, and then its like im wearing drunk goggles, and everything feels wrong, my equilibrium goes out the window, its like im watching from behind myself, i cant form full thoughts or even remember what im trying to say. Then its like time is disappearing or moving in so motion. It comes in waves and then im completely fine. My partner who has been able to learn my alters cant seem to distinguish if its a already existing alter or if its a newly discovered one.

How have you in the past been able to communicate with or distinguish a new alter?

I have no idea where to start with this. For context, my relationship with my father is...fine. Probably. We're very distant, we talk once a year, it's a overwhelmingly anxiety-inducing experience for me, I didn't live in the same household as him starting pretty early on, he was at least slightly complicit in my CSA, probably, whatever.

Anyway, growing up and into my adult life, I've never really had much of a desire for a paternal figure or anything. A few years ago, my partner and I attended a friend's wedding. We see the friend and her parents a few times a year, and we get along well with all of them. It was unexpectedly really challenging and emotional to see how much love her father held for her, and I felt a lot of conflicting and confusing emotions around it. Some parts felt horribly jealous, which was unexpected, as I hadn't felt that way before, ever. Some parts felt angry and embarrassed. Some parts thought about it in a sexual context, which was uniquely difficult and confusing and also caused a lot of shame.

It was a rough time but I kind of felt like we got over it. I came to terms with the fact that okay, maybe there's a little bit of a weird childhood unmet father need, and that's totally normal given the circumstances, so what. Let the woman have a little bit of daddy issues as a treat /s.

I've seen him since then and it's been fine and normal, until recently, when I had my wedding and he was really nice to us during it and genuinely seemed happy for us. Well, apparently all those feelings are back, and they are just as intense as before. I feel like a desperate freak for projecting this sort of convoluted father-figure persona onto this man I barely know beyond a surface level. I feel like crying whenever I see him or just think about him.

I'm not doing anything inappropriate or in contact with him, but despite that fact I still feel weirdly guilty. Just knowing that I'm thinking about this man in this way is so confusing. I feel at a loss, I have no idea what to do with these feelings and I'm too embarrassed and afraid to bring it up to my therapist, which is obviously very helpful. I'm also scared to explore it on my own with my own parts, because the depth of emotion is so overwhelming and foreign and scary to us.

Hi guys

I'm working on an artistic project about what it's like having DID. I think it's some of my best work, but it's incredibly triggering. I really want to finish it and get it out there. For myself, for anyone else with DID that it might help, for those without DID so they can understand us better. But every time I do any work on it, I get so drained and dissociated that I end up not touching it again for weeks. I'm trying healthily self-soothe instead of avoiding. I'm so close to being done. Please hype me up for the final push :')

hi I have been recently diagnosed with DID. I've told my closest people. I am not sure if I should say to other friends not as close. I know that it's purely my choice but I still would like to know what's y'alls experience with that. should I say I have it to the possible future partners right away or later? I usually prefer to say everything immediately and be very upfront about my mental health

Bon voilà ça fait 2 an suite à un diagnostic de schizophrénie que je me suis rendu compte que j'étais multiple. Je m'en étais rendu compte par le passé puis j'avais oublié puis encore rendu compte puis oublié.... Mais là avec mon passage en hospitalisation et ce diagnostic je me retrouvais dans un parcours de santé mental que je ne pouvais pas fuir avec un diagnostic si important. Ce qui m'avais remis sur la piste du DID c'était que la psy de la clinique me disais d'établir un contact avec mes voix ce qui me semblait vraiment complètement stupide parce qu'on m'avais diagnostiqué schizo et faire ça c'était ce payer un allé simple pour la psychose. (Je sais que des gens psychotiques parlent à leur voix mais vu que j'avais été violent ça me semblait pas une bonne idée). Et aussi pour d'autres raison mais là je sais plus

J'ai arrêté mes antipsychotiques pour mon plus grand bonheur et passé un an à me demander si je delirais ou si jetait dans le déni du diagnostic ou si jetait vraiment multiple. Puis je suis passé par une structure spécialisé dans le suivit des épisode et maladie psychotique, ils mon suivit quelque moi puis mon renvoyés vers une psychiatre conventionnel en lui disant que jetait psychopathe, cette psychiatre conventionnel m'as dit que c'était pas possible. Et on a commencé une psychothérapie classique ensembles. Jusqu'à il y à peut ou quelqu'un est venu pendant la séance et la manière dont ça parlais était vraiment antipathique. Cette psychiatre m'a dit qu'elle ne pouvait pas m'aider car elle ne connaissais pas le did mais ce que j'avais y ressemblais trop pour que ce soit autre chose et elle me fait intégrer bientôt une équipe compétente pour m'aider, je suis vraiment content. Et surtout vu qu'une psychiatre me l'a dit il y a des partie qui sont rassuré(e)s et on doute moin. Donc voilà bonjour tout le monde et ma question qui est là depuis le début de la psychiatrie c'est : est ce que je vais pouvoir un jour reprendre des psychotropes (avoir un trip) je n'incite pas mais j'ai toujours passé des bon moment et ça me semble peut probable que dans ma vie je ne le refasse pas alors voilà je demande est ce que c'est trop dangereux de le faire (quand on a un système stable, par ex le fait d'avoir une partie très antipathique comme ça en moi me dissuade d'en prendre pour l'instant) j'aurais pû posser des questions un peut plus intéressante comme comment avoir des amis ? C'est sûr mais voilà c'est ma question. Est ce que je peut espérer me re droguer un jour ? En revoir 👋👋👋

Hello. I have a suspected dissociative disorder that I have spoken at length to my therapist about and am going to tell my psych about next time I see her. Since realizing I have dissociative symptoms I feel dissociated a lot (I'd imagine it's always been there but is more noticeable now). I have tried the standard grounding techniques I have learned in therapy but feel like if anything they make me feel even more dissociated instead of helping me feel more present. Specifically because thinking about perceiving my senses I feel ends up drawing myself up into my head even more.

Does anyone have recommendations for grounding techniques? I am also planning on speaking with my therapist about this and seeing what recommendations she has, however I will not see her for at least another week.

Hi, I didn't know where to post it, but a lot of symptoms my husband has feels like dissocciation at some point.

My husband was a very involved father and a highly responsible person for most of his life. He was someone people could rely on. He remembered things about the kids, took an interest in their lives, had a strong sense of empathy, and took his responsibilities seriously.

A few years ago he experienced what seemed to be a major mental health collapse. And since then he is like complete different person (I knew him since childhood), almost in every part of his personality. I don't know how to describe it, like someone else was in the body. Since then he has been in psychiatric treatment, has diagnoses of depression and anxiety, and has experienced symptoms of derealization/depersonalization, memory problems, and severe emotional withdrawal. At one point he described feeling emotionally empty, unable to experience pleasure, disconnected from reality, and having panic-like reactions connected to home and family life.

What I struggle to understand is what happened to his ability to connect information and function as a father.

For example, one of our children has asthma. This has been discussed with him countless times over several years. There have been doctor appointments, inhalers, school-related issues, and ongoing conversations about it. Yet he regularly acts as though he is hearing about it for the first time and seems genuinely surprised when someone reminds him.

The same thing happens when it comes to supporting the children financially. He can spend money on various wants, subscriptions, manga, cryptocurrency, or other impulsive purchases, while at the same time seeming to genuinely believe that a very small amount of child support is sufficient. When people try to explain the actual costs of raising children, it feels as though the information never fully registers or stays integrated.

For a period of time he also displayed behaviors that felt almost regressive. He decorated his car in ways that seemed unusually childlike, bought children's coloring books, toys, and other items that seemed more appropriate for a young child than an adult man. He would sometimes say things that sounded bizarre or disconnected from reality.

At the same time, he did not seem manic in the typical sense. Most of the time he was depressed, withdrawn, anxious, emotionally numb, and struggling to function.

The most confusing part is that he is not completely disconnected from the children, but he acts like they were sombody elses kids. Sometimes he will ask about school, medical appointments, or specific events in their lives. He can remember individual details. Then later he seems completely disconnected again and unaware of basic realities about their everyday lives.

Sometimes it feels as if he knows individual facts but cannot connect them into a coherent picture of reality.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis over the internet. I'm trying to understand the mechanism behind this.

Has anyone with CPTSD, chronic dissociation, DPDR, OSDD/DID, or other trauma-related conditions experienced something similar in themselves or a loved one? Have you ever seen someone who could remember pieces of their life but seemed unable for years to integrate them into a coherent sense of responsibility, especially toward their children and family?

What did that experience feel like from the inside?

I am Not officially Diagnosed with did, but with c-ptsd, derealization and depersonalisation disorder.
In a clinic Setting I had this Moment where I realized that my female Parts (i wanna Call it Like That when in Not Sure if its Alters) and my male Parts hate each other and stand in big contrast to each other. When I Spike it out loud, I suddenly felt this unknown calmness in my head and this lightness in my Body.

Its 5 years now and I feel Like I am going Crazy. I am supressing the feminine Aspects of me that I Like the Most. I feel absent in everything that I do. I feel disconnected from Friends and everyone around me. I am scared of myself and feel ashamed. I have weeks where everything feels „ok“ and I try to adapt to my male Body , and then in Moments of silence I just Break down, the past weeks seem unreal to me and I just feel Like im Stuck in a life Thats Not supposed to be mine.

I dont want to do anything Social anymore. I spend Most of my time with thinking about Whats wrong with me, what Are the reasons for This and when This will stop.

The thing is when that calmness comes every now and then, I get scared although it feels good, but I always Wonder if thats what „healthy people“ feel and my mind keeps asking what happened to me in childhood that this is so unknown?

Does anyone of you have Similar experiences or can Tell me what could help?
Is it actually getting better and the contrast gets too big in healing?

Looking forward to your replies:)

we were diagnosed recently called very through a lot of Therapy we've always been diagnosed with illness but we wanna know how we can cope with daddy's loss because he's the only one who was safe we just can't seem to get over it can someone just tell us it's gonna get better and if it is not allowed to be posted we understand or just do what we always do to sit here thank you I guess we'll just go thank you

I created a sculpture with the smaaallll amount of clay I had. Idk it feels like did. Like all the little tears throughout each arm of the statue is like a part of me like thise are my little hearts. Well the other personalities?? Idk the right word, alters???? Oh I am high atm. So I don’t know how to as an image of it but it almost feels like a heart or a flower I can hold in my hands. Thank you for reading. We don’t know what to really call our self. Like multiples of us exist one bodyyy rho. Idk I want more clay to make a big oneee!