Hi everyone just a little introduction I'm 24 Y/O Male First born son and have a sister also and just am looking from further guidance from people in the community that can guide me in the right direction. My relationship with God has been a rocky road and didn't really start getting close to him up until a breakup that initiated it for me to get close to him because of the pain.
But over the years I realised I've been protected by God in so many ways that I didn't realise. I've been in a total of 11 car accidents since I started driving when I was 18 y/o some of them were minor and some of them catastrophic where at one point the car was flipped upside down and I always walked away without a scratch not a cut bruise nothing. I've also been guided away from people which later on in life ended up in prison or started drinking heavily or drinking.
Even as for sexual sin I withheld for almost 18 years since birth till I met one woman I genuinely couldn't resist atall it was like a magnetic pull its so hard to describe but it was definitely real and we fell in love and the relationship lasted almost 5 years and the pain from that relationship initially is what made me get a lot closer to God even though he was always present in my life the entire time without my knowledge. I only have a body count of one was I know what sex does unfortunately and it creates a soul tie which I believe I've broken by now because its been almost 2 years since the initial breakup and when I see them I don't get the same drop in my stomach that I used to like going down a roller coaster. from my understanding its my nervous system warning me of a threat which was her. I don't wish her ill will or anything even though I was put through a lot of pain. I ultimately did forgive her but I never let her back into my life since then.
I'm an empathic person by nature and I get easily drained by random people or big crowds or events I genuinely feel like I don't fit in even among my friend groups I just have an inner knowing I don't fit in.
Any hoo after I got closer to God while also being on Semen Retention crazy things started to happen. I got so close to God because of how much pain I was in from the relationship. I did everything correctly I was always there etc etc and I wanted God to take away the pain because I couldn't function. I couldn't work without breaking down or crying at random even when at home because I was discarded and in the end I found out the person did what they did because they've never experienced real true conditionally love the same love a dog gives you and sabotaged the relationship including me.
But after I started getting closer to God even before all this happened I was also becoming more spiritually aware and getting into astrology 2 years before this event even happened. It's in my karmic blueprint Spiritual Teacher. Anyways everything was going well. I was in the gym, working away doing no problem and building towards my goals while also praying to God and keeping him apart of my life.
After a few weeks my body started to fail, I have disc bulges and I cannot preform any manual handling jobs as I'm in pain in my left shoulder blade. (Inner Scalp) and haven't been to work in over 15 months because of this because diagnosis is inconclusive, I have been to Private doctors, Chiropractor, Physio etc you name it everything and the pain is still there unfortunately and hasn't been fully restored to the way it should have been.
I've applied to countless jobs to try and remove myself from that environment to try something else thats not physical in nature and have been denied from every single place I've applied to.
I did almost get one job but a few days later I got stopped by the police and they ended up giving me penalty points for something I didn't even do and I didn't end up getting the job because of it. It was a driving job, and you'd be wondering why didn't I challenge this in court and the simple answer is because I was already under enough financial strain that it wouldn't of been possible to afford lawyers as I was out of work and trying to manage my health at the same time.
I am being paid but im not being paid enough to mange everything unfortunately. Even during this time my own best friend was becoming envious of me I can read his energy and I couldn't comprehend why. I was struggling and yet he had more than I did and yet he was still envious or jealous.
But this is with random people too in different friend groups they're just envious of me for no reason or jealous or try and fish out information about me or talk about me to others. I do have very vivid dreams so if someone talks bad about me I'll dream it or I'll be told one way or another even through another person.
I can read people very well even their energy and also I have the gift of discernment and clairovoyance idk if this helps but I also saw my aura if you know you know but it's White/Clear
But what I don't understand is, after getting a lot closer to God to the point if he tells me not to do something I won't and I ACTUALLY obey him, my life gets worse and not better.
an e.g would be me being otw home from me being at my friends or out and about driving and I'd get a text from a woman asking me to come over and my first initial thought would be Don't do it, you'll regret it. I've been tested by so many woman since I left that relationship is crazy keep in mind I'm on Semen Retention and the urges do get a lot harder but I have enough will power and respect to say no because for once after holding out for so many years besides that one woman, I wanted a woman from God. I was also being tested even before that relationship where a woman would just undress herself at a party and asked me to fuck her even though I had the same thought in the back of my mind. Don't do it.
Even after removing my ex and a few of my friends from my reality and they still show up every now and again which is something I don't understand. On a daily basis I also see the following on license plates, times, receipts YouTube Short likes or comments
111,222,333,444,555,777,888,999 sometimes I would see 2222,3333,4444 or 9999 It would depend on. the moment.From my understanding im currently going through The Dark Night of the Soul and I have gone through it a few times now but this one oh wow its a lot more intense
I also do mediate every now an again to remove negativity from my chakras and open up my third eye but what I'm getting as is for more information from people who have gone through something similar because the people in my reality as of right now are not aware to the same level as I am and I can feel it.
I also don't drink alcohol or do drugs and I'm very healthy cook my own food and have a good physique so is there a reason I'm being attacked so much after getting closer to God ever then before if someone could give me guidance I'd appreciate it so much.
God is great :)