There was a time when I had a lot of money saved. I had worked hard, made good decisions, and felt secure knowing I had built a financial cushion for myself. I never imagined that one day I would see my bank account hit zero. At the time, it felt impossible that everything I had worked for could disappear. But life has a way of changing quickly, often in ways we never expect.

A combination of gambling, a manic episode, and a difficult breakup slowly unraveled everything I had built. Each challenge fed into the next, and before I fully understood what was happening, my savings were gone. Looking back, it's painful to think about the choices I made and the circumstances that contributed to them. There are moments I wish I could relive, decisions I wish I could change, and lessons I wish I had learned sooner.

Today, my account sits at $0. Strangely, though, I don't feel defeated. In fact, today is a good day.

I'm fortunate to still be living at home, which gives me the stability and support I need while I rebuild. I also have a fairly good job, and that means I have something incredibly valuable: the opportunity to start again. My savings may be gone, but my ability to earn, grow, and make better decisions hasn't disappeared.

For the first time in a long while, I'm choosing to look forward instead of backward. Hitting zero isn't the end of my story it's simply a new starting point. I've learned difficult lessons about mental health, impulsivity, relationships, and money that I wouldn't have understood otherwise. Those lessons are worth more than any balance I once had.

I never thought I'd see this day, but here I am. I'm still standing, I'm still working, and I'm still hopeful. Today isn't about what I've lost. It's about what I can build from here. And honestly, that gives me something to be grateful for.

I gained 50 pounds or so on abilify and risperadone. I'd rather be slim and manic. I also have body dysmorphia. Its not fair.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 just over 5years ago after a horrible manic episode at 47. Looking back at my life I wouldn’t say I showed major signs of bipolar and I went many, many years with absolutely no symptoms at all. Anyways, my husband had a 6month affair with someone20years younger than him and is blaming my bipolar! Attacking me at every opportunity. I have been stable and medicated the past 4years. He said to me last night in the most nastiest tone- Go take your yogurt and your medication, go to sleep, rinse and repeat the next day. It’s the sign of insanity!
I work full time!!
He’s become my worse nightmare! Telling me all the time I’m not fit to be around kids ( 16,16,18). Meanwhile, while he was having affair he was gone out of house from 8am- 9pm!
He says he’s moving out but I don’t believe him.
He was so supportive before this affair.
Why is he behaving like this and bringing up my bipolar at every opportunity? Telling me I’m crazy all the time!

45f, recently diagnosed with ADHD as well if that matters.

We know bipolar is a multidimensional spectrum disorder, but most often I see people here talking about classic mania/hypomania and rough depressions. I’ve only experienced “regular” hypomania and depression four times, and it was within the first few years of being diagnosed (I was diagnosed 26 years ago at age 19). It’s like I barely present as bipolar anymore, I just live life in some form of mixed state. Chronic hyperarousal with relentless insomnia, and smatterings of more uncomfortable anxiety and dysthymia depending on the season.

I function, in that I maintain relationships, hold down a corporate job, love on and raise my daughter, maintain relationships with family and a couple friends (never a long term partner). But the times of feeling like I can move beyond “technically functioning” to reliably enjoying the life I “technically function” in are few and far between. So like I said, it’s like I’m forever….mixed. Or is forever mixed just actually what “managed” bipolar is??

I recently changed providers and decided to test out whether tweaks to the medication stack I’ve been on for 20 years could help my brain feel more “normal” so I don’t have to spend all my energy just keeping it on the tracks. The toll of med trials and side effects and mood fragility during this process has me wondering if there’s even a point. Maybe my bipolar already was managed, and all of us are out here calling “looks good on paper” the win.

Hey! I was prescribed Olanzapine 5mg for my current manic episode I'm dealing with. I took my first dose at 1:30am. Quite late at night I know. The drowsiness caused me to sleep in until 3pm. I completely missed all I of my alarms. I usually wake up at 10am. I had something to eat and since then I've just been sleepy and so drowsy. I then slept again by accident with the TV on until now which is currently 7pm?!

Is this normal for the first dose? Will this eventually die out? I'm so worried because I have work tomorrow and I need to be awake for 8am. I'm still feeling so drowsy and weak, zombie like.

I want to write a book about my experience with bipolar, being sick, the health system, involunarily treatment etc. I am a good writer and storyteller. But I am a little afraid what people close to me will think, like my grandparents for example, and how they would react to it. Anyone?

Hey guys! I am wondering if anyone has any tips to “fight off” potential early (hypo)mania. I haven’t had a significant manic episode in about 2 years. Other than that, my most significant episode I can remember was a moderate depressive episode I had in March. I adjusted my lithium for that and it did help.

You know when you have a day that you just feel a little bit too high in frequency and youre like oh no what if this is the start of something ? I’ve had many times like this, however, this time it’s a bit different because I’m going on day 4 of feeling a little bit crazy. I’m having my classic hypo symptoms: irritability (especially over very small things), restlessness, racing thoughts to some degree, lacking inhibition with what I say/having less of a filter, slightly different sleep), wanting to start one million tasks/fix my life “for real this time”.

As I said before, if I had a day of these symptoms, I could explain it away, especially if I feel better the next day but this time I’m not. I didn’t go to work today because I think it would have really inflamed my symptoms. I don’t know how to describe it other than if there’s any possibility for me to mitigate my symptoms, I need to do that so it doesn’t progress more. I feel like I’m not making sense (another symptom). I love the work that I do at my job (I’m a custom art framer!) but my boss is so shitty to me. It’s just me and him all day, no buffer, and he’s always criticizing me.

I just don’t know what else to do because I don’t want to blow off work again tomorrow but it really is that serious for me. I do NOT want to have another episode. Does anyone have any good tips for possible early mania management??? I went on a *very* short walk today and exercise to expel energy has worked for me in the past but I feel like I am drawing a blank on other things that could help.

I HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!! This disease. People keep telling me it’s going to be ok. And it’s like.. yes, sure… but without a doubt, it will not be ok again at some point and I HATE!!!!!!! Cycling.

Also I am on medication/taking it every day and will adjust it if necessary but I’d like to avoid that.

Any tips or support or just relating to this is so helpful xoxoxox my beloved bipolar subreddit family

I know everyone’s different and Im gonna just have to find what I enjoy but I got fired today and was curious what fields of work you guys find the best to function in since I’m back to being unemployed again :/
idrk why i wasn’t given a genuine reason i was told they were upset with team production after management left for the day even tho i did everything i was asked to do and adjusted to the rare complaints i received im thinking my work quality fluctuates without me realizing or something and an overnight shift would be better but who knows

22 M Bipolar 1 (mostly depressive symptoms)
I’ve ALWAYS been incredibly pro meds. I hate how I feel when I don’t take them and it’s genuinely undeniable how much they’ve helped me it’s been like night and day. And even while dealing with side effects I have genuinely never considered not being med compliant.
Until the other day. I missed a dose entirely on accident, felt horrible, got super depressed, hated my life, literally could not wait until the evening when I could take them again. And then the next day came and I still felt shitty, which is to be expected, my brains out of wack, I was sad but fine with that. And then yesterday I still was sad and my boyfriend came over to help me clean up my room and bring me food (he’s fantastic).
And for some reason, I was having a little freak out, I went to shower and I came back and he was very sweetly helping me get ready for bed, found my pajamas, got the bed ready, and then handed me my meds which I take every night. And then I just said no. I don’t even know where it came from. He was shocked by this cause like I said I’ve always. Been fine and happy to take them. He’s never had to convince me. He was nice but firm that I needed to take them before I went to bed. And I just kept fighting him on it. I don’t even know why. I just didn’t want to and I felt horrible because it was obviously upsetting him (he’s seen the transformation from how horribly depressed I was and has been telling me how nice it is to see me happy again) and I wanted to make him not upset but I just kept fighting him on it and I felt like an absolute asshole and this went on for a while until he started crying and I snapped back into reality and felt terrible and apologized immediately and took them.
I literally cannot come up with a reason for why I didn’t want to take them. I genuinely have horrible withdrawals when I don’t and i KNOW for a FACT how much better I feel when I take them. I just didn’t want to. I’m worried that the feeling is going to come back tonight and I won’t take them, he went home (he lives about 1-2hrs away depending on traffic) and he won’t be there to convince me, but also that is NOT his job in the first place and he shouldn’t have to. So far I feel like I want to take them but then again last night I was perfectly fine with taking them until I suddenly was not.
I feel horrible, I don’t want to put this on my boyfriend or myself. It’s not fair to him and I know it’s not fair to me either.
I don’t feel manic, I’ve been sleeping normally, I haven’t spent any money really, I don’t feel on top of the world. I’m depressed from missing a dose and getting all messed up from that but I can feel that going away as the days go on. So I really cannot understand why I suddenly had an intense aversion to them. I literally do want to be happy. I’m not even in some kind of hating myself and thinking I don’t deserve to be happy or wanting to stay in comfortable sadness sort of thing. I want to be happy, I have plans for the future, I have goals and aspirations that require the meds and I’ve literally been fine with that this whole time until now and I’m super freaked out because too many nights of this in a row and I can really really really fuck up my life.
Does ANYONE have ANY idea where this came from so I can try to stop it. I have therapy once a week and I had it yesterday before this happened. Unfortunately I’m uninsured temporarily right now and I absolutely cannot afford to have a session earlier, hence the reddit. I will absolutely be bringing this up when I see my therapist again, but I don’t want to crash out before then. Suggestions?

Does anyone have any tips for staying motivated for obligations when your mental health and life is otherwise good? I’m getting married, we just moved into a lovely home, and I’m almost done with college. I work in sales and I am really struggling to give a fuck about my sales. I legitimately do not care. I come to work, do the bare minimum, and leave. Even though i make money based on my sales. I help customers and I love doing that, finding them stuff they love whatever. I do put in my all when there’s something to do. I just don’t chase customers. My mental health is pretty good and I am happy with the rest of my life. Motivation is something I have struggled with no matter how good or bad I’ve felt. Idk if it’s the bipolar or the adhd (so if you have this combo, please weigh in on how you feel it affects you).

I have everything I want in life so why would I give a fuck about my job? is basically how I’m thinking rn. I don’t know how to stay motivated for something as stupid as what I sell when I have found the love I’ve looked for all my life and I have escaped thinking about suicide daily. Life is good. But I’m getting a talking to about my numbers. So it’s not as good as I’m saying it is I guess.

Edit to add: I just texted my therapist after writing this post. Haven’t spoken to her in 3-4 months but I think I need to talk to someone since my lack of care affects my income. Would still appreciate input from yall though!

I am too lazy to write all the details but I stopped taking lamotrigine and cancelled my appointments because I felt improperly diagnosed and then I realized...

Maybe they were on to something 😭

I went back to my primary care provider and she put me on Seroquel.

Maybe they're right and it's for the best.

As a teenager I was diagnosed with MDD GAD and clinical depression. I thought I've just been going through that.

Currently I got my husband and I into 5k of debt which is manageable and I quit my 13th job 1 month ago. I'm really good at working, super reliable and I commit to it like crazy. I just quit randomly without cause.

it’s currently 2am and i’m wondering if anyone else can relate to my experience. for context i (f23) have been stable for 5 years since being diagnosed and medicated. i haven’t been fully manic or depressed since 2021 which i know im so grateful for.
the thing is there will be times where im not necessarily manic but im not what i would consider ‘normal’.
tonight, for instance, i had a stressful shift at work (i work with young people in residential housing) and im finding it hard to wind down. its strange because i was feeling slightly this way last night but was able to take a melatonin got to sleep. tonight… well i took a melatonin a few hours ago now.
i find it so hard to describe these feelings to my therapist or psychiatrist. i dont want to label it as manic, because its not, so i usually say mini mania. other times this happens are when i am up submitting an assignment late or something triggering happens. luckily its a rare occurrence but its still so confusing. other than insomnia, my other symptoms include impulse buying clothes at night, racing thoughts, jittery, more talkative, alert, keep finding things to do other than sleep etc
for further context i got diagnosed with adhd a couple of weeks ago too. though the doctor did say it was mild and the inattentive type so i dont think im hyperactive or anything?
if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences, please share! i would really appreciate it :)

Lamotrigine has kept me level for almost half a year which is the longest stretch I've had since diagnosis. Should be celebrating but instead I catch myself scanning for signs of an episode every single day. A little too much energy and I'm terrified mania is creeping back, a couple tired days and I'm convinced depression is coming to collect. Feels like I can't even trust the stability because what if it's just a longer calm before a worse storm. Anyone else struggle with this weird limbo where you're technically fine but your brain won't let you enjoy it.

So, I took on a job a couple weeks ago working overnight. It put me in a severe depressive state where I cant do anything. I feel tremendous guilt and shame. I just called out for the next 2 days because Ive lost all motivation. I can't stop the racing thoughts and sense of doom. I know what I should do, but I need the money. Has anyone else experienced this?

I posted a week ago that I was seeing things. That stopped a few days ago and my mood changed really quickly. I was sat in the kitchen and I looked down at the shed and just wanted to go there and end my life. It was so sudden and a strong urge. I got some rope but just held it. I keep having tears in my eyes and I feel like someone else is in my body and I’m a passenger. It’s been about 4 days since that urge to die came and I’m still here but something weird is going on. I’ve not got anyone to talk to. I called my gp but they make you use an app now so I booked an appointment but next available is 18 August (nhs is bad). Not on meds anymore as it wasn’t helping and I was well again. Don’t know what to do but need to find a way to get my mood back up.

Sorry bit of a rambling post. I’m going for walks to distract myself but want advice if theres anything else i can do.

I’m 32f. I know this sounds weird because I have very good insight but it’s just me being in and out of hospitals and on meds on and off for over 10 years. I take 2 mood stabilizers and I take 2 antipsychotics and I still have severe paranoia. With the meds it’s not as bad as it was but I was out of control this time last year having some sort of episode. It was a paranoid episode. I was off my meds.

The last few months I’ve felt that thoughts have been pushed into my head. Terrible thoughts that make me sick to my stomach and it is very hard to get my brain under control. I get worse the older I get and I thought maybe it’s OCD so I started therapy but now I’m sitting here doing a training and learning about schizophrenia and I’m just thinking holy shit. That’s me. My grandmother was also diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

Is this something worth taking to my doctor over? Would it change anything?

I just started 25mg of lamotogrine and I’m a bit nervous. I’ve heard that for some people it’s god send, for others -not so much. I’m also not sure if I’m on the right titration? My psych put me on a weekly titration upwards from 25 to 100, but I heard that’s quite fast.

Any tips and advice?

hello everyone— I am on 900mg lithium (to stay in the therapeutic level) and 50 mg seroquel both I take them at night. At the beginning lithium worked great it gave me a sense of flatness and numbness such sense that I needed after my episode. But now after one month and a half is just harder to wake up to do small tasks etc my therapist says that after a mixed episode it comes a down but I never imagined it would feel like this. I also was excited about strarting lithium and the fact that it was working but now I feel the numbness and flatness is backfiring…
I have an appointment in one month but honestly I don’t know how to feel about the depression at the beginning lithium was working well… I am also traumatized by antidepressants since sertraline made my mixed episode way worse. Has anyone experienced this?

Sorry in advance for the novel. I established care with a new PMHNP yesterday. Within 15 minutes, she had diagnosed me with BP2. I kind of argued with her at first. After the appointment I talked to my two closest friends about it, and one of them is an NP… She said that she has suspected that I had it for over 2 years but was nervous to cross the line of diagnosing a friend. I’m not mad about it. She is my kids pediatrician and we try to keep everything very separate from personal life and my kids medical care. (I told her that in the future I really would like her to speak up if she notices something going on and addressing it would make my life less hard.)

After discussing with them, I started researching. Now, I am questioning everything I thought about myself. I am 40 now, and was diagnosed with ADHD 4 years ago when I was in grad school. Now, I am seriously questioning if I don’t have ADHD at all, if the adhd symptoms are hypomania episodes.

It’s worth mentioning that I was in a car accident about 2 years ago and had a terrible concussion and post concussion syndrome for several months. Two months before the accident, I was attacked by two pit bulls in my own backyard and was injured and my chihuahua was killed. I still have severe PTSD from that. My anxiety/depression have significantly worsened since then. I also get frequent migraines now that I never had before the accident. At first I was thinking that may be a contributing factor to this new diagnosis… but the more I read and think about my past, the more signs I am seeing.

I’ve been very promiscuous since I was 16. I’ve had several long term relationships and never have even a temptation to cheat… but between relationships, in the past, I have basically slept with someone literally any time I had the chance. Thank god I have been picky, I’ve only been in 2 situations that turned out poorly, and they both could have been much worse. I also have a very easy time moving on or getting over relationships when they end, even the more serious ones.

Impulsive spending is only an issue for me since the concussion. I will sometimes order SEVERAL hundreds of dollars on Temu or whatever and I don’t even know I did it until the packages arrive… that’s happened 3-4 times in the past two years.

The thing that was the most gut-punching was the fact that being an overachiever can be part of this.. idk why but that upset me. I’m in my first semester of law school, and I’m doing much better than I expected with the amount of chaos in my personal life at the moment. My plans for my future have changed completely since I started, and I have been thinking I don’t know if continuing law school is going to be the best choice for myself and my kids. I want to finish the semester and then take a semester off to reevaluate , but I also legitimately don’t know if I can finish. Maybe I’m just feeling defeated.

Last year in October, my depression was getting really bad, and my neurologist put me on lamotrigine because I was already on 3 different meds and they were just not cutting it. Mentally, I felt the best I had in YEARS… but unfortunately I couldn’t eat anything and lost 30 lbs, had to go to the er at one point because I was dehydrated and malnourished… I thought I was dying. They figured out pretty quickly that it was the lamotrigine and I got better within days of stopping it. Unfortunately since then my depression has just continued to worsen and it has gotten to a point where I cannot function at all, which is why I started looking for a new psychiatrist.

I’m starting Seroquel tomorrow. I’m nervous but hopeful. I never gained back the 30 lbs from the lamotrigine and I am not mad about it. I could stand to use another 30. I really don’t want to gain weight. 😫There are several other med changes I need to happen but with the severity of my migraines we are only starting one new med at a time. I’m also starting a new job tomorrow.

I don’t know what to expect from life with this new information. I have gotten so used to everything always being so hard. I’m tired of being resilient. I’m really curious if this will be a turning point in my life.

I don’t really have any specific questions… but I would love to hear your experiences or thoughts if you care to share.

I have tried therapy numerous times and I just can not do it. I’m not a super open and talkative person, I don’t know what I need to talk about, I’ve forgotten or have large blanks in my memory so I can’t really discuss much of my past, I don’t want to do hokey breathing exercises, I want help. I know therapy is supposed to be part of my treatment but every session feels like we’re both pulling teeth trying to get what we need out of each other. I’m sure I probably haven’t found the “right” therapist, but is there legitimately someone out there that can help me open up? Do I really need to if I can’t remember any past trauma and if I could I don’t know if I’d feel strongly about discussing it? In therapy I come across as really self reflective, I can call out unhealthy behaviors and responses and what I should have done or identify why I did something, they always say I’m very well regulated and insightful, but I feel like it might be a defense mechanism. I need some real life advice, how do y’all therapy? How long did it take you to find your therapist? Do you feel like there’s something special about them? I want to work on myself more than just taking meds, I want to be a whole, better person and therapy is the only thing I’m not doing.

It started back in November and lasted for a few months.

Typing this right now makes me feel a heaviness in my chest. But long story short, during my manic episode I was posting at least 40 Snapchat stories a day; posting literally everything that came to mind. And this went on for months

Friends from secondary school, friends from my workplace, friends from my university—they all saw my fucking antics.

I thought I was being funny, but I looked like a fucking ass to everyone. And that version of me way back in November is the complete opposite of what I am when I’m “stable”, so that’s more salt in the wound. My peers now think of me as an ass.

Will it ever get better? I grimace at the thought of that shit. I physically recoil.