The psychological development of involvement and expectations is a sequential chain reaction that originates in the intellect and ultimately leads to suffering. Here is the step-by-step process of how they develop:
1. Continuous Thinking by the Intellect The root of all involvement begins in the brain . The intellect has a habit of constantly thinking, seeing, hearing, and analyzing the outside world.
2. Developing Partiality and Making Choices As the intellect evaluates the world, it starts categorizing things. Instead of accepting the world as it is, the intellect teaches us to make choices and harbor partiality . We begin dividing people, objects, and ideas into categories of "good" or "bad," and "mine" or "yours",.
3. Rigidity of Thoughts When we continuously make choices and practice partiality, our thoughts regarding certain people, objects, or ideologies become extremely firm and rigid (Dradhta),.
4. The Birth of Involvement When a thought becomes overly rigid, it transforms into the emotion of involvement. Involvement is the psychological state where you start believing that a particular person, object, or idea is "yours",,. Because of this artificial attachment, you unnecessarily begin to experience their sorrows and crises as your own, magnifying your own stress,.
5. The Rise of Expectations (Involvement immediately breeds expectations. The moment you become involved and label someone or something as your property, you naturally start expecting them to act according to your desires and conform to your certificate of "goodness",,,.
6. The Desire for Change and Ultimate Suffering Because human beings are inherently independent and unpredictable, it is impossible for anyone to perfectly fulfill another person's expectations,,. When these expectations are inevitably broken in day-to-day life, it breeds a persistent desire to forcefully change the other person, object, or situation to suit your comfort (Badlahat ki chah),,.
This entire sequence—from partiality and choices to rigidity, involvement, expectations, and finally the desire to change—is the ultimate psychological chain that causes human misery, tension, and frustration,,,. To solve the psychological chain of involvement and expectations, the sources emphasize that you cannot simply force yourself to "drop" them, as society or superficial advice often suggests. Because expectations are the final link in a long chain, you must destroy the root causes.
Based on the sources, here is the step-by-step psychological solution to break free from involvement and expectations:
1. Eradicate Partiality and Choices -Involvement is born the moment your intellect divides the world into "mine" and "yours," or "good" and "bad". To stop involvement from developing, you must consciously avoid making these biased choices. By dropping partiality and viewing everything as an equal part of nature's flawless flow, you destroy the very seed of future expectations.
2. Base Relationships on Natural Qualities Instead of interacting with people through artificial labels, roles, or the desire to make them "yours," connect with them purely based on their natural qualities and shared joys. For example, if both of you enjoy traveling or eating, connect over that specific joy. When your relationships are based on natural qualities rather than selfish partiality, they never turn into a burden of expectations.
3. Replace Involvement with True Love Involvement is a selfish attachment that asserts ownership and demands that the other person change to suit your comfort. You must shift from this toxic state to True Love. True love means treating everyone equally, giving them absolute freedom, and never trying to forcibly mold or change them.
4. The Ultimate Weapon: Complete Acceptance The most painful stage of the expectation chain is the constant, frustrating desire to forcefully change others or your circumstances (Badlahat ki chah). The sources state that the ultimate, instant cure for this is complete acceptance. If you unconditionally accept people, situations, and yourself exactly as they are—without wishing for anything to be different—the entire chain reverses. The moment you implement total acceptance, your desire to change things vanishes, which instantly burns your expectations, involvement, and partiality to ashes.