my preferred to least favorite methods of social interaction include text, email, in person, zoom meeting/facetime, phone call. the levels of dread I feel in a phone call is insane and of course in my adult life I have to make phone calls. it’s part of the adulting thing. why is it so anxiety inducing? someone was trying to console me through my phone anxiety recently and asked me “why” it’s so hard. I said maybe because I feel awkward and in person I can still kind of redeem myself with facial expressions or something but on the phone I can’t… I have no idea though really. I guess that makes sense on the surface but even with people I know I still hate talking to them on the phone…

Hi, I 21F am having problems with getting through to a 30M who just wants to talk and flirt with me while i work.

basically I am Workinf an event for 10 days 5 days Ive completed, i was more behind the scenes which he could access. But everytime I left he came over to talk and flirt constantly like he aimed for me.

”how’s ur day going” “Im a little stressed out and just need to grab an item, i finish at (time) and we can chat rhen” “that’s good! Can I hang with you?” “No, u arent Workinf behind there” “your Beautiful“ ”thank you” “im single” “Im taken” “your dress is beautiful” “ill see you later” “your hair is beautiful“

this whole thing will repeat every time I am within his access area. It’s so draining to have the same conversation over and over again.

im not trying to post this to be mean, I understand hes got special needs so doesn’t understand. But I’m only 21, and hes 30 full grown man who if he wanted could easily over power me.

Tomorrow i start Workinf in the kids area, making crafts with them. He’s a volunteer so has access. I don’t want him being weird with me while im watching kids. I can make sure im safe but don’t want to be constantly on alert of these kids.

How would you suggest asking him to leave me alone so I can actually work? hes been an issue everytime Im in the area he is allowed and I will be there for hours for the next 5 days. I don’t want to be mean but that’s the only option he seems to have left me

I feel like I’m not in my body and like I’m back in high school and everything that I feared about myself that I’m worried and not normal and broken and gross is all true.

I made a post on one of those dairy entry style subs about a crush I had and how I realized recently that I still really cared for the person even though our lives had moved apart and it was bittersweet. I thought it was normal stuff because that’s always the type of thing people post on there but all the comments were immediately telling me that the way I talked about them was gross and dehumanizing. I called my crush a “soft little autistic guy grumpy cat man.” I thought it was funny and that it would read as obvious friendly endearment because the premise was that we’d been good friends and were familiar with each other. And that’s literally what he is 😭 maybe it’s the “little” part but his literal catchphrase was “I’m just a little guy.” All of those things are literally how he described himself. But when I explained that that’s just how my friends and I all talk to each other and that we’re all autistic they just downvoted me more. And when I asked what I did wrong precisely they didn’t answer.

I’m trying to figure out if there’s actually something wrong with me and how I see other people or if this is just people being mean girls. One person said “leave him alone” as if I would be a danger to someone even though the whole post was literally about how I would never see him again and was ultimately okay with that because our lives had diverged and I was just reflecting on it being bittersweet. I’m sobbing in my bed I feel so disgusting and dirty now and so full of self hatred I just don’t know what to do.

Hello there. I just can’t function in the same level everyday. Two days before I was speaking fluently, today I find it very hard to formulate words. My brain can’t be stimulated. Does any autistic adult go through this as well? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Could anyone provide a little bit of clarification on what just happened in this conversation?

There's a girl at my job I havent worked with before

We got into a conversation about older parents and how she thought it was odd - I said that I thought it was becoming more and more popular and that the few people I've met with older parents seem to have benefitted from it. 

She kept returning to "not everyone has that option though, geriatric pregnancies are dangerous" which is like, a fair and valid point, it's all down to individual choice and what people find is right for them personallt... but the conversation kept coming back to that and kept getting  drier. 

It made me worry a bit about whether I was maybe coming across as like... Trying to like preach the benefits or something which wasn't what I intended, so I tried to self correct and say "oh sorry, I'm not meaning to come across as judgy or anything!" and it immediately felt like all the warmth went out of the room. I can't put my finger on it but it's like the conversation stopped becoming friendly and she started feeling a little pointed, saying "I'm not arguing with you, we're just having a conversation. I'm not an argumentative person, if you want to take it that way that's fine but I'm not argumentative"

I just apologized again and excused myself because I was starting to panic and I've been on edge around her since

I'm... A little confused. Our interactions up to this point have been friendly, can anyone point me to where I went wrong here because it was really jarring and I don't want to do that again

Ive noticed lately that when I start talking about some of my special interests some of the people in my life literally walk away. This is upsetting and hurtful because I try to give my best attention when people I care about are discussing their interests. I know I can be redundant and intense when it comes to my interests but such a blatant display of not caring kinda sucks and I’m sad.

This is kinda just a rant but also looking for advice if anyone has any.

my top 5 are Isaac from The Orville, Peridot from Steven Universe, Brainy (Brainiac 5) from Supergirl, Dina from Dumbing of Age, Caine from The Amazing Digital Circus.

I'm a 25 YO with autism. I can communicate with people that I know and trust decently well, but every once in a while I can get so socially overwhelmed that I resort to nonverbal methods of communication, such as nodding my head to answer simple yes or no questions. When this happens, sometimes people can become genuinely frustrated or mad at me for not communicating verbally.

Has this happened to anyone else when experiencing a verbal shutdown? I'd appreciate your advice on how you managed to cope.

I have problems noticing emotions in general, I know I‘m not feeling well by pressure in my head or chest, but it doesn’t relate to any specific feeling I could name. My default if I don’t feel any of that is neutral.

My therapist asked me today if I love my family and that confused me. I don’t think I love anyone. I have certain people I feel less stressed or exhausted about being with them or doing things with them and I wouldn’t want people like my family members to have something bad happen to them. But I also don’t feel the urge to be with them. It sometimes is nice to do something, but I don’t mind being alone for a long time. With my other family members like my grandma and aunt, I like them but I don’t feel the need to see them more than on holidays.

I don’t know if that is considered love or not.

Can we learn this please? A single person cannot be neurodiverse, but I see people of both brain types using this term incorrectly.

NEURODIVERSE & NEURODIVERSITY

Terms used to collectively describe variations of human brain types. The human race is neurodiverse.

NEUROTYPICAL

A person whose brain develops and functions in ways that align with the statistical norm.

NEURODIVERGENT

A person whose brain processes learns and behaves differently from what is considered "typical". Includes Autism, ADHD, OCD, tourettes, down syndrome, dyslexia, dyspraxia and more.

I’ve been seeing an ADHD symptom described online that fits me to a tee. I’ve been pretty sure I’m autistic for about three years but fairly confident I don’t have ADHD, except this one thing.

Since I was a kid I had trouble showering. The way it’s been described is a problem with transitions. I don’t want to get in because that means getting wet and have to adjust to that, and then I get lost in my thoughts and don’t want to get out. This is not a problem anymore, but as a kid I would maybe shower once a week, being able to shower more frequently as I got older. I shower daily now but I would say I still have trouble with transitions.

My question is if this is an ADHD thing or can autistic people have this problem too? I’ve been pretty sure I don’t have ADHD, but I’ve seen this one thing described as an ADHD symptom.

Hi there.

My boyfriend is autistic and recently it’s getting worse with his anxiety specially due to work and people at work.

If I have to describe my boyfriend, I must say that he is very good at what he does. He’s very particular about anything he does. He is very detailed and he does his work amazingly.

At work the higher ups are like high school bullies. It isn’t easy for someone who is autistic to work and to think straight when the manager or supervisors are all a joke. They are avoidant to Health and Safety, avoiding employees needs when addressed on 1 to 1 meetings. Never fixing problems and only dealing with it last minutes. I can keep going on and on.

I must say that all this experience has led me to believe that my boyfriend is the most normal than anybody else working there. He simply wants to resolve problems, work smoothly. Have a brilliant communication within the company, and not complicate things.

But because of this lifestyle and scenarios in his life, it’s getting really difficult for him to cope with the stress.

I would like to simply ask that if there is a solution to overcome the ruminating thoughts that he has so that he doesn’t have to to feel the burden and can be nonchalant and avoid all this bullshit. I want the best for him because I care for him because he is genuinely a good person. I know a good person when I see one

Thank you

I (31) moved to a new state in January. The city I was previously in for 12 years. After moving here it’s been a nightmare to get anything done.
Health insurance took months because of admin errors. I still haven’t gotten a job or to see a therapist or specialist doctor I need because I rarely get any responses. It’s been at least a month since getting a referral to the rheumatologist office and every time I call there’s a system error and they will call me, and the appointment won’t be until February ‘27. I’ve filled out various forms for therapy practices- only heard back from one who I did a consult with, got all my paperwork done and haven’t heard back after weeks and sending follow ups.
Same with jobs- occasionally I get a first interview and am told I’ll be contacted for a second then get ghosted. I’m at my limit that I can barely get anything in my life done regardless of the amount of time or effort I spend on it.
My partner is upset about the therapy because I’m not trying hard enough, and she needs me to be able to emotionally support her. I asked her where else I can look for therapist and she said that’s not her job. It’s hard to find someone who isn’t a student, works with ASD and is queer friendly.
If I didn’t have pets I loved I would just walk into the woods and end it. This country is garbage and I don’t want to be here.

Hello everybody, I (23F, autistic) came to seek help for my boyfriend (27M, ADHD, not autistic).
First of all apologies if my message isn’t that good, English isn’t my native language and also I’m awkward with explaining things.

He stims a lot, and most of the time it’s harmless, just vocal of little things with his hands, however he has been doing something for a while that could have a negative impact on his body. He grabs little chunks of his hair and twirls them until they’re sort of tied in a not, and then he asks me to untie them, or he does it himself. I don’t mind doing that for him, the problem is that sometimes these little chunks of hair are too stuck, and can’t be combed out/untangled. So they’re just ripped apart. He ended up making himself a little bald patch at some point (not literally bald, but you could see the hair was way thinner on that zone).

So I was wondering if you had any idea of stilling item he could use to prevent that?
I thought about buying him little massage hairbrush, but what he seems to enjoy is the pressure of his hair being lightly pulled, so I’m not sure the hairbrushes would be really pertinent.

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Hey to anyone that is reading this. I typically don’t ask for help but the process of getting dual citizenship has me scrambling. My Mom was born in the (US) and my dad was born in Honduras. One of the steps of getting this complete is to get my birth certificate translated in Spanish and the process is called Apostilled. What is the correct way and cost of doing it?

As an adult, I realize I don't have a whole lot of hobbies that people I've been friends with or dated have. I don't enjoy learning how to do things that require a lot of practice (e.g. instruments, painting, crocheting, sports). I've been someone who likes to play the same few video games for different time periods, maybe talk to some friends, go on a walk, maybe go out to a bar or concert, and that is about it.

I have had periods where I have successfully had a very active social life, and I know that is because at a young age, I was so insecure about myself that I decided to study people so I could "hide" all of my visible signs of Autism and fit in. I've definitely succeeded in having friends and "fitting in" certain places, but I feel like I really gave up a lot of myself in the process. As much as I love being around others, it drains me so much. It really takes it all out of me trying to do social things on a frequent basis, but I hate being alone. I feel like I'm just a goofy person and enjoy making others laugh, but I feel that I don't always provide much besides that.

I do enjoy exploring new places, vising cities, music, sometimes gaming, walking, sometimes biking, and just talking with people. I don't have any more "active" hobbies and I feel very insecure about that. It feels like nearly everyone does that I know, and I feel like such a boring mess. A lot of my friends have tended to be more on the ADD side of things and require constant stimulation, whereas I am NOT like that at all. I need my own quiet, controlled space to return to each day. If I didn't have that, I couldn't spend as much time around others as I do.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Hopefully some of this makes sense. I've been going through an awful breakup and a lot of rough life changes, so I'm just trying to make it through each day alive and kicking. I'm not in the stage where I want to add more things to my life, I'm just needing to vent this somewhere where maybe it would make sense to someone.

is it with a neurotypical or another neurodivergent person? I’d love to hear about successful marriage stories you may have. I’ve been desiring marriage ever since I was about 20 years old but have been unsuccessful at 31 years old. Please share. 😁

I’m a 25 year old female that has been diagnosed with GAD over a decade ago and recently got a diagnosis for autism. I take an SSRI and an SNRI for my anxiety so most of the time it’s pretty under control, however with my neurodivergence, I have a hard time every time I start a new job. I’ve been in therapy for a very long time, but my therapist recently moved out of state and so I’m in the process of finding a new one, thus I’m not in therapy currently. I find it difficult to either form or maintain social relationships with coworkers because most people think I “lack a filter,” which could be true, but I often feel like I just word things in the wrong way when I mean things with the best intention and it leads to a lot of anxiety and overthinking.

I’ve had people start to dislike me and even write ups at previous jobs for saying things that were inappropriate. I had an interaction today that is making me extremely worried and overthinking that that coworker dislikes me now, misunderstood, or that I’m going to get in trouble with my leadership. While I don’t necessarily want to be friends with all my coworkers, I still want to have good relationships with them where we can have small talk about topics not relating to work. I find it hard to even do this sometimes because I have such a difficult time getting too comfortable too quickly and not always taking the time to word my sentences carefully.

Do any fellow neurodivergents with anxiety also have constant anxiousness over work interactions and what works best for you when it comes to rumination and overthinking?

Hi! I'm 30(nb), I was diagnosed with AuDHD and my psychiatrist suspects CPTSD as well, which makes a lot of sense considering I was raised in an abusive household. I've been medicated for my ADHD for 3 years, in EMDR therapy for a year now (after almost 10 years of talk therapy in various modalities) and currently taking antidepressants, but I feel the issue I'm dealing with has been with me for years, regardless of meds or therapy. It's been very difficult for me to describe it to specialists and close ones, it's becoming increasingly hard to deal with it and I'm a bit lost about how I should approach it.

My body is in near constant state of discomfort, bordering on physical pain. Sometimes it turns into pain which hits in waves, crawls under my skin and I feel it everywhere, in my muscles and bones. It is present regardless of sensory stimuli, but can get worse when I'm overstimulated; however I still feel it when I'm relaxed. I feel it when I take my meds and when I don't. I am physically active, I run and workout 4-5 times a week and I know it's not DOMS, it's completely different. I know that similar sensations can be a symptom of EDS, but I'm pretty sure it's not the case - my joints hurt rarely, I'm not hyper mobile or have any other symptoms. My bloodwork looks fine, I don't have any deficiencies and I'm not anemic.

It got much worse when I was actively processing my traumatic memories in EMDR therapy, which makes me think it's likely psychosomatic, but at the same time, I have no idea from which angle I should approach it. It may be a part of my ADHD restlessness; working out helps temporarily, but meds don't. It may be a sensory sensitivity that I don't yet know I have, it may be delayed processing of something. No idea. I feel like I have the tools, but I don't know which one I should use.

Has anyone else here dealt with something similar? I am curious of your experiences and whether you managed to figure out what causes this issue.

Hello, I was recently diagnosed as autistic. I really need advice

I got this job right after diagnosis, which was also when I graduated college. It was exactly what I wanted! However, when I started the job I realized a couple things:

There was ZERO work to do

We were expected to pretend we had work to do for the higherups to preserve our job security

Suggestions were interpreted as insubordination

Basically, my job was to sit there. If I tried to do things, I was told to worry less and leave those things to the higherups. I was a summa cum laude graduate! It feels like a bait and switch.

I am losing my mind! I am about to start applying for jobs. But I need a good reference because this is my first job in my field. I think? And my supervisor is getting pissed that I'm not acting like the perfect doll employee anymore, listening to rants, rambling instructions, and nitpicks at my every action. I am consiously zoning out for my mental health, but i still need a job.

How do I balance this? I starting checking out so that i don't make suggestions anymore, but they really need that middle ground where I am invested, but only invested in the exact way and method that they want. I am capable of doing this, but I've been learning unmasking. I want to let my work speak for itself, but this job has no work to do!

My current thought is to lie and say I'm tired, have some chronic medical thing, or something else to explain why my face does not match what my supervisor wants. It is half true because autism feels like an exhausting disability. However, when i started this job, I was super excited and alive, so it is very obvious that i am different now

help!

Has anyone figured out how to tell someone they're doing something wrong without them losing it and blowing up on you

I keep having issues at my job where a group of us is given a task, and I notice someone is doing it incorrectly. Not in a "that's not the order they said to do this" but moreso "we were told to set up a display with 5 shelves, and you put up 4". I want to speak up because otherwise they're gonna do the whole thing wrong and then have to redo it, and in their shoes, I would always prefer someone tell me before I put in a bunch of extra work? But no matter how gently I try to say it/overthink my phrasing to come across as non-confrontational, they explode and start shouting at me

I know I'm not great at communicating and can come across as a know-it-all, but it's gotten to the point where anytime I try and say something, someone blows up on me and starts shouting about how i'm "not the boss" and to stop bossing them around. I've tried everything from "Did they ask us to do it this way or that way?" to try and get them to pause and think about it, I've tried "I think they said to do it like this", even just going and straight up asking the boss "this way or that way, because we're doing it two different ways" (So somebody with authority comes over to clarify)

How do you say "you're doing it wrong" without them deciding you're secretly saying "you are stupid and fucking it up and I know best so you have to listen to me". I'm at the point where I just want a big button that says "I am autistic, there is NO SUBTEXT to what I say"

(clarification, I'm phrasing it bluntly here on purpose. I'm not going up to them and saying "you're doing it wrong" or "thats not how you do it" point-blank/confrontationally)

EDIT: First off, thanks so much for everyone who shared a response. I was in distress and this helped me create distance from the situation so I could process everything and communicate exactly how I was feeling with him later on.

We're in a good place now. When we finally talked, he cleared up a lot of the comments he made, and I met his fears with facts and information. It worked. He had a really distorted perception of what this disability is, and I believe there was a mix of internalized shame that played a huge role in his initial reaction — because he's acknowledged he "may be Autistic" before. I knew he was just protecting himself from the truth.

I think what really broke through to him was when I explained how I've always felt and the ways it's impacted our relationship. He confessed to feeling much of the same since childhood. It was a really emotionally-charged but beautiful moment, and I consider it one of the biggest milestones we've had in our relationship.

I reiterated that a dx would strengthen what we have, but it's not a call to action for him to also pursue an assessment or anything. "Don't be afraid of yourself" was what I left him with.

Thanks again, y'all.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Throwaway -- for a while now I (30s M) suspected I could be on the spectrum, and my partner (30s M) has pointed out things I do or say as "neurodivergent," which he's also uses interchangeably with "autism" when talking about other people. I think within a year of moving in together, he would joke about my stimming behaviors. I didn't know what that was, so I did a deep dive and then the pieces started falling into place.

He even said to me once that he thinks we both probably have it and that's why he appreciates me -- because he feels like he can be himself.

I recently completed the first part of my assessment and the assessor recommended I have him fill out the adult reference form, for obvious reasons. Initially, he said he doesn't think I have it… (okay) but he agreed to fill it out. I think he stewed on it for a bit before telling me how he really felt, and this is what came out of that:

“You’re already smaller than me… it’s going to look like I’m taking advantage of this little autistic gay twink.” When I asked why it would look this way he used the word "vulnerable" because that's what he thinks of when he hears autism I guess, and he's assuming if other people were to know, they'd make a character judgment on him.

“I’m not gonna introduce you and say, ‘Hey, this is my autistic partner.” I was a little floored by this because I just did the first part of the assessment and haven't been diagnosed yet AND I would never expect him to do this anyway? Who even does that to begin with?

“Well, if you’re autistic then I’m definitely autistic.” This was said with a tinge of disappointment.

“If you have it, it’s probably like really mild.”

It felt like witnessing waves of denial and confusion, and it all came out really invalidating, misinformed, and quite honestly, offensive as hell. I even shared several examples of areas of my life that I feel are impacted by this and explained how I mask or experience overstimulation in certain situations. He succeeded at poking holes in every example I gave and minimized every statement as something "everyone does" or experiences.

There was also this attitude that because I can work and function, it can't possibly mean I'm autistic — and that everyone, to varying degrees, is autistic.

I'm not looking for relationship advice, as this just happened and I really need time to process everything and also chat with him more about what this could entail should I receive a formal diagnosis. But I do want insight into how to navigate conversations like this and ways to go about educating him about what this actually means and not the harmful stereotypes he clings to or rejects within his own behaviors.

I am in my 30’s with a full time job in an office building. I cannot stand fire alarms. When they go off I lose all sense of rational control and just run blindly to avoid the noise. It feels physically painful to me. In the past this has led to such things as running upstairs away from fire fighters in a smoke filled stairwell because the extra noise from the breathing apparatus scared me.

My office building is going to have another drill soon. I am living in intense dread of when this happens. This has been a problem my entire life, and “just trying harder” has had a 0% success rate. I do not have Autism, but I was hopeful that some things that work for Autistic people with sound issues may help me out.