What is the most inappropriate thing you have seen or heard someone do on their first day of work?

[u/SmellingThomas]

When I worked at a supermarket, I had to train a 17 year old girl on her first day.

While we were putting out the ready meals, I tried to break the ice with some casual small talk: "Do you prefer Chinese or Indian food?"

Big mistake.

She immediately launched into a foul mouthed rant full of slurs about how much she hated Indian people. When I cut her off and explained how completely out of line and racist she was being, she just shrugged and said:

"You shouldn't have asked if you didn't want to hear the truth."

Safe to say, her supermarket career ended almost as soon as it started.

[u/BeardedBaldMan]

I'm not entirely sure how he thought his working life would be, but within the first hour he said "I won't take orders from a woman" and then he got to sit in reception while we told the temp agency to let him know he was no longer required and to not send anyone like that again.

[u/Farscape_rocked → u/BeardedBaldMan]

There's a reason some people temp.

[u/The_Sideboob_Hour → u/Farscape_rocked]

My first IT job was via temp agency. 10 of us were sent for training, this was at a major UK bank, 2 didnt even make it through week 1 due to having zero aptitude with computers and 3 more got told not to come back when they behaved like naughty school kids (not listening, interrupting, talking too much etc).

In the end, maybe 6 months in, there was me and one other person from that group left over. I don't understand how this was sustainable as there was a constant stream of these training groups being brought in via an agency.

I got to about 18 months before I was able to take everything I learned to a different higher paying job.

[u/Camarupim → u/The_Sideboob_Hour]

Some companies will do anything not to have to hire permanent employees.

[u/The_Sideboob_Hour → u/Camarupim]

Yeah it was just bizarre. Every now and again they would advertise 2-3 permanent jobs and there must have been 50-60 analysts in that room. It was like the hunger games.

[u/SmellingThomas → u/BeardedBaldMan]

Probably an Andrew Tate fan

[u/Spiritual_Smell4744 → u/SmellingThomas]

Or, paedophile, as they are now known.

[u/BeardedBaldMan → u/SmellingThomas]

This was in 2005 so probably not.

[u/Anubis1958 → u/BeardedBaldMan]

We had EXACTLY the same event. I wonder if it was the same person. We did a very deep dive on his CV and found he had misled us by claiming a degree that did not exist at the time he claimed he graduated. Immediate Exit.

[u/shazzatri → u/BeardedBaldMan]

I interviewed someone once and he answered a question, making it clear that he had a problem with women. Needless to say, I terminated the interview early and he did not get the job. I’ve no idea how he thought that would pan out!

[u/Chockster]

A new 30ish lad started with us. I was walking him down the main corridor to our office when he said "How do you not get distracted here, y'know, how do you keep it in your pants?"

We were in a Girls' Secondary School.

He didn't stay much longer.

Edit: missing "you" from the quote.

Update: He was escorted from the premises an hour so later. The police and other school authorities were informed. Can't say much about what happened after that. I was just glad people believed me when I reported what he'd said. Wouldn't want to have had that sort of thing on my conscience.

[u/zephyrthewonderdog → u/Chockster]

I asked our headteacher how some of the teacher interviews were going. He just shook his head sadly. One of the interviewees took off his jacket during the interview and dropped a small packet on the floor. He tried to laugh it off saying it was to celebrate if he got the job.

He didn’t get the job. Or a chance to continue the interview.

[u/OccidentalTouriste → u/zephyrthewonderdog]

To flip this around. My parents and I went for a meeting to formalise my joining my new school and whilst waiting in the head teachers office for him I saw a lump under the rug and being an inquisitive 9 year old I pulled back the rug to find one of those flat shaped half litre whisky bottles. On seeing this my parents quickly made me cover it back up and was told under no condition to mention it. Later about 6-7 years on I heard the head teacher had hung himself. Not sure if there was any connection to the booze.

[u/alarming_wrong → u/OccidentalTouriste]

disturbing that as a teacher the main thing that jumps out here is 6-7. fml

[u/Flying_spanner1 → u/Chockster]

Wtf. I would have also considered reporting this to the police. They may well have found something disturbing

[u/Chockster → u/Flying_spanner1]

It did go further, can't say much about it though.

[u/acidtrippinpanda → u/Chockster]

Makes sense, good to hear!

[u/ExultentPisces → u/Chockster]

Fucking hell! That’s an enormous red flag and sackable offence even if it was a workplace without children.

[u/CryptographerMore944 → u/Chockster]

Oof. I was thinking "eww that's a bit inappropriate" thinking you just worked in an office. Then there was the second part. Yikes.

[u/SmellingThomas → u/Chockster]

I really hope he wasn't a teacher or working with the children?

[u/Chockster → u/SmellingThomas]

He was the new IT Support Technician.

[u/RtHonJamesHacker → u/Chockster]

Oh god, the state of his hard drives...

[u/acidtrippinpanda → u/Chockster]

Thank god he was dumb and impulsive enough to just out himself like that so fast

[u/GingerSnapBiscuit → u/Chockster]

"This mans hard drive please, officer."

Thats creepy to say about colleagues in an office, but a school. Ick.

[u/Mean-Aside1970 → u/Chockster]

Jesus Christ, this is so disturbing.

[u/pip_goes_pop]

Had someone from a temp agency start. She immediately found the address to email the entire company and started spamming out emails about some crappy remote control cars she was selling. She didn't last the morning.

[u/Mean-Aside1970 → u/pip_goes_pop]

why is that completely and utterly hilarious. remote control cars, wtf? that's so random hahahaha

[u/Possiblyreef → u/Mean-Aside1970]

Like Avon for 9 year olds

[u/No_Camp_7 → u/pip_goes_pop]

This is literally an episode of Emily in Paris.

[u/Hoodie_Patrol → u/pip_goes_pop]

Also crazy that your company allowed normal staff to email everyone.

[u/pip_goes_pop → u/Hoodie_Patrol]

Yeah this was back in 2003, things were a bit looser in that respect!

[u/meowcatpanda]

Get high during break... we worked for a rehab centre🤦‍♀️

[u/Gent415 → u/meowcatpanda]

Ballsy 😅

[u/meowcatpanda → u/Gent415]

A pile of rocks was smarter than her tbf😂

[u/Scary-Try3023 → u/meowcatpanda]

Crack rocks?

[u/Darthblaker7474 → u/meowcatpanda]

Gotta empathise with the clientele surely?

[u/LiveLaughLob0t0my]

Lassie turned out to be an alcoholic. Went to the pub at lunch. She never turned up back into the induction group after lunch despite apparently being signed back into the building. She was found passed out under a desk somewhere with a bottle of vodka and load of oranges in her bag. Someone smelled or tasted the oranges. Right enough. Slices were full of vodka.

She was probably mid twenties. She wasn’t there day 2.

[u/Optimal-Room-8586 → u/LiveLaughLob0t0my]

That's pretty sad.

[u/LiveLaughLob0t0my → u/Optimal-Room-8586]

Sure is

[u/raphamuffin → u/LiveLaughLob0t0my]

I 100% thought you were talking about Lassie the dog and had to re-read it a few times to figure it out. Poor old Lassie, back on the sauce again.

[u/sparrowhawkinflight → u/LiveLaughLob0t0my]

I managed a girl like that once. Came to us through a temping agency. First thing in the morning she was absolutely fine, about lunchtime the person training her came to find me and said she was slurring her speech and unsteady. She told me she'd got post concussion syndrome (although I could smell alcohol on her breath). Got the agency contact guy in immediately and we took her straight across the road to the NHS walk in centre. I took her security pass and that's the last we saw of her. She can't have been more than about 23, it was really sad. She had a covered coffee cup which must have had alcohol in it. I hope she managed to sort her life out.

[u/LiveLaughLob0t0my → u/sparrowhawkinflight]

Sadly a lot more common than people might think. Known a few people that started their day with getting tanked in the shower before they even start their day proper. Flipping between coke (the Colombian kind) and booze throughout the day.

Known a fair few folks just constantly dosing baby lines of coke throughout the day. Never ever being sober except from when they were asleep. Saying it not a problem but if you bring it up or have to do without they turn into a real mean cunt.

When you’re a nation built upon “stress happens, have a drink to deal with the stress” it’s never gonna be solved.

[u/speakerofone → u/LiveLaughLob0t0my]

Awww so young and tragic 😥

[u/Avionykx]

I worked at Tesco for a few years on nights, a new girl started, probably 19 years old and I was around 32 at the time.
I had to take her through some induction paperwork in the office upstairs then do some training with her on the shop floor.

We'd been working together a couple of hours and she asked about my wife and kids etc, she told me she was married and had a little girl. Everything was strictly professional and neither of us showed a hint of interest in each other that I'm aware of.

I asked what her husband did for work and got the answer "He drives vans but apart from that he's useless, only thing he's good for is his massive c*ck but, to be honest, if you fancy going back up to that meeting room and giving me a good seeing to every time we're on shift together I'd happily leave him as I don't need the money"
She then tried to flash me, on the shop floor (it was nearly midnight and quite empty) and kept trying to get me to go upstairs with her every shift till she left about 4 months later.

Fast forward 10 years and she's now delivering for Just Eat, I got the shock of my life when she delivered our dinner a year or so back. Thankfully she seems to remember what she said before because she hasn't been able to make eye contact the 3 or 4 times I've seen her since.

[u/Dragon900x → u/Avionykx]

Dunno why but I was expecting the obligatory reddit 'Tomorrow will be our 15th anniversary ❤️' ending

[u/darybrain → u/Dragon900x]

I was expecting somehow "how back in nineteen ninety eight the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table".

[u/GingerSnapBiscuit → u/Avionykx]

This is one of those stories that if you reversed the genders wouldn't end with a "ho ho now she can't look me in the eye" but "they should be doing time for flashing you". S'weird how girls flashing guys are just "cheeky" and just "too forward" but guys flashing girls are creepy sex offenders.

Note : I'm not saying this as someone who wants to flash women. Just think the double standard is ridiculous.

[u/hitchcockm00 → u/GingerSnapBiscuit]

In general it's more likely that a man could overpower a woman if he wanted to do more than flash her, so it seems obvious why a man flashing a woman would be perceived as more threatening.

[u/DavidRellim → u/Avionykx]

I mean, I respect her directness.

[u/Pure-Drawer-2617 → u/DavidRellim]

Common misconception, that’s actually called “workplace harassment”

[u/YoghurtFlan → u/Pure-Drawer-2617]

In respect of directness let's call it sexual harrassment

[u/CulturedPhilistine → u/DavidRellim]

Would you if it was a guy?

[u/longestyeahboiiiever → u/Avionykx]

That's horrible! I wish you had reported her to HR! Sorry you had to go through that harassment

[u/Digby47]

The new guy in a call centre where I worked sent out a group email to everyone in the building that went something along these lines:

"Hi, my name is [NAME] and it's my first day on the phones. I'm a bit nervous, so I thought I'd break the ice with a little joke.

What do you call four dogs and a black bird.... The Spice Girls."

This was years ago when mails made a beep when they landed in your inbox. There was this wave of beeps as the mail washed across the call centre, a moment of silence, and then the entire management team rose as one and headed straight for the guy's desk. 😂

Surprisingly, he wasn't fired on the spot.

[u/Zestyclose-Turn-3576 → u/Digby47]

Yeah sorry about that. Inappropriate.

[u/BOOB_UTOPIA → u/Digby47]

I mean he absolutely should have been

[u/GrumpyOldFart74 → u/Digby47]

I think it was my third day when I made an ill-judged and inappropriate joke about people with red hair in the bar after work - and looked up to see the HR Director, HR manager, and one of the recruitment team, all glaring back at me. Naturally all of them red-heads…

15 years later and I’m still there, but I was pretty nervous for a while!

[u/NotoriousP_U_G]

We had a lad that got away with saying the most awful sexist things because he was gay. He would discuss women’s bodies, compliment the arses, call them bitch etc but HR never took action.

[u/Responsible-Match418 → u/NotoriousP_U_G]

All that on his first day?

[u/NotoriousP_U_G → u/Responsible-Match418]

I misread the question, this is what I heard on my first day

[u/Dapper-Set2153 → u/NotoriousP_U_G]

Same story, my gay coworker keeps calling the annoying female customers he doesnt like bitches/cunts… yet all of his friends/acquaintances at work are girls?? Makes no sense

[u/longestyeahboiiiever → u/Dapper-Set2153]

Always gotta remember, gay men are still men.

[u/different_emphasis → u/longestyeahboiiiever]

still people* - and all types of people can be cunts.

[u/longestyeahboiiiever → u/different_emphasis]

You know exactly what I was saying and I stand by it. Gay MEN are still MEN who are WAY more likely to say misogynistic things. How many women are making misogynistic comments and gestures?

[u/Internet-Dick-Joke → u/longestyeahboiiiever]

 How many women are making misogynistic comments and gestures?

Sadly, a lot. Like, I agree eith you fully, gay men are absolutely still men and can be just as misogynistic as straight men, and they still get encouraged to be misogynistic just as much as straight men do. 

But women can also be misogynistic, which is why you then hear the "yet all of his friends/acquaintances at work are girls" part coming after the "he's gay but super misogynistic" part. The latter is because gay men are still men, and the former is because women can also be shockingly misogynistic.

[u/Faithful_jewel → u/NotoriousP_U_G]

Some of the most misogynistic comments I've ever heard about women's bodies have come from gay men. Those that said it used the excuse of "I'm not attracted to them so I can say how disgusting they actually are". They're usually the same ones that shit on bi/pansexual people too

[u/No_Camp_7 → u/NotoriousP_U_G]

Was his name Gok Wan

[u/Any_Crazy_500]

I once had a fully grown adult ask if they could go home an hour into their first shift because they missed their cat.

Apparently me accepting they had cats and were a cat lover at the interview was a tacit acceptance that I would have to allow them to go home whenever they wanted in order to see their cat.

The tears and tantrums in an already established team who worked very well together were a sure fire indicator they weren’t going to last long.

[u/Majestic-Ad-7282 → u/Any_Crazy_500]

Would love this to be a valid excuse to go home!

[u/Thin_Pin2863 → u/Majestic-Ad-7282]

It already is, so long as you don't intend to come back again.

[u/Senior_Yesterday_825]

I started on the same day as another guy as a grad, with us was another elderly lady who he kept saying is old, smells and joking about her. A few weeks in we find out she's the president of our engineering society and one of our new directors.

He no longer works here.

[u/appocomaster → u/Senior_Yesterday_825]

oh fantastic karma

[u/Dapper-Set2153]

My coworker is a 50 year old man who threw a tantrum when he was told to mop the floors…

[u/StinkingDogsCunt420 → u/Dapper-Set2153]

What was his job though?

If I was hired as a finance analyst or something and they asked me to mop the floor I'd probably tell them to doone.

[u/Farscape_rocked → u/StinkingDogsCunt420]

I love being asked to do tasks way below by pay grade.

£42k a year to mop floors and make tea? Awesome. Lots of money for a task I'm not even very good at.

[u/Snooker1471 → u/Farscape_rocked]

Same here lol. I was getting £250 per day to press a reset button on a fire alarm panel because the company didn't want to waste money hiring a labourer for a week. Took a mini TV in and watched the snooker all week while pressing that button about once per hour lol (This was late 80's too lol). I was on even more as "Tea Boy" when our actual tea boy went on holiday for a week mid 90's this time. I was making tea and getting materials ready for the whole team of about 50 men...So it actually made sense in a time and motion study for us to employ someone (The holiday boy) to do this job as it cut 10 min of "wasted time" each day for the 50 men lol. I only got to do the job because me and another electrician played cards to see who got the job (I won lol)

[u/Dapper-Set2153 → u/StinkingDogsCunt420]

We work at a pizza shop. He was doing the closing shift

[u/StinkingDogsCunt420 → u/Dapper-Set2153]

Yeah he needs to mop.

[u/Flat_Apricot_5861 → u/Dapper-Set2153]

but is he a finance analyst for the pizza shop?

[u/Any_Crazy_500 → u/Dapper-Set2153]

I had an older agency chef tell me that he wouldn’t wash his own pots and pans. It seems to be a generational thing.

[u/Dapper-Set2153 → u/Any_Crazy_500]

The generation that had their mums do everything for them and if they were married their wives did everything for them😭🙏🙏

[u/Swayfromleftoright → u/Dapper-Set2153]

Or he was a bit of a snob who usually worked with a pot washer and felt that the task was beneath him?

[u/BeardedBaldMan → u/Any_Crazy_500]

I only worked in restaurant for a few years when I was young, but I thought that was the norm.

The dishwasher did everything and if he didn't like someone he'd de-prioritise their stuff.

[u/Gent415]

Former radio journalist. Had a work experience kid in from local university. Not a disinterested 16 year-old, a 19-20 year old on a highly competitive Broadcast Journalism degree course. They seemed less keen to help out than most, and we're all crazy busy, so we just gave them some basic writing task to do. Then someone spots they're in our contacts book (a journalist's most precious commodity), copying down private numbers for some really high profile celebrities. Security were called and the university notified 🙈

[u/Chaybass → u/Gent415]

Which tabloid are they showbiz editor at now? 

[u/Thin_Pin2863 → u/Gent415]

You trained Piers Morgan!?!

[u/fuzzydogpaws → u/Gent415]

That’s disgraceful. I hope the university was informed.

Work experience is hard to get, it’s an embarrassment that they wasted such a valuable opportunity, and possibly took that opportunity away from someone else.

[u/Sea-Environment5246]

Before we'd even started, during our Lush training. She defended Seal clubbing as a Canadian passtime (she was Candian) in front of a room full of vegans and Sea Shepheard members.

[u/Ok_Shirt983 → u/Sea-Environment5246]

For anyone else who doesn't know like me, to save you a google, Sea shepherd are a direct action group, protecting marine habitat and animals.

[u/TheBobTodd → u/Sea-Environment5246]

Wait why is it bad that Seal goes clubbing?

[u/Madic-Hertz]

One of my coworkers was training a new guy to build computers. Who started muttering to himself "They're all dead. They're all dead". My coworker swiftly removed all sharps and told our manager who quickly told the guy to go home.

[u/WorcsBloke → u/Madic-Hertz]

I'm assuming he wasn't simply replaying the "Everybody's dead, Dave" scene from Red Dwarf then...

[u/mikeybhoy_1985 → u/WorcsBloke]

literally the first thing that popped into my head too. "NOT PETERSON?!"

[u/Optimal-Room-8586 → u/Madic-Hertz]

"... yep that's it, all the transistors are dead. I'm going to need to replace those - great that I'm able to fix a problem on my first day! They're going to be so impressed! Oh look here's the manager!"

[u/Pick_Up_Autist → u/Madic-Hertz]

Poor guy was just testing sticks of RAM.

[u/Prasiatko → u/Madic-Hertz]

Did you ever get an explanation? I had an autistic class mate at uni who would mutter random stuff like that when focusing on a task. Perfectly lovely guy otherwise. 

[u/RoyofBungay → u/Madic-Hertz]

The case is black, black... “I don’t want to die! They wait for me in the forest…”

[u/martin8777 → u/RoyofBungay]

"Where are we sleeping tonight mother? Father's grave?"

[u/maddypadden → u/martin8777]

They lock me in the cellar and feed me pins! PINS! PINS! What's for tea, mother? PIN SOUP?

[u/Leucurus → u/maddypadden]

Mother, what shall we do with Father? Fold him like a ticket and poke him in a hole?

[u/EchoesOfZhivago]

Was told by my new boss at a sandwich shop that he doesn't make 'stinky (insert racist term for Pakistani people) food'. I lasted two days before I told him I was not tolerating that language.

[u/DungeonCrawler-Donut → u/EchoesOfZhivago]

Good for you 💜

[u/CryptographerMore944 → u/EchoesOfZhivago]

A lot of people would have bit their tongue but good on you and OP for calling out this shit.

[u/Flying_spanner1 → u/EchoesOfZhivago]

Thanks for that!

[u/Glittering_Box4815]

Can you put the milk in first before the hot water.

Fucking savage.

[u/Possible-Ad-2682 → u/Glittering_Box4815]

Instant dismissal.

[u/ExultentPisces → u/Possible-Ad-2682]

Reported to the authorities for treason.

[u/purply_otter]

RE: Ops story

I got a temp job and went in for a group interview. The interview was sit around a table and fill in your details on a sheet while the interviewer made cheerful small talk about an Indian wedding she was attending...and that was it, that was the interview

It was definitely a test

[u/PersonalityExact7891 → u/purply_otter]

that's a bloody good idea TBF if you don't want to be stuck working with racist twats 

[u/donalmacc → u/purply_otter]

Having interviewed a lot of people, it's amazing how many people will fail that test.

[u/MR_OOPERS]

On our first day we all had to take turns to say an interesting fact about ourselves. One of my colleagues said... "My penis is the same size as 2 Argos pens. Also I am banned from Argos"

[u/FragrantKnobCheese → u/MR_OOPERS]

That is pretty funny.

[u/Neither-Spirit-9022 → u/MR_OOPERS]

Not great, but probably they amount of respect icebreaker activities like that deserve.

[u/Flying_spanner1]

It is sad to hear this. And thanks for pointing how wrong it was to her.

I am off Indian origin. I have sadly faced more racism than I used to.

Sadly, there are people who don’t believe me.

[u/Red9zero → u/Flying_spanner1]

Same. I am an old fat white guy, but have an Indian father and Grandfather. It's always amusing dropping it into someone's racist rant.

[u/burner4lyf25 → u/Red9zero]

30 year old building trade skinhead white lad here, been to India almost a dozen times.

Regularly have customers start on with racist bullshit to me, and always diplomatically challenge them on it, at which point 99 times out of 100 they back right out of it.

Love calling them out and making them think about what they're actually saying

[u/ChangingMonkfish]

Not even first day but in an interview. Place I used to work (a toy shop where you’re basically entertaining kids all day) asked a light hearted question at the end of job interviews “if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?”.

One lad’s response was “a pigeon so that I could go and shit on everyone that’s shit on me in my life”.

Safe to say he wasn’t successful.

[u/flyingokapis → u/ChangingMonkfish]

That answer is quite deep 😂

Obviously, not appropriate for an interview but better than some generic rubbish.

[u/Mglfll]

Not first day of work, but came in for an interview and proceeded to wank off in the toilets to “calm himself down”, watching porn without headphones.

[u/Flying_spanner1 → u/Mglfll]

wtf.

[u/Mglfll → u/Flying_spanner1]

Worst part was he thought it was perfectly acceptable

[u/SmellingThomas → u/Mglfll]

Looking through these, I think a big theme is people lacking the awareness and social skills to know how to behave in a work place.

[u/Sad-Nectarine-7855 → u/Mglfll]

I watch a lot of porn and I haven't seen any where they wear headphones tbh

[u/catmadwoman]

A new legal secretary started in our City office. She was the type that thought the office was brand new the day she joined and everyone else was green and knew nothing. She had to deal with a young girl who wasn't the brightest and slapped her round the face for giving her the wrong information. The poor girl burst into tears and big headed arrogant secretary was sacked on the spot. How do these people get on in life. It was a shocker to happen in a prestigious City law firm but funny too.

[u/AnSteall → u/catmadwoman]

"How do these people get on in life." After a few trials and errors, they learn to lay low until they reach the time they cannot be easily dismissed, add a few other things, like health needs, and then their toxic side comes out again. Ask me how I know.

[u/Distinct_Sir_9086]

As a south Asian, this is just disheartening to hear. With all the shit on social media about Indians and south asians I’m also not surprised. I just hope she grows out of this mindset and realises how wrong it is.

[u/Flying_spanner1 → u/Distinct_Sir_9086]

As a fellow person of Indian origin I don’t think she will.

[u/Distinct_Sir_9086 → u/Flying_spanner1]

I’m hoping she will as she’s only 17. But it’s also not something I can guarantee will happen. Sad but what can you do really.

[u/Turbulent-Chef4164]

Went out for his half hour lunch break, came back so pissed he could hardly stand.

[u/tiger_mango → u/Turbulent-Chef4164]

sad (but kind of impressive.)

[u/Express_Evidence_23 → u/Turbulent-Chef4164]

Takes some doing in 30minutes!

[u/AlienTooth]

Worked in a small SEN school.

About half an hour before the kids arrived there was a knock at the door. I answered and there was a middle aged woman stood there, I asked how I could help and she replied she was here to work. Immediately I thought she was a supply teacher and asked as much, she lost her shit. Unbeknownst to me she was the new starter that none to the staff were aware of. I think nothing of it and carry on with what I was doing.

When the kids arrived later I hear a load of commotion in the corridor, I go out to find this new teacher shouting at the top of her lungs how she’s entitled to a break as she’s menopausal and she should have been given the company policy about reasonable adjustments for her and then glared at me.

This was only the tip on the ice berg with her and she left under a could a year or so later after gross misconduct and negligence hearing decided she didn’t help or try and prevent a serious injury to a child.

[u/SmellingThomas → u/AlienTooth]

SEN schools can be so fun and rewarding to work at but I think you need to have a very flexible and adaptable approach which this person didn't seem to have.

[u/SatinwithLatin]

New kid walked out in the middle of his first shift claiming that his finger hurt and he needed to go home. 

[u/Useful_Hawk_1470]

Not even a patch on anything genuinely serious people have written here, but I used to work as a chocolate taster and I remember the drama when a new hire came in once wearing perfume and a full face of makeup, and was promptly disciplined for it. In retrospect it seems like such an overreaction but at the time everyone was talking like ‘what was she thinking?!’ (tbf this was strictly against the rules and she would have been told this several times before her first proper day on the job)

[u/ginbandit]

"It's been a pleasure bitches!" said by a new junior engineer at the end of his first day. He didn't see out the end of the week.

[u/Few_Glass_6436 → u/ginbandit]

Lol I would have promoted him.

[u/monscorvorum]

I took an agency role in a big warehouse for an online retailer on nights. On his first shift one guy clocked in, jumped back over the barrier and rang for a taxi, lo and behold he appeared in the queue to clock out at 6am. He really thought that he would get away with it and get paid

[u/Few_Glass_6436 → u/monscorvorum]

Ballsy for trying though.

[u/monscorvorum → u/Few_Glass_6436]

Yeah but there were two things he didn't realise. 1. It was all on camera and 2. There was a barcode on your card which you scanned with a handheld scanner before going into the warehouse, that scanner was then linked to you, every item you picked was scanned and so obviously his card had no activity other than clocking in and out. As he clocked out security took his card off him so that he couldn't clock back in again

[u/sorderon]

New starter in IT department - Shown to their desk, given a laptop, and told to use the kensington lock on the desk. Tried to use lock in USB port, blowing laptop up with surprisingly loud bang, with smoke setting of fire alarms & we all had to go outside on a fire drill. Never saw them again.

[u/Teesside-Tyrant → u/sorderon]

Ok, excuse my ignorance but what is a Kensington Lock?

[u/Particular-Fly-7783 → u/Teesside-Tyrant]

it's a sort of little port you can connect something similar to a bike lock, to physically secure a device to a desk (or whatever). they're useless though, you can just yank them out.

[u/tilt → u/Teesside-Tyrant]

bike chain for your laptop. Little slot on the side, does look like a USB port, actually just a metal loop in the chassis to attach the lock to. Not sure quite how sticking the metal lock into the usb port would cause a catastrophic failure like that.

[u/Mad_as_alice]

Tweeted about how he took his first shit working for insert high street bank name here and then got taken in for a talk with his TL………surprise twist he still works there and is in a senior role

[u/Fickle-Fox-9071]

Wasnt their first day of work, but was their first day of them being an actual employee. Prior tot his they were an intern.

They were invited to the whatsapp and then proceeded to unload a hailstorm of gifs including NSFW gifs they must have had saved to their phone. It wasn't a jokey chat and was the main chat with the CEO and other line managers.

Someone then removed him from the group thinking they had added the wrong person, but they took this badly and immediately messaged his direct boss calling them a cunt and it's embarrassing that they couldn't take a joke.

They were in their 30s. Lasted 1 day after interning for 9 months.

[u/Putrid_Promotion_841]

Stood on a desk in the middle of our office and undressed.

Turned out to be some sort of stress induced mental episode but was still rather surprising.

Poor guy was too embarrassed to come back the next day.

[u/OtterHostler]

Not first day, but second. Salesperson joins the day before a big industry conference. Day 2, heads off to the conference, at which the company is hosting a big evening event for clients and prospects. Salesperson shows up to event with a date, a lady who charges by the hour. Submits expense report to cover the cost. Day 3 email, "[redacted] no longer works for the company."

[u/No_Vehicle_5967 → u/OtterHostler]

Not technically first day, but someone I once worked with was promoted quite quickly to a senior role and upon starting said role, thought taking customers to a strip club and running a huge tab was expense worthy.

HR disagreed.

Lost both the senior promotion and his job really quickly too.

[u/zephyrthewonderdog]

They had a pub lunch to celebrate their new job. They had been unemployed for quite a while. Came back from the pub, half an hour late, smelling of booze. Security called their manager.

Start of career to end of career in less than 5hrs.

[u/Mediocre-Opinion]

I used to work in an engineering place where you'd have to wear a dust mask in certain parts of the building. The new guy wore his mask everywhere and seemed really out of it as well. When anybody asked he just kept saying he was ill and was taking precautions. It took a few days to figure out but it turned out he was wearing two masks with a layer of glue between them.

[u/Ordinary-Article6388]

Oooo I got one. I hired a new staff member and got a female member of staff to train them. She was the youngest and most attractive girl there but thisbguy was 19 and she like 30. He got her number early on and then in his lunch break proceeded to send her a picture of his penis. Obviously the female staff member was incredibly upset and he was instantly dismissed. I honestly to this day don't understand what he was hoping to happen, he was lucky that she didn't want to report him to the police.

[u/MercatorLondon]

sending inappropriate images from company email account to the customer (by mistake) on day one.

[u/ExultentPisces → u/MercatorLondon]

That sort of thing very often isn’t “by mistake”.

I once worked with a fella who basically went out of his way to get sacked. His parents were quite wealthy and he always refused to get a job. They eventually pressured him into taking this job. I think his dad was friendly with the company owner. He lasted a week.

It was a web sales job, taking calls and sorting out web orders, that sort of thing. He was late, rude to customers, overly flirty (in a creepy way) with the women in the office, often refused to do basic tasks.

It’s possible he really was just that incompetent. But I think it’s more likely he just didn’t want to work and thought if he got sacked, he could live off mum and dad’s money for a bit longer.

As a bonus, here is a trustpilot review left by a customer who dealt with this guy. It’s hilarious.

[u/Nuo_Vibro → u/ExultentPisces]

I kind of love Patrick a little bit

[u/ExultentPisces → u/Nuo_Vibro]

He was an odd guy. On morning he came in bragging about how he’d just nicked a quid off a homeless guy.

Everyone was like, WTF!?

[u/International-Bed453]

New guy being trained on the till, being shown the 'Check 25 ' procedure.

Accuses the trainer of being a 'jobsworth' for not selling alcohol to people without ID.

Didn't even work a shift.

[u/vicarofsorrows]

I was training a chap from Florida and a lady from Quebec. I’ll call them Jasper and Giselle. Jasper got to the office early, so we chatted a bit. I asked if he needed anything and he replied (l kid you not) “Can we turn the air conditioner on full power, so that Giselle’s nipples get really hard?”

I was utterly gobsmacked for the rest of the day…😅

[u/Difficult-Egg-5001]

Eeeesh, something something stop the boats.

I also used to work in a supermarket, I was a produce manager, I caught a new guy eating a banana straight off the shelf once.....

[u/OpeningWhereas6912]

In a school..new long term supply to cover a colleague who was off for a serious health issue. Absolutely reeked of booze and was still clearly drunk. He had to get escorted off the premises and admitted he was drinking because of his marital problems at home. He was extremely apologetic. Thankfully it was clocked in form time by a trainee teacher who had the initiative to email safeguarding immediately on her phone, so he was gone before the first lesson even started.

[u/mmeellttiinngg]

I once saw a DJ get fired from a club on the spot for playing R Kelly

[u/red_nick → u/mmeellttiinngg]

Massive respect for that club.

[u/WatcherOfTheWay]

Was like their third day but they were caught having sex with a much older married woman (they were a low 20s guy) in the office after work.

Yea so that didn't end well.

[u/tiger_mango → u/WatcherOfTheWay]

I'd risk a new job for that!

[u/vegan_voorhees]

I worked in a crappy outbound call centre (double glazing - sorry) with high turnover. Two teenage girls came in one day for a start-today-interview, were shown the room where we all worked and were aghast, said they expected to make calls from a private room only, and both walked out.

To be fair I only lasted about six weeks as I couldn't sell shit.

[u/CatFoodBeerAndGlue]

On his first day he was put in a room on his own to watch training videos.

Someone went to check on him at around lunchtime and he was gone, but there was an empty vodka bottle in the bin.

Boss rang him and asked where he was and he said he was at the pub, he went there after finishing work.

Boss said it's 1pm, we don't finish till 4.30pm???

The guy says he must have misread his watch and thought it was home time.

Boss told him not to come back tomorrow and apparently he sounded genuinely surprised and lamented that his wife was going to kill him.

We had another guy leave for his lunch on his first day and never come back, which isn't unheard of, but we later realised he'd also taken a brand new laptop with him.

[u/Helen-Archer]

Projectile vomit on their new boss as they go to shake their hand. Obviously not their fault, felt so sorry for them!

[u/Accomplished-Art7737]

Being marched off the premises after using a company system to look up their own/friends/family/neighbour/colleague/celebrity records. This was right after going through the induction process where new starters were explicitly told this is gross misconduct, resulting in immediate dismissal. It’s surprising how many times this has actually happened - I’ve seen it several times in both private and public sector organisations I’ve worked for 🤣

[u/JessicaEccles76]

I worked for a charity and we had one female temp who lasted just one day. She told the manager she was a lesbian and couldn't cope with "the smell of uncircumcised c*cks in the office '. My manager was quite the loud mouth but even he was lost for words. Terrifyingly she was training to be a social worker...

[u/Nuo_Vibro]

Guy I hired turned up stinking of weed. On questioning he told me he had a smoke as he was nervous. Sat him at the canteen while I asked HR how to get rid of him, disappeared out the door while I was away. Pillock

[u/yearsofpractice]

My story relates to someone just not getting power dynamics. I’m a middle-aged middle-manager in a standard bullshit corporate type job.

A new person was hired - junior analyst type role - and he seemed really confident and outgoing. Great stuff! A few days after he joined, we had one of the quarterly “Hello headcount!” town hall where our CEO pretends to care about us lesser humans.

Anyway, CEO did the standard insincere crap of

“Any feedback or questions, my door is always open!”

New hire - for reasons I will never understand - asked the CEO in an open forum

“Yeah, I’ve got a few questions - can I put a meeting in your diary to discuss?”

CEO froze - she’d never actually had to interact with the lesser humans before and didn’t know what to say… “OK…?” she stammered.

New analyst lasted two weeks. He was quietly sacked during his probationary period as a “poor cultural fit”. Everyone else quietly took on board the CEO’s real message of

“My door is always open to real humans - very rich people or powerful politicians. Everyone else - the subhumans - the tradesman’s entrance please and don’t get the carpets dirty”

[u/Otto1968]

I started on the same day as this particular woman. We got chatting and by 11am she had told me her ex husband cheated on her with her own mother, and her son had walked in on his dad going down on the mother/grandmother.

[u/Stage_Party]

Blame the parents, they probably openly talk like this at home so she never learned to control her mouth.

[u/According-Let3541]

Working in a school, you get some fantastic ones. One supply teacher took a nap on the first day of a long term placement - put a film on, told the kids to keep the noise down and went to sleep. Claimed it was a medical episode when challenged. But surprisingly, he wasn’t asked back for the second day.

[u/VCR_DVD_USB]

Was discussing going to friday prayers with a fellow Muslim co-worker during our lunch break. Another Muslim co-worker overheard, asked us a few questions about where the mosque was etc and then remarked "May Allah bless your jihads".

We looked at each other like .... dafuq?! To this day no idea what she meant. Just awkwardly said thanks and just carried on with work, hoping anti terrorism police weren't going to smash down my front door in the morning.

[u/kakaphoe → u/VCR_DVD_USB]

In this context I think "jihad" meant "struggles" and she was wishing you well.

[u/FinalFrontierYT → u/kakaphoe]

Yeah; I think she was praising you for planning to use your lunch break for Jummah. The term 'jihad' is often associated in the West with warfare but it is also very much associated with personal internal struggles to resist sinning.

[u/Mavz-Billie-]

Making out with someone

[u/Graph1te]

Had a co-worker, on her second day in the office, tell a dead baby joke. No, she didn't last long.

[u/HotVacation7028]

This wasn't a first day of work, but a trail shift at a restaurant just outside of Brighton. Guy annouced he would never work in Brighton itself because it was full of gays. The woman who was trailing him was a lesbian. He also left the space he was working in a state.

[u/Rossco1874]

Guy approved, detagged his own bottle of vodka he was buying then tried to claim he has seen everyone else doing it and he was being victimised as he was new.

Didn't see him again.

[u/PsychologySpecific16]

Bloke loved to shoot.

Bloke had brain injury meaning he was very forgetful but still deemed ok to own them.

Bloke doesn't take firearms out the back of his car as he forgets

Blokes car is searched when entering secure area

Bloke i asked to turn back 😂

It was years ago, now you'd probably have armed police called.

[u/Hollyhop_Drive]

Not quite the brief, but happened on my first day in a job as a temp on reception in an virtually empty building. The security guard was already acting creepy, but then decided to tell me about how much he hates cats and how he runs them over with his van whenever he can. 😡

[u/PrinceFan72]

Not his first day, as he had the sense to at least try enough to get through probation. i worked in an IT helpdesk at a large estate agent in Mayfair, all very posh. An old mate of mine, who had actually taught me and got me my first every IT job, was looking so I got him an interview. He got the job and I thought he was reliable.

His probation ended on a friday, on the Monday we start getting odd calls to the helpdesk. People asking about a car for sale, or a computer, or other random things. He called in sick and, when questioned on the Tuesday, replied "oh yeah I gave the helpdesk number on my ebay ads, just take a message". He was baffled as to why management thought that was unacceptable, he even said "I know one of you will answer so I won't miss any sales".

Sacked before his first post probation week ended.

[u/Accomplished-Win9416]

I trained a new start in a call centre, he seemed okay, did give off kinda strange vibes but he was picking up the job and the IT system alright.

After leaving the training group and was on the call floor I saw him one day and asked how the job was going and he said, “Aye ok, just feel like i’m going to do something wrong and get sacked…” I responded saying as long as you don’t do anything seriously wrong, mistake being made are to be expected as long as he learns from it.

I found out 4 weeks later he was sacked after handling a call, saving the customer’s number and texting her off his own phone saying who he was, that she sounded really nice on the phone and asked if she wanted to get to know him. She instantly reported it.

What an absolute idiot that guy was.

[u/SkyRyder420]

Not quite what you asked, but..

On my first day of a work placement whilst I was an apprentice, I got through the day fine and then one of the two people I worked with left for home. The other dude then immediately went to his PC and started doing things. When I asked what he was doing as it seemed a little suspicious, he told me he was running the malware and virus checkers cause the other guy spends the majority of his day watching porn 🤣 He was correct. We were in a small room. The other guy thought he was being shifty..He wasn't..

[u/Sad-Nectarine-7855]

Not first day but still in probation, loudly proclaimed she loved (n word) music.

[u/TimedDelivery]

New security bloke at a jewellery shop. Tried to insist to every female salesperson that he needed to demonstrate how he could physically overpower them.

Same workplace, a new admin woman kept showing people photos of her stillborn baby and then started screaming when people said they didn’t want to see. Her loss had been very, very recent and she was not ready to be starting a new job.

[u/Worldly_Wafer_6635]

Okay not a first day, but.....

I used to work in bar and restaurants, whenever an interviewer arrived all my team knew to offer them a drink while they were waiting for me.

One guys said ahh 'yes please, a beer would be great.'

[u/hairlikebrianmay]

Worked as an IT tech in a large secondary school and a new IT teacher phoned our office to say one of the computers in her classroom wasn't working. I asked what the problem was and she said the telly bit won't come on.

[u/Prasiatko]

I think it was first week more than first day but was caught filling the damaged cases of beer with vodka and other spirits and then marking them as reduced for his mates to buy. 

[u/FarTap1474]

Guy asked me if he could bring a joint to work. Said no, obviously, so he asked if he could bring a beer instead. He then left after less than 2 hours. 

[u/No_Priority_1839]

Many years ago, a new starter was let go in the first week after management discovered he was signing off loan and credit card agreements (which were genuine and not fraudulent) with a celebrity name instead of the respective CS Director. Folk rang to complain that various pop stars, footballers, actors etc welcomed to the bank or approved their credit card or loan. It was madness!

[u/GingerSnapBiscuit]

Guy just started in the kitchens at the bingo hall I worked at, one of the frying pans broke and he was sent to get a new one with £30 from petty cash (was a cookware place a couple of streets away). He vanished and never returned. Turns out he was a gambling addict and had gone straight to the bookies and flung the £30 into one of the FOBTs and lost it, then just fucked off home. Part of his penance to have management not report this to the police was an apology letter we all got to read is the only reason we found this out.

[u/Healthy_Ad1585]

Working in a call centre. Guy parked his car in the strictly permit controlled car park, then had a screaming match with security staff when asked to move his car. When a manager attempted to defuse the situation the guy told him to "f*ck off you ginger prick". I got the fun job of carrying out the summary dismissal

Or,

New senior manager, by the end of her first day had pissed off the only other manager of equivalent level in the office so badly that she refused point blank to talk to her. I was meant to be doing her induction and instead spent the day going between the two of them with messages. During one of those trips I left her unsupervised and she somehow managed to delete an entire drive of business critical data because she couldn't work a laptop. She was asked not to return for her second day.

[u/OccidentalTouriste]

Got my first expat job and was told to collect my ticket at Heathrow where I would also meet the new project manager who'd be flying out with me on the same flight. Met my new boss and boarded the plane. A few hours in after the meal and a couple of drinks he told me he didn't think he could go through with the job as he'd miss his wife to much. He continued drinking for the next 7-8 hours until arriving at our destination. After immigration we were met by the MD who was patently unhappy at his project manager being drunk and even less so when he expressed his uncertainty about going through with things. Instant decision taken to immediately put him straight back on the return flight at his own expense. Awkward ride with the MD from the airport for me. Great first day on the job.

[u/RowRow1990]

Social work student turning up on their first day of placment in a black leather mini skirt, ripped fishnets and a boob tube all from the night before.

They got sent straight home.

[u/RetiredFromIT]

Following the departure of my boss, I found myself holding down a fairly large purchasing department, and eventually was given the job, despite my young age (mid-20s).

A few years on from that, my ability with computers showed itself, and the bosses wanted me to help coordinate the consultants we used, as well as continuing in my role of buyer. To this end, they hired someone to do the routine stock control and purchasing, under instructions from me.

I thought the first morning went well. I explained the stock system, the kind and range of materials we would be buying, and the ones to watch, given their importance. I also gave her a short list of stuff that we needed to order that day, and suggested we reviewed new purchases each morning.

That lunchtime she went in and spoke to our MD, saying that she should not be taking instruction from a "kid" 10 years younger than her.

Yep. She didn't last long.

[u/No_Direction_4566]

I was auditing a large warehouse which had those flap things. A guy on first first day was being shown around by a female member of HR.

She said "You just have to push through the flaps." and he said "I want to push through your flaps."

He got fired in 15 minutes. We had to sit through a witnessing sexual harassment course. 3 hours ill never get back..