M50, working in marketing, communications and development. Good pay, flexible, etc.

I am also the board president of a local non-profit… on three different committees that meet monthly… active in two annual community events…

I’m tired. I’m over it all. I used to get a charge from all these things, and now they feel forced.

Yes, I know I can step away, but it’s hard when your efforts have been part of many great things.

However, I want to focus on enjoying my 50s. More travel. Try new things. Seek opportunities to participate, and not be the “leader.”

I’m curious if anyone else is/was a community volunteer … how you handle the overload of things. I don’t like disappointing anyone, but I feel like I am over capacity and need to work on me for a while.

As I'm aging, I'm noticeably going grumpier. I'm cognizant if it and often don't want to be grumpy but can't snap out of it.

Anyone else deal with this? Any podcasts or books to read to help? I'm not one to go see a shrink.

I'm mid-career (from the perspective of one who will be working well into his 60s), 20 years of experience in, and seem to be at an impasse. I started my career out of college at 23 in the field my degree was related to for the first 10 years, then made a career change into a different industry 10 years ago.

My career in the first industry experienced only modest success, so I was able to make the transition to the new field without losing any ground on pay, though I did take a slight step back in seniority. Up to 2.5yrs ago I had been experiencing modest but consistent career progression in my new field.

The company I currently work for in this field was purchased by private equity in 2022. At first it was not so bad, but once the acquisition was finalized the benefit reductions began piling up, layoffs became a near constant, and more recently more and more people have been leaving the company. For my part my last promotion and pay increase was in January of 2024, after which point the company has announced each year (including 2026) that they will not be providing merit increases for that year.

So the end of this year will make 3 full years without a proper pay increase (I did receive one with my promotion in 2024, but only because of the new role and additional responsibilities I took on). I also, in an effort to maintain employment, am about to move to my 4th different role with the company since January 2024.

The company is failing and the private equity has made it a terrible situation, I'm well aware of that and actively working on my exit plan- updated my resume, networking, filling in some skills gaps I've identified.

I feel like I've managed to miss out on any meaningful benefits one might hope for in a career- none of my jobs have been high-paying and none of my roles have been low stress. If it had been some sort of pensioned career track I may be able to better stomach the modest pay, but it's not that either. I won't be retiring early like some of my friends in those types of careers.

My question is more related to finding myself mid-career in position that I've not really achieved anything meaningful, outside of maintaining near-constant employment. I'm 43 years old. My mindset has begun to shift to 'what can I salvage for the remaining 25 years of my working life' and how can I utilize the skills and experiences I've gained up to this point? What remaining potential do I have to tap into given that timeframe and what goals are realistic, both professionally and personally?

I know those questions are a bit general and vague but I'd be interested to hear if anybody else here went thru a similar experience that this stage of life and how you handled, what you learned, and what you wish you had known or somebody had told you at that time?

Help me out. Ten days at home without my family for the first time in nearly 16 years. I still have to work from home, but I’m wondering what would you do. Looking for ideas to get over the initial shock!

I have a very hard time staying motivated and active. I go through phases where I take my health/diet seriously. During these times, I'm pretty physically active. I think about my diet etc. When I'm not in that phase, I just eat whatever and have very little activity. What keeps you motived and active to take your health seriously and keep consistent?

Context: I applied to a job with my full resume and immediately got a text from a chatbot that represent the company and it wanted 5 minutes of my time. It was very upfront that it was an "AI/Chatbot". It called me and there was a human like voice asking me these questions:

1. Do you have any questions about the job?

2. What job did you hold in the last three years?

3. What were your responsibilities at that job?

4. It asked me questions I had already responded to in the job application.

I was really annoyed at the whole process but also surprised that any company that was hiring would bother with this type of duplicative process.

How would you feel if this happened to you?

I'm 24 with a Computer Science degree, but I couldn't get a tech job and ended up in inside sales.

My biggest problem is that I can't stick to one path. Every week I switch between Data Analytics, Python, Android, ML, Data Science, or something else. Because of that, I never get really good at any one thing.

Seeing friends earn 3–5x more than me makes it even harder not to compare myself. I'm also being treated for depression and anxiety, which doesn't help with the overthinking.

Long term, I'd love to work in AI/data science for a longevity or biotech company, but right now I don't even know what I should focus on.

For those who've lived through their 20s:

Did you ever feel this lost?

How did you choose one path and stick with it?

Looking back, what advice would you give your 24-year-old self?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

If you could give **one piece of advice** to gay men in their 20s, what would it be?

It could be about love, friendships, career, money, sex, health, confidence, or life in general.

What’s something you wish someone had told you sooner?

51 and free time, trying to meet male friends. Kids are grown and have time to have an Adult Life. Been living in Sherwood Park, Alberta over 27 years.
Last kid is moving out. Been a busy Dad 28 years /Husband 29 years. Looking to find hobbies or activities with other guys.
Self employed Hairstylist, creative, artistic.
Great conversations, and good times. I live in Sherwood Park Alberta Canada 🇨🇦 will be great to hear from you eh!

I married a man who for the last 16 years of his life he devoted his life (and still devote his life) to love me. Let put it this way, I know in this world in this lifetime I will never be able to find another man who can loves me more than my husband loves me. 

It just there one thing in my marriage that we hitting the brick wall, he just won't budge, at.all.

I'm Chinese, married to a man who not Chinese (he not even Asian). My parents since day one never accepted him, my mother just won't accept him, insult me that I'm nothing but dirty for married him, and I was the laughing topic for my mother as well as for my  Chinese family side when they get together and gossip (yes. Chinese families like big groups and like to judge and gossip).

My mother never change her view on him, this last till the day of my mother death, she still never accept my husband. 

My father passed away first, shortly after my mother also passed away. Because my father was a Shanghai businessman, my parents leave a big amount of inheritance, half to me and half to my brother.

---------------

I got a 15 millions dollars inheritance from my Shanghai businessman father. 

-------- My husband adamant refused to have anything to do with it. And even force me to write a Will against my will, stated that if I die before him, ALL my inheritance will go straight to my brother (which means go back to my Chinese family). And not to the next of kin--the husband him. He not want a penny of my inheritance.

Yes, he--my husband is my next of kin, because we have no kids (and this my fault, I couldn't give him a healthy child).

Anyhoo, if I don't write this Will he will bickering with me about it, and I want the peace of my marriage, so in front of my Chinese lawyers I wrote that Will exactly as what he wants so the be happy.

My financial advisor also tell me if that what he adamant want, write it for the peace of my marriage, because I'm not losing out of anything, he not want a penny of my inheritance, my inheritance is fully intact.

My husband keeps his words, eversince I got my inheritance, he never ask for a penny, let alone touch it. 

---------- He hates my inheritance so much to the point that he rather sacrifice his own retirement, he cashed out his 401ks and IRAs just so he can paid for mother Medical Hospital bills than accept my offer of my inheritance help.

He also has been using his working money to pay for his mother Nursing Home care for 5 years (5 years ago his mom had a spinal cord stroke that leave her paralyze). And paid for all her Out of Pocket cost, and Out of network treatments from specialist, and all the Copays. 

------- Earlier this year I bought a 3 millions dollars house with my inheritance (we in California btw). 

I want to add him to the deed as he is my husband, my husband adamant refused to be add on the deed, and without his permission and signature, no laws can force him to be add to the deed.

Not just only that, he also every month pay me back money from his working paychecks, he tells me see it as mortgage. Eventhough he knows we have no mortgage as I bought this house paid fully with my inheritance.

--------- I told my husband he can stop working, becasue with the amount of my inheritnace, is enough for both me and him to live for the rest of our lives. He adamant said No, he wants to work, and will continue to work till his retirement age.

He said it not his money, because it not the money that he work with his own hands to earn it. 

And he said he not hate my inheritance. He wants to protect me, If anything happen to him, I always have my inheritance to fall back on to take care of me for the rest of my life.

And he grateful for my inheritance, because it gives him the peace of him so he can care for his paralyze mother financially (pay for her Nursing Home with his working money).

He won't budge, and I do not know what I can say, or what I can do to get him to budge. 

At this point what do I do? I just feel that he hates my inheritance because my mother discriminate against him. He just won't admit it though. He said my mother discriminate against him does not effect him, because the Darryl him doesn't need a mother in-law like that in the first place. 

But I feel that he still hold grudge against this whole thing of my mother discriminate against him.

I used to be a runner. I did Krav Maga for about 6 years and stopped recently. I’m now at the gym 4-5x a week trying to maintain strength along with using the sauna. I started doing red light therapy.

My struggle is my diet. I don’t eat perfectly and I could use more veggies.

What’s your fitness / nutritional goal? What works for you? What’s your struggle ?

With my youngest son, with whom I normally got on well, we have been having a rough patch recently. He has been reluctant to interact, which makes mending things difficult. I have thought about getting him a personalized mug with ‘the best XYZ (his name) in the world’ custom printed on it. For anyone who has been through something similar do you have any other suggestions?

I hear 44 is where major change happens. I exercise, wear sunscreen , and eat relatively healthy at 38 so hopefully I won't see some major change . If someone already had bad habits I could see it but i take pride in staying healthy.

Over the last couple of years I've realized I make weird little decisions because of my hair. If my friends suggest going to the pool I usually come up with an excuse. Same thing with boating or anything where my hair gets wet. Dry hair hides it pretty well. Wet hair doesnt. I never thought I'd care this much but here we are. Has anyone else noticed themselves avoiding certain situations because of thinning hair? If you got over that feeling what helped?

I'm in my late 40s. At this point, I know what my bad habits are, and even how predictable the behaviors and underlying motivations have become. I mostly see it as a responsibility to myself and others not to give my life over to them.

Overall, life is good, at least circumstantially (career, marriage, finances, etc.), and most people would probably describe me as disciplined and successful.

But a few times every year, maybe for a week or two at most, I regress into the worst version of myself. I eat the worst food, quit the gym, smoke pot, look at porn, am lazy at work. Drinking used to be a big part of this too, but that's one habit that needs to stay quit.

I feel like I just need a break from all the adult discipline, so I defiantly scream, "Fuck it," in my head and surrender to everything for a while. Hogging down pastries and turbo coffee at 6:30 a.m., taking a rip off the pipe, calling out of work, playing Enemy Territory until noon, and walking the dogs all afternoon instead of staring at my work computer.

After a week or two max, I'm so sick of myself that I eagerly go back to my healthier routine and stick with it for another six to nine months. This is when I like myself the most. Still, I eventually regress again. I really think it's some kind of pressure-release valve for the stress of adult life. I don't feel guilty unless I stay in that place for too long and can feel the hedonistic rot setting in.

Curious if any other 40+ guys do this.

Background - Had a vasectomy April 2023. Long story short, remarried and want kids. Probably not for another 2 years though. So I’ll be 42 and 5 years post surgery.

Can someone share their experience of having kids post vasectomy?

It looks like I have 2 options (1) reversal or (2) IVF with a giant needle in my balls. Honestly, the needle in my balls seems like the better option since I’d probably want the vasectomy redone after.

Thanks for the advice!

So basically I have this fascination with the south.

From New Mexico to Texas to Georgia and everything in between, including Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee etc.

I've never been to any of them.

I am planning a several-month road trip slash sabbatical to visit and really submerse myself in the life and the culture.

What are some must-hit cities?

I'll probably be in a camper or camper conversion of some sort.

New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Kansas, Missouri... what are some must-see cities or towns? I actually prefer small(er) towns over major cities!

Hi,

I took Creatine Monohydrate powder about 5 years ago; did the loading phase 10g daily for a week, then 5g daily afterward. It worked wonder! It gave me overwhelming stamina in the gym. I could workout twice as hard without getting tired. Two month in, my hair started to fall off by a bunch. So bad that I could see my head skin in the mirror. Hence I stopped taking Creatine completely. Luckily all my lost hair grew back within a year.

Lately there are more research about Creatine benefits coming out. I want to try again but with smaller dosage to keep my hair. Instead of 5g, maybe I'll do 1.5 or 2g. However I want to hear from other men (preferably over 40) who had done the same with good news (or bad news). Anyone had hair loss problem when taking 5g daily but the hair problem disappeared after reducing the dosage? Please share your stories/opinions. Thanks.

My body has changed a lot over the years.

I also recently lost some weight so my breasts have gotten smaller but my areolae are the same size.

So the net effect is really like 2 mortadella slices vs the typical small pepperoni. While they were always larger it's now very in your face quirky.

They're also quite dark ( chocolate brown) after childbirth which contrasts a lot on my tan skin.

I grew up prudish and only discovered much later in life that most women don't have large areolae.

I feel awkward about it now as I plan to go to a swingers club for the first time as a fun activity ( just trying to be less of a control freak and more free as a person vs prude) and just don't want to get weird stares.

I know 20 year old boys are just happy to get to see boobs but might be diff for older men.

(Edited - to the weird men DMing me. You really think I am going to send you pictures for your POV?)

Single M50.

I have always had trouble sleeping. I can look through Facebook memories over the years and find numerous posts of "wide awake at 1:45am" or "Only three hours of sleep - again - last night."

I cannot recall the last time I slept straight through the night, let alone woke up feeling rested and refreshed. I wake up with a dry mouth... or need to adjust my sleeping position... or some other random reason. I might be awake two minutes, or two hours - it varies. It's never a bathroom need (maybe 2-3x a year, if that).

Last night I went to the gym after work - knocked out two miles on the treadmill and did weights for ~30 minutes. Came home, made dinner, and was exhausted around 9:00. I went to bed at 9:30, slept great until 12:30 or so, then was up-and-down most of the night (awake, asleep, awake, asleep). Finally got up today around 6:30.

During the pandemic I was dealing with a lot of personal and job-related stress. It got to the point where I was taking Ambien every night just to sleep. There have been improvements in the last few years, but it's far from great.

Specifics:

• CPAP user for ~ten years. Just had a check-up, and my numbers are great. Minimal episodes, wearing the mask nightly. Doctor blew off my sleeping/fatigue issues.
• I'm on a low-dose BP med, Wellbutrin, a low-dose cholesterol med, multi-vitamin, allergy med, fish oil and daily aspirin (for blood thinner due to a clotting condition).
• I'm in the gym 2-3x a week - sometimes in the mornings, but usually after work.
• I might spend 30-45 minutes at night on my phone - usually on the couch while watching TV.
• I need to lose weight, but that's been a thing for awhile - so the insomnia could be tied to it, or could be unrelated.
• Some days are fine, but today I feel like I could lay down on the office floor and take a nap - at 9:15 am.

EDIT - No melatonin (had different results with it); maybe 2-4 drinks a month (1-2 at a dinner out), so no alcohol impact. I do take an occasional OTC sleeping pill, but sometimes it does the trick and sometimes I'm knocked out.

Any tips? I have an appointment with my primary-care doctor later this week, and will definitely be discussing.

I'm open to ideas!

Obviously you have to take care of yourself and not turn into a fat middle aged slob but I'm not sure what this men get better with age thing is exactly. Apparently once you start going grey and get a few wrinkles it makes you look more distinguished and women find it more attractive. I'm sure you get better in a sense that you're probably deeper into your career but I don't know if you suddenly become more attractive or looked at in a higher light just because you look older.

Thanks in advance. My younger son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 11 (now 13). Earlier this year, my older son started describing some of his struggles that we knew about but hadn't yet pursued. He is being tested by a professional tomorrow. My wife and I have been talking more about the genetics of ADHD and looking at some of our own tendencies and struggles. My brother and her brother both live with ADHD, and there are traits in our parents we've been wondering about. In my wife's case, ADHD often goes undiagnosed in women, and there's evidence that it often becomes more obvious with menopause.

I'm 49. I live with a degree of anxiety, I struggle with routine and consistency, and I'm easily forgetful and often restless. I am now wondering if perhaps I have been living and compensating with ADHD my whole life.

Wondering if anyone pursued a later-in-life diagnosis? What led to that decision? Did you start medication or other lifestyle changes, and what did they do for you?

Thanks again.