I used dating apps for years, then stopped using them for quite a while. About six months ago I decided to give them another shot. I wasn't using them every day, maybe opening them once or twice a week, but during that entire period I only ended up going on two dates.

I live in a large, touristy city, so I expected there to be plenty of opportunities. Instead, I noticed a few things:

• People seem generally uninterested.
• At first I thought, "Maybe I'm just less attractive now."
• But something strange keeps happening: guys who completely ignore me on the apps will later hit on me in real life.

When I ask them why they never replied online, I usually get answers like:

• "I only use the apps to browse."
• "I thought you were an escort."
• "I don't really talk to anyone on there."
• "I open the app for a minute and leave."
• "I'm afraid of meeting people from the apps."

At the same time, whenever I go to gay bars, clubs, saunas, or other LGBTQ+ spaces, I almost always end up meeting someone. My experience in person has been consistently better than on the apps.

The only time the apps seem to work reasonably well for me is when I'm traveling. Day to day, they feel nothing like they used to.

It makes me wonder if something changed after the pandemic. Did people lose interest in actually meeting? Are the apps mostly for entertainment now? Or is this just my experience?

For those of you who rarely use dating apps, or stopped using them altogether: what has your experience been? Do you still think they serve a real purpose?

39, and I am utterly average. Average income, average appearance, average weight, etc. Not a gay scene person, more anime, manga, games. My parents have passed, grandparents too. No family. I left the military in 2019 and was dumped back into my hometown of Houston, but no one was there.

I confessed to my (bi) roommate who didnt openly reject me, but after a few months he told me he was in a long distance relationship with someone he met online for 5 years now and he would have said yes if I was faster. Things are even more awkward now. He is planning on moving out eventually, then I know the last human in my life for sure is gone.

How do you find people this late in life? Im not an online person, but real life doesnt seem to exist these days. Everyone is dating apps and hookup sites, but that doesnt help me make the connection I am looking for.

My hobbies (anime/gaming) make me too old to find friends or love there, even going to college I am nearly twice the age of my classmates, let alone anyone who may have romantic potential.

Its shameful. Ive been through so much and it never hurt as much as the thought of sitting alone in an empty home with no one else even aware you exist, and nothing has brought me to tears more often than this.

Those who have gone through this, how did you make it to the other side? I cannot see a shoreline anymore.

Hi everyone, my partner and I are looking at moving to a gay city in Europe and I was wondering if people have recommendations? Mainly we like being around other gays, going to gay pubs and spaces.
Thanks for any advice.

Can one help me find an online therapist who specializes in this?

Thank you

Talked to this super hot guy on Scruff this morning. He asked me if I was willing to meet right now and I said “give me 30 minutes and I’ll tell you to come over”.

Went to take a shower and get ready.. come back out to text him. He told me “sorry I’m no longer interested” and then blocked me.

Hello gaybros, I recently came out at 38, I was away from intimate relationships for the past 10 years and I’m impressed in the attention span and how all looks to be fastened, rushed, I get the communication boundaries were lifted and now you are always a text away from saying anything but I feel that this also leaves a gap on expressing oneself, I like poetry and the good use of the word but I don’t seem to fit with dedicating a few words when dating, the lovebombing word has shown up in the last three dates I’ve been.
I am old fashioned but at least young people don’t seem to care what you say and it frustrate me a bit cause I don’t feel like following with the action if I was not heard.
Is this a real issue? The lovebombing? Should one be less attentive? Should actions take its place?
Im having a hard time because I finally feel like I can express myself but then again I might be too much haha.

Alright guys, I feel like at my age I should have this down but here is the skinny… my bf and I have an AMAZING sex life! I bottom and Jesus Crispies he’s a top god!! The most amazing Jamaican man with the cock that’ll make you see stars (sometimes literally), however I have a lube question you’re prob not expecting…

The thing is, he LOVES to see me cum!! But when I’m bottoming, my instinct is to focus on that pleasure instead of my cock and typically have a hard time cumming. Well last night I figured out why. We have several different types of lube (water based, silicone/water hybrid, even oil based) and we use them for bottom just by what we feel we need in the moment. However, when I was jerking off for him, I would start to get close to climax but then the line would transition from slip to more sticky, and I’d loose my spark trying to slick it back up, but it just kept spiraling into sticky territory. I eventually just grabbed an oil based (it’s actually a Native American “medecine” with a base of olive and coconut oil not really intended for sex LOL) just to cross the finish line.

Any guys have suggestions on lube that’ll stay slick instead of sticky, OR a method to avoid the slip-sticky cause?
Thanks in advance for all the help, recommendations and suggestions!

I’ve noticed that most guys on Grindr either have a face pic or a really muscular body in their profile. I’m not super muscular, and I’m also new to dating apps. Honestly, it feels so weird to put my face on a hookup app.

I guess I’m just curious…what’s your opinion? Do you think having a face pic is pretty much expected these days, or is it normal to keep things more private?

Who was that handsome celebrity (or celebrities) that made you realize, "Yeah, I'm gay."? For me it was Lou Ferrigno and Kevin Costner (for the love of God, please don't ask, because I don't know)

I’m a 38M with a young son (<5) who is trying to wrap my head around what a single father life can look like. My husband and I have been talking/taking the next steps on our separation/divorce after being together for over a decade due to several issues (communication, alcohol abuse, anger issues, etc.). My priority is my son and making sure he will be in a stable situation. My hope is that proceedings will be amicable and my husband and I + attorneys can work through this in a thoughtful and a fair manner since I have a compelling case for full custody (wishful thinking but conversations show there is hope). This past weekend, my friend knew I needed a distraction so they took us out for a drink at our local gay bar. I haven’t been to a gay bar in awhile and forgot how fun it could be (this crowd was closer to my age). The thing that threw me for a loop was the attention received which was strange as I have usually been the bigger guy (recently lost 100 pounds so sit around 150). I had a particular dude who paid extra attention, including drinks and compliments, which led to phone number exchanges and continued compliments. However, I was ghosted which stings but I’m ok with (getting there) considering my complex situation. But now, it has got the ol’ mind thinking about the next and the fact times have changed since I was single. How do I approach life/friendships/relationships post event. Should I start saying right off the bat I have a kid? Should I just be a hermit and spend the next couple of years just hunkering down once this blows over? I have a great therapist who I will be engaging with as well but of course thought I would engage Reddit for insights or advice, especially those who have or are going through similar experiences.

Edit: Definitely don’t want to start up something right away. This was more a broader question of just meeting people and navigating a new stage of life. Friendships, for example, will change so navigating those.

In a period of life transition, and I’ve been reflecting.

My first boyfriend was shocked and appalled that I didn’t have close gay friends with whom I talked about my own sex life. (That boyfriend liked to make me feel small and inferior. A whole different difference topic.)

Long out of that relationship, and I do now have some of those friends in my life. But that didn’t happen until my early 40s. I find being able to talk about a dick that was divine, or head that was toothy, or discuss/debate the merits of dildos vs butt plugs, etc. is normalizing, affirming, and freeing. Top of my list is a guy that started as a hookup, became a FB, then FWB, now platonic friend. But I also share this with guys I’ve never slept with.

Do you have this/these relationships in your life? Did you always, or did you grow into them later in your gay adulthood? Did it evolve from a sexual friendship, or come out of a platonic one?

Looking for reco-

Planning to visit Europe again, and was hoping to get tips on which European cities would be best to visit for sleaziest group action, probably in gay saunas.

For context, I’m brown Asian, with average height and medium build. I have been to Europe few times, but only as a top. Recently, I learned how to bottom and has since been my fantasy to get railed by horny hung men, daddies bigger than me, probably in a gay sauna.

With my past Europe trips, I kind of observe that each city has its own some sort of “a city’s gay persona”, iykwim. I kind of cities that are more like a rugged, relaxed, horndog, as opposed to a more pleasant, clean, classy. I kind of more drawn into more raw, more relaxed, more feral kind of sex. Not much into BDSM or other kinks, but I like getting bred.

Any recos?

—-

P.S. actually considering going back to Budapest, as I have been couple times, been to Magnum Sauna, and I liked the vibe, the men, how they were just horny and want to get down to business as opposed to more chats/preliminaries.

But since I’m also more drawn to darker skinned, hairy guys (altho not hard reqts), I’m strongly considering Istanbul also, or maybe some Mediterranean countries, or South Iberia.

I had a long journey to acceptance on being gay. Growing up in the south, Bible this, shame, etc. As such, I’ve only been sexually active with other guys for about two years and still learning. I am a top and trying to feel out positions that feel good for me and my partners, but it’s a bit hard. My dick is only 4.5-5” long and I have had several bottoms decide to bj me instead when seeing jt, tell me they are disappointed that I can’t go in deeper, and if they try to ride it keeps popping out (though I am almost 7” in circumference which also makes other tighter bottoms upset even after I spend 30 minutes or so, warming up with my fingers or toys). Also, while I am 6’1, the distance between my hips and my knees is very short, so doggy style is really hard unless the bottom is essentially laying flat on the bed or I am on one knee partially standing.

Gaybros over 30 with lots of experience, any ideas on better positions? Seeking advice on good positions that please bottoms well and make me feel less self conscious. Any help would be appreciated.

My husband and I opened up a few months ago and have been enjoying playing together. We’ve been pleasantly surprised by the number of guys who are into hooking up with a couple in their 40s. I joke that there are more guys in their late 20s who are into me now than when I was also in my late 20s.

We like laid back, friendly hookups where we hang out before and after, so we’ve been getting to know the guys. I love learning about their interests and talents beyond the bedroom; it reminds me how varied and lovely our community is.

For two guys recently, I felt like they might benefit from knowing each other. They’re the same age, both close with their families, very creative and smart, and they’re both on the shy side and don’t use the apps often. Aside from my age, they seem attracted to things about me that they each share. Plus, more practically, one is very into bottoming and the other is vers with a beer can.

I’m not about to go with the impulse and play matchmaker; they’re on the same app where we met them both, so they have the potential of meeting naturally. Still, I wondered if any happily partnered guys on here have ever thought of introducing their play buddies. Similarly, for single guys who like hooking up with long-term couples, would you be open to that or would you find it too meddlesome?

Edit: Just to be clear, I’m not considering it. I’ve made up my mind not to do anything other than treat them like friends in my broader circle (like inviting them to parties). I just thought it’d be an interesting discussion. 😅

My husband moved to the UK a year ago for graduate school and is about to graduate. He loves London and can genuinely see himself building a life there. I work in international development, and my career requires me to move every few years. While I occasionally work in developed countries, I’m happiest working in developing countries, and it’s much more likely my career will take me to Africa or the Pacific than to the UK.

When he left, I genuinely thought we had found a solution. I supported his decision, send him about $2,000 a month, and pay his rent. We agreed he could build a career in UK while I continued mine, and we’d see each other throughout the year.

A year later, I’m realizing this arrangement is much harder than I expected. I miss having a spouse physically present in my life. We agreed to have an open relationship while long distance (and before, actually) and during that time I developed feelings for someone else. I’ve ended that relationship because I wanted to focus on my marriage, but it forced me to question whether our long-term plan actually works for me. (With this new guy, I could never see myself being open or long distance)

My husband has told me that if I insist, he would come back and live with me after graduation. The problem is that I don’t want him to give up a future he’ll resent. Because my career involves frequent moves, he’d likely struggle to establish his own career, and he’s already told me that not working makes him anxious about his future. Even when we’ve lived in cities like Shanghai and Bangkok together, he hasn’t really enjoyed that lifestyle.

His preferred plan is to stay in London for the next three years while I finish my current assignment. After that, I would try to apply on a position somewhere in London/Europe so we could either live together or at least be much closer. If that doesn’t work out, we’d continue doing long distance. Getting a job in Europe on my field is easier said than done. This means we probably have indefinite long distance. While he has given solutions, they seem a bit unrealistic.

The uncertainty worries me. I could pursue European assignments, but that also means giving up the type of work and places that drew me into this career in the first place. I dont want to choose work over my husband but I do know the lifestyle of my work inspires me.

We’ve had several conversations that almost led to divorce. I’ve decided not to make any major decisions until we see each other in person after he graduates. I’ve also suggested couples therapy because I think having a neutral third party would help us work through these issues, but he isn’t interested. We do have some other issues in communication, honesty, and emotional connection, but we are still very happy together.

Complicating everything is that I still have feelings for the person I met during our open relationship. I’m not pursuing that relationship anymore, but I also don‘t want to miss out on true love to save a marriage that may naturally end. Of course it is possible he might not even find a job in the UK and would need to move back to me anyway, but I honestly think with his degree and past work experience he should be fine.

How do we know if we are just going in different directions? And, how can I be sure I am not speed running a divorce to be with someone else? Do indefinite long distance relationships really work? Am I prioritizing too many other things over my marriage? Whats so wrong with a long distance marriage in which we still get to fuck others, make our own money, but know we have one another eventually?

How do you breach this somewhat uncomfortable/vulnerable topic with a partner? We’re monogamous, which I’m mostly ok with it. I think more of a mongamish relationship might be what I desire but mostly like the idea of doing things together. I love watching threeway porn cus I think it’s so hot. Been in a few threeways in a past with a previous partner and think about the desire for that again often. I’ve been to bathhouses while traveling before too and can see myself wanting to do that again…things like this. Especially a threeway situation from time to time. I know when you commit yourself to a relationship, you might have to sacrifice some of these things. We haven’t really breached this topic much. I think he fears open relationships from being burned in the past. But I also know he enjoyed a handful of threeways while he was single. I’m arguably the more sexual one. I love our relationship, just looking for advice on how to spark convos on this.

I’m not asking for medical advice. but I’m curious about your experience with vaccinations 💉

In Netherlands I explained to the doctor that beside me being gay I’m into dirty sex and drinking urine and semen and the doctor said there is nothing more i can catch from engaging in this kind of behavior other than side effects similar to food poisoning. Therefore i got only the three vaccines aforementioned + prep for HIV.

I appreciate your insights🧡

Hey guys, my husband and I are into that phase in our lives where we are planning to be empty nesters. We adopted kids and for so many years our lives, relationship has been about them and for them. They are now either out of the house or old enough to be on their own and now we want to meet other groups of gay many and maybe do some traveling together.
We are open and adventurous but not really the gay circuit party type. We would love to join a gay travel group, social outings, or just make some gay friends to hang out with.
Anyone have any suggestions? Any groups we can join or ideas on how to make gay friends?

Hey guys! I’ve been into jack off only hook ups because it’s hot, can cum with another dude, but don’t have to worry about stds and all that. Anyone else into jack off only? Kinda a new discovery on my end. Haha

I'm 32. I like to think I know what's going on, but I've been an adult long enough to know that life throws crap and you and you do your best.

Basically I have situations come up where I could really use some advice from someone who is older and wiser than me. It could relate to my career, dating, or life in general. Not having that has been hard. I'm often alone and I can take good care of myself - I'm told I handle things well. But the truth is that I'm very tired of how heavy everything is and I need help.

I have tried to find someone to talk to a couple of times, but it hasn't worked out. I know I'll be okay and I have a good head on my shoulders. I'll be honest - frequently I find myself freaking out and just wanting a hug and someone to talk to. Like I cry for a long time and my brain goes through all of these thoughts and memories and it's a lot.

What do you do when you just want some advice?

My dad (66) was never super close with me. I tried to reconnect with him last year. 4 months ago he randomly sent me "you are no longer my son, fuck you" and I have no idea why. I replied "why?" and he didn't respond. Another memory to torture myself with.

I have tried therapy. I feel like they just blow smoke up my ass. Last couple of times they give me someone who appears to be younger than me and it's just not what I asked for, nice though they are.

Should I wear shades? Should I stare at the guy as they walk by or as I pass by? (I’m very shy and introverted so I always find it hard to hold a gaze). What to wear in the summer? Tank tops and short shorts?

Honestly I happened to unintentionally catch cruisers in my neighborhood, but now that I’m trying to do it while walking around during the summer daytime, any good tips?

(There’s this shirtless guy I always see sitting on his house porch who smiled at me and said in a friendly way “it’s hot outside?” I responded yes, but he smiled and went back inside the house, i didn’t notice any signals for him to come back inside. But he’s hot).

Hey everyone! 35M here in Montreal. I recently got divorced from my husband after 12 years together, and I'm looking to get out, dance, have fun, and maybe kiss a bunch of men on the dance floor. 😄

I used to go to Unity (we always called it "the U") when I was single, and I have so many great memories there. Where should I go these days?

Has anyone tried the Outclose dinner app in Montreal? How was it? Would love to hear your experience!