r/AskEasternEurope • u/LarsMars_72 • 13h ago
Culture I need help understanding this dynamic
I grew up in America with an American father and a mother from Moldova. I spoke both Russian and English in the house and I do associate myself heavily with both Russian and Moldovan cultures because some of the traditions in my house were of that background. I live in a small town where there are not a lot of Russian speakers around so the only other Russian speakers I knew were a family that has a similar background to mine except the mother was from Moscow and not Moldova. Now more Russian speakers( specifically from Russia such as St. Petersburg) have moved to town and all the women became friends with my mother. There’s just one thing though, they all treat her differently simply because she wasn’t from Moldova, such as pointing out her heritage and her background whenever they get the chance and not seeming to understand how Moldovans lived their lives. When I started going to college there were a few Russians that I have met, both of them happened to be from Moscow. The first girl I met my freshman year actually ran into my grandma first, and being that my grandma only spoke Russian, she mentioned me to her and the girl actively tried to find me. We ended up getting coffee together and chatted for a bit but that was it. After a while of trying to reach out again and attempting to plan another time to hangout, I noticed she grew distant. Whenever I would say hi to her she would act all serious and I could tell by the expression on her face she wasn’t to fond to see me anymore as she once did. She never answered the last message I sent her either which was asking when we could hangout again. It just seemed weird how she switched up all of a sudden. Now being that I met her during the second year of the Russo-Ukrainian war I tried to be polite and not ask her what her stance was and talk about something political like that, so I dont think I couldve said anything to upset her. When I noticed she wasn’t as eager to talk to me anymore I gave up trying to talk to her all together, even unadding off of instagram and snapchat because I did not want to bother with her anymore. Now this is where I notice a pattern, my second year I meet this Russian boy( from Moscow) in my class, we talk and we get along and he seemed so happy to know that I spoke Russian too, i even followed him on instagram and we became mutuals(if thats what that means lol). We would chat all the time in class and such but towards the end of the semester whenever I would talk he would just look at me funny or just not even try and talk to me, it was a bit of a different switch up, nothing that I expected from the girl but surprise surprise, they happened to know each other (they both did sports and were on the volleyball and swim teams at my college). I never talked to him again after that semester but almost two years later her unfollows me off of instagram yet he still follows other people from that same class. Even as I transferred schools I met this one girl in my class that happened to speak Russian, but her mother was from Moscow and she was born in California, we chatted for two days and then she decided to sit completely on opposite side of the class room the rest of the semester. I used to be so eager making friends I could speak Russian with, and the only people I can connect with are people that either have eastern European backgrounds or are from any post Soviet country besides Russia, but I could never bond with Russians. After a while I gave up trying to befriend Russians and just went with whatever happens. Even Romanians think of me as one of them and are more eager to interact with me. I just want to understand why I am experiencing this and is it the fact that Moldova isn’t the same as Russia and they feel the need to treat me this way? How come both my mother and I experience some sort of issues when it comes to befriending people from Russia? Ethnically and culturally I am Russian, my nationality might not be, but suffice to say I am not necessarily a Moldovan either in that manner, I am just an American. No hate to the Russian people in any way, I just have a hard time understanding why I run into this pattern.