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TL;DR: I planned a holiday months in advance, but a family member organized a last-minute gathering on the same weekend and expected me to cancel my trip. I said no, and now some relatives think I'm choosing a vacation over family. Am I the jerk?

I've had a short holiday planned for months. I booked the time off, reserved everything in advance, and have been looking forward to it because it's the first real break I've had in a long time.

A few days ago, a family member called and asked if I could cancel everything because they decided to host a big family get-together on the same weekend. They said it would mean a lot if I came and pointed out that everyone else was going to be there. The thing is, none of this was mentioned until after I'd already committed to my plans.

I told them I wasn't changing anything and that I hoped everyone had a great time, but I'd already made plans that I wasn't willing to throw away. Now a couple of relatives are saying I'm choosing a vacation over family and that I could always travel another time. I don't see it that way since this wasn't some emergency, just something that was organized at the last minute. Am I the jerk for sticking with my original plans?

I am still on a healing journey currently. It took me a few years to first acknowledge that I had underlying symptoms of betrayal trauma from my past experiences, which gave me trust issues in general.

After starting the necessary inner work, I began to open myself emotionally again and consciously attempt to trust people with all I have got. I still don't trust anyone, and my default mode is to safeguard my well-being in case I get hurt by someone else.

I know that I am not yet fully ready to be in a committed relationship now. But I don't think I am too far away from it either.

Irrespective of the seriousness of the commitment of the relationship, would it be fair for me to tell my potential partner that cheating and/or loss of trust is a dealbreaker for me and there's no coming back from it?

TL;DR: WIBTJ to walk away without listening to them or trying to save the relationship if the unfortunate happens?

TL;DR- my little sister was upset at my mom on the day of my birthday dinner, and then got even more upset cause of what I choose and ate and threw a fit the rest of the night, but I’m wondering if I should’ve been more considerate of her feelings?

This happened about a year ago now, but my mom still brings it up sometimes to make fun of my little sister for how she acted (for context I was a couple days away from turning 21, and my little sister was 14).

Sometimes near my birthday I will go to my mom’s house so do stuff with them for my birthday. Usually we go to some type of attraction/theme park, and I’ll stay about a week or so just depending. I only go during holidays or special occasions because they live 4 hours away and I don’t drive, so I can only go when my grandpa is free and not working.

This year my mom had gotten off work early and let me pick what was for dinner and she also got me a cake and a present. I wasn’t feeling anything fancy, so I told her to just stop by Publix and get fried chicken and mac and cheese since she already had to be there to pick up the cake. I asked her if my little sister would be fine with that, and she told me yes but that it didn’t matter because it was my birthday dinner and it was my choice. I thought that was a fair point so I let it slide. She got home before my sister was, and she told me that when she got home she was going to have a conversation with her about her grades because she was failing a class or two.

So my little sister gets home, my mom starts to ask her about her grades, and tells her that her punishment is no phone in her room at night. Mind you, she can have her phone and computer ANYYYY other time, but not at night because my mom assumed she was failing cause of lack of sleep. If this was me, I would’ve had my phone taken away PERIOD. I wouldn’t be allowed to even have the computer or probably even watch tv.

After my mom tells her this, my sister BLOWS UP. I’m talking sobbing, yelling at my mom (which is wild because I would’ve gotten my ass beat for that at her age), arguing with my mom, etc. They probably argued back and forth for 30 minutes to an hour, and then she went to her room and my mom started making the sides to go with the dinner. When it was done, my sister didn’t wanna come out of the room yet so we ate without her. When she finally came out to eat, she looked in the box of fried chicken and started crying again because there were no drumstick pieces left, only breast pieces. I felt so icked out and embarrassed for her. She then looked into the pot of mac and cheese and asked ‘what the green bits were.’ I told her I picked broccoli mac and cheese since it was my birthday dinner. She then started crying MORE. In my head the whole time I was going ‘really? You’re crying over fried chicken and mac and cheese??’

I understand she was already in a bad mood, but I didn’t know they were going to have that conversation until after I had already picked what I wanted for dinner. Yes, it was probably my bad for eating the drumstick pieces, but I didn’t know that she would have such a reaction to it and that she only liked those pieces. I knew she might have a problem with the broccoli mac and cheese but my mom said it was fine and she could just pick out the pieces if anything. I don’t remember what she ended up making to eat instead, but she didn’t eat what we had and then went to her room again.

When it was time to sing happy birthday and cut the cake, my mom called out my little sister from her room. My mom started singing and lighting the candles and my sister just stood there mouthing the words, not even actually singing. AGAIN I understand she was in a bad mood, but honestly it kinda hurt my feelings. She said she didn’t want any cake and then went into her room again for the night.

Tbh this isn’t the only time she’s ruined a moment with her bad attitude. And for those of you who are gonna say ‘she’s a teenager, that’s just how teenagers are,’ this is way more than just being a teenager. This is from her being spoiled her whole life. My family, especially my mom, treats her so much better and differently than she treated me. Like I said earlier, if I argued with my mom how she did, I would’ve gotten a much harsher punishment. My mom mistreated me. I’m not gonna go into it but I’ve had many mental health professionals say the same thing. I developed BPD from my childhood and how she treated me. But even after all this, I’m still wondering if I should’ve been more considerate of her feelings? The fact that my mom brings it up to embarrass her sometimes makes me feel a little bad, and I remember how hard high school was for me. Hell, I literally dropped out of public high school my senior year. But yeah idk honestly. Was I a jerk?

I recently ended a longterm friendship with someone I considered one of my best friends. We aren't young kids anymore we have jobs, personal goals, and real-life priorities to focus on. I’ve always considered myself a sweet, supportive friend, but keeping up with her demands became exhausting. Whenever she called or texted, she expected me to respond immediately. If I took hours or sometimes days to get back to her, she would throw a fit. Mind you, she was fully aware of the mental health struggles I was going through at the time (I'm in a much better place now). There were just days when I didn't have the emotional energy to talk to anyone, and I thought a best friend would understand that. Instead, her reaction was to block me every single time I wasn't available fast enough.

This happened four separate times, and every time, I was the one reaching out, apologizing, and begging her to understand where I was coming from. But on the 5th time she blocked me over a delayed reply, something in me just snapped. I got completely exhausted by the cycle and decided to cut her off for good. I still have a soft spot for her and sometimes hope we can reconcile in the future, but I just couldn't handle the constant guilt trips and block-and-unblock games anymore.

So, AITJ for giving up and completely cutting her off?

TL;DR: My best friend expected me to reply instantly to all calls/texts and blocked me whenever I took time to respond due to my busy life and mental health struggles. After apologizing and chasing her 4 times, I got tired of the cycle on the 5th time and cut her off completely.

I have a friend who has needed to borrow my car a few times because they don’t have reliable transportation. I was happy to help at first because I understand that things happen and everyone needs support sometimes.The problem is that both times they borrowed it, they returned it much later than we agreed. The first time, they were a few hours late and apologized. The second time, they kept changing the return time and I ended up having to rearrange my own plans.Recently, they asked to borrow my car again, and I said I wasn’t comfortable lending it out anymore. They told me I was being dramatic and that friends should help each other out.I don’t think they are a bad person, but I feel like my time and trust weren’t being respected.

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I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend, "Adam," for about a year. We have a really healthy relationship overall. He's a gymnast, works out constantly, and loves going for runs every morning and evening. I'm more of a homebody, but whenever he asks me to work out or go for a walk, I'm happy to go.

A few weeks ago, he told me he found a running partner. At first, I honestly didn't think much of it. He was open about it, told me about her, and never acted secretive. I trusted him completely.

The only thing that bothered me was that he suddenly stopped asking me to go on our usual Wednesday walks. We normally spend Wednesdays together because our schedules line up, but for about three weeks straight he never asked. Once I noticed that, I started making more of an effort to spend time with him. I even started going to his gym after our summer classes

so we could work out together. He never had a problem with me being there, but sometimes he seemed a little annoyed, like maybe I was slowing him down or interrupting his routine. I didn't want to force myself into his space, so eventually I stopped going as often.

When I finally asked him if he wanted to walk with me, he said, "Of course why wouldn't I"

I suggested we all go together because I wanted to meet her. She turned out to be incredibly sweet, and we actually got along really well.

But throughout the four hours we spent together, I noticed something that made me uncomfortable. Whenever I was talking or telling a story, she'd constantly look at my boyfriend for validation, almost like she wanted his reaction before responding to me. It happened over and over again. Maybe I'm reading into it, but it felt strange.

At one point, I stopped to take a drink of water and let them walk ahead. By the time I looked up, they were speed-walking far ahead of me like they'd forgotten I was even there. When I caught up, they explained they were trying to hit a Fitbit step goal before the timer ran out, and my boyfriend even showed me the app, so I know that part was true.

On the drive home, my boyfriend asked what I thought of her. I said she seemed sweet, but I also mentioned that I noticed she kept looking at him for validation during conversations. He immediately told me I was overthinking it and basically made me feel like I was imagining things.

Then another Wednesday came... and once again he spent it with her instead of me.

Now I'm wondering if I'm just insecure, or if it's reasonable to feel uncomfortable that our usual time together has been replaced by someone else, even if nothing romantic is going on.

I just want time with him 😔 UPDATE i forgot his younger brother followed me on here and he shared this post to him. I do know for sure that we are OVER i still don't know if something's going on between his running partner in him.. so yeah xoxo but I don't care no more

My uncle recently bought a new dining table with these light wooden chairs that he is extremely protective of. The first time we ate there, he quietly moved two of the bigger relatives onto folding chairs because he said the dining chairs had a lower weight limit. It was awkward, but nobody argued.

At the next dinner he had already put name cards on every seat. Everyone he considered smaller was at the table, while three of us were placed on folding chairs along the wall. Mine wasnt even facing the table properly. He said he was only protecting furniture he saved money for and that people were being too sensitive about a practical issue.

So this weekend I brought my own sturdy dining chair from home and placed it at the table before dinner. My uncle got annoyed and said I was making a spectacle in front of everyone. I told him the name cards and separate row of chairs were already doing that.

He asked me to either use the folding chair he provided or leave, so I left and took the food I brought with me. Now some relatives think I embarrassed him in his own home, while others say his seating system was humiliating to begin with. Am I the jerk?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/yh5qHkGcoj

Hey everyone, it’s been a while since my original post and a lot has happened. First, I want to make one thing very clear: my mom is not one of the people I’m cutting off. She’s actually been really supportive through everything.

The biggest change is that I’m now only planning to stay in contact with my 15-year-old cousin. I’m fully cutting off my 21-year-old cousin as well.
Not long after my first post, we were talking and the topic of the family always sweeping things under the rug came up. I mentioned that they did the same thing with her brother (the one who assaulted our younger cousin). She immediately started defending him, repeating “my brother’s not a rapist.” I told her he’s still a sexual deviant and a disgusting person for what he did. She said she wasn’t going to judge because she doesn’t know both sides and needed to hear from everyone.

She wanted to put our 15- year-old cousin in a group chat so she could explain what happened. I shut that down immediately and told her absolutely not — I wasn’t going to let her badger a child. I privately asked the 15-year-old if she wanted to talk about it or leave it alone. She said she wants to move on with her life and not dwell on it, but if I wanted to tell her what happened, I could. So I did. Our cousin confirmed he made her do things to him (exactly what we already knew).

That still wasn’t good enough for the 21-year-old. She added the 15-year-old to the group chat anyway. Then, after hearing it again, this girl went and added her brother to the group chat too. I left immediately (I have him blocked). She added me back and asked why I was “hiding.” That started a huge argument that lasted for hours.

During that argument she said a bunch of shit that made me look at her completely differently. She tried to justify and minimize what her brother did, talking about his age (he claimed he was 10 but was older), saying I shouldn’t judge him, and that I need to move past it. She even argued that if he was old enough to know better, then our cousin (who was 8) should have known better too — which is insane and disgusting logic. It confirmed she’s extremely messy and was probably doing it just to stir up drama and see a fight.

This whole situation, plus other things I already knew about her (no morals, no self-respect, constantly sleeping with taken men, being a side chick even to guys in jail, pregnancy scares, defending her mom sleeping with my mom’s baby daddy, etc.), showed we don’t align at all. On top of that, she told me recently that her brother pulled a gun on their own father during an argument. I’m not scared of anybody, but I value my life and I’m not about to let her put me in a position where things could escalate dangerously.

I talked to my mom about it and she agreed I should cut her off. So that’s what I’m doing. I used to text her every day, but now I give dry responses and don’t keep conversations going. She’s starting to notice. I’m trying to bow out gracefully without giving her a reason to start more drama, especially with her brother.

I’ve also been skipping family functions and I’m sticking to my plan of going low/no contact with almost everyone else once I’m at college. It was also confirmed that a lot of the family called my mom a liar about what happened to her (there’s proof she wasn’t lying), and they still look past it. That just solidified everything for me.

I deleted Instagram for a bit to reflect, and I’m focusing on getting ready for college. I’m done letting this family drag me into their mess while they protect the wrong people and tear down the ones trying to do better.

Thanks again to everyone who commented on my last post. I’ll answer any questions if you have them.

TLDR: Mom is staying in my life (she’s been supportive), but I’m now only keeping contact with my 13-year-old cousin. I’m fully cutting off my 21-year-old cousin after she defended her brother (the one who sexually assaulted our younger cousin), tried to force the victim into a group chat, then added the abuser to it anyway. She minimized what he did, showed she’s messy as hell, and said a bunch of wild shit with zero morals. Add in safety concerns (he’s pulled a gun on their dad) and we don’t align at all, so I’m fading her out while staying cautious. Still going low/no contact with the rest of the family once I’m at college.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

My nephews live far away and my brother's gets them for 6 weeks in the summer. They are 4, 9, and 17. Normally they would have been at my house several times a week. The oldest would stay at my house the majority of the trip and i would watch the middle child while my brother was at work. The baby wasn't allowed to travel yet.

Last year i had knee surgery and told my brother i couldn't watch them he had to make other arrangements. I was sad because i would have loved to have them especially with the 'baby' coming for the first time. But i had to recover before i could chase little kids around especially a 3 year old.

I saw them a lot less last year for sure.

This year me and my mom have not been getting along, in the past she would invite us to hang with the boys in the pool with her, this year not so much.

10 days after they arrived my mom invited all her kids and grand kids to lunch to see them. I came played with the kids and was cordial to my mom.

Then i didn't hear anything from them. NOTHING. 3 weeks in i called my brother and asked what they were doing that weekend.

He told me he was going to a local boat show and then on the boat with my sister.

Past me would have invited herself but I'm working on being better to myself and part of that is not inviting myself into spaces where i was not invited because people can be hurtful and I just end up feeling left out.

He didn't invite me so i told him to have a great time and invite me to the pool one day. He said ok.

Fast forward to yesterday. My Birthday of all days he calls me at 9pm and tells me Happy Birthday i ask how the boys are. He just got back from bringing them home.

And he says 'about that, i was pretty disappointed you didn't make any effort to see them while they were here.'

I started bawling and told him i did. He says 'oh yeah, thats right'

Wtf

I told him i felt like he was punishing me for not giving in and watching them last year.

Then he started in on how i need to make up with mom. I hung up on him and cried all night.

Should i have insisted on tagging along, i didnt want to impede on his time he only has them for 6 weeks a year.

Should i have just dropped by and hoped they would be home.

I am so mad and sad. And kind of mad at my mom, was she so mad at me she couldn't bother to include me.

If i am pushy i am told I'm too much if i don't push i am left out completely.

I also feel used.

So am i a jerk for not inviting myself to visit my nephew's during their dads 6 week custody time? I feel like ghosting them all.

My younger sister moved into a house with three roommates and I gave her my old espresso machine since I had upgraded. It still worked perfectly and originally cost me around $500. I told her it was for the house.

After some time I visited and saw a handwritten price list taped beside it. She was charging $1 per coffee and said it was to cover the beans, milk, cleaning tablets and general upkeep. At first that sounded fair, but one of her roommates told me she had already made over $100 and the supplies definitely hadnt cost anywhere near that much.

I told her that wasnt why I gave it to her. She said it became hers the second I handed it over and she can do whatever she wants with it. She also said the roommates were still paying way less than they would at a cafe.

So I unplugged it, put it in my car and took it home. My younger sister says I basically stole a gift and embarrassed her in front of everyone. My parents agree that charging them was tacky, but think taking it back crossed a line since it technically belonged to her.

AITJ?

TLDR; I didn’t tell my baby’s father about our daughters party, he found out from Instagram.

21F, my baby’s father is 39M. Our daughter was an accidental pregnancy when i was 19, I was doing SW and he was a client at the time. I also had a cryptic pregnancy, so I didn’t know until she was born and he wasn’t informed about her existence at that time.

So, about six months ago, I noticed him watching through my Instagram stories and saw him in my views but I didn’t think much of it and figured he simply wanted to reconnect. I have a highlight on my page of our daughter and I’ve posted her onto my profile, so I felt it was only right to tell him about her. He never replied to that.

In fact, he never addressed anything about our daughter but would continue to watch my stories and occasionally slide up with the heart eyes reaction emoji. Cool. Odd, but harmless. I just figured he wanted nothing to do with our daughter, which I don’t care much about at this point.

Her birthday was last Friday, we didn’t have her party until Sunday. I posted the photos onto my story and my feed, it was a small family event, nothing too extravagant, and I noticed he viewed it and did not respond.

Monday, he sent me these messages (attached) claiming I’m a selfish mother for not inviting him to the party, and my mother also agrees that he should have been extended an invitation. I don’t think he should have been because he’s never shown interest in her, but I could be biased.

So, AITJ?

I'm dating this guy Dru. We met at Job Corps, where we fooled around. A month after I left, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.

He's really sweet, loving, and gives good advice. The thing is, he can be a bit insecure. Whenever I try to tell him he's great and he's amazing, he doesn't believe it. I constantly have to reassure him that I won't leave him or cheat on him.

Plus, he can be so negative whenever I try to stay optimistic and encouraging. He can also be a bit of a horndog, to say the least. It feels like every other conversation is about 'having fun.' Whenever I try to call him out on it, he claims that I'm calling him a F*ckboy. All I want is for us to talk more about other things.

I admit I haven't been calling him as much as I should because I've been trying to get into college.

Now that I'm preparing for classes, I told him my availability to talk will decrease. At the very least, I'll send him voice recordings and text messages. But he's asking me to send... videos of my garden of Eden.

I asked him what if I don't, and he basically said, 'so you'll be going to school full time and not able to message me, but you won't send me a video? I'm not asking for a lot. Besides, what's the difference between now and back at Job Corps?'

'Dru, you're thinking with your dick and not with your mind. You claim to love me, but it feels like you're not willing to stay with me throughout this. The only difference is that we're both miles away," I text back.

He also claims he's scared I'm gonna cheat on him when I'M LITERALLY TRYING TO START MY LIFE SO I CAN AFFORD A PLACE TO STAY SO WE CAN DO STUFF LIKE THAT!

It seems like he doesn't see the bigger picture or consider my perspective or feelings. He only cares about his needs and feelings while acting like I'm not understanding his feelings. I try to listen and respond calmly, but it feels like he's not doing the same, especially after doing something before we started dating a long time ago.

Whenever I do something he wants, like sending a video of my breasts, he's all, 'I love you pookie,' and 'my wifey' and 'my chunky bear.'

So, am I the jerk? What should I do? How do I get him to see things my way? I really love him and I want to be with him for a long time.

TL;DR( I'm preparing for college so I won't be able to spend alot of time on the phone with my boyfriend. Due to this he wants videos of my garden of Eden even though I don't want for a multitude of reasons. )

I was planning on flying across the country with my best friend to celebrate my 30th birthday in a few months. My husband covered our flight, hotel and rental car—all non-refundable. All he asked was she cover her own food, wine and any other expenses she incurs for herself. She agreed and I started researching/booking reservations.

She was having financial trouble after we booked the non-refundables, but before booking any reservations for things to do. I gave her my preferred itinerary before booking anything and she helped with some of the decisions. She even asked me to upgrade some of the experiences I chose as I was trying to be cognizant of the situation and truly I wasn’t missing anything by not doing the upgrades.

She knew how much each booking was and I gave her my spreadsheet I used to keep track of how much we each should be saving. I also gave her several opportunities to back out and she said no she’ll be fine and “she didn’t want to ruin my birthday by having to cancel”. During this period she mentioned having to pay other people back and having more set backs but she insisted she could still go. I didn’t ask how much she owed her other friends from her trip last year but when she told me about that, I began to really worry.

Some of these reservations required upfront payment for both of us which since I made, my card was charged. Again, I asked if we should cancel and she said no. Well we’re now less than 2 months out and the rest of the reservations will be charging my card the week before we get there and I only budgeted for myself. I haven’t heard a thing from her about a payment plan so I reached out and asked if I would be paid in full for her portion before the trip and she asked how much I told her. I gave her the amount for her portion of what I would be paying on her behalf (over $1000) and she said she gets paid next week she’ll start paying me then. I told her that didn’t answer my question and she said “if I said I’ll start paying it means I would be able to pay for my portion.” To avoid arguing, I didn’t point out that by “starting to pay” doesn’t guarantee everything would be paid off prior to the trip as no amount was given as to what would be paid or when.

I took the day to cool off and while I’m not as angry as I was when I read it, I’m irritated because it’s still a non-answer. Could I put it all on a credit card, yes. But why should I risk having to pay interest on something I wasn’t even planning to put on a card? We’ve been friends for over a decade and she’s never acted that way towards me. I’m more just hurt by her tone and honestly, I want to cancel the whole trip because of the emotional toll it’s taken on me. Even if she paid in full at this point, I don’t think I could enjoy the trip with or without her there. I just know she’ll be upset because she requested the time off work and I know she was looking forward to going. I just can’t say for certain I’m looking forward to going.

Maybe I caught her at a bad time. Maybe I could have approached this better despite trying to make a plan with her for months. Maybe ITJ for checking in a few times on whether she still felt comfortable going. I just didn’t want to get there and front costs that I didn’t agree to, then have to wait to be reimbursed. I would rather have canceled months ago to avoid any of this as I knew conflict would ruin the trip more than saying no back then would have.

Edit to add:
TL;DR: friend and I planned to go across the country to celebrate my birthday. She hasn’t paid anything towards the trip yet and when I asked if I’d get her half before we fly out, she said “If I said I start paying you next week it means I can pay for my half” The comment made me want to cancel the trip as it felt snarky and didn’t actually answer my question. AITJ?

tl;dr - I want to distance myself from a friend but don’t want to seem like the bad guy

I’m a guy and me and this girl have been closefriends since we were in middle school, and we are now about to enter our first year of college.

Overtime in the past year, our friendship dynamic has sort of shifted, as it’s become more of her complaining, every time we text it’s a new complaint, it’s never good news, and i try my best to help her see the positive and give solutions when needed and just be there to listen. But as of lately it is starting to become draining.

She herself has identified that she might be a pessimist, but still she has made no effort on improving that aspect of herself, she complains about her boyfriend who treats her unfairly, but yet stays in the relationship, i’m tired of hearing about the complaints daily.

How do i go about solving this?

so i’m 22, just got out of college and got my first real job. i started last week and have a girl who is 30 with a boyfriend and kid training me. she’s super nice and cool, but she gave me her number and asked me if i drank (i said yes but tbh i haven’t a lot since i graduated). she said i was “cool and funny” so she wanted to go drinking with me and hang out with me. then i told her i go to the gym and she said we should go together. like i don’t mean to be rude, but idk about being friends with my coworkers like that. idk why i feel this way bc at college i would be friends with anyone all the time (not everyone but yk). and im a very social person. BUT i will say i worked at a restaurant 2 summers ago and became good friends with my coworkers and they were just not my vibe at all (a very rough crowd) and maybe i just don’t want a repeat of that? it just didn’t turn out well with them bc half of them ended up in jail or fired or something it was a mess lol. i feel bad but idk i just do not want to hang out with her outside of work for some reason.

tl;dr- i don’t want to be my coworkers friend at my new job for some reason

I'm in a really tough spot at work and need an honest reality check on how I handled this.

Im a supervisor for a small team at a company. A few months ago, I helped my close friend Jenny get a job on my team. Everything seemed fine at first, but recently I found out something that completely shocked me. Jenny has been paying an outside freelancer to do a large portion of her daily workload for her. Even worse, to do this, she gave this external person access to our internal company data and systems. This is a massive violation of our security policy and contracts. As her supervisor, I realized that if data got leaked, or if upper management found out through an audit, I would likely be fired alongside her for letting it happen on my watch.

I pulled Jenny aside privately and told her she had to stop immediately, revoke the person's access, and come clean to our boss. She refused, saying it wasn't a big deal since the work was getting done, and she begged me to cover for her as a friend.

I couldn't sleep for days worrying about the liability. Ultimately, I decided I couldn't risk my own career and reputation. I went to our boss, explained the situation, and showed the evidence. Jnny was terminated immediately, and now she and our mutual friends are furious with me. They're calling me a traitor and saying I ruined her life over a company that doesn't care about me anyway.

AITJ for reporting my friend to protect my job and the company's data?

TL;DR: My friend, who works on my team, hired an outside freelancer to do her work and gave them access to confidential company data. As her supervisor, I asked her to stop, but she refused. I reported her to our boss to protect my own career, she got fired, and now our friend group is calling me a traitor.

So for background, I, 22F, have been dating my now fiancé, 23M, for about 7 years. We’ve recently gotten engaged and I’ve been thinking about whether I should invite my parents to the wedding.

My parents hated my fiancé throughout my teens. Since the month we started dating I was constantly told “you know you aren’t gonna marry him, right?” And other very discouraging things.

When we were 16, we had a really rocky breakup and lost contact for a bit but eventually found our ways back to each other and continued dating throughout his senior year (my junior year), did long distance my senior year and now he’s home from the military and we’re finally making it legal.

We plan on having a small ceremony with the family that we like and a few close friends and moderately sized reception. I never planned on having my dad walk me down the aisle or have them make a speech or my mom be apart of my bridesmaids, so it wouldn’t make an impact on anything. They were just so discouraging our whole relationship until I was 19.

TL:DR — my mom and dad have shit talked my whole relationship from 15-22 and now I don’t wanna invite them to the wedding

Alright this is kind of a rollercoaster, but I met somebody online who I then met in real life, I only say I met him online because that’s where our first conversation was, but he was the boyfriend of another friend I have (for clearance, I am 16M friend is 16M and the “Bad Guy” is also 16M).

So, we text all of us, play some games etc etc, then we all decide to meet up in real life, little did me and Friend know, BG had another friend coming, when that friend arrived, BG started ABANDONING me and Friend, we would try to follow them to hang out with them, but whenever we all settled down in one place, they would just leave, so we decided to just stay where we were, after some game and show talk, Friend suddenly changed topics to BG, he was talking about how they’re broken up about a dozen times now, BG is constantly emotionally abusive towards Friend, etc etc, and talking about how “this would be our last time”. We talked about him, and I talked about how I didn’t really like BG either because he was kind of a jerk and made constant jokes about R@pe, and SA, racism, sexism, homophobia, etc etc, he just kind of wasn’t a good person, super controlling of Friend too, it was a lot to handle. Now we’re getting to the main part, the reason why “Helping” has quotation marks (I don’t know if what they’re called) on the outsides, what happened was while we were hanging out he suddenly said “J, I like you” and I was flabbergasted and being the twink I am I said “I like you too” and yadda yadda, he begged to help him, but he wanted to be with me but never tell BG about it, I kept telling him to tell BG because cheating is no joke, but he never did, anyways after about a week he finally told him, and he got yelled at like crazy, so the part I feel the jerk about is having been the person they cheated with, I have been cheated on before and I know how bad it hurts, so I begged him to tell him, so I feel like I shouldn’t be in the wrong for asking him to tell BG but I also feel like I should be in the wrong for being the person who aided in the cheating.

So, AITJ?

(I need to add this quick part, I told him I would NOT move on to dating him until he broke up with BG)

Original post

First of all, I want to thank you all for your comments! I know I haven't responded to everything, and I apologize for that. The last few days have been a little complicated.... more context in the post lol!

I've realized a lot about my situation (and myself), so thanks to you all!

Some of you asked for an update. Given the situation, I figured it wouldn't happen right away, buuuuut wow, a lot has happened in just (almost) 2 weeks!! Two. Effing. Weeks. It’s a juicy one! And long, I’m sorry!

So, the conversation with Hannah obviously went really badly. I told her I wanted to leave because our situation didn’t work for me. Silence. She made a face, as if I’d just told her someone had died; like she was covering her face, Actors Studio style. Pathetic imho. To be fair, I ‘faulted’: I was so completely caught off guard that I started laughing nervously. Her response: ‘Are you serious? You HUGE B**CH, you’re screwing me over financially (which isn’t true, she makes 3 times my pay without even working, but that’s another story)’. What followed were slurs and slurs I won’t say here. But I stood my ground! And I’m proud of it!

Oh, and for the lolz: obviously, she was wearing only transparent panties at the time. No bra, nothing. Just see-through panties. Lmao. I know we’re in the middle of heatwave, but maybe a swimsuit would have been more appropriated? Especially since we’re quite close to the beach (a 15-minute drive). But I digress.

The juicy part: I didn’t mention it in the original post, because at the time, I didn’t think it was necessary.

Before my boyfriend (yes, it’s official now! Yay!), I dated a guy for approx. 3 years. Let’s call him Kenny for the sake of this post. I’ll keep it short (way too long otherwise): I was very much in love, but he was not a good guy (my post was gonna be much, much longer because I wanted to tell the story, but it's really too long, aha).

We broke up because a friend of mine caught him with another girl. This friend doesn’t know Hannah, as they are not part of the same friend group.

…You see where I’m going with this? I found out that Hannah is the GIRL: they’ve actually been sleeping together for 5 months! Kenny and I broke up circa 4 months ago (yes, I met my bf quickly after. Wasn’t intentional because still shocked. Just got lucky in this mess I guess!).

They’ve being… doing stuff, to put it delicately, at ‘our’ place (well, her place DUH! Lol) when I wasn’t there. Even in my bed allegedly (don’t know that for sure). So I’m probably naive, but I hadn’t seen that coming!

There again, It’d take some time to explain, but this isn't the first time Hannah has ended up with her friends' bfs/gfs. But I thought, ‘Never with me!’ Especially since she’d already met Kenny, and her first reaction had been, ‘Is THAT HIM? Oh my God, he’s DISGUSTING!! He’s so ugly, he grosses me out. Ewwwwwwww (I think I broke my W key aha)!!’ I didn’t think that was very nice coming from a friend, but I figured she was just looking out for me, like, ‘You deserve better’ kind of thing. Like I said, she was a childhood friend. Yeah, riiiiight. 

Of course, it wasn’t her who told me! It was a mutual friend. Well, a former friend of Hannah's: a friend who hates her now too because she’s had her share of mean behavior stuff from her, and this whole thing was the last straw. This friend had known for a while, but she didn’t know how to tell me. I completely forgive my friend, because in her position, I'd have absolutely no idea how to react to this kind of news. All good now.

The advantage is: with this, I grew a spine! A big, BIG one!

Not over yet. So Hannah lost it because I was moving out of the apartment. I suggested she find a new roommate. I wrote an ad (‘too hard for her to do so, poor baby. BOO FREAKING HOO’). She edited it behind my back, lying through her teeth about the entire apartment. So yes, you were right, she definitely had my passwords; everything’s been changed, and I’ve set up two-factor authentication now! I’m still getting notifications. Now I just laugh it off, because everything is secured.  

Again, too long to explain, but, because it's never enough, Hannah has tried to rip me off 3 times with this ad and the applicants, making me pay fees I didn't owe. What a joke. I stood my ground.

Anyway, everything’s fine now! I’m still at my parents’ but they’ve been nothing but supportive! 'Take all the time you need'. That’s very sweet, and I’m lucky to have them, which is not the case for everyone, I'm aware of that. My parents are the best, and they know everything. They've known Hannah's parents all their life too because they're close friends (again, childhood friends), but from what I understand, they're not going to say anything, and that's for the best. Let her live her life and me mine!

And I’m happy with my boyfriend, who’s a great guy! Nut case free! 💪​

So to Hannah, if you see this (yes, it’s VERY CLOSE to your real name): GO F**K YOURSELF. And Kenny too btw! You both lost ALL YOUR FRIENDS with this story (and others!). So f you both!

Thanks again to everyone. I wish this story was made up, but it’s true. And now I can laugh about it! I’m happy, that’s all what matters to me ☺️​

TL;DR: I managed to escape that hellhole, but I found out that she'd actually been sleeping with my ex for several months.

EDIT: Oh, forgot again! English's not my first language! Sorry for the mistakes 😬​

So my friend and me have been amazing friends since we met in highschool and bonded over Dungeons & Dragons.

Out of our D&D group he was the one i was best friends with.

And while we both have our mental issues that has caused us to go long times between talking, we are always talking for hours on phone or in person when we get the energy to do so.

Even if there's a year between, we still reconnect as if it was yesterday. (for me it's adhd time blindness that helps facilitate that.

With my conditions i rarely have guests over because i didn't want people to see how i lived.

But over the last few years it has gotten better and i started opening up more. I held my birthday for the first time in 10 years, and then i decided to invite our friend group down for an Aliens roleplay session that i made myself with some amazing 3d prints.

Around 6 months before i setup a calendar online that people could input dates over 3 months to see which day we could get all together.

People were slow to do it, and after 3-4 months i started poking them a bit and some of them chimed in. They could numerous dates over the 3 months span.

But my best friend just wouldn't commit. All sorts of reasons, no schedule yet, didn't want to ask for a guaranteed day off or plan that way, and more.

Finally when the 3 months were about to start, he committed for 1 day the entire 3 months span. And it was a day almost no one else could.

That's when i called him again and asked if there wasn't anything we could do.

He talked about how there were just so many things he was doing, like on some of the days the others could, he had already a steady gaming group going twice a week and didn't want to cancel even a single one of them. Some of the other things i could understand like his daughters band practice.

But when i once in 10 years invite you down to something i'm willing to put a lot of things in, and an experience i want to share with you.... you are unwilling to clear a single day with something regular for that?

that was what made me feel unprioritized and made me re-evaluate things a bit.

TL;DR Lifelong friend refuses to clear/reserve any time in his calender when i finally host something after 10+ years, even with 3-6 months advanced notice. And now i'm feeling unprioritized. And annoyed.

original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/rrAEQXs3Bf

I didn’t anticipate getting this many responses, so i’m sorry if I haven’t kept up with all of them. This morning, his girlfriend reached out to me, (I was planning on reaching out but she got to me first)

She apologized for how she treated me at the club, but addressed how she felt uncomfortable around me and that her words weren’t entirely dishonest. Something I didn’t know, which made me feel even worse, Is that my friend suggested she should stay home the whole time, because me and her “were never gonna get along.” So, that’s a conversation for another time… I don’t really understand why he would say that.

I apologized profusely about leaving her out, and that even though it was an unconscious decision, that doesn’t matter if someone’s feelings are hurt. Nonetheless, I explained my perspective about dinner being a close-knit thing where I was paying for everyone’s meals (which she did not know) and I said no to other people who had joined us at club when she arrived. I learned she told my friend she didn’t mind waiting till the club, but when she arrived thought it was practically only her who was showing up later. From that perspective, I totally can understand her thinking I was being intentionally malicious.

We also talked about my social battery (which I know has been a big debate in the comments) which she said she was confused about because I come off as a louder person around my friends so thought it was just animosity towards her. I told her my honest truth, that i’m most nervous around people I don’t know that well, because of things like worrying I could screw up a friendship or become hated in a single conversation or from a joke that came off wrong. Ironically, it seems I had done just that by supposedly protecting my “peace” in the moment. I’ll try to think bigger around stuff like that in the future and not get so in my head about my emotions.

We came to the consensus that it was a big misunderstanding, and that in general, better communication was needed across the board. She’s gonna talk to my friend about it too, because he apparently painted a different picture out of the situation than my explanation. I’m gonna leave that to her though, I don’t think it’s my place to talk on that quite yet.

I won’t go over everything else that happened, but we both are completely good with one another. We hugged it out, and made plans one on one before she leaves, because I do really want to get to know her and be her friend!

I’d prefer if people would stop assuming this is a romantic issue, I am truly happy with my own boyfriend— Love my pal, but he is just that. I’d also like to mention that none of her words were accusatory of me in such a way. She said territorial because that’s how I came off in the group, which I’m gonna try and work on.

Still, I understand that these types of situations always come off a certain way because you don’t actually see how any of us interact. We’re gonna move on in life, we are all young college students who still are growing as people.

TLDR: I talked things out with my friends GF, and we have made up and everything is fine between us.