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Posted this as a comment for something unrelated last week and a few people were thankful, so posting here in case it helps people here. 🙂

help me god.

help me to keep my mind clear. help me to hurt no one today, not myself nor others. help me to be genuine and good and not wrapped up in self. help to keep me willing, and to live with humility in my heart - to never forget where i came from. help me continue to learn, to be a student, to sip this thing called life slowly and rightfully. help me to not revert to old coping mechanisms that no longer serve this version of me, and to thank the old ones for getting me through. help me to continue to grow and become the most useful and selfless version of myself that has ever existed. help me to seek you in everything i do, help me to be guided by the giant great Universe instead of the tiny self deluded ego. help me to let go god. help me to let go of everything: expectations, self-will, the past - and to just live in the present moment. i am here and now and i appreciate that more than anything. thank you for the air in my lungs today god.

if you told my 18yr old self i would be writing things like this, and mean them from the bottom of my heart, i would have laughed you out of the room. but here i sit, trying with every fiber of my being to live this way each and every day. what a blessing this program is - i had no idea how much it offered when i first came in five years ago desperate to just stop drinking. thankful and grateful for you all.

Just thought I'd share a fun one...

A member of this community posted up looking for a guest speaker for their Tuesday night Zoom meeting. As I'm trying to lean further into acts of service, I threw my hat in the ring. Though I was the third to reply, the first two had conflicts, so I got to speak at the Principles Before Pandemic meeting in LA from up here in the town of Nanaimo on Vancouver Island.

The meeting centered around a passage of choice in "As Bill Sees It", followed by a brief share on our journey. After sharing a brief "drunkalog", I focused on learning from others about those nuggets of wisdom they learned in AA that weren't in the literature, but that really helped the program sink in. For me, it was hearing "we alcoholics are a sensitive lot", and "we're here to love you until you're ready to love yourself". Personally, those words mean the world to me. It felt like a dead elephant fell off my back, and it completely turned my life to focus on sobriety. It said, "You're not alone!"

So, if you were on that call at 9pm on Tuesday night, hey ya'all: BIG HUG AND THANK YOU! I learned so much on that call, and I'm just full of love and gratitude this morning to the host and everyone who shared. What a gift!

If you get a chance, share what gems you've heard outside the literature that really hit home for you.

My friend, who struggles, is collapsing.

When sober (or moderating well), he is the nicest, kindest, chattiest, generous person there is. Affable and reliable. Good job, nice wife, nice things, etc.

He started drinking again, and went on a several day binge, in which his wife left, his job fired him, he was arrested, and his landlord evicted him, based on threats to other tenants, and he apparently made a spectacle of himself in public in the town we live in.

There wasn't a whole lot I could do "during", but "afterwards" I spoke with him and tried to talk some sense into him. But he was still angry at his wife, his boss, his landlord, and the police. Zero accountability. The sad thing is that I think, some of this could have been salvageable, had there been an ounce of humility.

It was like looking into a mirror for me - the ghost of Christmas past. I was that man.

I sit here, with a mixture of empathy, frustration, and acceptance. Thankfully, somewhere along the way, I learned to pause, to regulate, to reflect, and to balance.

I write this more for anyone lurking. Anyone dealing with a life beginning to crumble or tear at the seams. An implosion can often happen in the blink of an eye - poof, and (nearly) everything is gone. Life is normal one day, and a day later, after some bad decisions, everything changes. If your life is straining at the seams, there is a good chance it will get worse, not better.

Quitting drinking isn't a cure for every circumstance we all inevitably face. But it sure reduces the odds of avoidable catastrophe. There is no hole too deep that digging is a better option than climbing. And to that point - things DO get better.

If you are reading this, and worried, click the "create post" button, and ask for help. The folks here will tell you what your options are.

Peace.

After countless relapses and periods of self-pity, I made the conscious decision to surrender my life entirely to the care and guidance of my Higher Power. Today, I am humble to mark 93 days of sobriety.

Everything feels so scattered. I went to my first NA meeting at 17 years old after drinking cough syrup everyday for a week straight and the getting caught and forced to an NA meeting by my mother. That went on for about a month, I started a dating a girl and fell back into using drugs and alcohol, just whatever was around. After her and I broke up I shifted more towards alcohol, idk if it was for easier access or it seemed less destructive. Right after my 21st birthday I did my second stint with recovery, that time with AA, lasted a few months, started back drinking again, moved to Florida. Throughout the next few years there would be times where I would stop and go to AA some. Here and there, but nothing really stuck. Then something finally hit me and I quit drinking for good, it’s been almost 4 years, and I haven’t worked the steps or really been involved with AA at all for that time. I still smoke pot and use Kratom, which I’m trying to stop. I’ve had times of full sobriety, but I find myself simply not happy. I don’t know what to do. Part of me feels like I worked step 1 four years ago and then never touched the rest of them. I feel like I should get involved with AA in order to learn how to live a happy sober life, but I feel like if I walk in there with 4 years alcohol free time that they will think i am not a real alcoholic. I don’t know. I just feel stuck in my sobriety, it doesn’t feel like this is a happy life like this. It’s like I’m just here now, still with all those reasons that I drank in the first place, but now I don’t have a crutch.

this post may seem pathetic to some, some sympathetic advisal would be appreciated.

18-21 i was using dog food on the streets of NYC and have been clean for almost two years now. to support the habit i was doing what most girls in active addiction do and was making up to 1200 a day with two hours of work. when i got clean i understood i had to place this lifestyle behind me but i did not know how. i ended up meeting another recovering addict who financed me until he ditched me a month ago. because of my past, he told me i was unlovable and unacceptable and unable to make money without s-lling myself, which makes me want to stay away purely out of shame/pride. at 23 this is the first time in my life that i am not reliant on a man for money in some sense. i wasted a lot of time in financial dependency.

i am relatively smart and did well with testing in high school and the year of college i attended, but i was never able to integrate myself into a system. i have server experience but was fired just last week, and was brought into a commission based mca call center where my friend is making upwards of 10k a month. i would really like to get into a position where i can make rent (800) in a week and be able to save up for a car and such.

serving was great, i built rapport to the point where i worked 5-6hrs fri-sun only and could make around 200 per shift. emphasis on "could", it was an upscale place but i could walk out with no tables no tips on a random sunday. on average with a biweekly check i was making around 30 an hour but the hours were so null that the check was always in the 1000 range. im worried i wont be able to find a place that would allow me to work the same hours and keep the sales job i have my hopes up for (i dont see how i cant work my way up to what my friend is making).

my ex caters his instagram stories to my eyes knowing i am watching, and it hurts to see him flaunt his designer and his car knowing what he wears is higher than my weekly paycheck. it makes me go back and forth on whether i should go into the decrepit work again, because i cant see how else id ever be able to save up for the things id like. but the thought and the backlash i received when divulging about that part of my life makes me physically sick. if anything the act itself wouldnt take me out, but the shame knowing what he and others think of me.

the only thing that makes me happy is involving myself in the recovery community and helping others. ive recently realized the only thing id leave behind truly when i am gone is the impact i have made on others. i would love to have a career in addiction services that reaches as many younger people as possible, that would allow me not to worry about my bills.

so with all of that info it would be very appreciated to be advised on next steps.

I’m desperate to quit drinking each morning I wake up saying today will be the day! By 4pm I convince myself that I can have just 1 or 2 but it turns into 5/6 and I wake up full of regret and anxiety…. The last two years have been the worst of my life my partner of 15 years started using MUCH harder stuff it destroyed our family completely and launched me into full blown alcoholism after drink number 2 I lose all control i tried quitting multiple times this year on my own but I always fail after the first few days I’d like to try attending meetings daily but the thought of being in a room full of strangers gives me so much anxiety on the other hand I’d love to find sober friends I can’t keep failing on my own! I need encouragement today I looked up meetings in my area and tonight’s meeting is a three minute drive from my house I’m taking it as my sign to go! I guess I’m writing this to hold myself accountable and commit to going today!!!

How did you overcome the fear of being left out by your drinking “friends,” even though you knew those relationships probably wouldn’t have existed without alcohol? I’m also dealing with this overwhelming feeling of fear that doesn’t seem to be about anything specific. If you’ve been through this, what helped you get through it?

Hello,

I'm making pickles for the first time and a friend will have some but they're in recovery. My understanding is there are trace amounts of alcohol in the ferment but not enough to cause inebriation.

She has tried another lacto-fermented food, sauerkraut, and found it didn't trigger cravings though it smelled slightly alcoholic.

I am hoping this community can give me some experiences and insights. I know several people in recovery who eat lacto-fermented food and are fine, and others vary. Some can't safely drink kombucha or eat kefir, etc...

One year sober, i can’t believe it. Thinking back to who I was on this day a year ago, and i feel like a completely different person.

"THE GOOD AND THE BAD"

July 22

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad."

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me. My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myself – good and bad – to God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", July 22, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Hello out there to my Fellow AA's 🙌🏾. I have been sober and active in AA for 6 months and 27 days now. It's another great day to choose sobriety 💚

On that note however, I really miss my son. My ex partner is having some difficulties dealing with some things mentally. He chose not to talk to me about it and kicked me out of the house instead. I was so blindsided I didn't know what to do. I felt really betrayed and to make matters more upsetting is we have a 10 year old son. It's difficult to not be there after 10 years to put him to bed or make sure he is okay in the middle of the night. Part of me feels like I have abandoned him, but I know it's not true and I know he doesn't feel that way. It doesn't change the fact that when he leaves to go with his dad he will openly tell me he doesn't want to go and when will I be coming home. I have to keep sticking to the script of, "mommy and daddy need space right now but we love you", when all I really want to say is, "your dad is acting very selfish and won't let me sleep in our home". 😓 obviously, I wouldn't say it to him but I do wonder what is going on inside my ex partners head. My sponsor is giving me really good advice and I can at least be proud of myself for not drinking over it and not acting out in a spiritually negative way. Emotional sobriety is a work in progress currently..

This program is teaching me to value the moments I have and learn from the ones I have been denied. Thank you all for the fellowship. Enjoy your night. If I can do it, you can do it, we can do it together. 🖖🏾

I’d been sober for a few weeks, and I was genuinely proud of the progress I’d made. This weekend I relapsed, and once I started drinking, I completely lost control.
I ended up making a fool of myself in public. I was crying, confused, and acting in ways that don’t reflect who I am when I’m sober. I’ve spent the last couple of days replaying everything in my head, and I can’t stop feeling embarrassed and ashamed.
The hardest part isn’t just what happened, it’s knowing that I let myself down after working so hard to stay sober. It feels like I threw away all of my progress, even though people keep telling me that one relapse doesn’t erase the weeks I was sober.
I’m not posting because I want sympathy or excuses. I know I made mistakes, and I take responsibility for them. I just feel incredibly alone, and I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve relapsed or publicly embarrassed themselves and eventually found a way to forgive themselves and move forward.
Right now it feels like this shame is never going to go away, but I’m hoping it won’t always feel this heavy.

182 Days Sober
By Cocoa Powers
Quietly sitting in bed. Black dark. Brian asleep. Nyah resting. I said goodnight to Laila.
The door is open for conversation with my child again.
A child who openly said she used to dislike me has now decided I’m “good” for her dad. Recovery is changing all of us.
I’m creating to-do lists for myself and our entire home, and it’s all getting done. I’ve gone two days doing EXACTLY what was on my list. Checking it all day to make sure it gets done. Refusing things I don’t want. Seeking things that add value to my day and my life.
Meeting women EVERYWHERE.
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through.”
I get it now.
I will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.
Fear of economic insecurity and self-pity are leaving me.
God has done for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
He cleaned up my act.
He helped me forgive myself.
He helped me forgive everyone else.
He forgave me.
Then He told me to pick myself up and GO.
Look at God go!
I am a miracle.
I should’ve been dead—sleeping in my grave.
But God let me keep breathing because He was waiting for me to snap to.
It’s like I was having a bad dream that wouldn’t stop. Then suddenly someone woke me up.
I was so confused.
So sick.
But I’m doing MUCH better today.
182 days. Six months.
One hundred eighty-two days ago I was lying in a hospital bed, still playing with my life and God’s will.
Today, I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do.
I lived recovery all day.
I loved this child with patience and easygoingness.
She doesn’t just hear me talk about recovery.
She sees me living it.
God, please be the thread that holds me together.
Weave Yourself throughout my life.
Touch every single fiber of my being and stitch it together with Your perfect love.
Amen. ❤️🙏🏾
That’s my new, humble, honest prayer.
I don’t know what to pray for anymore.
I have everything I need.
I don’t really want anything except to continue on this trajectory of healing and getting closer to God.
Thank You, God.
For everything.
Amen.

So I have just made a tentative arrangement to get an alcoholic (35m) to his first meeting ever tomorrow. (He is tuned right now. I accept that it may change by tomorrow) My question has to do with my ability to be of any use to this guy at the present moment.

I (50m) am almost at 7 months after 2 years and a bit and 300 meetings into the rooms. Couple step runs and couple sponsors I bailed on. Back at it now. Still haven't done a full set but doing a legit 4 with a new sponsor right now.

I want to minimize the amount of my own alcoholism I inject into this.

My gut says keep my mouth shut but I was planning on warning him about the start of the meeting questions. "Anyone new to AA?"

Should I warn him and tell him he has a choice or keep my trap shut and let it happen organically?

Should I tell him he can say "I just want to listen"?

My primary job tomorrow is to bring him to a chair and let God take it from there?

Am I assuming I know more than Bill W. by warning him?

I know that is multiple questions and I feel like I've already answered them in my head as I write.

By telling him that I am totally injecting myself into his recovery aren't I?

Pray for him please. His name is Malcom R.

Been going to AA (on step 4 with my sponsor) since I caused an accident because of a DWI. Luckily no one was hurt or significant damage but, regardless, reality hit me again today. Finally got an update from my attorney and it is being reclassified to a Class A misdemeanor. My blood results were really high(didn’t refuse a breathalyzer that I remember atleast, was compliant as far as I remember) Anyways, back to reality. I have been in positive spirits, loving AA, doing the steps and happy to be with my family and feel some type of normalcy again. But once my attorney told me that it brought be back to ground zero with all of the self hate, shame, embarrassment, fear and so on. The feeling of wanting to just give up, worthless, undeserving and void. I don’t feel like I am myself and I feel so disgusted with myself that I did what I did no matter my selfish excuses. I have been 3 months sober now with no intentions of turning back, but god the feeling of release that alcohol gave me from my problems feels so wonderful to think about right now. I’m not going to drink but to just shut out the world and myself gives me so much joy compared to having to live with who I am and had become with my alcoholism. I’m burnt out already and can’t stop thinking about what it means for my future. I want to feel alive again and the only thing I can think about right now is just disappearing and how scummy I am. Sorry for the rant just needed to vent.

So I am temporarily unable to drive. Friends from meetings are more than willing to give me a ride, but I live out a ways so I am wondering if it would be customary to offer gas money. I know it's usually acceptable to offer, I'm just wondering if it's expected.

I agree with the consensus. It is good to offer. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be accepted, but it's good to offer. I do not think it's expected. Thanks for the responses. I appreciate it.

Our relationship is amazing. I’ve never felt so loved by someone or loved someone like this. But he has a problem with alcohol. I don’t know what to do. I will not live a life with an active alcoholic. I want children but I cannot knowingly have kids with someone who is in active addiction. I don’t even know if he’d be considered an alcoholic. Maybe I’m still in denial. He goes days, sometimes weeks, without drinking. But when he does drink it’s a lot and straight whisky. He drank Sunday night, was hung over Monday, called off work today (Tuesday) and got drunk. He tells me he wants to stop and wants to be better but then he drinks agains. I don’t know how many chances to give him or how to help him. I thought maybe he could handle one drink and be able to stop but that clearly isn’t the case.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to end things because he’s perfect in every other way and makes me so happy but I know what addiction does to people and families and I can’t do that to my potential kids and to myself.

i used to live like there is no tomorrows 3 years ago(16) drunk all day, night overs with strangers, trying new things always (usually bad for me), i had no fear of anything then i isolated myself for a long time and finally get a healthier lifestyle. im 19 now and mentally way. better and i have an boyfriend who is literally an angel. he doesnt like alcohol or smoking and i learned to have fun being sober, i still get a couple of beers on nights out and it makes me the fearless person ive talked about but its not like a need for me anymore im happy about that but i literally tweak out for any new experiences even going to a concert or something i always get panic attacks especially if im sober. i am totally scared of everything and i am a whole different person. old me was brave had no fear of anything, and here im with social anxiety and terrible ocd.
Last night i was feeling lonely and wanted to get drunk and after my first glass of vodka, i was literally tweaking about it like i was going to die. idk why im so paranoid all the time about everything. getting drunk was my way out of reality when things got hard and now i cant even have that anymore. i just feel so lost and tired. i missed being careless about everything so much

Hi All,

I’m attempting sobriety but it’s early. I’ve been to a meeting near me 3x, it’s quite a big meeting, I think, about 50-60 people. I’m in the UK.

To start with, I really just would like to sit and listen, which is what I’ve tried to do. However, I’m getting so many people coming up to me telling me I need to get a sponsor and work the steps asap or I’ll fail. They’re friendly. But it’s intense. And they don’t stop, even when I say I’d just like to listen. The lady who runs the meeting is particularly intense.

Any advice? Or should I maybe look for a different meeting? There are a few others a little further away.

What do you do if you look around the room, and honestly do no t want what they have?

When completing my step 6 and 7, me and my sponsor identified a lot of perfectionism, low self-esteem, and people pleasing by using "A Woman's Way Through The Twelve Steps". I came to the realization that I was going to meetings essentially so that people wouldn't worry about me and assume that I'm no longer sober. Also, I wanted to be able to tell my sponsor I went to a meeting rather than getting any helpful message out of it. I would think things like "Larry will be upset if he doesn't see me." or "I can't get a mocktail at dinner because my sponsor might see". I was also one of the youngest members and most active readers at the meeting so it feels like I'm letting people down even more. (That's partially my ego talking). That being said, I believe that the urge to drink has been taken from me.

After reading the BB, I also found ideas that I just disagree with or find harmful when taken to their logical conclusion (like the spiritual axiom). There're other things I dislike such as specific members and the atmosphere they create but I'm not going to get into that.

I truly truly want to stay sober and because I am a high bottom I worry that I haven't been "scared straight" so to say. The high bottom thing also makes me feel like I have nothing to say to someone who has a DUI, lost their kids, or beat their spouse into a pulp (like some of the people at the group I was attending).

I've tried going to other meetings and they all overtly worship AA approved literature as if it was divinely inspired, the same way religions view their core books. I know you guys will say this is an excuse to drink but why should I do something if I'm only doing it to make other people happy? When I stopped going to meetings, I felt like I could focus on what sobriety meant to me rather than worry about whether my share was helpful or got the "AA Stamp of Approval". When does "To thine own self be true" stop and where does "completely powerless" start?

Has anyone else dealt with this and how did you find your way? As you can tell, I have a lot on my mind and might need to hear whatever you have to say.

Edit: I'm surprised at the amount of downvotes, oh well