hi, i have never posted on reddit before but i do read this page and i just felt that i needed to share my recent experience for others' safety. i'm 26, been cutting since i was a kid. the blood is annoying and leaks on your clothes whatever you know the drill, so i recently started burning myself with cigarettes. the next day you're waking up to giant bubbled welts (duh it's a burn), and holy shit the amount of medical aftercare that it requires is obscene. burns are super prone to infection, and when i tell you this shit got infected i mean my leg looked like a fucking WWII soldier with limb rot. mind you i'm a nursing student so i'm super anal about high quality aftercare for wounds. burn wounds stay open for so fucking long and they're just never healing. i had to go to the ER to get the blisters drained which was humiliating because obvi everyone is looking at you like a freak for burning yourself. it's been weeks and they hurt every single day and genuinely limit my mobility. anyways, for harm reductions sake - please holy shit just stick to any other form of self harm than burning.

It's the pain and the release too. But I've almost bled to death 4 times from self harm now and have had 5 blood transfusions. And still I crave so much more.

Currently in a country where blood is much needed so I am really trying not to fuck up. But yesterday I relapsed, hit a vein and I felt so ecstatic. I wish I could bleed more and I really have the urge to but I will risk my life or a transfusion again

Somehow I feel so much cleaner and better after I've done it. I don't know why, but i feel so much better about myself and so much cleaner when I have severe anemia

Hi

I often feel alone and unworthy. As I don't encounter many online who did similar SH (E. G. Transfusions and surgery needed) who has received zero mental health support since.

It's been over a year now. And I've had help for my psychotic symptoms many years ago, when I lived in another part of the UK. But nothing for the past 4y. Not even medication reviews.

I haven't SHed in over 4 months, but I fear being denied any chance of getting help if I don't do something intense again. I don't feel like doing it, but I feel I'm faking the whole thing otherwise.

But due to ongoing complications, some acts may actually kill me this time.

I just want to know that I'm not the only one in this situation.

back home for summer now and it always surprises me how much my environment impacts my mental health.

I will start off by recognising I am very, very privileged for having a positive relationship with my parents and sibling. During term time, I struggled a lot more with loneliness, handling stress, executive functioning (adhd) etc; and now that I’m back home I’ve felt so much more stable and content, and I feel less intensely and recover quicker on things that frustrate me.

I got to thinking about this bc I recently had the thought that I’ve been in a good mental place for a while. But then I reviewed my records with the uni wellbeing service, and it was a humbling reminder of how I had two staff members send in cause for concern forms about me in one term, and that I’ve met with the wellbeing staff for over a dozen times and my GP four times this year due to sh issues💀 It’s so much easier to fall deep into dark holes when I live alone. Although tbh, even now I’ve not completely quit sh, but it’s no longer as frequent, as severe nor impairing day to day life- so not perfect but still better.

It just made me realise that I’m likely not doing better rn bc I’ve become more resilient, but simply bc I’m in a more comfortable environment- sobering reminder to learn some coping mechanisms before going back to uni loll

I guess I’m really just looking to vent. I tried really hard to keep my head clear before getting to this point. And I’m so fricking peeved that it actually made me feel a little better. And it’s all I want to do rn and idk what to do.

I've found myself not taking my medication from time to time, because I'm kinda addicted to feeling bad. Is that a form of self harm?

I’m in my early 30s and anytime I SH, after that short amount of time of feeling good, I feel like I’m back as an adolescent/teenager. This leads me to question wtf I’m doing and how I’m too old for this shit. I feel judged for still engaging in SH (always felt judgement for SH but more so at my age). Does anyone else feel this way? I’ve had periods of clean time from self harm but it’s just the one habit I can’t break.

Whats the difference between the subreddit r/selfharm vs this one?

For context, I haven’t self harmed in a while, but it’s been a pretty tough year. Even after having so much progress in my mental health journey for the past couple years, I relapsed pretty bad last a couple nights ago. Other than making sure that your injuries are treated, what are some of your favorite ways to take care of yourself after a particularly bad episode?

Posted this in another sub, but wanted more opinions.

I used to self-harm when I was 17-18; I'm 20 now, and my family still doesn't know. I have very visible scars on my shoulders, and I'm a gym rat and love to work out, since I'm still in college-I work out at home during the breaks. I don't love wearing regular clothes and would love to strut around in a tank top, but that would mean showing my scars--hence the need for advice.

My family is close, and we like to say that we're emotional and open--but we're not when it comes to things like this; we generally keep our mental health to ourselves. But I'd like to add I'm very positive they'll be supportive either way--just need a way of telling them.

Any advice? (I'd like to address them all at once so I don't have to do this multiple times.)

my partner knows i have problems with SH, they do too, but within the past hour i made a larger cut than i am used to and i feel horrified and scared. i have nowhere else to go and i dont know how to tell my partner because i have already been quite a nightmare lately. any advice helps. thank you 🥲 i feel horrified and ashamed and the last thing i want to do is scare them

I used to be completely unphased by blood and gore, but after self harming for so long (and some scary experiences) the sight of it makes me lightheaded and nauseous. I’m especially distressed by my own blood, even when it’s an accidental injury. Does anyone else deal with this? Does it ever get better?

I (28f) have been self-harming since I was around 9 years old. I've had ups and downs and periods where I really let myself have it and periods where I don't hurt myself at all. I've been in a really good spot with self-harm for about 6 months or so. I left a job that was causing me to be almost suicidal and that helped a ton. I'm on 3 medications to help with anxiety and depression. I attend therapy every 2 weeks. I have a really great fiancé that I've been with forever. My friends are wonderful too.

However, I feel the urge to cut. It's been in the back of my mind for about 3 weeks now. I haven't acted on it but it's getting harder and harder to make that urge go away. I make sure to do my self-care and do my hobbies that involve keeping my hands busy. The amount I've been crocheting is a little ridiculous. But the urge won't leave and nothing is really helping anymore. Tonight, my skin started itching/almost burning which I used to feel before I'd cut.

Anyone have any tips/tricks to keep me from relapsing soon?

At the moment, I’m working with early years. I wear long sleeves at work due to scars on my arms. Its mostly fine but, even with air con, these heat waves are killing me. I want to be able to wear shorts
sleeves, but I am so scared my colleagues will judge me or I just won’t be allowed. I’m an apprentice so I’m also nervous the more ‘issues’ I present the less likely they are to take me on when I’m qualified.

I roll up my sleeves when washing dishes and a colleague asked about a scar on my arm and it made me feel so nervous.

Any advice? Anyone been in a similar position?

By college policy anyone who is at the campus for their first year is ineligible to have a single dorm.

I often have nights where I cry myself to sleep for hours and cut myself and I’m absolutely terrified of what this is going to mean. It’s my first time ever going to post secondary so it’s all new to me.

Also as a 23 year old guy it’s kind of really embarrassing and I have no idea what my future roomate would think of this.

I honestly just don’t know what to do.

Self harm mentioned- TW

So I haven’t been thinking tonight, I’ve had a really rough night and I haven’t had one of these in a while- I self harmed after almost 5 years clean, I feel guilty, disappointed in myself and I don’t know how to face this or if I should tell anyone - I’m such a disappointment

i have a procedure next monday. theyre checking my stomach because my stomach is always in pain or making me nauseous. so ive been holding off on self harming for about a month or two now. its been really really hard. i relapsed in may, and cut up my shoulders and a couple more spots on my thighs.

its been hell resisting the urge to cut again. i dont want fresh wounds on my body while im under. i'm terrified of my family seeing my scars next monday. i dont know why they would though. im an adult. i cant stop thinking about hurting myself. its been really really difficult. ive been sleeping horribly on purpose to make my life worse instead. im so tired

even when im happy, even when im sad, i feel the urge to hurt myself. do i really just have to deal with this forever? my thighs are already covered in scars. how many more is going to be satisfying for me?

I feel that the prevalent view is that SH is something you should try not to do, no nuance. Firstly I want to say that I am by no means suggesting that people should engage in this when trying to stop or stay "clean", this is utterly personal. But I can't help but think, for me personally, if my SH is super light, literally nails and minor cuts that hardly even bleed just for a little relief, and I am fully in control of it, is that really so bad? To me it is just a little bit of nothing that offers unbelievable relief psychologically that nothing else can touch. I am just wondering why this behaviour is considered unhelpful apart from I guess obviously not tackling the root cause.

You know, I feel like when people comment on other people's clearly old and fully healed SH scars, I don't think that they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts. This has thankfully never been an issue for me, but I've seen people online comment on other people's old SH scars telling them to stop cutting and go to therapy, and it's so rude. Oftentimes, these people are not showing off their scars or anything, and there is nothing to imply that SHing is a current issue for them, yet they still bring them up anyway. The worst part is that when they don't get the praise they want from basically doing nothing, they immediately become rude and aggressive. I don't think that they make these comments out of the kindness of their hearts, but more so in order to feel good about themselves.

Besides the fact that telling a stranger to just not SH and go to therapy is incredibly stupid and doesn't take into consideration the fact that therapy is inaccessible for many or that they might have already done therapy, alongside the fact that not SHing can be a difficult thing to quit, it's also just not helpful. Do you think that someone is going to decide to stop cutting and go to therapy because you, u/PoopySexLover466, decided to tell them to do so? Instead, it clearly showcases that person's lack of ability to engage in basic empathy, as it doesn't take a genius to understand that you probably shouldn't be commenting on people's old SH scars.

It's like seeing some random amputee and deciding to go out of your way to bring attention to their missing limb and telling them that they need therapy and to start wearing a realistic prosthetic. Yeah, amputations can be traumatic, and prosthetics are fine, but they have a right to exist without you commenting on their missing limb. You are just giving them what amounts to unsolicited advice. Similarly, people with fully healed SH scars should be allowed to exist without you commenting on them. I understand that being an amputee is not the same thing as having SH scars, but my point is to highlight the fact that it is rude to make comments and assumptions about someone you don't know just because of their visible differences. A lot of people with old SH scars already struggle with doing things, like wearing short-sleeves or shorts when it is hot out, because they fear having people judge them and make comments about their scars, and comments like these might end up reinforcing this fear. This kind of behaviour arguably does more harm than good.

Also, let me specify that I don't think that suggesting someone go to therapy is in of itself a bad thing. It is fine to do so under certain contexts, such as when someone is actually seeking help. Along with that, I feel therapy as a suggestion only works under the guise that you go out of your way to also try and bring up different ways to try and access it, alongside further information on therapy, such as the type of therapy that could be appropriate given whatever it is said person is struggling with. It is just saying "get therapy" unprompted in response to someone with clearly healed and old SH scars that I take issue with. If the person made no indication that they are need of help, then just ignore their scars. Simple as that.

22:26

I was so close to doing it.

I’ve thought about it a lot these past few days.

I mapped out exactly what I’d do in the seconds that followed.

I unwrapped that thing,

I held it against different parts of my body,

Then, I thought about the guilt that would follow,

I thought about the frustration if I didn't go deep enough,

I thought about the excessive cuts I’d end up making if that happened,

I thought about the endless aftercare needed to prevent infection,

I thought about the stinging pain in the middle of the night,

I thought about the healing time and the lifelong scars,

I thought about my I Am Sober streak,

I thought about the people who might ask me about it someday.

So I put the thing away,

I hid it far out of reach,

And I walked away.

I’m writing all this to get past the urge to do it again, an urge that might come back someday.

Between the start of this text and the end, I’ve had time to feel better. And even though twenty minutes ago I felt weak for not going through with it, I think it’s actually a sign of strength.

I cut my forearm kind of deep and im probably going to the ER in a bit, ive never gotten stitches before and im a little anxious about it

Just a vent. Today is my should be anniversary with my wife. But we're divorcing. I've been struggling with self harm since I was a child. It's just my go to, but I've been doing better recently.

I haven't lapsed this month, but today has been rough. I talked to my psychiatrist today and she just said it's my choice. Which is true. I just needed more from her I guess.

I don’t know what to do anymore