TLDR; head numbness, headaches, severe suicidal thoughts, anger, depression, hair loss, vision changes and becoming distant from things and people I love.
Three months ago I (M/30) started on accutane. I recently had gone through a traumatic life event before hand where I basically lost everything (job, house, friends, partner, pets). After this my skin started breaking out like never before. I was sad but just kept going and tried to get my life back together. Topical treatments used to keep my acne away but they seamed to stop helping.
I decided to go on accutane because I was so tired of dealing with on again off again acne. I knew some horror stories about it but didn’t really care because I saw all the success stories too.
About 3 days into the course I developed huge cysts all over my neck and chin. Accompanied by acne all over my face 110% worse than before. I thought I got unlucky, purged really bad and kept on treatment.
3 weeks in I stared getting very depressed. Not leaving the house, avoiding people, and serious thoughts started about self harm. Soon after I started noticing pretty significant hair loss. Ive always had thick hair and being able to see my scalp only made me more depressed.
About 2 months in my acne started to clear, leaving behind excessive redness, PIE, and a damaged skin barrier. Around this time is when I started noticing some vision changes, headaches and head numbness at the top of my head.
The head numbness was weird for me. I had hit the top of my head 3 years ago that broke skin and concussed me but I fully headed and my head was fine. But now it was numb and felt strange on touch.
I just kept pushing through as much as I could. I couldn’t get out of bed without being dizzy and hating myself. I threw a towel over the mirror and wouldn’t even look at myself. Once I started punching random stuff and being in such an angry state all the time I decided to call it quits.
I am 2 weeks off accutane now and my skin is the same as when I was taking it, just PIE still. Maybe it’s a placebo but I am actually feeling a bit better. I can wake up and not immediately hate existing. I still get headaches and numbness but my temper has improved. My hair is still thin and I hope that gets better with time as well as the PIE.
The only real good thing this experience has gave me was being sober. I don’t think I’ve gone 3 months without a drink since I was 21.
Right now I am focusing much more on my diet, only greens. No other b/s at all. I am going to get bloodwork done soon and I also want to get a hormone test as well.
I don’t want to fear monger. Just wanted to say that if you are experiencing severe depression it might be in your best interest to quit, it even says that on the packaging. I really can’t imagine going through the rest of this treatment with what felt like the devil inside of me.