This is a former friend reaching out because they were going to be at my office building and wanting to know if I would be up for a gossip session? There is a complicated backstory here that I won't go into because it involves a whole friend group and multiple issues. But after personally being ghosted by this person for close to a year and a half I just thought this text was weaksauce. AIO for how I replied and for setting this boundary? Was this appropriate or should I have been more open to hearing from them, said something different? It sucks, but I am trying to stop being a people pleaser and advocate for myself more.

This guy (28M) who matched me on Hinge reached out by replying to a group picture (of my and my best friends) saying he is “just messaging” me because he knows both of my best friends (both 23F). I (23F) have never interacted or met him before. He was introduced to my best friends via an old friend (23F) we are all no longer in touch with. I do not know in full details what went down but he was suspected to have been two faced and stirring things up between everyone and caught for doing so. That and the fact that he makes some inappropriate comments about the girls’ body etc is how he eventually got blocked by everyone.

I also know that despite being blocked AFTER being told why they were no longer comfortable being in contact with him he still tried to reach out to them via a new account he made on instagram. As someone not involved I was already super concerned upon hearing this so when he reached out to me on a dating app saying what he said I really got triggered.

It comes across to me that he is attempting to use the fact that he knows my best friends as a reason to talk to me. Maybe he thinks I don’t know what he did? Either way I think just introducing himself the way he did in his initial message just came across really wrong to me especially because he targeted the group picture I posted of us instead of any other prompt or picture have on my Hinge profile. I don’t think if I was in my friend’s position, I would appreciate that especially when they have set clear boundaries with him that he has been trying to breach and I feel like this is just another attempt of him doing that.

AIO? I’ve seen how he always used to complain about how “nice guys” like him never get the girls and frankly it gives me pick-me vibes. In that moment I felt like I needed to be stern and I was genuinely really just freaked out.

Edit: just to address this as there is a lot of comments on it. I did block him after I sent that message. I’m not inviting him to contact him. Because he initiated and brought me into the situation both by engaging and bringing up my friends I felt obligated to say something both for my friends and myself because I do not feel like it is okay he feels entitled to do what he did without knowing that his actions have no repercussions. I do believe that actions like this deserve to be called out.

I really don't know how to talk about something so awkward. We are both 18 and having been dating for 6 months. I got off work around 10:15 and got back to town at 10:45 last night. I really wanted to see him so I called and asked if he wanted to go for a drive and sit by the river for a bit just to chat. I picked him up and we get to the river and eventually almost start fooling around till a bunch of drunk idiots showed up and made us nervous to even be there so I invited him over to my house, partly to talk but mostly to fool around. When I got back I checked the time and it was midnight and had a "oh shit I have to be up at 6:30 and still need to get dinner" moment. I asked him if he would still want to hangout if I'm just cooking then going to bed and he seemed sad and said "yeah but idk I wanted to hangout" and I said "...we can't hangout while I cook?" I'm now realizing he meant sex. Anyways I make my food and eat then take my sleeping pill and he gets even more distant so I asked what's up, he tells me "well you don't like doing anything horny on your sleeping pill". I reminded him I need to be up early and even if I didn't take my pill we still wouldn't reasonably have anytime then asked if he was sure he wanted to stay the night. We both agreed it would probably be a bad idea if he stayed because of poor sleep quality but he decided to anyways, so I pass out shortly after.

Then he wakes me up at 2:30am and looks like he's curled up disassociating so I sit up and immediately start comforting him. In my mind he had a fucked up dream or smth idk. He quickly asked me if I was awake at all and I said no. So I ask him what's up and he says he still horny so he couldn't sleep and was uncomfortable. Admittedly I got a little less attentive after this because it feels weird to comfort someone because I didn't fuck them. Then he goes on to say he was pretty sure I was master baiting in my sleep?? And then said it made him want to vomit??
I just replied "no way, I don't know what to say to that" then he said he wants to go home. So I got up and started looking for my phone to set alarms for the morning because mine were on him phone and apparently he's going home. I finally found it and came back into the room and he asked what I was doing and I explained and he said nvm I'm going to bed it's fine.

I go back to sleep then get woken up by him again but at 4:30am and he's leaving my house to go back to his. I wake up finally at 6:30 to a message about how we need to talk and he doesn't feel like we are okay.

This is the dumbest argument I've ever had in my life. To me it comes down to he's sad we didn't fuck and even if I did do that in my sleep, idk wake me up? Tell me to fuck off so you can go to bed. This morning he called it guttural 😭

I looked it up and apparently it is possible? I do have sleep issues and need a sleeping pill to not stay up for a couple days but even if I did I don't get how it's such a big deal.

We keep getting in stupid ass arguments that end in him going "ah yeah guess I was just being really insecure and my side doesn't make a lot of sense" and this feels like the straw the broke the camels back because it's just so dumb to me. I haven't said it's ridiculous to him because I don't want to be so outwardly invalidating but I can't make myself see his side and understand what's so "guttural"

Am I overreacting?

Update: We broke up. I'm very sad but it's for the best we're too codependent and homie needs to emotionally regulate properly before being in a relationship. I will be buying myself ice cream and sushi and watching bad YouTube videos with my dad after work. Absolutely worst time to work customer service honestly but hey my new laptop gets here today for my break up tv binge watching. Also I'm sorry I cannot spell maybe I will learn in my new found celibacy...

My BF has been obsessed with me getting my kitten’s claws trimmed. I’ve told him repeatedly she’ll have them trimmed when she gets spayed at the end of the month. I’ve been taking her to her routine vaccine appointments & asked my vet about the trimming. He agreed with me that it would be silly to do it now when it’ll get done soon enough when she gets spayed.

My BF still won’t let this issue go. He’s become completely obsessed with my kitten even though he initially wanted me not to get her since he thought I’m not responsible enough (no clue why he thought this since I’ve had my two other cats for 7 years & take them to the vet regularly & play with them & buy them things all the time & also thought long & hard before choosing a good time to bring a kitten into the house.) He’s since admitted he’s glad I got her & absolutely adores her. But he still constantly questions my pet ownership choices in a way that bothers me since I know I am a very responsible & attentive pet owner. He guilted me about leaving the kitten overnight (I made sure the cats had food & water) because of a family emergency, saying how much she probably missed me even though I had no choice in the matter of leaving & made sure my cats would be okay.

Anyway….

To the matter at hand. He put the kitten on my face to wake me up. When I woke up I was annoyed since that’s not a pleasant way to wake up & she scratched my face. He thought this was hilarious & teased me that if her claws were trimmed it wouldn’t have been that bad.

I’m genuinely considering ending the relationship over this. It’s not just this there’s a lot of little reasons but this is the culmination. Was this just a silly prank over a small disagreement or am I right to feel he needed to drop the issue after I said I was following my vet’s advice & this was a very disrespectful way to make a point???

EDIT: I am NOT saying I will never get her claws trimmed good lord people. I AM saying I took her to the VET aka the EXPERT a few days ago & asked my VET if it needed to be done urgently & he said they looked healthy to him & it would make more sense to have it done when she gets spayed at the end of the month as it’s part of a package deal. He also said he’d show me how to do it myself for if it ever gets out of hand in the future, which has never been an issue for my cats since they have plenty of scratching posts & the vet always says they look fine & healthy when he sees them. Aside from this post NOT asking for pet care advice but if I am overreacting in a specific situation I will ONLY be taking pet care advice from my vet who has kept the two cats I have healthy & happy for around 7 years now. NOT random redditors. Thanks anyway to all the passive aggressive people calling me a bad pet owner but I’m very secure that my cats are spoiled & get all the care they need!!!!

So these messages happened over the course of like 8 months, I assume they were chatting via email before that. Husband has no social media, snapchat, anything, as a matter of principle. We fought about something which broke my trust in him (no cheating or anything, he was just rude to my family and argued with me in front of them). He gave me his phone to call someone while he showered and for the first time in 10 years I decided to take a gander. For the record I DONT think he is cheating or has intentions to cheat, but I do wonder if he still holds a candle for her. I also have an ex who I chat with occasionally, but what pisses me off is that he keeps his a secret AND theyre clearly trying to meet up (she lives in a different city). I think he hides it because I was jealous when we first got together when we were like 23, but now at 34 with a child I really wouldnt care if they want to catch up (given she only travels here with her husband like once every few years and they now have a baby too), but I HATE that he is lying about it. On Oct 25th he actually made this elaborate show of looking for boots online and then insisting that hes going to go shopping for boots and he might go to multiple stores so it might take a while. He obviously didnt end up going since we needed to take our baby to the doctor. The other thing which bugs me big time is that he got really mad at me for sending photos of our kid to someone he didnt know and without his consent, yet here is he doing the same. Pot calling the kettle black, wtf.

Anyway for some reason this really bugs me, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting? I also dont know how to call him out on it, considering that I snooped. He also had their chat muted, presumably so it wont come up on his phone when I'm around, which I find disgusting. I unmuted it in hopes that I can "catch" him in the future. I would LOVE for them to meet up and to know about it first, and then happen upon them, but I dont think there will ever be the opportunity.

I’m 20F and I’ve been living with my grandma. Yesterday we got into a huge argument at Walmart that has me questioning everything.
I was buying myself some clothes, and she kept insisting that the clothes I picked out were too small for me. They were literally women’s size large, and I told her they would fit. Instead of letting it go, she kept arguing with me about what size I should wear.
On the drive home, things got much worse. She slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road, pulled over, opened my car door, and then started driving again while my door was still open. Then she started telling me that I’ve “acted grown since I was 12.”
After that, she brought up my relationship with my mom. I don’t talk to my mom because when I was 18, I finally told her that her husband had molested me. She stayed with him, and that’s why I cut contact. My grandma told me it was basically my fault because I “wanted to keep it a secret” for so long, as if I chose to stay silent. She also said it’s my fault I don’t have a relationship with my mom.
Then she told me my younger siblings are doing much better now that I’m not in the house. That comment really hurt because I’ve already struggled enough with losing my relationship with my mom after she chose to stay with the man who hurt me. Hearing my grandma say those things made me feel like she blames me for everything that’s happened.
At this point, I don’t feel emotionally safe living with her anymore, and I’m planning to move out.
Am I overreacting for deciding to leave after this, or would you do the same?

Wife and I have been married for 13 years. We have young kids and are in our late 30s. My wife’s younger sister got married a few years after us. They don’t have kids and are in their early 30s. We hang out maybe monthly and get along great… make food, play board games, drink. Sometimes, we drink a lot, not black out drunk but wasted for sure.

A few times in the last year when we’re wasted, my brother-in-law has started wrestling my wife (he starts it), nothing crazy, just locking arms while standing, pushing each other around. The first couple times, it was whatever, I thought it was fun. But this last time I had a thought that maybe they were flirting. I looked at my sister in law and she turned away like it wasn’t funny, which cemented my weird feeling, so I jumped in, pushed my wife out of it, and wrestled him, pinned him (tyvm) but it all felt weird.

The next morning I told my wife the wrestling seemed flirtatious and was too much, made me uncomfortable.

She got defensive, said she didn’t think of it that way. That she sees him as a brother and siblings wrestle; if the roles were reversed (i.e. me wrestling her sister) she’d be in my corner, cheering me on.

I try to trust my gut and my gut said one or both were flirting. Am I overreacting?

My older sister is a professional wedding photographer.

Nearly every family get-together, my sister takes a ton of pictures of all of us on her phone and loves posting them on social media. The problem is, every single time she posts me, it’s like she’s deliberately choosing the worst pictures she has… even though I saw plenty on her phone that were way better. I either look weirdly bloated, it’s a terrible angle, or I’m making some jacked-up face.

It was my birthday recently, and she made one of those “Happy Birthday” posts with five pictures of me. They were honestly the worst pictures I’ve ever seen of myself. Even my mom was like, “Why did she choose those ones? You look awful and don’t even look like yourself.” For my own wedding, she has one picture taken on her phone on her profile saying “these two tied the knot today” and it’s a picture of me scowling looking at my phone in my wedding dress before the ceremony. She took tons of beautiful pics that day. Those are just a couple examples.

I asked a few other people what they thought, and they agreed, so I know it’s not just in my head.
I finally talked to her about it, and she said, “Omg, you look cute. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I told her, “How about you get my approval before you post pictures of me from now on?” She hasn’t talked to me since.

AIO?

Me: 30 F. Him: 29 M.

12 months ago, we visited his 2 female cousins for a weekend and stayed at their place. Several things happened that weekend that I didn’t like — he hand-fed his cousin Laura (27F), a gesture he’d called romantic before; her sister Jenny (35F) clung to him in the pool, cornering him and tickling his ?stomach beneath the water; both girls were braless the whole time we were there, and Laura even showed her boob at one point saying it was itchy. I commented on his hand-feeding her; he was upset for hours after. I didn’t mention any of my other issues.

The 2nd night, Laura’s daughter, Laura, my BF, and I shared a California king bed, in that order. Her daughter slept on the end nearest to the wall, and I slept on the end nearest to the door. BF is usually super clingy with me at night, but not this night. At some point I woke up because I didn’t feel him near. I felt around in the darkness and found his hip. I reached to wrap my arm around him, but I met resistance. Laura’s ass was against his crotch. They were literally spooning! I pulled him towards me, and he moved easily; he seemed to be pretty knocked out, as we drank a bunch that day.
I could barely stay asleep after this, and every time I woke up, I woke up to this. One of the times, I pulled him towards me and she scooted back towards him again!!!

This was our last day there. I was livid the whole day, but I couldn’t bring myself to utter to BF why I was upset. When we got home that night and were alone, I told him why I was upset. He cried, said he knew nothing about it, said he had no memory of it, said she had never come onto him before, said he was so sorry because he felt like he cheated on me. We worked through it, though he later said he was worried that I wouldn’t want to visit her anymore because of it. Worth mentioning is that he previously told me that where he is from, it’s not uncommon to see cousins dating.

The incident resurfaced for me last night when I saw this picture of him and his sister (27F) that made me feel similarly icky. Him carrying his sister, his arms wrapped around her bottom, her legs wrapped around his waist.

He said this was normal for his family. I told him that I’m not comfortable with it. He accused me of not wanting anyone to touch him at all. I admitted, “I’m not OK with intimate areas being touched, even indirectly, and you knew that from the beginning. That’s why it was such a big deal when you were spooning with Laura that night.” He got upset that I brought it up, which triggered me so I asked, “since this level of intimacy with other girls is normal for you, does that mean were you actually a willing participant in the spooning that night?” He got super upset and said, “I’m not telling you again that I don’t remember it happening. I don’t even think it really happened!” He clarified that he has always thought it was a lie. That hurt.

To be accused of lying about something like this really has me upset and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s hypocritical of me as it was a response to me essentially saying he was lying but… It makes me want to just split. And on top of that, the pic I saw last night has me feeling nauseous; I’m just not comfortable with that level of closeness between him and other adult females, related or not. Am I overreacting about this? Any of it?

So i’m currently single. I’ve had two long term relationships back to back that have ended. The last one was quite damaging if i’m honest. I’ve chosen to be single for nearly 2 years now. Whenever I entertain the thought of meeting anyone new, I feel exhausted. I’ve never felt this way before, just totally disinterested and unmotivated in being in another relationship. All of my friends are either married on in long-term relationships. No one I know has gone through a divorce or the end of a serious long-term relationship. I feel like no one gets my feelings on the matter. They’re all like just move on. Start dating. I’m beginning to feel like there’s something wrong with me that I simply can’t “move on” like that? I’m completely over my ex, it’s more the way I was treated that hurt me. I feel like everyone moves on so fast, some of my friends have never been single. I don’t know how they do it, it’s so exhausting and demoralising!

I (36M) have been married to my wife (32F) for a few years. She has AuDHD, a very high sex drive, and a history of childhood abuse. I know those things are part of her life, but I'm struggling to figure out whether my reactions are reasonable or if I'm letting the past control me.

When we first started dating, within the first week she cheated on me with her ex. Not long after that, I found out she was also making plans to sleep with two other men from a former job, including her boss. She promised she would stop, but a couple of months later I found Snapchat messages, explicit pictures from other men, and plans to meet up with them. In total, she cheated on me with three different men during our first year together.

I broke up with her and told myself I was done. She continued trying to contact me and eventually came to my home asking me to give her another chance. I reluctantly agreed.

The cheating completely changed me. Before all of this, I was a pretty outgoing and social person. Afterward, I became angry, isolated myself from friends, and struggled to trust anyone. I eventually turned to religion. We both joined an Apostolic church, and after talking to my pastor about everything that had happened, I was encouraged to forgive her and let God handle it. I felt pressured into marrying her before I had actually processed what she'd done, and after we got married I eventually left that church because I didn't feel like my mental health had really been considered.

Since then, things have improved in some ways. We live together, she's been promoted twice at work, and we're finally becoming financially stable. As far as I know, she hasn't cheated since that first year.

The problem is that I still don't feel emotionally safe.

Her current job has a lot of male coworkers. She learns very personal details about them, like their birthdays, relationships, hobbies, favorite foods, and talks about them fairly often. One male coworker texted her "miss you" after she got promoted. Instead of simply shutting it down herself, she replied, "Hey. OP doesn't like when you say you miss me. Can we make sure this doesn't happen again?" That response bothered me because it made it seem like the boundary came from me instead of being one she wanted herself.

Earlier in our relationship, she also argued with me about staying friends with a man who had literally sent her explicit pictures, insisting they were "just friends." As another man, I felt like his intentions were obvious, and it made me question her judgment around boundaries.

When I asked why she cheated back then, she told me she has attention-seeking behaviors and struggles to control them. That answer has stayed with me because it makes me worry that this is something that could always happen again.

We've been to couples therapy, and it has helped some. She hasn't given me concrete evidence that she's cheating now. At the same time, I live with constant anxiety whenever male coworkers are involved because of everything that happened during our first year together.

I don't know if I'm reacting to what's happening now or if I'm still reacting to what happened years ago.

Am I overreacting for still not trusting her, or is it understandable given our history?

I (f20) am about to get my time of the month and I’m so angry and crying, my boyfriend made a joke that hurt my feelings so I ignored him and acted mad but passive aggressively for the rest of the night, and I am now upset he didn’t ask me if I’m okay or mad. Am I overreacting? I am so angry.

My boyfriend and I have had conversations about boundaries with other people. Earlier in our relationship, I removed guys from my socials that had obvious interest in me at any point in time because it made him uncomfortable. In return, he agreed he’d stop talking to a girl who had a revealing profile picture on tiktok that i didn't like.
The problem is he still regularly texts multiple girls. It's across tiktok, instagram, and imessage- across at least 6 different girls- and almost if not everyday. As far as I've seen, the conversations aren’t flirty, but they’re frequent, and it makes me uncomfortable. Most of them are friends from before we dated, but some of them message him very often, and he’ll have ongoing conversations with them. Even answering their late night phone calls while he's with me.
I’ve told him it bothers me. He says they’re just friends and that nothing is going on. I don’t think he’s physically cheating, but I also can’t shake the feeling that the boundary isn’t equal. I changed my behavior for his comfort, but I don’t feel like I’ve gotten the same consideration back. I will admit I'm more upset about it bc I removed my very few friends who happened to be guys who used to like me and so now I have little to no friends/people to talk to and he still has inside jokes with all these other girls. But i've been cheated on in l my last relationships so now I struggle to trust the female friends- I don't think he'll cheat on me but I still am not happy with this. Most of them have helped him through stuff but I still find myself jealous that all these girls have deep emotional connections with him but he doesn't do the same with me.
I don’t want to be controlling or tell him he can’t have female friends. I just want to know if I’m overreacting for feeling hurt by it, especially since we’d already talked about boundaries before.
AIO?

edit for clarification and everyone: the friends he asked me to remove. I already hadn't talked to them in so long but i still removed them- the girls I'm not comfortable with him texting he text 24 7 and is always replying to their stuff and starting the conversation but he claims you can't let himself have that deep emotional connection with me because of how his ex did him wrong in the past, but then he's had an emotional connection with all these other females. I may be controlling over who I like him talking to, but I still give him my emotional connection and don't find it other people when we together

i'm 19 and all of my friends + my partner are all 19 too. i'm supposed to go and see louis tomlinson in atlanta today so we all decided to make it a trip so we decided we can go to the aquarium before the show and go to the mall the next day since we're staying a night there.

we live in the panhandle of florida so we had to leave around 5am to go get my wristband for the concert since im supposed to be in the pit and there's randomized wristbands. wristbands started at 9am and end at 12pm. i funded my show tickets (obviously) and the aquarium tickets AND gas to get there. i told them we HAD to leave by 5 or 5:30 and they took forever to get up and getting ready so we ended up leaving around 6:30 instead. atlanta is an hour ahead of us so we aren't getting to atlanta until 12:30pm. we have 2 hours of our drive left. i told them weeks ahead of time when we had to leave, etc.

my tickets were $400 for 2 (me and my partner) and now i feel like there was no point in spending that much money just to be in the back. i feel like i shouldn't be upset because i know ill still have a good time, but i have severe ocd (which they're very aware of) and need to be on time to whatever im doing and need to be on a schedule and they're acting like it's not a big deal even though i funded everything. AIO??

This has happened three times.

I won’t hear from her for months initiating a hang out, then out of no where she asks me to dog sit. Never a “Hey! Hope you’re well!” Just straight up, “Hey can you watch my dogs?”

I have in the past and genuinely love her dogs, but it feels so rude.

Not only does she not reach out to me to hang out, if I reach out to her, she just will say “no” to whatever plans I suggested without suggesting anything else or a different time/date to connect.

And on top of that, our partners are really good friends. From girlfriends I’ve had in the past where our partners hang out, usually the girls will reach out to one another and be like “Steve invited us to the bar, are you going to be there with him?”

But instead of seeing if I’ll be somewhere my partner may be, she will show up and maybe send me a photo of her hanging out with them like days later.

Each of those things individually I could not give a shit about, but it’s the fact that it’s three combined behaviors it feels disrespectful.

If you guys agree with me that this is unkind, how can I nicely tell her?

Edit: she is not paying to dog sit and that didn’t ever occur to me. I don’t mind doing it for friends for free, so long as I feel generally respected.

Edit 2: I have backed off of the relationship for a while now because this started early 2025. In the last year and a half she’s maybe sent a meme or a “thinking of you” text a few times, but not solid plans to connect.

So it will be months in between those texts that the favor is asked.

She has mentioned she is on the spectrum, so I’ve given it grace. But I can’t disregard the disrespect.

At the end of 2025, my mom decided she wanted to buy a new house and sell her old one. My bf is a realtor, so naturally she used him as hers. She told my brother, and he freaked out, yelled at her, and suddenly became super controlling and involved in the process. Even tried pressuring her into using a different realtor.

After that, my mom decided she wouldn’t be telling my brother anything about her house hunting.

I had a conversation with my brother where he told me that I needed to tell him everything to keep my mom from making a “stupid decision” since we would be “inheriting” the house. I decided that I would let my mom tell him for herself.

On Christmas Eve, my mom was planning to list her house for sale. She didn’t want to tell my brother at all. I convinced her to tell him before he found out through Zillow. He “took it well” according to her… then immediately texted me this.

Overall, it makes me so fucking sad. My brother and I finally had a solid relationship after struggling to get along growing up. I’ve been nothing but loving and kind to him. He recently got engaged and it broke my heart realizing I won’t be involved in the wedding or when he has kids someday.

My dad keeps pressuring me to be the bigger person and make it right with him. It doesn’t feel right for me to do that after everything he said.

What should I do?

Edit: also, he did tell my dad that he thinks we pressured my mom into buying a new house so we could make money from it…

Edit: not sure why people are thinking we live and mooch off of my mom… but we do not, just to clarify.

Also, for those giving me shit about being on state assistance: I got on WIC after having my baby because I was unable to get maternity leave.

For those of you being supportive and kind, thank you 🫶🏻

UPDATE

(im sorry if i have gramatical errors, english isn’t my native language)

hi so imma get straight to the point because i’m going a little crazy and im really hurt by this. so my husband has this girl friend and they met before we started dating, which is cool , we went out in a group once and i liked her, we added each other on social media but we never talked. then my husband stopped talking to a bunch of people (me too) because we were having problems, fast forward two years (now) i left for a month because i needed time as he was hurting me in other ways but he promised me he was a changed man and i do love him so i came back. we put boundaries that we can go out with friends but location on and respond to texts or calls.

he goes out with her, and turns off the location, i go to her apartments twice only because i wanted to see if it was true or not but i couldn’t get in. i start arguing with him and he’s like “there’s nothing wrong” and making excuses. and i keep telling me that’s hurting me because he’s doing things that don’t look good, and he starts telling me that’s all my fault because i’m insecure. mind you, she left a LIPSTICK IN HIS CAR (it’s in the trash now) and like bottles and shit, it’s all in the trash

today, she calls his phone while im holding it because we are watching reels together, so i go to answer and he snatched the phone and im like ??? answer wtf she calls again, he don’t answer and i’m here telling him to fucking answer that i won’t say anything, he does and she goes “why aren’t you answering me?”
him: oh i’m busy
her: and why isn’t your phone number letting me call you (she called on instagram)

i got mad, so i said “why would you care?” and he hangs up and we start arguing.

in all the arguments we had about her, he always wants to end things because he says i over react to much but the thing is i have told him many times, CALMED, that what he is doing, hurts me, he says he’s sorry but he does it again. if i explote and argue, im the crazy one?
and he’s always like “you don’t want me to go out” because in the past, i did say that one time he was with his friends but it was because they were saying they wanted to go to a strip club. but now, i tell him he can, i don’t care, just not with her because the first time they went out i told him, don’t turn your location off, and he broke that.

a lot of our fights are over text, and then i see him at home and everything is back to normal while im hurting, and the ones we have at home 5 minutes later it’s like nothing

also: now he sayin she’s a lesbian and that i should trust him and he’s not doing anything
and we haven’t fought about anything else, just her now

so please, am i overreacting?

now he’s telling me to hurry up and change and i’m like i’m going and he goes “nvm, i’m going with my friend because you don’t hurry up” and we literally just fought about her, not even 20 minutes ago

UPDATE: thank you so much for answering, i do appreciate it, i will try to see if therapy will be the best solution, but i will have in mind to try and leave again, as ringt now i can’t but thank you so much for your advice

Edit: thank you to everyone who engaged in this conversation with me. I am feeling a lot calmer and ready to have a productive conversation with my husband, and I appreciate everyone who helped out.

Tl:dr: My husband (38m) keeps wrecking our stuff with water, and I (39f) need advice on solving this problem.

My husband (38m) is a wonderful, caring husband and father (we have 3 kids under 4). We have been married for 4 years. He is an electrician and an extremely handy and responsible person in general. He does a ton of home repairs, and I am truly grateful. I love him very much. I respect him. But. 

I am looking for advice and perspective on what to do about a recurring situation.  Simply put, he does not understand the destructive power of water. 

Since we bought our home 4 years ago: 

- He flooded our basement with the washing machine. This soaked the vinyl flooring down there. He lifted it up to dry it and reinstalled. At the time, I trusted his judgement and let him do this. I later found out that this type of flooring cannot be dried.

- He ignored a leak from our furnace/air conditioner, also in the basement. He just let it soak into the wooden shelving in our basement and did nothing about it. I was recovering from a c section and was not down there. When I discovered it, I insisted that it be repaired and worked to dry the basement. 

He then broke his ankle when our third baby was 6 months old. Before this, 

- He redid the pipe from our sump pump and caused a flood in our basement. It was previously above ground for the winter months. He did not like the look and buried it. It froze, our basement flooded through a foundation crack. At this point, I stopped trusting his repair judgement. A basic google told me he should not have done what he did with this pipe. 

- We also had a pipe leak, not his fault. But added for the context that perhaps I am just overreacting to a series of tough luck. 

I have explained repeatedly that water is destructive to a home and can cause mold growth, etc. He is more knowledgeable in general, but this is something I know with certainty. 

In the past week: 

- Our daughter got her shoes wet. Instead of drying them (or even telling me to), he shoved them in her backpack all weekend. When I opened it for daycare on Monday for daycare, the smell was unholy. The shoes are ruined. Surprise 5 minutes before we leave. 

- Last week, we went and bought a used beframe. It is fabric/foam over wood. It was in our garage. He took this frame outside, intending to wet vac it (though we have plenty of space in the garage for that). He never cleaned it, forgot it for 2 nights, and it is now soaked from rain and garbage. 

I have hit some kind of limit after seeing this ruined bed. I broke down into tears when I discovered it. I've told him how upset I am. He says he feels stupid and sorry for ruining it, but I really am worried that everything I own will be lost to water over time, and I don't really want to accept this apology and move on.

I have tried to explain how damp/water is a problem but it doesn't seem to get through. 

Am I overreacting?

I am also open to advice on how to tackle this recurring problem.

Me and boyfriend, both late 20s, have been together for over 4 years. He's very much into the subtle romantic gestures, I'm a bit more casual, but I do try and I can usually appreciate the gestures. However, sometimes, including now, he has these "gestures" where he decides stuff for me without asking. In theory it might sound romantic or cute but I very much value my own plans and choices. For example yesterday, we planned to go out for some fast food and I suggested one of my favorite places where I pretty much always get the same dish, because it's my favorite. I got there and he had already ordered for me - but it was something completely different and not something I would ever order myself. It was ok, I just had really been looking forward to my favorite dish. Didn't make a big deal out of it but it got me down a bit.

And then this morning, he turned off my alarm without me knowing and without snoozing "because I looked so cute sleeping". I had wanted to go to the office early because of a medical appointment at the end of the day. I made it but I had to really rush. I can't help but feel disrespected, even knowing he means well and is just trying to be sweet.

AIO? Is it normal for me to feel disrespected by these things or am I being dramatic? He does sometimes say I'm too intolerant of his shenanigans, which I guess would also apply here.

Some information about me: I (30f) have some physical disabilities as well as Autism & ADHD and found my mobility and general physical health were getting really bad last year. I can't work and money is always really tight however I knew I needed the advice of a physical therapist or trainer to help me with the very basics of getting my body moving safely again. Each time I have attempted to exercise by myself in the past, I have (without fail) injured something.

I made the decision to quit using medical marijuana (which really helped me btw) and instead put that money towards finding someone local who could get me back on my feet. I took to my local "Spotted" Facebook group and asked for recommendations of anyone with a fitness background who could advise and help me to exercise for £50 a month.

Having received a couple of recommendations for a particular small gym, I dropped the owner a message on WhatsApp and was asked to come in for a chat. That day I felt my entire world view shift and I was hopeful for the first time in a very long time.

The owner of the gym (54f) offered to give me half an hour of personal training every Tuesday for £50 a month. She was very kind and insisted she didn't do this work for the money. She spoke about her faith as a Christian and told me she believed she was meant to help others. I was so incredibly grateful to her.

For 6 months, I saw her each Tuesday and we worked on strength and functional training. These sessions were often also deeply personal, and I'd share things with her that I'd otherwise share with a therapist. She encouraged this, and often shared things about her own life too.

I began taking the classes the gym offered and it was apparent that I was needing the one on one sessions less and less. Mary (name changed for obvious reasons) had been trying to get my Mum (62f) to join for a while and I put forward the suggestion that maybe Mum could take over my PT appointments while I attend classes only. I made sure Mary was happy to accept a further £50 per month for this arrangement and she assured me she was. My Mum is in the same financial position as me and had recently given up smoking so she had a little extra money per month to put towards improving her health.

Fast forward to last Thursday and after about a month of conversation with my Mum, we unfortunately realised we could no longer afford to pay £100 every month for this gym membership. Despite how gracious Mary had been in offering us such a discount, we were having to decide between cancelling the gym or our pet insurance. Having had a pretty traumatic month of vet visits for a very poorly cat, we were already dealing with hundreds of pounds in vets bills and honestly, we were no longer getting that much out of the gym. (Mary had told my Mum there was little she could do until Mum was on a GLP1 for her inflammation) This along with Mary's pretty extreme views that she'd peddle out on her personal Facebook page, and I felt quietly comfortable about our decision.

We WhatsApp'd Mary to give her our one month's notice and despite appearing initially a little hurt and confused, she told us we wouldn't need to pay for next month. I was grateful, though pushed her to take the payment after everything she'd done for us. She declined and assured us it was "the right thing to do."

And then things got a little weird.

She exited the group with me and my Mum and kicked us out of any and all other WhatsApp groups. I understood this of course, but thought it was a little odd because we had paid up until the 30th July and it was only the 17th. I didn't think too much into it.

The next day, Mum realised she'd been unfriended and blocked by Mary on Facebook. In some disbelief, I searched her name to find out I had also been unfriended and blocked. This hurt, but I just thought "well maybe she took our leaving as some sort of personal rejection and acted irrationally."

Things only got stranger as I soon realised we'd been blocked from accessing the gym's official Facebook page and she'd blocked me on tiktok too! Her husband, who she runs the gym with, had never been a Facebook friend of mine. However, when I looked up his name, he no longer came up. Another blocking.

While all of that really sucked, I still didn't think to leave a negative review on Google. People do strange things sometimes, especially when they take stuff personally. I thought she was being extremely unprofessional but I'm not a confrontational person.

The straw that broke the camels back was this. I noticed that the two friends I had made at the gym both unfriended me shortly after we left. These are women in their 40s and 60s by the way, and the elder one had added me, not the other way around.

I was absolutely astounded. This felt like way too much of a coincidence not to have been some kind of request by Mary. I wasn't even that close to these people, but it still hurt a LOT. That gym was the only community my Mum and I had and we were already aware that losing this little group of people was going to affect us, but to be outright ostracized and shunned from a GYM??? For being too poor to attend??? What???

This "kind, Christian" woman has given us both a severe case of emotional whiplash. It's all I've been able to think about since it happened. And because I've been blocked everywhere, I can't get any answers. I've emailed and received nothing back. I'm tempted to hand deliver a letter to the gym but I don't even know what it is I'd want to write.

I want her to know that what she did was shitty. You shouldn't be able to build someone up to feel like they are capable and strong and then pull the rug out from under them. My mental health has taken 10 steps back because all I can focus on is "What did I do to deserve whatever the fuck this it?" And "Is this something she does to anyone who dares leave her gym?"

I hope my review can warn others and I have no regrets about leaving it.

Okay. Haven't posted here in a few weeks, because I was getting very bad intrusive thoughts and memories that kind of quieted. I don't know how they did. But it's giving me a bit of a letup to try and sort things out.

If anyone remembers, I'm the Greek girl who was posting here a lot about my experience with conscription. I'm 20 now, when I was 18 I was drafted (Girls aren't normally drafted, I'll explain my circumstances in a minute), my parents didn't want me to go and tried helping me draft dodge, but I was scared of the legal consequences.

The thing is, I feel I've nowhere to truly put my anger and it's making me wonder if I'm being... Spoiled? Or entitled? Nearly all of the officers were actually very kind. A good two thirds were actually women and many officers were kind of chilled out, or did sports with us, and sometimes you had them, many in their late 20s or early 30s, trying to be fashionable or trendy in front of younger conscripts, and making me cringe a lot.

Recently, the camp commander admitted that she should have discharged me, because of my mental health, but that she would have missed me. And she's sorry. Like, it's put me in a bind. There's state policy: You're sent far from home, without your consent. You're cut off from support systems, made to do unpaid labour. I remember once, telling the commander that it's not sweet that she's giving me an extra weekend off to see my family, she's just dripfeeding me basic rights. And she felt really bad. I knew these people as friends, maybe.

I'm trans and I recently found out why I was so girly back then. Wasn't out till after that year, but I've been diagnosed with a condition where I never went through puberty, so I was tall but looked younger and maybe soft, my first time going through puberty is now, on HRT. But yeah, they saw me as vulnerable and lovable. I see that year as very traumatic because particularly basic training left me feeling very objectified. It's abusive, but more as a system. I don't know who to feel angry at or if I should be angry.

My age doesn’t matter, but I will say I’m a dude, just for pronoun reasons or whatever. I dunno, I’ve literally never posted on Reddit, but I feel like I’m going to implode if I don’t get this off my chest.

I live with my parents and brother, all fine and dandy… Except that there are ants and cockroaches and spiders ALL OVER THIS ACCURSED HOUSE. Mind you, it’s really not a particularly dirty house! Definitely lived in, but it’s not like we leave filthy dishes or food or anything out. And I KNOW they aren’t coming through my window, I keep it completely sealed with duct tape and blackout curtains.

The worst of it is no matter how much I point it out, they all look at me like I’m a head case!! Like, “There’s nothing there, [my name]” and “Quit joking about that.” I can’t stand it!!! Day in and day out, I feel the damn things crawling all over me, so I know I’m not making it up. I can’t even sleep properly anymore because all I can think about is the bugs crawling around. I’ve got multiple wounds on my arms and such from scratching.

Am I overreacting?? Is it really not that big of a deal??? I just wanna rip my hair out, I’m so frustrated. Even as I’m writing this I keep having to slap bugs away. I’m crying and tired and I just want someone to listen to me.

TLDR; My family’s playing some kind of weird prank and pretending that all the bugs in our house don’t exist.

EDIT: Not a prank, I’m having hallucinations (or just spotty vision maybe??). I dunno if it’s stress-induced or something bigger, so I’m going to talk to my parents tonight once my dad gets home. I’m honestly not sure they’re going to believe me, but you guys are right, I need help. I probably won’t update/respond beyond this. Ummm final thoughts - thanks to everyone who pointed me in the right direction, shared their personal experiences, etc.

My boyfriend 22M and I 21F have been together for 3 years. For context, I have OCD, and one of the ways it affects me is that I get severe anxiety and panic attacks if I'm late for something. Being on time is a really big deal to me.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, has absolutely no sense of urgency.

Today was our anniversary, and he invited me over. He told me to come after 10 a.m., so I woke up at 7 a.m. to get ready. By around 11:30 a.m., I was halfway to his place when I realized I'd forgotten my wallet at home. I turned around and called him to let him know I'd be a little late because I had to go back and get it.

When he answered, he sounded half asleep. I asked if he'd just woken up, and he said yes.

I was honestly furious. This was supposed to be a special day for us, and the only reason he was awake was because I called him. I know I was going to be a little late anyway, so he still had time to get ready, but that's not really the point.

The thing is, this isn't a one-time thing. He never wakes up on time. There have been multiple occasions where I've had to stand outside his house for 30–40 minutes waiting for him to wake up and let me in. I've talked to him about it before, but nothing has changed.

I guess I just hoped that, at the very least, on our anniversary he'd make the effort to wake up early and be ready before I got there.

Now I'm seriously questioning the relationship. It feels less like it's about him oversleeping once and more like a pattern of not respecting my time, especially when he knows how much punctuality matters to me because of my OCD.

So, AITA for considering breaking up with him over this?

My mother was just diagnosed with Alzheimers and is very frail and elderly, and my husband hasn't asked how I'm feeling once.

I asked him why and he said it's because it'd upset *him* to talk about it. I told him that you put your own shit aside to care for those you love, or you're supposed to. That my mother's health isn't about him, and I cried a lot.

AIO? I feel like I'm not but I'm constantly being made to feel like I am by just having emotions.