I swear being surrounded by Catholics as a woman is hell. You are sold a standard operating procedure for life which only seems to benefit men. I've seen catholic men at a fucking baptism pray that "she finds a godly husband and bears more kids". Like what the fuck this baby is a few weeks old you fucking pedo leave her alone. This baby has a life ahead of her and her own dreams and they basically funneled her already as a baby maker. Honestly it's so disgusting and selfish.

They know that having a wife and kids raises their status in the community and proves they are not a loser to everyone. Having a religion that indoctrinates women that being a wife is the most noble thing they can do proves great access to the feminine and only serves to benefit men. Annulment is very hard to obtain even in cases of spousal abuse. Women are just taught that self-sacrifice and suffering is noble. I've seen tradcath men see a woman that is happy living her own life and label her as some hedonistic influencer only interested in vacations. Talk about that level of projection of entitlement and selfishness. Women are not allowed to be happy without men and kids.

The pro-marriage culture is a way that guarantees that even the most incel men (some of who understand nothing about theology) get siphoned a wife for life, men that have little to no social skills, compassion for women or empathy, and whose genes would get weeded out by natural selection if marriage did not exist.

I'm glad to see more women see how this is bullshit for the quality of their lives and are leaving this religion in droves. I remember a RCIA/OCIA mentor saying that there's a lack of women in the classes compared to men. Lol, I wonder why...

I think it’s unnecessarily cruel to exclude the family from participating in the mass. Having separate day visitation and mass as well as the pushback on cremation is only going to cost these families more time and money they may not have. Might as well not even have a funeral mass if it’s going to be as impersonal as possible.

I had a moment of clarity while reading a post on a Christian forum, where a guy was talking about how grateful he was for the gift of salvation in Jesus. I suddenly realized that despite all the years spent praying to Jesus, I’ve never felt that way.

Instead, what I feel is mostly resentment. I’m angry at the subjugation of women and gays. I’m angry at the imperialism, the genocides, and the destruction of indigenous cultures. I’m angry knowing that the Catholic Church is not truly sorry for any of it, because at the end of the day, at least they converted the heathens. I’m angry that Christianity is the religion the West is stuck with—because it was the biggest bully in the neighborhood and got rid of all the others.

And it’s not even a compelling religion. Its entire premise is that the universe revolves around one man’s messianic ambitions—as if I can’t turn on the TV at any time and see plenty of self-absorbed men who think all of humanity ought to worship them and accommodate itself to their political projects. I’m so tired of it.

NO KINGS!

My former priest sexually abused a student--I had reported him months before.

I converted to Catholicism in mid-2024. However, I kept having back to back bad experiences and a deep feeling like something was off.

It culminated in me reporting a priest last year in January for inappropriate behavior (one of my school's academic dean urged me to) and months later he went on to sexually abuse a student after his order (the Jesuits) refused to take my concerns seriously and watch him (they instead babied him, gave him therapy, and let him tell them he was soooo tired from working--but obviously not tired enough to not wait for a student to get drunk and to essentially use the opportunity to rape him).

He was removed after the student reported him to his order however they covered up his behavior, lied to archdiocese saying it was consensual, and then urged the student not to go to the police.

After five months, the student got fed up and went to our school newspaper and it gained national attention.

In the meantime, before all that came out, I had essentially been kicked out of the church community by his superior while they obviously let him stay (and he went on to abuse). Once he left, I tried to come back however nearly everyone shunned me. I even tried to report him again to another chaplain, but no one told her what was going on and she had thought I lost my mind. I never trusted his order or him or any Catholic--I had one Catholic tell me I was lying about how he treated me because he was a good person (he was priest in who had just come from an extremely high up position in his order) like that made a difference... he still abused.

I am pissed and tired. Catholicism is a walking disgrace. Honestly, thankful for this community. Everyone wonders why I hate Catholics so much and it's just the level of blindness, love of power, and absolute idiocy and meanness that drive me up a wall. Waiting for the day that man drops dead anyway.

The amount of times I went to priest seeking help or Catholics literally begging for help--this experience destroyed my mental help and none of then believed me or did anything. Glad I'm gone. I honestly can't wait for the place to rot.

So for background I was a cradle cath. I’ve always questioned Catholicism and knew for sure it’s not for me when I was a teenager. I stopped going to church when I was 15ish. I would only practice certain things around my family related to death/funerals out of respect. Back then my family wasn’t as religious, but recently they’re getting more religious (I’m assuming because the rise of Christian nationalism). Even my younger brother who was also questioning like me all of a sudden went super Jesus which surprised me. I haven’t told them that I’m agnostic now because I don’t want to deal with a potential argument. They just think I’m a bad Catholic.

Today as I went in my car I noticed the driver’s seat was pulled all the way back which means my dad was in my car. I’m usually fine with this because I park on the street and it needs to be moved so our neighbors can also park and my parking is not the best lol. But then I saw my rear view mirror and see a mini rosary hanged on my mirror and I definitely didn’t put that there…

My family already knows I’m not that religious so that just pissed me off. I drove to my usual cafe spot hella mad, but luckily my iced coffee made me feel a lil better LOL. I have to now talk to my dad later to not pull that shit ever again and I think I’m going to hide my car keys. I might finally tell my mom that I’m not religious anymore since she’s not that serious compared to my other family. I’m for sure not going to practice anything in future family events. It’s going to be hard for me moving forward since Catholicism is also tied with my culture (I’m Filipino 🙃) and because of that there are certain habits I need to stop doing (ex: signing the cross when I get scared lol). There’s more I want to ramble about, but that’s all the thoughts I can comprehensibly spit out.

I need to rant about what was, quite honestly, the most irritating four days I've had in a long time.

I got forced to attend a retreat that I never wanted to go to because of my dad's obsession with religion. The whole thing was exactly what you'd expect: evangelical-style activities, supposed miracles, and "faith healing." It was exhausting.

The atmosphere was just... weird. People were screaming, speaking in "tongues" (which honestly just sounded like incoherent babbling), and some were throwing themselves around before collapsing to the floor. A lot of it felt incredibly performative, and I genuinely couldn't shake the feeling that at least some of these people were acting.

The "demon possession" segments were especially bizarre. Then came the healing testimonies. One girl claimed that the entire left side of her body had been paralyzed and that she couldn't walk... despite everyone literally watching her walk up to the stage moments earlier. Maybe there are explanations I don't know, but from where I was sitting, it all felt incredibly unconvincing.

There was also a Q&A session, but it didn't really feel like one. Only certain people were allowed to ask questions, and it looked like they had already been given questions beforehand instead of letting people ask naturally.

One thing that really bothered me was some of the rhetoric. The pastor talked about hating atheists and non-believers, and also said that all of India should become Christian. He spoke about converting the entire country before the government supposedly "came after them" or something along those lines. Whether he meant it literally or rhetorically, it came across as pretty unsettling.

At one point, my dad insisted I go up for prayer because my ears were blocked with earwax, genuinely believing the pastor would heal me. Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. Afterwards, my dad tried convincing himself that it had worked anyway. Ironically, I'm almost grateful my ears were blocked because it probably made the whole event a little more bearable.

There's also this thing the pastor does where he prays over someone and they fall backwards. I had no intention of falling, and initially I didn't. But then he started pushing against my head until I lost my balance and fell. That experience alone made me even more skeptical of the whole thing.

To make matters worse, they kept forcing the kids to go on stage and dance. I'm pretty introverted and absolutely hate dancing in front of people, so that was miserable.

Overall, those four days honestly felt like my personal version of hell. If you're wondering which retreat I'm talking about, it was the Tetelestai Retreat led by Brother Sajith. I'm guessing most Catholics from Kerala or nearby communities would probably know who he is.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.

I honestly think many priests go into it b.c. they get treated like kings. Look up Fr. Dan Reehil on youtube. He was discussing the "country club" atmosphere of his retreat . He's got what I call throne chairs on his podcast, his entire studio looks like it cost a pretty mint. He is a former wall street employee lol. He transferred his secular lifestyle to one that still pretty much affords him an extremely comfortable lifestyle. Diocesan priests don't pay rent and get to keep a lot of their money. Housing is provided. He's always discussing his retreats to San Diego and elsewhere.

Priests go on retreats and conferences all over the country. I know one who lives in an 11 room house (rectory housing), drives an SUV, has a condo and a beach house. The rectory is gorgeous. Father Leo on EWTN goes all over the place eating the finest foods in Europe. Priests often get global tours, they get to go all over the place. As one told me, "it just got better and better" as he was given trips to many places like Turkey, Israel, you name it, he seems to have gone there. Take away all the perks, would they still be salivating to be priests? I'm sure some would, the ones that actually take the gospel message and care for the poor. It appears to me a lot of them are living quite high on the hog and like it that way. I find it utterly disgusting, frankly.

As the title says. I think I have OCD so the Catholic faith just turned into mental torture for me given all the ambiguities over sin. I never felt at peace at all during my time as a Catholic. I intuitively thought something was wrong. I know I was only there because I feared aging, death, and possible hell.

I wanted to leave for a long time. What gave me the courage today was a mental breaking point. I was obsessively worrying about some moral matter (as I pretty much always do given the horrendous nature of scrupulosity). It got to the point where I couldn't function. I've been to therapy, am taking medication, seeing a spiritual director, and following all the protocols for scrupulous people. To be honest, I feel like I've gone nowhere. I'm constantly anxious over sin, virture, and vice. The fact that I need to be morally perfect to go straight to heaven and avoid purgatory was too much of a mental burden to bear. I spoke to a close friend of mine who is non-religious who suggested I should take a break if Catholicism is causing me this much anxiety and grief. I took that advice seriously and decided to take a step back and re-examine.

What gave me the extra bit of confidence was reading through this substack about Eucharistic miracles. I then quickly saw how bad a lot of the scientific reporting was on them. And those miracles became less and less convincing to me the more I dove into them. Honestly, I haven't read about a single miracle that couldn't be naturally explained. And I think if Catholics were intellectually honest, they would see that as well.

I honestly find Catholics are so mentally dissonant. I've read a lot of Catholic books and listen to a lot of content online. I just don't get a sense that these people are mentally sane themselves. I guess if you fully believe that everyone is doomed to eternity in hell and you are the only sane lucky ones who have seen the light, then it would be imperative to convert as many souls as possible. And it's almost as if Catholics will avoid telling the truth if it meant converting more people. I've seen so many miracle frauds, bad explanations of theology, bad conversion stories, bad supernatural attributions, and so many just bizzare things Catholics say. It's like their reasoning faculties have been completely neutralized and their only programing is "Jesus is Lord" and attempt at all costs to convince everyone the faith is true.

I guess I'm looking for people who may have been on this journey themselves. I want to hear from people who have read through the Bible and know their faith well. For me, I'm terrified of being on the wrong side of truth. I'll never know for sure one way or another. And I'm trying to live with being uncertain.

I've gotten to the point where I realized I will never gain absolute certainty whether Catholicism is true or false. I have to use the information I have available and choose what I best think is truth. Seeing such horrific miracle science on Eucharistic miracles left me with a strong sense that the Catholic God is not there. If he was, I have no idea why he is perpetuating miracle frauds all the time. It wouldn't make sense to me, especially since people sometimes convert because of miracles. It just smells of fraud to me.

I challenge any Catholic who might be reading this is to take a deep dive on any miracle claim. I am sure you will find surprising holes and shady reporting on nearly every case as I did. For me, the miracles kept me enslaved into Catholicism. And now I'm starting to breathe and consider them to be not true.

Being able to step back from the faith has been a bit nerve racking. My anxiety has kind of shifted between worrying about morality 24/7 to trying to figure out if the faith is true. As someone who probably has OCD, I should avoid the compulsions at all cost. I CAN'T even investigate whether Catholicism is true since it is bad for my mental health. I'm sure if a God is there and he is somehow Catholic, he can see how messed up of a situation people with OCD have.

This is a letter Fr. Charles Ward of the SSPX wrote to my mother just a few days before I was born.

My parents were never married. The letter was written in response to my mother’s pregnancy.

I’ve redacted names and other identifying information to protect my family’s privacy.

I will link the AMA I did earlier.

I experienced a lot of abuse at his hands and the hands of others. He’s very manipulative and has used and abused his position as a priest to hurt myself and others.

Link to previous AMA -
https://www.reddit.com/r/excatholic/s/LRS8FoT0vS

Ludicrous absolutely Ludicrous!

My parents separated over two years ago, and it seems as though the anulment is coming to the end. My mother has been so overtly religous to the point where she genuinely wanted me to become a priest, sabotaging my chances of becoming a Medical Physicist. She wanted me to have a dozen other jobs that suited her narcissist victimhood but thats besides the point.

Right now though, I'm focusing on what the anullment meant for someone so deeply gone into the religion. For some perspective, my mom is a dedicated prolifer but would have shamed pretty much anyone you can imagine over the most slightest or mildest offenses to the Chruch. She stalked my neighbours kids for years when she found out that they voted yes in the Gay Marriage and Abortion Referendum. And she would only ever bring up the religious side of things to do with abortion, that the pro-life group had to actively look for excuses to swap her out at the last minute with someone who had far more logical arguments who wouldn't lose their head for somehow disrespecting God.

As for the personal stuff, I stopped visiting her after she traumatised my brother to the point of cutting. Long story short, she had a fixation of competing with her friend who went through a much more horrific break-up. This friend has over 8 children, some of whom were still underage when they found out about the affair. This friend has been very close to our family, but her son is as much of a sociopath as his father, saying things to his mom to convince her on things that she's gullible over. Anyway, I found out that this friend was feeding my mother further into the competition, and I found this all out when he shamed me on a group chat, followed by my mom ringing me in the same room that he was in, but deliberately neglecting to mention him.

Then a few months later, the friends son got a girl knocked up and was due right before my birthday. The friend unfortunately caught cancer, but was fortunate enough that it was treatable since she did catch it early. I cannot imagine what she had to go through, let alone what she looked like from chemotherapy afterwards.

My mom, during all this, was still bothering her dying friend over the separation, that another close friend showed me text messages revealing that the friend had to actively fake her illness to be a lot worse to get rid of my mom, because she didn't want to listen to her anymore about how bad my dad is compared to her ex.

During all this, when we were living and slowly distancing ourselves from our mom, she constantly compared me and our brothers current situation with jobs and life to her friends sociopathic son: he got good grades, got a well paying job, a girlfriend, a baby. It was until before Christmas that my mom got to my brother, who had it worse in terms of neglect from my mom. He's soft, but whatever the fuck my mom did just crossed the line for me.

I was at home when I got a call from my dad, telling me that my brother was upset in a way that he had never seen him before. They were collecting my sister for the usual lunch we used to do, and my brother came in to check on my mom. But then my mom decided to guilt him by showing a picture of her post-chemo friend with her sociopath son, holding a trophy, followed by my mom bullying my brother, calling him a disappointment for "not visiting" or "treating her right". He just left and went about the day but contained his emotions for the afternoon so not as to upset my sister, who we only see once a week. But once that was done, he was crying all the way back. Like my dad had to stop a few times because of how my brother hyperventilate over this. During one of these stops, my dad had to ring me, telling me to just simply not ask my brother and just treat him. I will never forget how my brother looked when I saw him coming in.

I hate being someones favourite because no one should be held to the same standard as another person. My mom really wanted me to become a priest that I blame myself for having to play along with all the religious shit.

While I was out, drinking and catching up with my dad, he did bring up how if the annulment does go through, my mom would have a meltdown over it because of the religous implications. The thing is, her entire family and alot of her friends and even their kids have had kids outside of marriage. If the anullment does go through, would that mean by their logic, my mom had us outside of marriage and that she thinks she's going to hell now?

What are your thoughts on this? To me this makes a lot of sense. In my experience, in much of the Latin world, including Italy and Spain, Catholicism is like that. Catholics are not worried about following all the rules. It seems much more limited to northern Europe and north America this image of Catholicism that as far as i can tell from this chat are more familiar with. Prudish, sober, scrupulous. Whereas in my experience in Italy and Latin america, Catholics view those as Protestant traits

My uncle is Fr. Charles Ward, the Rector of Holy Angels Novitiate, where SSPX religious brothers begin their formation.
I’ve known him my entire life and have had a front-row seat to many conversations about the SSPX, traditional Catholicism, seminary formation, and Church politics. I also have firsthand experiences with him and the organization that have shaped my own views—some positive, many negative—which I’m willing to discuss honestly.

A few ground rules:
● I’m not speaking on behalf of Fr. Ward or the SSPX.

● I’ll clearly distinguish between things I personally witnessed, things he personally told me, publicly documented events, and my own opinions.

● I’m happy to answer difficult or critical questions, but I won’t present speculation or rumors as fact.

● I understand some people will want verification. I have information that could help establish my connection, but I’m reluctant to post identifying details publicly because of privacy and personal safety concerns. If there’s a way to verify my identity with the moderators while protecting my anonymity, I’d be open to that.

● I won’t share private information that could unnecessarily identify or endanger anyone.

● If I don’t know the answer, I’ll simply say so.
I’m here to answer questions in good faith and be as honest and transparent as I can. Ask me anything.

Edit:
*** One thing I forgot to mention in the original post: I’m not Catholic. My connection to this AMA comes from my family and my relationship to Fr. Charles Ward, not from being a practicing Catholic myself.***

As of 7/17 @1000 Eastern I am still here. I messed up
the live part.

Here is a link to some of the nasty stuff he has written -https://www.reddit.com/r/excatholic/s/bfDT8kzMly

God: hey atheists wanna see something cool ok cracker magic trick go brrrrrrrr take that atheists

Mean while millions die by unnecessary evil

God:uhhhhh wanna see a cool magic trick????

Written by our ex-Catholic turned Agnostic writer <3

For those who went to Catholic schools, are there any common skills/subjects normally taught in school that you didn't learn in Catholic school (besides sex ed)? I recently learned that most schools teach kids how to type, but my school never did.

I, 21f, have been raised in the Newmann Guide, rad trad and sspx community of the Franciscan, TAC, and Christendom College community my whole life. I currently work at a Catholic homeschool, because my family's connections helped me get it and it was impossible to find work elsewhere for the summer. I just finished my second year of a Newmann guide school, and I went to Catholic school from 1st grade through now.

When I was 15, I had an episode of spiritual psychosis, and my awesome therapist at the time convinced me to "give catholicism a break", and since then, I have been slowly deconstructing, however it is hard because I am almost always in an extremely cult-like Catholic community where I have to pretend I am Catholic every day.

I haven't been attending Mass since I was 18, and my family brings this up and uses it against me whenever they have the chance, and I have always stood my ground and stuck to my beliefs that it is harmful to be Catholic, without saying anything that would hurt them.

I have developed intense anxiety, and painful vaginismus as a result of my upbringing in Catholicism, and it means my bf, 21m of 2.5 years and I have only been able to have sex for a period of a year within my relationship, the last time being over a year ago, because of the intense pain and tearing I experience during any sort of penetration.

My daily life is full of all sorts of traumatic events, I was sexually abused in my parish, and the sexism is so intense that I honestly have such a hard time respecting myself.

To get to the good part though, I am finally moving out. I transferred schools to a secular school, and got an apartment 1+ hour away from my family and catholic community. I really want to shed the Catholic image, thoughts, and fears now that nobody is watching me, but I don't know how. I am afraid I will still be stuck in this mentality forwver and I need help learning how to finally fully escape.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thank you

My husband has gone down the rabbit hole of online Catholic content and it has changed his whole personality/identity (not for the better). He started as a life long Protestant. He has a long drive to work and therefore consumes a lot of podcasts/audiobooks. He started listening to Doug Wilson, and I slowly started noticing misogynist comments, which was extremely out of character for him. Eventually, the algorithm apparently started feeding him Catholic content. This has led him to read the entire catechism. Six months ago he got confirmed in the church. The priest didn’t make him do RCIA because he had so much knowledge already. He now wears a necklace with Mary on it, has Catholic stickers on his laptop, has tried to hang Catholic art in our home. He pressures our kids to go to mass even though they don’t want to go. He is all consumed. His investigation into Catholicism probably started about two years ago.

My question is: Is it possible that the husband I had before all this started will ever come back? Can people escape this? It seems very cult-like. He was a sweet, caring, amazing family man. Now he misses family time because he always wants to be at the church. He also is arrogant, prideful, and exhibits zero humility or a shred of awareness about how this is affecting everyone around him. I’m not Catholic.