WHAT A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE IT WAS
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

We were laying in a bed making out and then he put his hand into my inner thigh gap that connects thighs with body and started to touch it like a pussy, then he asked if I like it and omg😭 the moment he realised that it wasn’t a pussy is 😭😭😭😭😭

I’m so fckin fat😭😭😭😭😭😭 he confused inner gap with pussy😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭HORRIBLE😭😭😭

It seems like it's impossible to find a job in this dead in town. The last two phone interviews I had worked for door sales and it's currently summer in Texas so that's not going to happen.

The price of everything is going up and I can't seem to land a job. Would it even be worth it to try and get on unemployment? In this economy

My attempt at steak donburi.

Not an actual job technically I don’t think. Volunteer. But it’s still a first for me. Nervous. What if I don’t do well? My aunt will be disappointed.

i was drunk and im a minor and the guy kissed me (older than me) and i pushed up him back but i was too drunk to do anything lol

i still get panic attacks about it. it was my first kiss too. the bibimbap is vegan btw

screw my fuckass father constantly throwing my stuff out no matter how much i ask him not to and how much nice stuff i try to do for him. i gave him a big thing of juice and a bunch of chocolate a couple days ago and instead of a thank you, i guess i got a fuck you.. i pulled the trash bin off of the curb as soon as i noticed my stuff in it cause i didnt have time to sort it and called him at 5 am to make extra sure itd stay off the curb and he didnt listen. my fault for having obligations that made it impossible to prevent and an expectation hed be a decent person for once i guess. i swear he does shit like this just to piss me off. i hope next time i sleep, i dont wake up cause im fucking sick of everything. i dont know if i really even enjoy anything anymore

Literally every time you try to speak about your experiences, you absolutely will get shunned. There is no safe space to talk about it, people would rather shut you out than be mildly inconvenienced for even one second. Society hates the traumatized.

Candy cookie from Panera Bread I got during a walk earlier that is the only thing I can stomach to eat today.

I ended up going home early because i made my self sick with anxiety and couldn't do my job. My coworkers and boss were understanding which is nice. But I thought getting into the building meant I was safe, and then when I turned around after cleaning something he was standing behind me. I almost screamed.

Behold my breakfast from Perkins. Featuring caramel cheesecake cookie pancakes, Sunny Side Up eggs, and bacon. I have vegetarian so the bacon is coming home for the cats.

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm just here to take on the weight of everyone else's problems. Meanwhile I'm expected to neglect my own health and it's like pulling teeth to get anyone to help me with anything.

I feel so unmotivated. I am young, healthy, no addictions, very few responsibilities, attractive. people would kill to have my life. i feel ashamed of feeling so incapable. i wish I could just go and do something meaningful. make a difference. i want to be a good person. i want to add value to people’s lives. I have no excuses left in me. I don’t know how to make myself care enough to do something about it. i only care just enough to torment myself for my lack of it.

I play video games all the time on a slow decline. i have so many plans but in the final estimation I lack any real desire to go through the difficult times and the genuine effort that is required to achieve them. what is the point of being strong if you never use your strength? what is the point of being intelligent if you never use your intelligence? what is the point of being kind if you never use your kindness? I wish grieving myself wasn’t the only thing that brings me joy and a real sense of being alive.

it is a battle for my friends to get a hold of me. I cannot see what they see in me. even this addictive self pity and melancholy becomes boring when it repeats too often. atp im just tired. and a burden on the people who are providing for me, as I do not have an income to do it myself. yes, i wish i could provide for myself. i have, in the past. i have lived well self sustaining, and i am proud of that. but thats not who i am anymore. i will be that person again, i know, but when? in the meantime i am just waiting until something happens to force me out of this purgatory. like i am anticipating grief at the same time I am melting into it

I can go into my job one depressed guy, punch and throw down some dough, next thing I know I'm feeling a little better.

Here is some joyful baking of mine.

First pic is of Apple Bites,

2nd is Sugared Apple Braids

3rd is 2 trays of peanut butter bars. (Before being cut)

4 and 5th pics are of Apple Fritter bread.

🥹 I really really love this community. But I love you all more, every one of you are human and deserve to be acknowledged and cared for, even from a stranger. Please go into day with smiles, you are never alone, my friends.

I don't want to go crazy as a woman, there's too much stimulation for the day. I want to have a quiet mind, I don't want to think about 100 different things at the same time. I don't want to constantly worry about things, is there something wrong with me that I'm always trying to fix something?

Or thinking about fixing something and I end up being stressed about it and then I'm just worried.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

I really don’t want to deal with anything until at least September. I’m so depressed and I’ve lost all motivation. Existing is too much now.

when i was little me and my dad would watch scooby doo and have a “platter party” in our pjs. now he’s dead. gone forever i will never hear his voice again.

i have no motivation at all and i don’t understand why. i have Borderline Personality Disorder but i know plenty of other borderlines who have tons more motivation than me, so i have no idea where it’s coming from. i can’t be bothered to show up every day to work or clean or wash dishes or even make my art anymore. i just lay around feeling exhausted even after doing nothing. i don’t know what’s wrong with me.

this is my breakfast, it’s scrambled eggs with cheese, vegan sausages, and french toast i made from this cinnamon swirl bread i got for free from my job

over the weekend we spent a lot of time and did a lot of activities together with his baby boy and while I was there, I was also in a off headspace . so I was a bit distant and I give him credit for trying to cheer me up and even planning a date

then Monday came and he flipped the script and he's so pissy with me and today was even worse. he actually blew up my phone 14x and I didn't hear it cause I put my phone on silence and kept it in my pocket . he told me he was gonna enjoy his day with his son hours before he blew up my phone, I said cool and that's when I put my phone on silent and I spent time with my sister and the babies and it was good , we took a walk , I was happy, we came across a ice cream truck and it was a good summer evening .... all until I finally looked at my phone . the smile on my face dropped instantly . he's in such a bad mood with me and treating me like I did the worst thing possible to him. it hurts

not depressed or maybe I actually am and I am in denial. right now I feel sad though

Kroger chips with a frostie. (the best soda 😋)

Chinese takeout. Not shown in photo is a pack of 99s.

I wish I could be normal. I really really do.

Why couldn’t I be born normal? Why couldn’t I be born with a brain that actually functions? Everything in my life has to be made harder by the fact that I can’t focus, I can’t remember things, I can’t stay on track. Woke up super early to go help out for an event, was scrambling because, of course, I get bad time blindness and think I have more time than I do. When I get to my car to leave, realized that I left my car doors unlocked over night and someone rummaged through all my shit. I try to forget it because I have to get to work…then to add insult to injury, I check my calendar and the event I needed to be up early for is on Thursday, not Tuesday so I essentially woke up early for nothing. I just feel like such a fucking idiot sometimes. Like I can’t do anything right, and it’s days like this that remind me why I feel that way. I wish I had a new brain. I’m so stupid.