I know in the end there’s a person for everyone and someone who won’t mind any of your insecurities, but in general, is this a genuine dealbreaker? Held back from intimacy because I worry.

Hi, I need some advice on what to do. For context, I graduated with my Masters in Cybersecurity this past May as part of being a recipient of a scholarship. All of my tuition was paid for by the federal government basically, and they even paid me and other scholars a stipend for our graduate years. As part of the scholarship, however, comes a catch in the form of service to the government. I must work for a federal, state, or local agency for 2 years to essentially pay them back and I only have 18 months to 2 years to do so (I am unsure if they extended it because the market sucks right now lol). Regardless, I have been applying to mostly my local area because I want to stay home and my girlfriend is a mental health counselor who has to stay in the state we live in for ~2 years to get her license.

Truthfully though, most government positions for my field are not local and I am cutting out a lot of my options because I am constraining the location so much. That's not to say it would be impossible to find something within the next year or two, but my way of thinking is the faster I do the service, the faster I won't have looming debt over my head, since I forgot to mention that if I don't find a job within the allotted time frame, I would have to pay EVERYTHING back with interest which calculates to ~$250K-300K. BUT, I was still determined to find something local because it is still early (only been 2 months since graduation, when the timer starts) and my resume/experience is pretty strong. But notice how I said "was".

With that context out of the way, the conversations with my girlfriend about this could make more sense, or less, depending on how you look at it. To cut to the chase, she basically gave me an ultimatum that if I take a job outside of our state, she will break up with me. Despite her knowing the difficulty in finding a position for my field in a government agency, she has said said that outright multiple times and has left no room for conversation. This is a woman who I can see myself proposing to within the next year since I have been with her for the past 2.5 years. Someone I deeply love. Long distance isn't ideal at all and I understand it would be hard especially with a lot of personal stuff she is dealing with, but I don't know, I think the ultimatum is very controlling and takes away so many options I could have. It has all come to a head because my friend who got a position at a federal agency located in Fort Mead, MD told me about the opportunities at his job and talked to his boss about it and told my friend to tell other people he knows about the position. So I applied. But the fallout of telling my girlfriend I applied and technically have a pretty good chance at getting it is daunting. Nothing is guaranteed of course and its just to leave my options open, but I am unsure where to go from here.

Let me know if you guys have an idea how I should begin and navigate the conversation with her.

What I need to say to you…

I never stopped loving you. When you told me that you didn’t feel the same, I was crushed.
You come in and out of my life and when you are in it, everything feels lighter. It’s so easy. I think about you when I wake up and before I go to sleep at night. I want to hear about everything you do during the day, from cleaning to your hobbies to grocery shopping.

I see how you have grown into a caring, strong, beautiful man. I am proud of you for all of the hard things you have endured the last few years.

You love wholly and unconditionally. The way I have watched you care for your girlfriends and give everything to them and you end up hurt. You are empathetic, sensitive, curious, creative. When I think of you, there are no flaws.

You always spark new interests and curiosity within me. You make me ask questions and be present. I want to know every story about you. I want to understand your fears and greatest joys and moments of awe.

What I feel towards you is a love that I don’t have words for. It’s not friendship or even lovers or familial. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt. I can live forever with just knowing you are in my life.

Had a good respectful relationship with my gf for long time

Then past few weeks she started being rebellious

She told me she’s followed a new guy she met on her Instagram at her work. My response was I don’t care if you follow a million guys.

She then ended up unfollowing the guy

Then she started going to clubs late at night with her friends that are women. So I just ghosted her for a few days and then came and said I got busy.

Now she went back to being respectful.

But now I’m confused if I should continue staying in the relationship after she attempted to leave

Because she only stayed because I acted toxic. It wasn’t because of love

Looking for experiences where one person loved the other more or seemed to be more enthusiastic about the relationship in the beginning or for a while.

Okay I need a man’s opinion on this…I am in a toxic relationship that has gotten pretty bad at times and when I’m with my friends I tend to rant about it (I know this isn’t healthy but that’s not what this is about) My friend group consists of me (22F) my best friend (22F) her husband (25M) and her husbands friend(23M), I’ll refer to him as Sam in this story. When I go on ranting about my relationship, Sam will often tell me to leave my boyfriend, which seems pretty normal to me, but a few months ago I started to notice he wouldn’t go out with my other two friends unless I was there (keep in mind I met him through my friends husband, so there is no awkwardness between them). I’ve also noticed he seems to be doing things he wouldn’t normally do simply because I suggested it, and my other friends noticed him only wearing cologne when he knows I’m coming around. And most recently my best friend told me that one night when they were at a party Sam said “She should dump her boyfriend and date me” but he said it in a joking tone, because I wasn’t there I can’t be positive he was joking. I feel like I’m reading into it too much but my friend seems to think Sam has a little crush on me. It’s also worth mentioning he hasn’t ever dated anyone but he is bisexual, and leans more towards liking men. I think that also makes me think maybe he’s just being a good friend.

Hi, I see a lot of posts about men being afraid to open up due to a bad experience previously, I haven't found one that gives tips on how to make a man feel safe to open up.

First of all, I would never use anything against him, I previously had a relationship where we extremely vulnerable with each other, so being with my current one feels very odd in comparison. Every time a conversation gets vulnerable he immediately goes to " I don't want to talk about it' and gets really angry. Or through texts, he avoids my message at all when it gets deep. Yesterday he felt apparently really stressed about our trip we'll have this weekend, so stressed that it made him feel sick and he left work early (we are going to pick up my new motorcycle, but the seller didn't respond on time so he was afraid we couldn't go anymore). I had to pick up my bag from his house, so when I saw him; he looked like he was about to die and didn't want me to be there. I had to find out today it was because of the stress.

I find it difficult to see him bottling up his emotions like that, he literally gets sick, that's how bad it affects him. And honestly I don't know if I will be able to put up with it my whole life. I told him that I wished he felt comfortable enough to tell me and hopefully next time will do so, so I can reassure him. Haven't had a response after I told him that.

I'm 25 and he is 39, so I'm afraid due to his age, it's already ingrained in him. I do have hope for improvement, but he had this pattern in his previous relationship, where he wouldn't tell his ex he worked for two weeks straight and then fell asleep for 48 hours during their holiday (no joke).

I don't want to give up on him, but like this I don't know how to deal with it and it makes me feel sad, because I also get pushed away and I'm not allowed to know until he's drunk enough to tell me.

Please help men!!! Thank you.

For example, guy and girl meet online and then finally meet in person but he doesnt explicitly tell her she looks pretty and since he doesnt, out of nervousness she says "i hope I look ok" and he says "you look fine, dont worry." How should she take that? He also kissed her at the end of the date and he agreed to a second date.

I'm 25 and I just got Hinge a couple days ago and my ex from freshman year swiped up and messaged me. I was in shock because he was the one that left me and literally had no interest in reconnecting. We didn't date for a long time but we also liked each other in middle school too. It's been 12 years since I talked with him and I'm so scared of getting hurt after all the bad experiences I have had this year.

He made the effort to hangout with me twice and we have been talking until 3 am. We held hands for a bit on the first day we saw each other but it wasn't until hours later. Yesterday we went to a sports event, went for a long walk then went to a park near my house late at night. I was in his arms for hours and we were silent too it just felt so amazing.

He kissed me first and he didn't want to drop me off either and it was 4 am lol😭 last thing he did was kiss me. We hungout until 3 am on Friday and Saturday too so I'm so cknjfsrd as to why he's distant now? Also we haven't talked about what happened that night. We didn't have sex either.

I've dated many people but I've never had it feel as intimate at this. I even caught him admiring me while I almost fell asleep. He isn't texting as much so now I'm paranoid,he put a lot more effort into his texts before. Last time we saw each other was Saturday and hasn't brought up plans since.

How can someone pull back after such an intimate night? It's Tuesday right now and we are still texting also just hasn't mentioned about new dating plans

Hey I’m a 29F nurse in Melbourne and I’ve been single for the last 4 years. I’m more like a quiet person in nature and due to working shift works I’m either too tired or too busy to go out. I’ve been on apps and had dates but they would never last longer than 2 dates. I do feel like people (including me) aren’t putting a lot of effort in dating nowadays (just with my experience). I really want to get myself out there and find someone, but I honestly don’t know how. I do go out to new cafes, pilates and go for walks in the park/riverside. Also the nature of my job it’s like 90% female and we’re either long term single or long term partnered.

Hi! I’m looking for some advice and a male perspective on my situation.

Last December I (22F) started dating a guy (21M), and we ended things in April. It was a really intense relationship with a lot of chemistry, and we genuinely cared about each other. The relationship itself wasn't unhealthy or toxic.

We broke up because I was supposed to move about three hours away in August. Long distance didn't feel realistic for us. Even before that, it was already difficult to see each other because of school/work commitments, and because of our cultural backgrounds we had to keep our relationship hidden from our families, which made meeting up harder.

The breakup was brought up by him because he didn't feel able to do long distance. I was more willing to try, but I understood his concerns and why he felt that way. I ultimately agreed because I didn't want him to feel trapped in a situation he didn't think he could handle. Neither of us wanted the relationship to end, but we felt like there wasn't another realistic option.

It was a very emotional but respectful breakup. We never talked about trying again in the future. Looking back, I think we were both too scared to bring it up.

The last time we talked was in late June. I reached out because I needed help with a situation, but he wasn't able to help, and that was it. During that conversation, he mentioned that he missed talking to me. Since then, we've been completely no contact because we both agreed it was the healthiest way to move on.

Last week, my situation changed. I'm no longer moving away. Instead, I'll be starting university in his city and will hopefully be moving there soon.

This has brought up a lot of feelings because I still love him. I thought moving away would help me move on, but now I'll actually be living much closer to him. The main reason we broke up no longer exists.

As far as I know, he is dating casually now. I know he is on a dating app, but I don't know whether he is looking for something serious. I’m dating a little too, but nothing serious. I don't want to assume what his dating life means, but it does make me scared that he has already moved on.

Part of me wants to reach out and tell him that my plans changed. Another part of me feels like I should respect the no contact and accept that he may have moved forward.

The biggest thing holding me back is rejection. Since he was the one who ended things because he didn't think long distance would work, I'm scared that he has already accepted the breakup and doesn't want to revisit it.

For men who have been in a similar situation: if you ended a relationship because of circumstances rather than because you stopped loving someone, how would you feel if your ex reached out months later after those circumstances changed?

Would you appreciate knowing, or would you feel like it was reopening something you had already moved on from? How would you want an ex to approach that conversation without putting pressure on you?

i (18F) have been with my friend (19M) for a while now romantically so not exactly friends. not sure if breakup is really suitable? we started off as friends and progressed into a very intimate and deep bond basically no longer platonic. he put up with alot of my bs and has been so patient with me. i started alot of unnecessary arguments and ended things a few times thinking it would be better for him (basically selfishly deciding for him). ive grown alot since then and promised to not argue since it hurts him (me too obviously i care about him) however recently i found out something about his past that i had to address since it was something that was against my morals one thing lead to another and it turned to an argument we had never argued about morals before so this was a first which made it difficult to navigate. i ended up lashing out and was influenced by what my friends had told me (they told me about his past) instead of trusting my experience. i know him better than they do and shouldve have acted based on that. i never made this mistake before and never will again. the next day where i was no longer irrational i apologised and tried to rekindle what we once had. however he claims that he lost feelings. for the longest time he liked me more then i liked him so i think this is just his attempt to put his guards up. he misses what we once had aswell so im hoping there is still a chance for me to sneak back into his heart. i rlly rlly rlly deeply care about him and even changed for the better. i know i can be good for him. please let me know how i can be his safe space again and how we can go back to how it was like always because now we are just friends again and i feel like he is avoiding me a bit. i realised to late how much i care about him and truly need help.

hi i’m 20(f), and i got out of a 3 year relationship with my ex also 20(m) about some months ago. of course i was sad and not taking it well when i first broke up with him but it was for the best. But he acted out of spite and started spreading lies about me and started getting threats from people and people turned against me so i had to cut off and damn near restart. i was really depressed and lost my job and almost myself in the process, i even sheltered myself. i had no one. I mean i guess you could say it’s also a good thing bc if my friends believed him over me, they were never good to me. i did have doubts about our friendships but i always tried to see the good in people. it got me nowhere but i still try. it does hurt because i was there for them at their lowest, i gave them money, rides with no cost, got them out the house so they wont drown and never judged them for making mistakes. even though he was disrespectful to me, i still think about the good times we had. the ways we connected, the days where we stay in on a rainy day and napped together, where we cooked in the kitchen and listened to music, or where we watch tv together or play the game till we heard the birds chirp. i dont miss him tho. i appreciate our memories but not him, he was a lesson. We started dating when i was 16. all of it feels surreal. of course i started back dating and i spent my time with someone for about a month and i genuinely liked him and in the beginning of that it was great but people aren’t all that morally correct so i would have to stop talking to them. and after that dating had been quite mellow, they’ll be good people sometimes but i do want someone that’s right for me and easy to talk to, you know? but recently ive been in my head. i don’t need someone to be my therapist but i have been going through all by myself and it’ll be nice to have a friend that could relate or just go talk to. and if anyone needs to get anything of their chest im a great listener and im very open minded. far from judge-mental but will be honest

2 months into a new relationship, I noticed another woman's location on his Find My Friends.

I casually asked who she was and he told me she was an old family friend. He said she was close with his family, especially his older brother, but that they didn't really talk anymore. I accepted that explanation and never brought it up again.

Fast forward a few months and I've discovered she's actually his ex. They have a long, complicated history, they still speak about once a month, and she stayed at his house for a month last year right before we started dating.

Not only has he never mentioned her, he's also lied about how often they're in contact and completely misrepresented who she is. To reassure me, he then said, "Me and my friends call her the crazy bitch." Which honestly just raises more questions. If she's so crazy, why does he still have her location? Why are they still talking regularly?

What bothers me most isn't that he has an ex he's still in contact with. I know about his other exes and female friends. It's the fact that this particular woman was hidden from me and that he gave me a completely false story when I asked directly.

For me, the lie is what's created the trust issue. It feels intentionally deceptive rather than an innocent omission.

Am I overreacting, or is this a pretty major red flag this early in a relationship? Right now the dishonesty honestly feels like more of a deal-breaker than the ex herself.

Hi, my name is Ved[27M]. And my cousin sister's name is Subha[31F]. We work in the same organization as a software engineer. In fact, we are in the same team. And I had a friend called Abhay[28M]. Earlier I thought, when I was new to the organization, that Abhay is a very good friend of mine. But slowly and slowly and slowly I realized that Abhay is not a good friend of me. And later, my cousin sister Subha also joined the company. In fact, she joined the same team. Subha and Abhay became friends. So, once I spotted Abhay making some sexual jokes on my sister Subha. This one incident completely shooked my head.

Now, when I heard Abhay making sexual comments on my sister Subha, I did not confronted him. I heard from the other side of a wall. Abhay was talking about my sis sitting inside the cafeteria and I was standing outside cafeteria and heard it. Not confronting him on the same day was the biggest mistake I did. But after that incident, I completely stopped talking to Abhay. I only used to talk about work if it was necessary. And later, after three to four months, my sister Subha said, "Abhay seems like a good guy." But I wanted to tell that Abhay is not as good as he sounds or looks. But I did not told Subha that day. I thought, maybe in few months, my sister will understand how Abhay is and how he is acting. But that did not happen. And almost four to five months later, I finally told my sister that there are several incidents where either Abhay made sexual jokes on you or somebody else was making jokes on you, and he was part of those conversations, sitting and smiling and laughing with those people.

Last month, I finally confronted Abhay with my cousin Subha and two other cousins. All of us were sitting together. And I told all the incidents I remembered, in which he made comments on my sister or participated in such conversations. And his response was pretty obvious, that "I have not done this" and "I don't remember" all these incidents. But he was only reminding me of incidents where I told him about other people making bad comments on my sister. But incidents where he participated, he does not remember. This a very suspicious thing. And since my sister is still decided that she will still be friends with Abhay, I was very heartbroken. Because I never thought that my sister will be friends with somebody who would make sexual comments on her. That hurt me so much. And I decided to leave the organization. My real sis is also getting a divorce. I just want to be at peace. I just want to know what steps I should take now with my sister.

What would you do if you were in my position?

What Should I do now?

What should my sister do?

My man knows I have a short fuse sometimes. He says he likes it. He even tries to irk me on purpose sometimes bc he says it turns him on when I get mad. He doesn’t do anything mean. He just tries to annoy me and then when I get annoyed, he tries to get with me.

This is confusing to me [38f] I have been talking to and getting to know [36M] since late June. This guy and I are from the same area but I have never met him, we have overlapping social circles and I have heard his name a lot. The history is what is confusing and I don't know if this is intentional or just coincidence.

Years ago in high school he dated my best friend this was a long distance relationship he's from my area but he went to a different school and although we live 4 miles away from each other my best friend lives a lot farther away. This relationship was over social media they met one time.

After I graduated high school my sister lived in the town this guy went to high school in, where I met guys from his social group. These guys have admitted having crushes on me back then. At the time I was with a total loser and these guys tried to intervene which is why they admitted crushes (they thought it would entice me to leave the loser, it didn't work).

Then about 15 years ago I was getting to know [36M] best friend these two were inseparable, the best friend made sure to let people know (especially family members of mine) that he was very interested in me.

in 2017 [36M] added me to fb we both were in relationships at that point I was married he was engaged. He sat there on my friends list no interaction until this past June then he started breadcrumbing me, found and followed my instagram that I hadn't posted to since 2022, I followed him back liked one of his pics he liked one of mine I went and sent a fb poke he poked back and we started talking. He would make a bold flirtatious move then walk it back with "I'm just kidding" so I would call him out on it, he seems to be nervous or shy I'm not sure.

My confusion is this has to be intentional right? Like he has to know who I am? there's no way he doesn't know who I am, or am I just overthinking this? This is confusing to me he is throwing all kinds of green flags which I am not used to but it feels like everything he's doing is very much for a purpose and I can't figure out what that purpose is.

I used to get approached way more often and in so many different spaces as a teenager. Now, in my 30s, men very rarely approach me aside from if I'm out at a bar or club with friends. I'm wondering if this is a result of me being older, or cultural and societal norms that have shifted what we view as acceptable behavior from men, or something else altogether...

If he left me and my son for someone barely old enough to drink and we are both 30. will he ever regret it? I have decided that this plus so much more including not being able to have a peaceful conversation with this person (every conversation results in what I did wrong and how horrible I am and it becomes very belittling), co parenting is not an option for me. Just wanting to know from a guys point of view maybe a guy that has made the mistake of leaving behind his "family."

What is the psychological mindset when a guy acts completely hot-and-cold toward a female friend or coworker, where his words say one thing but his actions say the complete opposite?
Specifically, when a guy:

Publicly downplays interest: Repeatedly tells people she's "not his type" or that they wouldn't work out.

Acts jealous/possessive privately: Gets noticeably stiff, annoyed, or interrogates her whenever she mentions other men.

Uses "triangulation": Unprovoked, inserts other women into conversations to compare them, rank them, or state why another girl might be "better" for him.

Mixes high-attention with hot-and-cold behavior: Calls out her name daily, teases her regularly, talks deeply about relationship values/dealbreakers and concerns dealing with getting into a relationship, and overall flirts, but then leaves her on read for days or flakes on plans.

Is this purely an ego/validation trip where a guy wants a woman's attention without any accountability, or is it usually driven by insecurity and fear of rejection? How do you view a dynamic like this from a male perspective?

I’ve been talking/ seeing this guy for about a week now. We are obsessed with each other, we just clicked so perfectly. I’m a F(22) and he’s M(23). While we are seeing eachother so much he is very careful with sexual stuff and asks me if I’m comfortable when we kiss. We flirt more over text and he sends me shirtless pictures… I rly want to ask to see his dick… I know it sounds crazy but it’s something I’m into. I also know he will say yes because he seems freaky. But how do I ask???!?!?

Hi guys, I’m after a little advice please!

I [26F) joined a Discord server for motorcycles & gaming about a year ago. For the first 6–7 months, I barely interacted one-on-one with this guy (31M) on the server. However, a few months ago, we started talking directly. It began as just a friendship, but quickly spiraled into something deeper.

He is incredible - funny, smart, and deeply sensitive. On the outside, he looks like a tough "badass" (tall guy, rides a motorcycle, looks terrifying from an outsider’s perspective), but he’s so soft on the inside once he trusts you enough to open up, he plants flowers in his garden, reads poetry, eats honeysuckle when he goes on runs & loves aquatic animals🥹

We talk every day. The connection feels very real and intense, but there's a big catch: he has explicitly told me he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. He’s apparently tried LDR in the past, it went badly, and he doesn't think the distance between us would work (I live in Manchester, England, and he lives in Virginia, USA) Yet, despite saying this "isn't serious," our daily communication feels like it’s more than just casual and a pass time.

Recently, a situation came up with another girl in the server. I got jealous over an interaction, and I intentionally let my jealousy show. Which he said bothered him a little bit because I shouldn’t be or feel the need to be jealous. When we talked about it, he reassured me that they had only exchanged a few friendly messages and nothing was going on. He reminded me that he's always promised to tell me if he ever started talking to someone else. He also pointed out that he trusts me completely when I talk to other guys in the server who he think all flirt with me, and asked if I trust him.

I do trust him, and I told him that I do…I don't think he's lying to me at all. But he reiterated during that conversation that we aren’t serious, two factors as to why he felt I had no reason to be jealous, even though he said a month ago it made him slightly jealous when people would flirt with me, which left me feeling really confused given how close we are and how much we talk.

I'm at a crossroads and could really use some honest advice:

1. Is there any realistic way to pursue this or encourage him to reconsider long distance? And if so, how would you suggest I go about doing that?

2. Or am I setting myself up for heartbreak, and should I just call it quits/pull back before I get deeper in?

Part of me thinks the longer we’re talking the more likely he will be to reconsider, but another part of me thinks it could be a lost cause and it will never be anymore than ‘fun & flirty’…Thank you!

In the past in relationships whenever a woman accuse me of something I’d try to deny it to protect her feelings

But each time I denied it’s like it just made them upset

So in my new relationship I stopped denying and I just admit to everything

Example gf accused me of liking her best friend. I just said yeah she’s attractive if I wasn’t dating you I’d date her. And that I find most women attractive. You can leave if you don’t like me. And this just made her just stop arguing and she changed the subject.

Another example she accused me of being controlling and a jerk. And I just said yeah that’s who I am. I am a jerk. You aren’t great either. You can breakup if it’s a problem

And ever since I started doing this my gf treats me better and it’s like she respects me more