I have 6 years of experience and new hires constantly ask me if I’m a junior and it’s getting frustrating. I dress professionally in work clothes and I know I look young for my age but how do I make it less likely for others to assume I am a junior (besides getting my title changed to senior)?

I'm sorry about the title, not really sure how to word it better.

I have my structural engineering company, and currently it is just me, myself and I doing the work. I am growing and have about 22 active projects, so I need help. There is one older semi-retired guy a friend of mine knows through a networking event (doesn't really know them outside of networking events though) who would probably be willing to work as a contractor for me. My main concern is that he will try to act as the boss over me, since he is an older man and I am a youngish (mid 30s) woman. What kind of questions would you ask in an interview to get a sense of how he would act/treat me? I mean I could just straight up ask "will you respect me as your boss, and allow me final say in any disagreements we have, despite me being a woman and younger than you?" But I feel like he could 1) lie and 2) maybe that is too direct, not that I entirely mind being direct though. Are there ways to tell from his answer of a direct question if he is a "good man" or not? Or are there better, perhaps more subtle, questions to ask?

I work at a manufacturing company in the office and someone has been repeatedly leaving the Sun (british tabloid that is known to be sleazy) in the kitchen that is shared among both shop floor and office staff. It is always open specifically on a page with a half naked female celeb. There aren’t many women in the building, maybe 5 in total and these incidents make me feel isolated and very uncomfortable. I always close the newspaper when I see it, but one time whenever i came back to the kitchen, someone else opened it back up again to th same page, which seems definitely deliberate. I have photo evidence of 3 instances of different newspapers. Should I raise this to my manager? I don’t know how to frame it necessarily - I think it’s just adding to an already unfun manufacturing work environment and makes me want to leave

So I got hired at this new firm and I got a great salary and great benefits.

I’ve been doing some projects and my boss has realized I haven’t got the technical skills that I should have at 5 YOE. Which I agree because my last company did nothing to prepare me (I know, that should be on me but I was never given the opportunity to do much of my own work, it was a lot of hand holding).

Just today during a project review my boss says something along the lines of how I should definitely be practicing more fundamental skills, which I agree with. Then he said that when they hired me they thought I had much more technical skills than I do and that’s why they hired me and gave me the salary and benefits. That made me feel like crap a bit because now I feel that I have been disappointing them and that I don’t deserve to be here….. am I wrong to feel this way?

TL;DR, 28F Computer Systems Engineer here, I usually don't run into heated discussions with coworkers because I'm usually very peaceful with everyone (have only happened me 3 times in about 4 years). However whenever I get into a tough discussion with stress or unfair situations I tend to end up crying and I hate it. I feel like I'm weaker and I don't like to cry at work, and even less as a woman full of guys at work.

How do you girls deal with this situations? I really would like not to start crying when a discussion turns unfair or heated up.

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For the ones who want the full story.

I work as a programmer in a male dominated environment (the only girl in the team), avid programmer and respected between my coworkers (at least I think I am).

Yesterday I had a discussion with a coworker who is the longest on the team, and things heated up pretty quickly. My PRs (and everyone's) take a lot to get reviewed, we are talking of timelines from 3-4 weeks each PR (the reasons behind this are complicated but it varies between the complexity of our code and how big the PRs are usually), but the point is that everyone takes a lot of time.

For over the last 2 months this coworker has taken weeks to check my PRs which have resulted in my deliverables getting delayed and justified in most of the iteration reviews. And I have been fine with it, I understand he has a tight schedule and is the most 'knowledgeable' peer of the team. I've always been open and understanding.

Past week he came with a PR he posted on Tuesday and I was a required reviewer, but I was dealing with a security bugfix that was super high priority and I couldn't make the review during the week (and it as super huge PR). So one person signed off his PR on Friday and I was pending.

Yesterday (Monday) he approached me and told me to please review his PR and he was super pissed off because "I was blocking him" and that he had tight constraints and he was getting delayed due to me. Which I felt like was super unfair because he has been blocking me for months, and and now that he's doing his PR now get mad by not getting a quick review. But I was like, ok no problem. Do no complain, review his PR and that's it.

He is a very knowledgeable person, and I respect him a lot, but he's also of the old school style of programming and never follows good practices when programming, so when I checked his PR I saw that he's refactoring a component and reimplementing it with the worst possible practices basically undoing 2 years of effort to get away from the bad practices and many security bugs we have got from them. So I asked him to please not used them and rewrite the PR using our current standards. So, ofc he got pissed off.

So today we had a meeting with the boss to basically make an agreement, and while I focused completely on the PR, he focused complitely on feeling blocked in by me and that my feedback was good but I had to send him the feedback on Wednesday for my feedback to be considered.

So ofc I was getting pissed off. Not only because he had no reasons to demand quick reviews, and ignore the rest of the team when reviewing, but he was also trying to make it view as retaliation. So while trying to expose my point of view regarding the review timelines I started to cry and arggggg I feel so frustrated because I think had all the arguments to make my points on the discussion and of course that crying is going to change how they view the discussion.

And idk, I don't like to get into discussions but whenever it happens I wish I didn't immediately went crying. 🫠

I know many of you have probably passed through something similar, so I'm looking for tips and perspectives.

I’m sorry in advance for the woe is me post, but I could really use some advice. If anyone one has been in/or are in a similar position I would really like to hear about what you were feeling or are doing now.

I received my civil engineering degree and passed the FE about 5 years ago. I was able to work several internships, mainly in dam hydrology and construction, that made me absolutely fall in love with my degree and the trajectory of my life.

During my last year of schooling my husband and I found out I was pregnant for the first time. Despite my initial plans of getting a job right out of college, I felt that I needed/wanted to stay home with my child for the first couple years….I also felt the same for my second child. Staying home was 100% my choice. It’s been amazing for my family and I feel grateful to have had the option, but now I feel like I am floundering. Since deciding to stay home, I haven’t been able to pass a construction site without feeling a sense of loss for the life I could have had. Maybe it’s a, “the grass is always greener on the other side” type situation, but the feeling has only amplified now that my eldest is staring down the barrel of pre-k.

With both of my kiddos now becoming more independent, I’m not sure where that leaves me. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to get into engineering now that it’s been so long since I graduated. I worked for a residential construction agency as their project manager for about a year, but that is all the experience I have to show for the past 5 years. Additionally, my husband (and extended family) feel like things have been running so smoothly since I stayed home that they don’t feel it would be beneficial for me to return to work. If I insisted they would 100% support me going back, but their hesitation makes me second guess myself. I miss being challenged mentally and the feeling of being apart of something that is my own.

​Hi everyone! I’m hoping to get some advice, and please pardon the long post! 😆

​I’m (32F) a Brand Manager at a cultural consulting company, specifically handling their B2C line. After two years in the role, I was recently laid off. The reasons are pretty complex, but they mostly tie back to the severe economic turbulence currently happening in my country. There have been massive layoffs across the board lately, with even some giant companies cutting major portions of their staff.

​My professional background is actually in fashion. I graduated from fashion school and have spent almost 12 years working in the fashion and art industries. However, after the impact of COVID and the recent AI boom, I started feeling stuck. I've been increasingly worried about how easily replaceable roles in these non-essential industries might become.

​To create a backup plan, I decided to go back to school in 2023 for a second bachelor’s degree in Computer Science (I’m set to graduate in 2027), all while continuing to work full-time. I chose CS because I wanted a more fundamental, future-proof skill set. I’ve always loved tech, math, and biology, but now that I'm considering fully pivoting my career, I'm just not quite sure where to start.

​From what I’ve learned so far in university, I’m really drawn to Data Science, Statistics, Calculus, NLP, and Computational Biology. However, looking at my age, I sometimes worry that I might be too late to the game.

​Given my background and my current interests, I would love your thoughts on a few things:

- ​Which specific career paths or roles should I consider aiming for?

- ​Should I be prepared to start completely from zero in terms of my career level?

- ​Should I focus on getting specific certifications first?

- ​Should I look into a Master's degree instead? If so, what kind of Master's, and will my age be a disadvantage if I go that route?

​Thank you so much in advance for any insights or advice!

I have been accepted into a civil engineering program. It feels surreal to me. I’m so excited, except….. I’m really scared. I haven’t done well in school for a long time. It took me five years to get my associates, which is just in general studies with the lowest possible math class taken.

I’m a single mom with two kids and I work full time. I’m old and tired. I’m scared. I’m so scared I don’t have what it takes. I’m scared I won’t understand or have the bandwidth to learn/practice all the math. This program will take me 3 grueling years to get through (15-16 credit semesters and packed summers), because I didn’t know what I was doing with my lower division classes and I only had 23 gen ed credits transfer in to this program.

I’ve thought about getting an environment science degree instead. I found one I could finish in just 16 months. It would be about $30k cheaper. And easier (no math or lab classes).

I work in a support role in a civil engineering department already, they’re very supportive of me getting my degree and they’re giving me tuition reimbursement and being flexible with my schedule and all that. I feel like I have such a leg up in that regard.

I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to figure this out for months and I have to decide before the end of the month.

Not entirely sure if this story belongs here but see, I'm a 16-20 year old (age sharing) woman just starting out on my engineering journey - obviously I've not learnt much yet, I just know I love doing it.

I was on a woodland conservation residential - I was the only girl for some reason. Skipping a bunch of explanation but we were split into groups to do these crude engineering projects in a few hours. I was like finally because I knew this (plus archery) was where I could shine for a bit.

Our job was to create a bridge over the river since everyone currently jumped it and we were smushing the wildlife. Now. Simply, everyone in existence on that trip was like twice my size and had calves the size of my thighs etc. Sooooo, naturally I usually fell into the leadership position (not very naturally, it took some manuvering but I got there - discovered I quite like leadership, even though at home/college I'm quiet and soft spoken). It was super cool, I got them to listen to my instructions (a previous task with a different team) despite how quiet my voice is [seriously, why can't I get my voice to be louder!?] and made us the fastest team [I love efficiency] on every previous task [creating and cooking a meal to be judged | felling and conservation of trees stuff on our section etc].

On this project, I had a nearly new team of 7 - plus one of my cooking mates. But also plus this guy who seemed to have it out for me, see - I've come across misogyny before but less so from my own age group, and it was especially hilarious because - while he was built, he was also my height (5'3) so looked stubby; had the most nasally voice; and dressed entirely entirely in army camouflage - as in, his clothes+backpack+hammock+tarp+EVERYTHING, it was ridiculous.

I had made my method of gaining leadership by just being decisive right off the bat and rallying people with "infectious enthusiasm", but it wasn't working because this dude negated EVERYTHING I said, he'd criticise for the most stupid reasons - I knew he was embarrassing himself but it was also creating a problem for me because there was another strong-willed guy on the team who was amazing to discuss ideas with, except I wanted team leadership because its so much harder at home when you know the people and also I really liked my idea this time for efficiency. But it was getting to the point where I could barely finish explaining because army stub just wouldn't let me. I seriously need a louder voice - how am I ever going to do what I want without one!

So I asked him to stop just criticising and to actually tell me how he'd solve this so called problem. He started to ramble about how he doesn't have enough information and if I'd stop discussing and start doing something then maybe "we'd be less held back than we already are". I was mostly confused at the time, because again - what?? I can't see the logic - like - at all!? So I didn't say anything. Then cooking buddy and another guy from disc golf started laughing, like, reaally hard and this boy who was reknowned for his clumsyness (he was like the kindest soul in the universe too) got angry --> made snide comment - unusual for him. The rest of them all pitched in on calling him out for various things against me. It was really sweet - I love them all. When they finished with army stub and he was about to start a back and forth, we really wereee wasting time so I told him to go gather us wood from the last years wood stock of a proper size. The other boys told him about where it should measure up to on him (we had no measuring equipment - a pencil+saw+mallet+spade+various screws and pins + wood + old shooting targets was our full list), I made a snide comment and he left and all was well. (He did return just to criticise me againnnnn argh but I was actually leader by that point so I sent him for fern collecting to decorate - we never got them)

Anyway, I really really have no idea how but we finished everything on our made up list. We made an surprisingly strong bridge (trust me, I asked them to let me try it first because I was smallest but one of them decided to run jump straight onto the not directly supported part without me... it was rock solid, all was good) from a mix of ideas + a bird house drilled into a nearby birch + mini arrow signs + we got some rope to tie as hand rails - those sucked a bit but whatever. I made the birdhouse because I was not super helpful in other parts, so for efficiency sake :1. I was bird housing and going round suggesting and trying better method for each activity (simple stuff like cutting planks from the thin part down so the saw can actually move etc - also not digging the post holes where water would fill in immediately because 1: posts would just fall when someone jumps on the bridge [this happened to one (and a half) posts to my teamate as he tried the other bridge-team's bridge in the same method as ours... lesson learnt hahaha] 2: rot - we weren't sealing any of these, the wood was just last years off cuts - its probably?? fine because the brook was just long enough that a tall man couldn't step - you had to jump so... you know what I have no idea - I am not an engineer yettt - you are). This was the source of army stub's future criticism rounds - he also called me schizophrenic (spell?) at one point (he continuously returned "unable to find suitable ferns") because I didn't like the alignment of something - we never fixed it but it wasssss crooked. Anyway, somehow (since other boys joined us since they finished with less bells and whistles - or army stubs) everyone turned it on him and he was called schizo the last few days. Amazing. And eventually even our teacher called him that once (as an attempt to "get with the gang" or something - he had no idea). Anyway, I am just happy with that whole memory and wanted to share with someoneee because no one here thinks of me as leadership material and my family would just give me unhelpful tips on how to raise my voice.

I don't think its possible, I think I'm stuck like this. Which means I have to instead use presence to figure it out. I have a semblance of an idea, and I have another away opportunity soon to test if I can do it all better, and with less good people because thats the crux of whats coming isn't it. Argh, the future makes me as excited as doubtful and thats just unhelpful. Thanks for listening to my story, this could've been shorter. Bye

I want to do mechanical but my parents are saying it's not worth paying job especially for girls....they are forcing me to do computer science......I am stuck between this situation I don't know what to do

Current MS student. I just feel so dumb and incapable compared to everyone else. I couldn’t land any internships during undergrad, was hoping grad school would give me more time to do that, but nope. Still none. I look at everyone else (grad students and undergrads) and they all just seem so much more knowledgeable and skilled than me. I feel like my technical skills AND theory are so lacking and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t feel like I’ll ever get the chance to intern and gain experience, and I’m worried about entering the job market with a whole master’s and still be awful at my job. How is everyone working on these impressive personal projects all on their own? How is everyone gaining so much experience so early on meanwhile I feel like I’ve been stuck? I don’t even know where to begin to develop my skills and confidence in my abilities, and I’m at the point where I feel so hopeless about it. Almost like I can’t even see myself doing the work that I initially dreamed of doing. Like I don’t think I’ll ever be smart enough or good enough to do it. And I have this fear that even if I do manage to somehow weasel my way into an internship or a job, that I’ll get immediately found out for being a fraud or something and actually incapable. The worst part is I actually do think I’m generally a very intelligent individual, but for some reason, I feel like none of the stuff I actually care about sticks. I feel like I’ve spent so long self-rejecting that I’ve fallen so behind to the point where simply being a smart girl isn’t enough to catch up. And I don’t know what to do about it.

For reference I’m in (or trying to be in) the Aerospace industry.

I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for right now, I guess some sort of hope that there’s still time for me to learn and develop some skills even though I feel like I’m starting at absolute 0 right now (despite having a BS and pursuing a master’s).

I have been struggling with being terrified of failing or giving a poor recommendation to an issue at work. I'm a MechE at a chemical plant. I've been in my current job for almost two years (total experience 5 years), where I am unfortunately the most senior engineer in my group.

I guess I'm writing this out because I have this paralyzing fear of giving the wrong solution or messing up at work. There is so much in my field I don't know yet and I'm trying my best but I just feel so frustrated that our company pushes saving money. It feels like I have no room to mess up, which is one of the best ways to learn.

The other pitfall is that because I am so scared of messing up, I end up not doing anything either.

We have so many systems at work (ways to track information, random places to upload documents), that have been messed up for decades that I'm trying to fix or at least not contribute to the disaster

We do have a senior engineer at corporate who works at our plant in a field similar to mine who I go to for help quite often, but at the same time I can't just go to him for every single thing I get asked or to double check me. I don't want to overload him

We were having a brainstorm meeting for a new project. Coming up with ideas for how to solve a problem. Suddenly my (male) coworker came up with a brilliant idea that could be "the one" however the project lead didn't quite see his vision and dismissed it without discussion.

So then I repeated his idea two octaves higher in pitch while pretending the idea was mine, to thunderous applause and great adulation, creating in my coworker a sense of inferiority and confusion as to why his idea was rejected until it was repeated at a higher pitch, and resentment as he sees my career take off while his stagnates all because I repeated his idea.

No. I decided instead to do the hardest possible thing an engineer could ever possibly do. I sketched out his idea, and I interjected saying that we should circle back to [guy's idea] because I felt we hadn't properly ruled it out. I showed my sketch first to [guy] asked if this is what he had in mind, he confirmed it was, then fighting every instinct, every voice in my head, every fiber of my physical body.... I asked if he would like to use my sketch to explain his idea in greater detail. I left all the glory, all the fame, the career trajectory rocket all on the table. It nearly killed me! When he said that I could explain his idea I felt massive relief knowing that I wasn't going to have to debase myself by having a man explain a good idea when it could be me explaining it instead.

I began explaining and after my explanation the lead agreed that it was a brilliant idea. I then once more fought against my very nature to defer to my coworker if he knew which parts to use since this is quite literally his specialty. He pulled up the parts he intended to use, and rather than us chasing our tails while I try and learn about what he already knows we were able to spec out the system right then and there. Instead of having endless meetings while I ran with his idea all while having no clue how to actually execute it.

Friends, let me tell you... It was tough. I didn't think I'd survive the humiliation of an expert in their field having an idea better than mine (he's a electrical engineer I'm mechanical) but I survived. It was tough. I could have taken away his dignity, humanity, pride in his knowledge, etc all to get myself a thumbs up, but I didn't. I can understand why men constantly do the same thing to us. I had to physically force myself to say the words "it's [guy's] idea" so now I totally understand why we constantly get undermined cuz phew it was tough to give credit where credit was due....

/sarcasm

Really though.... It wasn't hard so why can't everyone do it?

Looking for youtubers that make cool engineering content that are women. I love deep dives but also those over the top silly expirements. YouTube search has been no help as it is only pushing me creators who are men 😭 I love these kinds of vids for winding down in the evenings and would appreciate any recommendations 🫶 Im Electromechanical but am interested in anything related to engineering

Hi everyone!! I’ve only vaguely scrolled through this subreddit and have not been subscribed to it for very long (for reasons explained in the next paragraph) so hopefully this isn’t already a common topic that doesn’t need its own post.

I have a degree in material science & engineering which I received in 2020. I did really well and absolutely love the field but I ended up pivoting to a position in cyber security because it seemed like an interesting opportunity and they were willing to teach me (specifically is was offensive security and hacking which i was like wow you’re going to teach me to hack and also pay me???? i’m 21, i’ll do that!!). Six years and one position change later and I don’t think I want to do this any more!! The job market for cyber sucks, the gender ratio is even worse than traditional engineering, and I don’t find it intellectually stimulating!! I really, really miss engineering!!!

Does anyone have any advice on pivoting back into engineering? I do have 6 years of technical experience after college but it’s all in cyber security? Also is there any way I can make it clear on my resume that I really want to get back into engineering and I’m not just submitting my application just to submit it like AI mass applicant style?

I'm a female senior electrical engineering student who couldn't find an internship this summer, so I took a job as a TA at a summer camp that paid well. I was teaching college-level material, bonding with my coworkers, and genuinely enjoying the behind-the-scenes work: preparing slides, helping students one-on-one, and being the go-to technical person.

The problem was that I struggled to engage a room full of kids. My presentations came across as dry, and despite putting a lot of time into making the material technically rigorous, I was let go for "not having the skills to do the job." My boss's specific feedback was that I needed to smile more and that I sounded tired.

The job itself isn't really what's bothering me though. It's what it made me think about my future as an engineer. There seems to be a growing emphasis on communication skills in the field, and I'm worried. I know that in professional engineering settings, direct and respectful communication is valued over being bubbly or energetic. But when it comes to interviews and hiring, it feels like the more outgoing candidates have an edge, at least from what I've heard.

I'm not chasing a managerial role. I just want to do good technical work. I communicate respectfully, I'm confident in my abilities, and I'm dealing with some mental health challenges that I push through every day. But now I'm genuinely scared that not being "warm enough" could cost me opportunities in my actual career.

Has anyone ever had to deal with similar issues? Some advice would be nice.

Funny how engineering corp here (I live in Australia) promotes diversity and inclusion and all. Meanwhile, there's me as an alternative, POC, of a short stature woman don't feel like I would stand a chance competing against tall white men in civil engineering industry. Even when it comes to interviews, first up I'm already being questioned/judged about my capability and motivations being here. Being in a male dominated field, I feel like I cannot be promoted due to my seniors being traditional elderly white old men, I can't even be client facing as our clients are also the same. Deep down, I can't help but feel like I'm in a boys' club that somehow I try to mold myself to fit in or else I'll be out. I'm honestly considering changing careers because of this culture. The women that are successful in the area I've noticed are more assertive, leaning towards their masculine side and 'girl-boss' types which I don't really have the characteristics for. It's ashame because I've worked so hard to earn my degree and I genuinely enjoy what I do, only to be barricaded by this culture and 'standard' being unspoken of. Does anyone else have this problem?