Often on urbanist/transit youtube and discussion forms, most European and east Asian cities are idealized and Amercan cities are demonized, but people often ignore or forget how most people don't want to live in a 'shoebox', or certainly don't want to raise a family in one.
Tokyo prefecture for example is known for their world-class urbanism revolving around their train system, but said urbansim only exsits because they have such a high population density in some of the most cramped homes on the planet. The average home size in all of tokyo is ~450 square feet whereas in NYC the average home size is between 750-950 square feet and NYC is known for having tiny homes but still has larger homes, on top of people having the option to commute by rail from outside the city.
Cramped homes are really dehumanizing (from personal experience) but are also incredibly unattractive for the average American who has the option of living in a massive house (relative to the rest of the world) and an average commute under half an hour in their own air conditioned car.
Another point worth bringing up is families. Whilst it is easier for to attract young people to live in cities, families make up the bulk of America and its really unachievable to expect them to live in an apartment with people above them. This is one of my own personal theories on why Europe and east Asia is having such a significant birth rate decline, their homes are incredibly small and so unattractive to have children in.
Looking at American data, the cities with the highest birth rates are the car-dependent single family home dominant cities like Indiannapolis, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Fresno whereas the lowest birthrates are in Seattle, Portland, SF and Boston. Of course there are a million factors that come to birth rates i.e. the larger families live in municipalities outside of the city limits, the named west coast cities are sanctuary cities for non-heterosexual demographics, etc. I just think there is also a correlation that could be made between urbanism and birthrates.
Finally nature, I'm an American living in Auckland, New Zealand and went backpacking in Japan for three weeks and found Tokyo to be unbearable. I was told stories by my dad who lived in Shibuya for 5 years about how he hated it for its cramped environment and lack of nature but I kind of brushed it off as him not being big into cities. I love big cities and am kind of tired of how small Auckland is, but after being in Tokyo for 12 days I realised how important nature is in a city. I guess my point is entirely anecdotal but access to shouldn't be given up for better urbanism and transit options. Whether that nature comes in the form of parks, easily accessible regional/national reserves, backyards, whatever, there needs to be some sort of greenery.
Having great urban fabic shouldn't come to the cost of people personal comfort. Most Americans really like having a separated house with some form of nature near them (like a backyard) and don't really care that they need a car for daily life. If urbanists want to move towards a more car-free America, the first people they need to think about is can a family be raised (happily) in the environment.
I think something like Chicago's or Philadelphia's row homes is a good middle ground, dense enough for small shops and frequent buses, and the occasional subway or regional rail line, but also gives enough space to have one's own house, a small front or backyard or a park nearby.
Would love to hear your thoughts! (This post kind of sounds like America glaze but i just wanted to point out that there are reasons why American's choose to live the way they do.)