I'm a 41-year-old male with no kids and I've never been married before. In the last 6 months I had a relationship go sour , my dog died a couple weeks later , followed by a co-worker getting killed on the job and a near miss for me. All of this has me reflecting on where I am in life. Things aren't going as bad as they could go and not as good as they could go either.

I guess I thought I'd have kids by now and a family , but I spent 8 years with an illness that took some time to get under control. In my late thirties I was stuck with a lot of women that didn't want to have kids at all. My last girlfriend did but she was full of red flags and if I got her pregnant I was doomed for life . Almost all the guys I see getting married and that have kids seem miserable. Even the fella that passed away at work had survived 20 years in a dangerous job. Retired only for his wife to hate that he was home and divorce him. he was forced back into the workforce only to get killed.

I feel like my job is pointless and I'm just tax cattle. I simply live for the weekends at this point and I know I need to make a big change in my life, but don't know what I'd rather do. It's probably too late to have kids If I even want that... I wonder if this is why all middle-aged men get a Harley?.

Anyway, I'd love to hear from anybody currently going through it or that has gone through it . Would love to hear others perspectives and advice. Thanks .

Hi

I’m trying to keep it short but I moved away from my hometown when I was 20. I am now 35. I’ve lived in NZ for the last 10 years. I moved there for a guy after finishing my WHV in Australia. Stayed together for 4 years then met someone else another 4 years + a kid and now with someone for nearly 2 years.

I’ve been back to my hometown twice since having my kid (4 y o) and everytime I felt a stranger like everyone and everything was still the same but I wasn’t and I kept telling myself that I could never live back here again. Feels like a failure or going backwards and too much judgement.

Fast forward to this year not sure what changed midlife crisis, boredom, depression but I’ve been thinking and stressing a lot about school for my kid and what life/childhood I want for him. Going back home means he’ll have the kind of childhood I had surrounded by families, great weather and food and here means just his dad (not from nz and doesn’t see in this country forever either) and my partner (from nz with no intention of ever leaving) and me fighting for my life.

I’ve always knew that I didn’t want to stay here forever and now that I have a kid starting school soon I’m at a point where I feel like I need to make a decision right now.

I mean right now as I have my flight booked for Christmas to go back home for my brother’s new baby (with a return flight 7 months later “just in case”) but in my head I just think that I would be mad to actually want to come back here.

I am struggling as I have a partner - we don’t live together but he wants to move in together when I’m back. He is a gentle soul very emotional and easily triggered and cry so I can’t even mention or talk at all about me going back home. I’ve told him I’m struggling thinking about going home and maybe stay there but he doesn’t want to hear any of it.
Makes me feel like shit because in my head I know our relationship has/might have an expiry date while he has hope that I will come back and change my mind/stay there for the next 15 years. (I am 98% sure I don’t). Feels like I’m dragging him along for no reason but also can’t talk to him about anything at all. He doesn’t even know when I’m leaving the country he only wants to know the date when it’s close…

I’m not sure how I will handle the school system all by myself. I don’t work I’ve been trying for ages to get a job and I feel like it’s gonna be harder with the school schedule and all the holidays/summer etc. All I hear from him or advice from his parents are “that’s life - lots of ppl in your situation you make it work” and that just pisses me off because wtf would I want to struggle when I can have a village (but no partner)

I’ve always choose or stayed somewhere for a guy a relationship and I would have moved anywhere in the world for my last 2 relationships but this time around I have a child and he is my world - I’m choosing my kid and what’s best long term for him. He thinks it’s a selfish decision that I don’t think about his feelings but also he is very close to his family and will never leave the country or move anywhere far from them until they die and by then he’ll be too old to do anything to change his life.

I’m not sure what I expect from this post to be honest I feel like my mind is already made up but I’ll know for sure when I go back home. At the same time is my relationship worth pursuing? I know we could be together for years but I’ll be miserable trapped here. I’ve been in a relationship for the last 10 years so the feeling of being alone for a very long time is scary too.

Do you ever feel like you’re in the wrong place and keep getting moved around. My body is telling me I’m in the wrong place I don’t understand how the world works but I feel like I’m in the wrong house even though I’m home.

Napapagod na ko. Parang gising, trabaho, pagiging nanay, tulog, tapos ganun ulit kinabukasan. Ako lang ba to? Hindi naman siguro post partum kasi more than 2 years na din naman ako nanganak.
Parang nakakapagod lang ang araw araw, tapos parang di ko malabas yung totoong ako.
Kakalipat ko lang din ng trabaho kaya siguro nalilimit ako. Sa mga desisyon naman sa trabaho, sa bahay, sa buhay namin mag anak parang ubos na ko at pagod na.

Pag ba naisigaw ko to gagaan na sa pakiramdam?
Paano ba kasi?

Let’s say hypothetically, imagine a guy who has a 9-5 that drains him more than it pays him, EMIs, family expectations, the whole “settled life” package society tells us to be grateful for.

And somewhere along the way, nothing feels like it’s working. Not the job, not the routine, not even the version of himself he’s become.

And then there’s this quiet, stupid, terrifying thought that keeps showing up, what if he just left? Not out of hatred for anyone, but just… to breathe. To go explore, figure out who he is without the labels of husband/father/employee attached to every decision. A real Plan B.

Would you actually do it? Or would the fear of “log kya kahenge,” guilt about leaving the family would pull you right back into the same chair?

I keep going back and forth. Part of me thinks life is way bigger than deadlines and Sunday-evening dread. Another part knows walking away isn’t bravery, it’s just outsourcing your pain to the people who trusted you.

Genuinely curious, has anyone here actually done something like this? Or thought about it seriously and not done it? What made you stay, or what made you go?

Not looking for judgment, just real perspectives!

I don't really have anyone to talk to, so I'm posting here.

I've been applying for jobs for months, but I'm barely getting interviews for the role I actually want. Sometimes I get an HR screening or an interview, but then I either get ghosted or the only opportunities are for positions that pay much less than what I'm making now or don't match my career goals.

My current contract is coming to an end, and that uncertainty is eating at me every day.

On top of that, it feels like my chances of getting Canadian PR are slipping away. I know it may not be impossible forever, but right now it feels out of reach, and that's another source of constant stress.

I've also let my physical health slide. I'm not in good shape anymore, and I avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I don't like what I see. It feels like everything is falling apart at the same time—career, immigration, confidence, and health.

The hardest part is that I don't have anyone I feel comfortable opening up to. I can't tell my parents because I know they'd worry, and I don't want to put that burden on them. So I just keep everything to myself.

Lately, I've started feeling like a failure. I know people will probably say this is just a rough phase, but when you're living through it every day, it's hard to believe things will get better.

I'm not really looking for pity. I just needed to say this somewhere because carrying it alone has become exhausting.

If anyone has been through something similar and came out the other side, I'd really appreciate hearing your story.

Everyone around me is getting married, buying cars, chasing promotions, building families... and I'm just... existing.

I feel like I've aged out of love itself.

The weirdest part? I'm currently talking to a woman around my age. She's attractive, has a good job, takes care of herself, and even seems interested in me.

A year ago, I'd have been excited.

Today? Nothing.

No butterflies. No urge to text first. No excitement when she replies. No desire to chase or make things work. I don't even miss her when we don't talk. And honestly, it's not just her it's every woman.

Before anyone asks, yes, I had a painful breakup last year.

I don't sit around crying over it anymore, and I don't think about it every day. But it's like that breakup took something from me that never came back.

The same thing has happened with my career.

I have a decent IT job, I'm well qualified, but I have zero ambition left. I don't feel like switching jobs, preparing for interviews, negotiating salary, or climbing the ladder anymore.

I used to run every morning. I stopped.

I wanted to buy a vehicle for years. I finally have enough savings to afford one... but I can't even bring myself to visit a showroom.

Meanwhile, my friends are buying Triumph bikes, Volkswagens, getting married, and moving ahead with life.

I'm just watching.

Work isn't helping either. My workplace is stressful, and some coworkers seem determined to make my life harder for no reason.

A couple of months ago I had some pretty dark thoughts. Those thoughts have mostly gone now, but what replaced them isn't happiness.

It's just... emptiness.

I'm also naturally shy and anxious, so I already struggled with rejection before. Now it feels like I've stopped caring altogether.

Has anyone else gone through something like this after turning 30 or after a bad breakup?

Is this burnout? Depression? A delayed reac bction to heartbreak? Or is this just what adulthood feels like?

I'd genuinely like to hear from people who have been in this place.

What pulled you out of it or did it eventually pass on its own?

I’ll be 45 in September. Currently I’m at a crossroads where I have nothing tying me down, I can do whatever I want, and I’ve never been in this position before. I’ve been through enough in the last decade to know our futures aren‘t guaranteed. I lost my spouse to cancer 6 years ago, and all but one of our 3 pets is still with me. Through that experience I lost her family and many friends, which is unfortunately, normal. I don’t have kids, I don’t own a house, and my job is fine, great even, but the pay leaves a lot to be desired. I dated someone for 3.5 years after my wife passed, and while we were long distance they just stopped talking to me one day and haven’t attempted since- that was a year ago. A lot more has happened but those are the main trajectory changers.

Part of me wants to just get a small apartment and relax after a hectic, sad decade. However part of me wants to throw a mattress in the back of a van and travel for a few months. I’m not worried I’ll regret it or anything, but it seems to meet the criteria for midlife crisis, yes? What say you, hive mind? Chill or hit the road?

For no reason in particular, just their mind has had enough of this life and wants a conclusion. I’m a 39 yo male in the USA now and have felt this prob since my late 20s but it has gotten worse every year. Like what am I even doing here but slowly dying more every year? I don’t have kids or anything. If you could share maybe how you got through these thoughts or if you are still having them, please share what happened and when you started feeling like this. It will be anonymous.

Lately i’ve been thinking a lot about who i was years ago compared to who i am now. i used to have more energy, more curiosity, and more things that made me feel like myself.

Somewhere along the way, life became mostly about responsibilities. work, family, money, and making sure everything was taken care of. i don’t regret those things, but i feel like i slowly pushed parts of myself aside and never really got them back.

Now i find myself wondering what happened to the person i used to be. i look at old photos or remember things i used to enjoy and it feels like i’m looking at someone else.

I know people change as they get older, but i don’t want to feel like i’m just going through the motions for the rest of my life.

Has anyone found a way to reconnect with themselves after years of putting everyone and everything else first? what actually helped you feel like yourself again?

I’m curious to know if there’s any women on here who:

Have success but feel empty

Feel like they went the wrong way or are lost

Struggle with an environment or life that doesn’t reflect who you believe yourself to be deep down

Miss a younger version of yourself

Or lost themselves after a major life change (probably including some form of ending or loss).

I’m interested to know which one of these is most experienced and what you feel is most needed, what you lacked and what would have helped?

I don't really know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need to get it off my chest.

I'm 25 years old, and lately it feels like life has slowly taken away almost everything I thought I'd have by now.

A while ago I got an offer from a reputed MNC. I asked if I could join in a different batch because of my situation, and after that... I never heard from them again. I'm still waiting, not knowing whether to move on or keep hoping.

There was also a girl I genuinely liked. We were close, and I thought maybe something would happen between us. Instead, when her career took off, she chose someone else. I still remember crying alone like a child that day. I don't think I've ever fully recovered from it.

My family has gone through a lot financially. We once had our own house, but due to personal circumstances we had to move into a rented place. I honestly don't know if we'll ever go back. My parents also got trapped in serious credit card debt when I was around 13, and watching that happen left me terrified of loans even today.

Right now, my family is all I have. I love my parents, but things don't feel the same anymore. We talk, but I don't feel emotionally connected the way we used to be. They're busy with their jobs, and I don't feel like I can burden them with what's going on in my head.

Recently, I was about to meet someone through an arranged marriage setup, but after they heard my salary, they weren't interested anymore. It hurt more than I expected.

After these incidents, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust or open up to someone the same way again.

I currently work in a school and I'm probably the youngest employee there. Every day I watch students laughing, making friends, creating memories, and getting into relationships... and I can't help comparing it to my own life. When I look back, I don't feel like I have many memories to cherish. It feels like I somehow missed out on that entire part of growing up.

Ironically, when I was in college I actually felt confident. People would compliment my looks, and I remember feeling genuinely happy for the first time in years. Looking back, that was probably the happiest version of me.

Another thing that still stays with me is music. When I was around 11, I desperately wanted to learn guitar, but my parents insisted on buying a keyboard instead. I never really learned either. Today I can finally afford a guitar, but somehow it feels like life has moved on and the right time has disappeared.

Sometimes I genuinely feel betrayed—not just by people, but by life itself. At times it even feels like the universe has been working against me. Every time I think I'm finally about to move forward, something else seems to fall apart. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do—study, get a degree, find a job—but I still feel like I'm standing still while everyone else is moving ahead.

To make things more confusing, my parents want me to prepare for government jobs. But it's been years since I studied subjects like history or geography, and my background is in computer science. I already feel late compared to people my age, and starting from scratch feels overwhelming.

The worst part is that computers used to be my passion. I genuinely loved programming and technology. But after everything that happened—career disappointments, personal heartbreak, and watching AI change the industry so quickly—whenever I try to return to it, it reminds me of all the pain associated with that period of my life, especially the heartbreak. Instead of excitement, I feel anxiety, so I end up avoiding it.

I don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just wanted someone, somewhere, to know that I'm trying—even if it doesn't always look like it.

If you've ever rebuilt your life after feeling like everything was slipping away, I'd genuinely like to hear your story.

Right now, I just want to know: how do you cope when it feels like life has defeated you, but you still have to keep going?

I’m a 55M professional with a good job, family, house, etc. but I’ve got caretaker burnout with 4 people to take care of.
I’m worried my life is going to stay like this until I’m too old to do anything. Specifically, life is boring and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
Please don’t say volunteer or hobbies. Maybe that’s the best answer, but I don’t have a lot of free time, and what I miss was being wilder, more free. I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities (yeah, more sex is one).
I guess a lot of us are in the same boat?

Completely start over

My life has been built around taking the easy route, the route that kept me safe. I have missed so many opportunities and denied myself a stable life because the risk of failure was just too much. The fear I had kept my immobilized, never going forward, always staying stuck in a perpetual cycle of settling for less. ….i want more!

I am now 43 years old and I am just now starting to live life. It’s brutal and scary as all hell!

This week I pushed past the fear (which had me physically shaking), got registered as a student at a local college, got awarded grants to cover school, and have enrolled in 3 classes. I am excited, proud, scared as all hell… but ready to start this new chapter. Though, the anxiety has had me nauseous all day, kinda wanna scream “HOLY F\*CK!!!!”

Anyone else starting over later in life?

Anyone wandering aimlessly through life the last year or two?